Read A Post About Loving Yourself First Before Anyone Else Can And It Irked Me!

[Jlewis229 191]

Ok so I read this post and it just really bothered me!

"Wow. I don't think your size has anything to do with finding love. It's the love and respect for yourself that makes people love you. You could be a size 2 and if you don't know how to love and honor yourself, you'll still be alone."

This is not all that true! Let's Face it, most people are attracted first by the way you look! They don't know your personality by looking at you! They don't decide to give you their phone # after seeing your personality lol

I think this is true of a LTR but dating, etc I just think it has very little merit. Fat people have a much harder time dating PERIOD!

[Rosie88 14]

While it's true that self confidence is often attractive to others, I agree that many many people simply dismiss the idea of dating a fat person. I can relate to the frustration of another person assuming that they know your experience. We are all the best witnesses to our own experience. We should never assume that we know another person's life or problems better than they do.

(P.S.: For what it's worth, Jlewis, I think you're attractive!)

[Jlewis229 191]

While it's true that self confidence is often attractive to others' date=' I agree that many many people simply dismiss the idea of dating a fat person. I can relate to the frustration of another person assuming that they know your experience. We are all the best witnesses to our own experience. We should never assume that we know another person's life or problems better than they do.

(P.S.: For what it's worth, Jlewis, I think you're attractive!)[/quote']

Well thank you for your compliment but this was a generalized post not necessarily concerning me lol. It was from a post I had read that kinda made me mad haha...But nevertheless I really do appreciate the compliment! It's always nice to get a compliment!

Ok so I do agree that you tend to attract more people with self confidence but overall like you said, many people just dismiss the idea of dating someone that is fat. That is just how it is!

I see this really often in the gay community, gay men in general are extremely concious of their body image(not all but most). And I've known lots of men that aren't all that attracted to heavy set men. I myself am generally attracted to men that aren't overweight, that's just what I like, even though I'm overweight.

I just wanted to make a point that while maybe it does help attract mates to have self confidence, that is not going to make it much easier if your overweight because most people are going to pick the not as pretty skinny girl or guy over the cute fat girl or guy. That's just how MOST people are. Thankfully their is always an exception to the rule.

And I think a lot of times people date in their league so to speak. I know when I lose my weight and am 100lb lighter than I'm gonna look really hot and it'll be a lot easier and fun to date.

Thanks for the input Rosie

Johnathan

[clk 3,519]

I agree with your post. I had a similar conversation recently about how young women should love themselves and focus on their personalities more than what their bodies or clothes look like.

Well, the truth is, we all need substance behind the sparkle. But let's not lie to ourselves: people viewed as fat or unattractive, or unfashionable because they're wearing frumpy clothes don't always get the chance to show how well their personality shines.

Maybe it's a sad statement on human nature, but all too often I was told things like, "I wish I could date a girl just like you" when there was no reason that I wasn't available...I just didn't look the part. Fat people get friend-zoned or ignored much more easily, and it's a rare person that looks beyond the body that they might find less than appealing to the person inside.

Just my opinion and experience, of course.

~Cheri

[Jlewis229 191]

I agree with your post. I had a similar conversation recently about how young women should love themselves and focus on their personalities more than what their bodies or clothes look like.

Well' date=' the truth is, we all need substance behind the sparkle. But let's not lie to ourselves: people viewed as fat or unattractive, or unfashionable because they're wearing frumpy clothes don't always get the chance to show how well their personality shines.

Maybe it's a sad statement on human nature, but all too often I was told things like, "I wish I could date a girl just like you" when there was no reason that I wasn't available...I just didn't look the part. Fat people get friend-zoned or ignored much more easily, and it's a rare person that looks beyond the body that they might find less than appealing to the person inside.

Just my opinion and experience, of course.

~Cheri[/quote']

I agree with you! Very well written!

Johnathan

[CdnExpat 49]

There's all sorts of quality research indicating value judgments based on externals, including weight, looks, body adornments, clothing, etc are actually the norm, not the exception. There's also research that indicates that lack of self-confidence is not necessarily correlated to body image - some of the most unhappy people I've worked with were "beautiful" or "perfect" in conventional ways, but absolute wrecks on the inside. Conversely, there are people who are rock solid psychologically who are overweight, scarred, missing limbs, or otherwise body challenged.

Johnathan's irritation with the generalization was warranted. That kind of "broad-spectrum armchair psychology" makes me mad, too.

[Smoggy 152]

I've had so many years of being the fat girl with the pretty face, or the chubby sidekick when I've been out with the girls- I SO hear ya Jonathan, when you are fat you are invisible. No matter how witty, charming, funny, or confident or intelligent you may be,or how much you love yourself, a huge portion of society "sees past" us in terms of dating. Being obese and single is WAY more difficult in our hyper-visual world.

[ICandothis 108]

Well thank you for your compliment but this was a generalized post not necessarily concerning me lol. It was from a post I had read that kinda made me mad haha...But nevertheless I really do appreciate the compliment! It's always nice to get a compliment!

Ok so I do agree that you tend to attract more people with self confidence but overall like you said' date=' many people just dismiss the idea of dating someone that is fat. That is just how it is!

I see this really often in the gay community, gay men in general are extremely concious of their body image(not all but most). And I've known lots of men that aren't all that attracted to heavy set men. I myself am generally attracted to men that aren't overweight, that's just what I like, even though I'm overweight.

I just wanted to make a point that while maybe it does help attract mates to have self confidence, that is not going to make it much easier if your overweight because most people are going to pick the not as pretty skinny girl or guy over the cute fat girl or guy. That's just how MOST people are. Thankfully their is always an exception to the rule.

And I think a lot of times people date in their league so to speak. I know when I lose my weight and am 100lb lighter than I'm gonna look really hot and it'll be a lot easier and fun to date.

Thanks for the input Rosie

Johnathan[/quote']

This is not to upset anyone, but what will have changed is your energy...it will not be your size that makes a difference. I alway s had hoy men asking me out and I was 420...it is energy.......when we r fat we tend to gripe, complain and all around be unhappy.....when we lose weight we get happy....thus becoming a magnet to others...

[ICandothis 108]

This is not to upset anyone' date=' but what will have changed is your energy...it will not be your size that makes a difference. I alway s had hoy men asking me out and I was 420...it is energy.......when we r fat we tend to gripe, complain and all around be unhappy.....when we lose weight we get happy....thus becoming a magnet to others...[/quote']

Even when we come across as bubbly.....we don't like how we look and that effects our energy......I look forward to hearing about how often you get hit on J....I have a good friend in the community who is large and he hides...he has lost 50 pounds and is dating like a mad men....hot guys everywhere.....grin....

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Just because it's the way it is doesn't make it right.

That's all I really have to say on the subject... except maybe that if someone were to want to get to know me simply based on how I look then that is definitely not someone I'd really want to get to know back.

Being beautiful from the inside out. That's how I want to live my life, and that's how I want to get to loving and respecting others.

[Wheetsin 714]

I think it's human nature to be attracted to someone initially on physical appearance. Not only is it how we're wired, but it's kind of a no brainer because it's all we have. Celebrities wouldn't be celebrities if that weren't the case. I mean, we can't be attracted to someone we're seeing walk down the street because of things like intellect or personality that we just have no idea about yet. But no relationship is going to be based on that initial attraction. A "fling" may be, but not a relationship. I can't imagine sitting at a cafe, watching guys walking by, thinking, "Oooh, I bet he is smart as a whip..." or "Yum, he probably agrees with my philosophical viewpoints..." But that's just people watching, it's not how I'm going to decide whether or not to pursue someone.

I used to hear things like, "You don't act fat..." or "You don't carry yourself like a fat person..." If you walk around with your self-esteem squishing out each time you take a step, people can "see" that. When you walk with poise, people can "see" that too. And I think it reflects hugely on how people are perceived. Perhaps as much as their physical traits.

But on the flip side, I have found myself completely head-over-heels for a guy who I did not find remotely attractive, physically, when we first met. In fact I would have considered him, physically, to be fairly unattractive. The more I got to know him, the less it mattered. And eventually when I looked at him I did see him as an attractive guy and couldn't believe that he was ever not cute to look at (just like I might see a pic now of an ex that I used to think was hot, and wonder WTF I was thinking back then...)

When I met DH he was not my "type". He was, and pretty much is, the opposite of what I would typically go for, physically. But it doesn't matter. We've been together for 17 years, married for 15, and he's still smoking hot.

[june13sleever 223]

This will all change eventually because there are seriously a lot of fat people out there. Not big big, but chunky and big big. I know that movie fat head said the obesity epidemic is a lie, but if you ask me...yo! There are sooooooo many big people. It is going to be a big problem!!!!! So someday we will all be just like the fat people in wall-e!

[Jlewis229 191]

This is not to upset anyone, but what will have changed is your energy...it will not be your size that makes a difference. I alway s had hoy men asking me out and I was 420...it is energy.......when we r fat we tend to gripe, complain and all around be unhappy.....when we lose weight we get happy....thus becoming a magnet to others...

I can somewhat agree BUT not totally because I can put it on pretty smooth and here I am single! I'm definitely not unattractive, just FAT! lol I know once I lose weight I will LOOK more desireable. Gay men especially are SO VAIN!!!

[Wheetsin 714]

Try being fat and the same height as most guys.

It's always seemed to me (dating/dateability-wise) that it's better to be fat and short (awww, she's so cute) than to be fat and tall.

And it has always seemed that fat guys have an easier time of it than fat women. I see my fat guy friends getting a lot more activity than my fat girl friends.

Reasons schmeasons. And yes, those are generalizations. But that doesn't mean they can't be accurate from my perspective.

[Jlewis229 191]

This will all change eventually because there are seriously a lot of fat people out there. Not big big, but chunky and big big. I know that movie fat head said the obesity epidemic is a lie, but if you ask me...yo! There are sooooooo many big people. It is going to be a big problem!!!!! So someday we will all be just like the fat people in wall-e!

I totally think it could be an epidemic! Their are a lot of overweight people in the US especially! The report that came out in 2012 said this about the top 10 fattest countries:

1. US (SURPRISE!)

2. Mexico

3. New Zealand

4. Chile

5. Austrailia

6. Canada

7. United Kingdom

8.Ireland

9.Luxembourg

10.Finland

It also said that Asia & The US has grown even more obese by 4-5% over the past 2 years(since the study in 2010. We are the fattest nation and it is so sad, the World average per person is 130 some odd pounds, the US average per person 180 some odd pounds! BIG difference!

Yes my friend I would call it an epidemic!