female only Scared I Will Resent My Husband For Treating Me Differently After....

[Vixkey 40]

I'm not married but I been W my bf for over 5yrs I think that its all about how u feel since u gained n he changed the way he was with you probably because u changed on how u feel about yourself you kno he feeds of Ur energy ...also maybe he will be diffrent after surgery but u will gain more confidance and also maybe deep down he's scared you would leave him so hell give you more attention my bf is tereffied he swears.I'm going to leave him he's a heavier guy as well but I have no intensions on leaving him as long as he treats me good ......

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

I guess it's time for me to get more hate mail.

First off, men are very visual, we are turned on by what we see. If you were thinner and in better shape and more confident when you met him, you can bet that he found that version of you attractive.

If as you gained weight, his affections dwindled, as did your confidence, well, the blunt reality is that his physical attraction likely decreased as your weight increased.

I know this sounds horrible, but it's a man thing, it's just the way we are. We can't fake a physical relationship.

The fact that he has stayed by you through all of this is testimony that he loves you. It's just the brutal reality of being a man, we can't pretend to be sexually attracted to someone.

So when he starts flirting with you more, maybe even gets a little jealous, take it as a compliment

We can say anything you want to hear, and believe me we know what you want to hear. But the way he treats you is is his real tribute to your success

[Nikki613 120]

I totally get what youre saying and agree with the whole men are visual logic. I talked to another friend who had the surgery 7months ago and she said it got better. Truth is if my husband lost 30lbs and started getting cut and had abs I would still be pawing all over him like I always have, but I would probably be way more jealous. so I guess it could go both ways

[SpecialK1960 252]

My wife is going out of town for the weekend. Before she left this morning she said, "Now don't go crazy and get a girlfriend while I'm gone just because you are getting all skinny." We laughed. But is it so flattering to know that not only does she appreciate that I am beginning to look better. But that another woman might also see me differently than they would have 5 weeks ago.

I am not looking for another woman, however, to know that I might be attractive to one is AWESOME. It has been a long time. So I am going to absolutely love every minute of her additional attention. I do not think for one minute that she loved me less when I was bigger. But she is more open about my appearance and it is so encouraging. Besides thinking about why a loved one treated us different when we were bigger is focusing on the past. All that new attention - that is the future and it is sooo bright.

(and sorry for butting in on the "ladies page," but you are so much more interesting then the men)

[Jennifer SoFla 85]

I guess it's time for me to get more hate mail.

First off' date=' men are very visual, we are turned on by what we see. If you were thinner and in better shape and more confident when you met him, you can bet that he found that version of you attractive.

If as you gained weight, his affections dwindled, as did your confidence, well, the blunt reality is that his physical attraction likely decreased as your weight increased.

I know this sounds horrible, but it's a man thing, it's just the way we are. We can't fake a physical relationship.

The fact that he has stayed by you through all of this is testimony that he loves you. It's just the brutal reality of being a man, we can't pretend to be sexually attracted to someone.

So when he starts flirting with you more, maybe even gets a little jealous, take it as a compliment

We can say anything you want to hear, and believe me we know what you want to hear. But the way he treats you is is his real tribute to your success[/quote']

I don't think you deserve hate mail for this. I totally agree that men are much more visual where women don't mind looking at a beer belly as long as they feel that emotional bond. Men have another disadvantage, and that is the fact that it is much harder for a man to fake an orgasm or even fake being turned on for that matter. It only seems right that slimming down and feeling more sexy on the inside is doing to glow through, and attract more attention from everyone, including your spouse =)

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I dont need to be told Im pretty. But I do need to feel desired. Women want to feel desired by thier partner' date=' atleast I do. In fact, for me the most important thing is to feel desired. Even though we still have lots of laughs and little fights, I do not feel desired.

[/quote']

So you don't feel desired now....but you'll be unhappy if you lose weight and he's more attracted to you? Seems like you'll be getting what you want.

He may very well be more attracted to you thinner, but that doesn't mean he'll love you more.

[Jennifer SoFla 85]

He may very well be more attracted to you thinner, but that doesn't mean he'll love you more.

Wow... For this to be a women only room, I am really enjoying the input from the men. lol I couldn't agree more, love and lust, are not the same at all, and shouldn't be considered one in the same.

[tinaki 2]

I WENT THROUGH THIS EXACT THING!! My weight was a major underlying issue in my marriage and I became resentful aFTER my surgery that he was tripping all over himself to be nice, and accomodating. Some basic human courtesy behaviors he started doing after my weight loss that he did not do when I was obese, and yes it can make you angry. But I EVENTUALLY got over it. and we are in anexcellent place together.

It sucks, but its human behavior.

[DivaK 55]

My wife is going out of town for the weekend. Before she left this morning she said, "Now don't go crazy and get a girlfriend while I'm gone just because you are getting all skinny." We laughed. But is it so flattering to know that not only does she appreciate that I am beginning to look better. But that another woman might also see me differently than they would have 5 weeks ago.

I am not looking for another woman, however, to know that I might be attractive to one is AWESOME. It has been a long time. So I am going to absolutely love every minute of her additional attention. I do not think for one minute that she loved me less when I was bigger. But she is more open about my appearance and it is so encouraging. Besides thinking about why a loved one treated us different when we were bigger is focusing on the past. All that new attention - that is the future and it is sooo bright.

(and sorry for butting in on the "ladies page," but you are so much more interesting then the men)

I love your post and this is exactly how I feel! My husband had me laughing so hard yesterday at all the attention he was giving me before I left...it is funny and he knows I am not going anywhere. He was even showing off my picture that I took on my cell phone at an all guys gathering...LOL! Too funny...and its only been 13 days!

[pkehrer 79]

I figured I'm thinner now than I was when he met me haha So it can only get better. I always tease him though that he'll have to step up his game now that I'm about to be a hot commodity

[Nikki613 120]

I WENT THROUGH THIS EXACT THING!! My weight was a major underlying issue in my marriage and I became resentful aFTER my surgery that he was tripping all over himself to be nice, and accomodating. Some basic human courtesy behaviors he started doing after my weight loss that he did not do when I was obese, and yes it can make you angry. But I EVENTUALLY got over it. and we are in anexcellent place together.

It sucks, but its human behavior.

[Nikki613 120]

I WENT THROUGH THIS EXACT THING!! My weight was a major underlying issue in my marriage and I became resentful aFTER my surgery that he was tripping all over himself to be nice, and accomodating. Some basic human courtesy behaviors he started doing after my weight loss that he did not do when I was obese, and yes it can make you angry. But I EVENTUALLY got over it. and we are in anexcellent place together.

It sucks, but its human behavior.

see this is what I was worried about. i talked it over with my husband and told him how this was a concern, he said it made him angry that I could be upset with more attention but we both agree that its not fair but Im at fault as well. I definately do not act as sexy in or out of the bedroom as I once did. lol

[andicat628 9]

I have been married for 16 years to a man I love SOOO dearly. I gotta tell you though, I would kill for more attention. I hope so much I get it after my surgery. My fear is that he will be worried everytime I walk out the door, afraid I might run away or something. I never would but I just dont want to have that kind of negative attention, that will probably make me mad. But if he is all flirty with me, I am gonna eat that up big time!

[Shape_Shifter 83]

I would love to think he is just feeding off my energy, but that isnt always the case. I got my feelings hurt last night and maybe that is driving my fear. I love my husband very much and I know he loves me, but even when I am feeling confident and pretty, it can go unnoticed. We have very open communication, so I have communicated how things have changed and what I need. Just wanted to know if anyone else experienced this.

I'm not sleeved yet but I understand where you are coming from. I know my husband loves me, I know I have felt less desireable since gaining weight, etc. but I also KNOW he is not attracted to me at this weight because he has said so. I think he was trying to encourage me to stick to my diet at the time but 7 years later those words still HURT LIKE HELL (tearing up as typing that line). Honestly, I knew it before he admitted it. He is just not attracted to heavy women. His affections really never stopped, except what I managed to do.

There were many times that I would be feeling good, confident, got dressed up, lost 20 lbs etc and he wouldn't even notice. I stopped wearing makeup (felt like a cow with lipstick), stopped dressing up (why bother when all you're doing is wasting money) and stopped wearing sexy lingere (NEVER ONCE GOT LUCK WHILE WEARING IT). I would drown my disappointment/sorrows in other ways, creating the cycle.

You are not alone. I am doing this surgery for ME. All the clothes I didn't buy, all the makeup/pampering I didn't do, I am spending it in one lume sum for me. So I hope he treats me differently -- and I hope others do to. Not because I'm thinner but because I am happier and feeling healthier.

Just go with it and enjoy it.

[Shape_Shifter 83]

Whats really funny is he's already showing some more attention and wanting to know who Im talking to on the computer. I immediately turn it around and show him the forum. That and he is getting jealous over "Words with Friends" until I show it to him. I've been playing that damn game for 6 months but in the last 4 weeks, once I decided to have surgery, suddenly he's asking me who I'm talking to now. lol Nobody as usual, recluse here.