female only Scared I Will Resent My Husband For Treating Me Differently After....

[candy1980 36]

Im not worried about how he will treat me but he is worried about me leaving him. Lol

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I couldn't resist replying to this topic. I am so fortunate to have a husband that loved me for who I am inside and has always been attracted, even at my biggest. he never saw how big I really was, but now really enjoys the benefits of a skinny partner. I realize that I gained my weight because I wasn't getting my needs met with food and some of my dances with my dysfunctional biological family and other issues I learned growing up (feelings about myself and who I was) really sabotaged me eating. i had developed an addiction to food, where that was what I was living for. Now that I feel so much better about myself and have eliminated the negative forces in my life, I realize that I really love my life now. Recently having lost both my in-laws, and watching the dumb a** behaviors of my BIL & SIL, I realize that I am so so happy that I am not like them. I also realized that I don't have to allow negative people in my life. Yep, that is freeing. As soon as we get done with my in-laws estate, we will not have anything to do with them. It's sad adding additional losses to our lives but worth it. So, so off track.

From my experiences and scope of practice, now that people have chosen this avenue to enrich his/her lives, we are getting our health back and skinniness which adds a new level of confidence which is scarey for both us and our spouses. It would be well worth while to take advantage of this time and redefine our relationships with each other. this is a time to embrace our partners and include them in our dance. I highly advise see a therapist or counselor to get help with finding what our emotional triggers are to eating food. Not being able to endulge in food to self sooth leaves an empty void in us. If we don't find a different coping skill to deal with the void, we will end up back where we started with weight gain, or worse, a leak, that can lead to more series complications. This is our journey and I hope we can all make the best of it.

I am so in love with my life today. I have so much richness in all areas and as I said above, I am eliminating all negative people in my life. I love me! I also love you all. Have a wonderful Tuesday!

[Justine13 264]

Delete

[SV2 57]

Delete

Justine13-

I wish you hadn't deleted this post. I got it by email because of my subscription settings, and it was a GREAT post-very honest, and I think it mirrors how a lot of us feel.

I definitely understand the idea that we can be a little hesitant and worried about how we will behave and what we will do with the new confidence we gain through the sleeve/weight loss process.

I would definitely encourage you to repost what you had written if you feel comfortable-I think it will help a lot of people.

Sent from my iPad using VST

[Justine13 264]

Ya- one of those posts that I never know if I am being too personal and or don't know if I really want to face those things. I don't have it anymore but thank you for responding

[DivaK 55]

Its funny because this morning I left the house without telling my hubby I was leaving. He was asleep and I was running late for my nail appointment and to top it off I forgot my cell phone at home charging. Well an hour and a half later while I was heading home, I saw him at a light, and I asked where are you going and he said..."To look for my wife"...ROTFL...that was so funny to me because I really wasn't gone that long and I figured he would still be sleep by the time I return...guess I was wrong!

[Nikki613 120]

Im a month away from surgery. It just cant come soon enough as far as I am concerned.

To add some to this topic here are my thoughts as of now. I will be fine. More sex and attention at home will be welcomed with enthusiasm.

When I posted this I was hurt and mad. It was after a night out. After 5 hours of standing I needed to sit down and rather than coming with me my husband let me go alone. He didnt notice I was gone for an hour. I was upset to say the least.

[Iliana82 84]

I can relate to this topic. I have yo yo so many times. When I met my boyfriend, I had lost 50lbs then gained it all back because of health reasons. A year and a half into dating I got the VSG. I am 6 months post op and I am way smaller than when he first met me. I did noticed a difference. He is more attentive and is more hands on compliments fly off the roof now. I first I was like wow, did he not like me before? Did he think I was ugly?? It bothered me. Then I got to thinking, yes he did like me, hence we were together. But at that time I didn't even like myself, I could barely stand looking in the mirror and I couldn't take a compliment because I always shot it down. Now that I am loving the new me, so is he. Enjoy the ride!

[Losingitforgood! 50]

I am kind if in a different position. I've been married to my HS sweetheart for 14 years. I was heavy the day we met and have never been in a "normal" weight catagory. 4 kids later- 70 lbs later my husband loves ALL of me. He is and has always been a chubby chaser. Needless to say- I'm terrified of losing too much weight- in fear he won't be attracted to me. I just want to be loved unconditionally no matter what my size. it's scary for me to think of the possibility of him losing his desire for me- but I know this is the best choice for me to live longer and have a healthier lifestyle. My therapist told me that somewhere in the 70-80% of married couples divorce after one person in the marriage loses a drastic amount of weight. And the statistics are even higher in couples where the one losing weight was heavy when first married. ( not so much in couples where the one started out thin- then after being married gained weight- and then lost a substantial amount of weight) I know it's something I need to work on in therapy- but the fear of being rejected is something that is very real for me.

[Shape_Shifter 83]

I am kind if in a different position. I've been married to my HS sweetheart for 14 years. I was heavy the day we met and have never been in a "normal" weight catagory. 4 kids later- 70 lbs later my husband loves ALL of me. He is and has always been a chubby chaser. Needless to say- I'm terrified of losing too much weight- in fear he won't be attracted to me. I just want to be loved unconditionally no matter what my size. it's scary for me to think of the possibility of him losing his desire for me- but I know this is the best choice for me to live longer and have a healthier lifestyle. My therapist told me that somewhere in the 70-80% of married couples divorce after one person in the marriage loses a drastic amount of weight. And the statistics are even higher in couples where the one losing weight was heavy when first married. ( not so much in couples where the one started out thin- then after being married gained weight- and then lost a substantial amount of weight) I know it's something I need to work on in therapy- but the fear of being rejected is something that is very real for me.

That is a scary thought. I'm in the going back to thin category so hopefully it won't lead to that. however, you are in therapy so thats the best start. is going with you? isn't it more likely that he was drawn to your personality than your "chubby"? I know personally, even when I was very thin, weight on men didn't bother me. IF they made me laugh and were fun to be around I loved it. however, none of those guys asked me out and we lost touch over the years. you were lucky enough to be asked out and I'm sure he'll love the fact that you're getting healty.

[michele911 4]

One of my male friends who had gastric bypass and has lost 230 lbs says that he will not date any woman that didn't pay attention to him when he was heavier! I think that's pretty mean!

[michele911 4]

I understand where he's coming from. I married and not interested in dateing, but people who treated you bad just because you were heavy will not get a free pass when your skinny. They are superficial and shallow, and I dont want to be friends with people like that.

[mickmick 5]

My husband of 10 years is furious that I had the surgery and has been a total jerk when the subject of the surgery or food comes up. I honestly dont get his reasoning and it seems extreme and selfish. He SAYS that I didnt need the surgery and that I was selfish for having it done esp since it isnt reversible. We get along great in every other sense but not on this subject. I have lost 30 lbs so far and he says nothing. I am ready to hit my head against the wall with his stubborness.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

My husband of 10 years is furious that I had the surgery and has been a total jerk when the subject of the surgery or food comes up. I honestly dont get his reasoning and it seems extreme and selfish. He SAYS that I didnt need the surgery and that I was selfish for having it done esp since it isnt reversible. We get along great in every other sense but not on this subject. I have lost 30 lbs so far and he says nothing. I am ready to hit my head against the wall with his stubborness.

It seems to me like he's the one being selfish! It isn't fun going in to the hospital and having 85% of your stomach cut out! It isn't fun not going into clothing stores and having to settle for something that fits. This was for your health and so you can enjoy a healthier life style with him and family. He's being the one being selfish and being a total A** as well. JMO of course. Let him know that his behaviors have really affected you and that you need his support with your decision. The surgery is done and if he wants to be married to you, then this is the time to be respectful to you and your decision that you have already made. Tell him, life goes on and let's just start over from here on out. Maybe he'll get over it. Oh, and when he treats you with disdain because of the surgery, leave the room, go for a drive and give him something to think about. It's not Okay to disrespect your woman! Glad to followed through and CONGRATS on your 30 lb weight loss.