YOU think YOU know EVERYTHING..DONT YOU?

[Bettina 0]

Graet Dame I promise I'm not stalking, just trying to educate futher.

I bet yall don't know the most functional English Word.

Well it's shit------that's right shit

Consider:

You can get shit faced. Be shit out of luck,or have shit for brains.

With a little effort you can get your shit together,find a place for your shit,or be asked to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit,buy shit, sell shit,find shit, forget shit and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit while others can't tell shit from shineola.

There are lucky shits,dumb shits and crazy shits. There is horse shit, bull shit and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit. Some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have to much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit., or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle..

When you stop to consider all the facts it is the building block of the English language, and remember once you know your shit you don't need to know anything else!!.

Well shit I have to go. Just wanted all of you to know I do give a shit and

wish you all well with your band and pray you don't have to deal with a bunch of shit,but if you happen to catch a load of shit from some shit head------WELL SHIT HAPPENS!!!!

LOL I am telling George Carlin....you stole his shit.....LOL:p

[cashley 0]

LOL I am telling George Carlin....you stole his shit.....LOL:p

George Carlin used the word "FUCK" for his bit! But I'd say it's still plagiarism.

[kim2bhealthy 3]

More things to ponder ladies.....

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never

thought about (and if you have you're strange.).......

>

Can you cry under Water?

>

How important does a person have to be before they are considered

assassinated instead of just murdered?

>

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny

for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

>

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were

buried in for eternity?

>

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

>

What disease did cured ham actually have?

>

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be

a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

>

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up

like every two hours?

>

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

>

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

>

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in

binoculars to look at things on the ground?

>

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see

you naked anyway.

>

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural

>

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a

horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

>

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

>

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of

a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

>

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why

didn't he just buy dinner?

>

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from

vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

>

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same

tune?

>

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

>

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but

call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

[Bettina 0]

George Carlin used the word "FUCK" for his bit! But I'd say it's still plagiarism.

I know, it was my all time fav skit. (but he did do one on Shit too its one of his older ones from the 70's) I love him .....ha ha I'd like to see him on these threads...lol can you imagine?

[FunnyDuddies 6]

I'm ok with being strange. I have pondered some of these things.

Can you cry under Water? No, you have to come up for the stuttering inhale

>

How important does a person have to be before they are considered

assassinated instead of just murdered? at least two gold records, or 2 tv shows

>

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny

for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Everyone has to give more than we care to hear, the money is collected in a fund for our pain and suffering. It will be dispersed with the next tax refund checks

>

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were

buried in for eternity? hope not, most of my family was cremated, so that means heaven is full of my nake family members

>

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? they are easier to store when broken down flat, and the most economical way to utilize all material

>

What disease did cured ham actually have? TRICHINELLA SPIRATIS

>

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be

a good idea to put wheels on luggage? cause the russians weren't trying to be the first to make airline travel easier

>

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up

like every two hours? my kids were weird. Slept a full 8 hours from the time we brought them home

>

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? yes, it isn't him hearing the case.

>

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? couldn't tell ya

>

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in

binoculars to look at things on the ground? Perspective

>

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see

you naked anyway. sense of security and privacy. We all know they are robbing us blind as it is. they gotta give us something to hold on to. Plus I really don't want anyone seeing my rattie panties before i tuck them up under my pants on the chair.

>

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural the other version of PANTS, which is actually the american version of pantilloons...which is a totally different languages so it is ok for it to have an "s"

>

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a

horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? I actually prefer my toast burnt black

>

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? No. Not in the state of washington at least. A court case was battled over this

>

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of

a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? cause it would only last one show

>

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why

didn't he just buy dinner? he only had an ACME merchant card. an never paid his bills. acme doesn't eliver food, except bird seed, and we all know coyotes don't like bird seed.

>

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from

vegetables, what is baby oil made from? babies! Naturally!

>

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same

tune? yes

>

Why did you just try singing the two songs above? to make sure

>

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but

call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Never had a hemmeroid, but if it was as big as an asteroid I wouldn't care what it was called, just as long as the doc could remove it.

[Vegaswildflower 0]

FD how is you are so wise, perhaps we should errect a church in your name?

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Reprinted with permission of the Original Author:

I may be wrong, but to me a rant is long winded monologue. A rave is an excited or passionate post.

The description of the Lap-Band Talk Rants and Raves is “Gripe, complain, moan, fight, rant and rave. Enter at your own risk!”

I may be wrong again, but I assumed that “Gripe, complain, moan, fight, rant and rave” meant to debate civilly but with passion and to debate topics that do not belong in other sections, because they stir up anger and passion (like religion, politics, etc).

I may be wrong a third time, but I doubt if the owner of Lap-Band Talk expected this type of “no respect” fighting. I thought we were adults here. Most of these “fights” basically fall into one of three categories:

1. (S)he did it first

2. (S)he is bad, I am good or they are bad, we are good

3. Did, did not

I will not be drawn into these fights. I feel that people who respect this forum should not be drawn into them. I feel that people with self respect should not be drawn into them. My quoted post from above has become the object of a mini-debate. The debate about my post has remained civil, but rather than have anyone guess my intention for posting it, I felt that it would be better to give the reason to those concerned straight from the horse's mouth, though someone may counter that it seems like it was straight from the horse's ass, but I can live with that.

Tis better to Light One single Candle than to Curse the Darkness.

Tis better to be One single Member who doesn't type that One Last Reply than to Curse another Member who could not restrain from typing that One Last Reply.:help:

[lapbander081004 7]

Ok Mr Know-It-All.

What word in the English language is singular until you ad an "s" which makes it Pural....(ok now here its the trick part)...BUT when you add a second "s" its singular again??????

[DevilMayKare 1]

Well I was reading out some of these interesting facts to my son (18) while my cat cocked her ear (contracting 18 muscles while flexing 10) and when I got to the "fact" about not being able to lick one's elbow he said, "Yes I CAN" came over and licked his elbow right in front of me.

So, who's checking these facts? I can't even get the cat to hold still while I try to count the muscles in her ear.

[PattiCakes 0]

He licked his own elbow Kare??? Wow, maybe it only works on adults! I asked everyone I could at class (about 50 people) and none of them could lick the 'ole elbow. Maybe youngsters can . Anyone have a youngster they can ask to try it? I am fresh out! LOL Both of my old kids (college age) can't do it.

[DevilMayKare 1]

Well, he's going off to college in a week so not really a kid. I'm not sure if he's got short arms or a long tongue (!). Maybe it's his special talent. I'm not sure what percentage of people can wiggle their ears, but I've seen a couple who could wiggle them a LOT. Maybe it's a genetic thing like that.

I'll see if I can get him to let me take a pic later and I'll post it.

I sure as heck can't get anyhwere near my elbow!

[sharlacoates 0]

hi - i love the facts your posted and the lady eating the ice cream and exercising also. could you please tell me where you got the facts your posted or could you email them to my private email at ctssharla@aol.com. tks

[Mrs Husker 3]

Want to chime in, Did you know that Polar Bears skin is black?

[carol134 0]

I think I'm relatated to the gold fish. OMGosh

[Mrs Husker 3]

Isn't she eating a chicken leg? If so, I hope its KFC!