female only Boyfriend Problems!

[Vixkey 40]

Okay so I have been with my bf for just a little over 5yrs and it hasn't been the best relationship ever but no relationship is perfect! I even lived with him a few months in 2010 it was an ugly relationship and I HATED it he was so demanding and controlling! It wasn't a pretty life! i couldn't take it so i left him. Moved back in with my parents and well we r still together i don't tolerate the same things as before i have grown up and matured so much. He has changed so much hes getting his life together and i know hes really trying i dont want to marry him he wants a baby so bad and i don't!! not yet n not how our relationship is or our life's! but he doesn't care if we are not financially stable i think hes just really trying to find a way to tie me down forever!! and that is not going to happen in my books!!!...... I do love him and i care so much for him but sometimes i think that hes just not the one for me .... some days I am such a b***h to him he irritates me just by looking at him he annoys me and it hurts me i feel like i'm so evil!...i don't love him like i use to he killed that love that i had for him its so hard to leave him tho. Someday's i love being with him he makes me laugh and im comfortable with him but he knows how i really feel and hes really trying to make it work. I just feel like hes a weight on my shoulders and hes just bringing me down and i cant move on with my life because i care to much about him ( by moving on i don't mean relationship wise i don't want to be with another man or get to know any man in a romantic way at this point in my life or the near future!) i feel like i want to do something with my life and better myself n he just brings me down with him i cant move on! i am getting my surgery AUG 28th! super excited..But my bf says its dangerous and that hes scared that something will happen during surgery n I know hes trying to scare me i was sopposed to get the lapband b4 i moved in with him in 2010 and i didnt do it cuz of him and now hes trying to do the same thing. He swears im going to leave him and is so negative hes so insicure he is a 450lb guy he big too so hes been a big part of why i let myself go so bad! im 349lbs im 51lbs away from 400!!!! i have always been a big girl n loved myself n my body but this is waayyy to much! everyday get harder for me! I just don't know what to do I can't let go and when i try he wont leave me alone its so hard to let go of someone after being together so many years! I just feel like if i leave him what if i regret it!??!!WHAT if he is the one?!? IDK how to really determine these things!

[Nate 292]

Judging by some of the things you've said about your feelings about your boyfriend, the relationship should have been over a long time ago. If you want my advice, it's time for a clean break and brand new start pertaining to your life without him and you life with your sleeve.

That's just my two cents though. I can only go by what I've read. You need to do some searching in your heart and do what feels right for you.

[ooffa511 506]

I'm going through the exact same thing at the moment. If u want to talk send me a message anytime.

[Houston17 115]

I think that you are making some great decisions for yourself! You are taking charge to live healthier! If he is the one, you will know. And, in my opinion if it's meant to be, then he'll be there for you when you are ready! Stay strong...... wishing you the best of luck!

[Rosie88 14]

Vixkey, a lot of what you said about this guy sets off alarm bells in my head. It sounds like he does not really care very much what makes YOU happy and what will be best for YOU. Someone who truly loves and cares about you would not try to manipulate you out of insecurity. My guess is that he doesn't want you to have the surgery because he thinks when you lose weight you'll realize he's not good enough for you. And you know what? He's probably right.

If you can, seek help from a therapist to talk about these issues with a professional. Maybe discussing these issues a neutral third party will help you clarify your feelings. And if you decide it's time to move on, you'll have support to get through the painful parts.

[SML1997 308]

Hope you don't mind me peeking in the powder Room, but I would have to agree with Nate. If your relationship is not the best right now, the Sleeve itself will not make things better. I think both of you have to be committed to making things better now. Having said that....as I've been reading on this board....there seems to be an underlying theme of break ups and/or divorces after a person has WLS. I personally feel this is primarily due to the person who receives WLS no longer settling in their current relationship if their unhappy, especially as you become open to new options and your horizons have been broadened. I certainly hope that you find happiness.... whether in your current relationship or not. You must take care of yourself first. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

Get out while you're not married and there are no kids involved. IMO

[Minckle 87]

My parents have been happily married for 50 years. My mother once told me "If you have to ask yourself if he's The One, then he's not." Believe me - she's right.

[Vixkey 40]

THANK YOU ALL!! I broke up with my BF today and Idk how i feel if im happy sad upset or maybe it just seems unreal still so idk i need to give it sometime so it can sink in and marinade but i do feel re-leaf but at the same time it almost feels like were not broken up and its still the same.....he keeps texting me nothing but love text's and i really just want a break i want to be away from him and find myself i been in a relationship for soooo long and i just dont want a partner im growing up and trying to find myself and become the woman im supposed to become and having someone on my side wont let me.....ugh why is this so hard!!!!

[Supersweetums 1,164]

Breaking up is never easy to do, it is going to hurt no matter how good or bad the relationship is. But sometimes you have to make the best decision for yourself and the other person involved, even if that means going through the pain for a little while.

Someone above posted that if you have to ask yourself whether that person is the one or not, they aren't, and I totally agree. I have been with my husband for over 13 years, married for 9 of those years. I love him more now than I did in the beginning. I can tell you that I never look at him disgusted or can't stand being around him. Things are not always perfect, no relationship is without its ups and downs. But after 5 years if you do not know still, it is not the right relationship for you.

You did the right thing. You might need to tell him to stop sending you messages. If not, change your number. Him constantly trying to get back together is not going to make things easy and is only going to make you feel guilty. A therapist once told my brother (he can not let go of relationships and keeps hounding ex-girlfriends) that constantly pressuring the other person about getting back together is a form of abuse, and I think it is true. He is insecure and knows that he can't control you anymore, and it is driving him crazy. Hang in there, it will get better. You are going to need to cut ties and heal though for it to happen. You are starting a new chapter in your life in a number of ways. Embrace the new person you are growing into and the new life that you are starting!

[TinkerToyz 45]

In my opinion, the only way to truly end a toxic relationship is a clean break. Waffling back an forth helps neither of you move forward.

If the relationship is as toxic as you say and you feel it is holding you back, why would you even consider prolonging it?

[SV2 57]

Good for you, Vixkey!

Life is too damn short to waste any of it on someone who you KNOW is wrong for you.

I think you have or will learn that you absolutely do have worth, and deserve the person you want-not the person that happens to just be there or wants you.

You have the power to choose-use it wisely.

Sent from my iPad using VST

[Vixkey 40]

Breaking up is never easy to do' date=' it is going to hurt no matter how good or bad the relationship is. But sometimes you have to make the best decision for yourself and the other person involved, even if that means going through the pain for a little while.

Someone above posted that if you have to ask yourself whether that person is the one or not, they aren't, and I totally agree. I have been with my husband for over 13 years, married for 9 of those years. I love him more now than I did in the beginning. I can tell you that I never look at him disgusted or can't stand being around him. Things are not always perfect, no relationship is without its ups and downs. But after 5 years if you do not know still, it is not the right relationship for you.

You did the right thing. You might need to tell him to stop sending you messages. If not, change your number. Him constantly trying to get back together is not going to make things easy and is only going to make you feel guilty. A therapist once told my brother (he can not let go of relationships and keeps hounding ex-girlfriends) that constantly pressuring the other person about getting back together is a form of abuse, and I think it is true. He is insecure and knows that he can't control you anymore, and it is driving him crazy. Hang in there, it will get better. You are going to need to cut ties and heal though for it to happen. You are starting a new chapter in your life in a number of ways. Embrace the new person you are growing into and the new life that you are starting![/quote']

Thank you so much I agree with everything you say ....it we ill take time but I kno it is for the best

[CraftyV 61]

Hi Vixkey! When I was much younger I dated a guy who was no good for me! I felt sorry for him so I stayed with him until one day I decided to put my needs before his and I dumped him. It took some of my questionable family members to get him off my back (not recommending that btw) but eventually he was no longer part of my life. Things I have done since then... met the love of my life, earned a degree, bought a house, got my sleeve and I now live my life how I want to live it. I would have never done those things if I would have stayed in that toxic relationship.

Stay strong and do you!

[Vixkey 40]

Hi Vixkey! When I was much younger I dated a guy who was no good for me! I felt sorry for him so I stayed with him until one day I decided to put my needs before his and I dumped him. It took some of my questionable family members to get him off my back (not recommending that btw) but eventually he was no longer part of my life. Things I have done since then... met the love of my life' date=' earned a degree, bought a house, got my sleeve and I now live my life how I want to live it. I would have never done those things if I would have stayed in that toxic relationship.

Stay strong and do you![/quote']

Thank you .....