My Boyfriend Left Me

[peacequeen 434]

I totally agree, and those that support without belittling I commend. My comments were not directed at such persons. It was however directed to those who instead of reading what was written and support this woman decided to throw stones at the person she wants to draw nearer to.

And it amazes me that because this man chose to support a child for the time that they were togethe somehow this obligates him to continue to support said child? Why not suggest she pursue legal action against the child's biological father rather than trashing the man that has been there for six years and may or may not choose to return.

And to respond to a statement in an earlier post. This man filled the roll of father to a child that is not his for six years, YES I believe that alone deserves a certain amount of respect.

I bet if you ask the son if it hurts that the man he knows as daddy left him he would say yes..I don't respect that. He could've done it differently. You don't just walk out on a person and a child. Being there for 6 years makes it even more difficult to bear. My youngest son went through absense of his father for a long time, it really messed him up. There is no excuse for just walking out. You hit the nail on the head when you said "he chose to support a child"...he should've done the responsible thing and at least said goodbye..my gosh.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Its not any more respectful to act like a father for 6 yrs of a 12 yr olds life and then just leave than it is for a real father leaving. When you get involved with a man/woman that has kids' date=' you better be mature before you get into it. Its not just a woman/man, its their kids that you're dealing with.[/quote']

I can tell you from experience that being a stepfather is the most unappreciated thing a man can do. I raised my son from age 2, he is 19 now. I can recall so many times that I was accused of being too strict because he is "not mine", had my correction of him completely ignored because '"I'm not really his father". This is in no way exclusive to me. Every man I've ever talked to that has "acted as a father" has been reminded repeatedly that they are not. So if he chose to stop "acting as a father" then I can't really hold that against him. I was tempted to give up numerous times myself.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

To each there own' date=' obviously your values are way different and once your done your done even at a child's expense. Nice to know 6 years doesn't create any since of parenthood for some people. Also you have yet to address the 3 weeks he has avoided bills and rent. Nice dodge.[/quote']

Bills and rent? So he doesn't have to pay for where he lives now? I believe MM said that her son is at his grandparents, so he is not suffering, and she indicated tha she will likely head that way also.

If the lease was held jointly then he will have to deal with that.

As for now he's a long term boyfriend that left. If he is not on the lease, then his responsibility ended the day he left.

I don't see that there were ever any vows exchanged, so why should he be treated as if there were?

[Thinner Peace 24]

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% of what we make it mean. You are on a life changing journey and this may just be the best timing for you. Trust the journey and be excited for your future!

[Thinner Peace 24]

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% of what we make it mean. You are on a life changing journey and this may just be the best timing for you. Trust the journey and be excited for your future!

[Mimismom 49]

Okay first of all I'm sorry you are going trough this. I know it's tough but you will get through this.

Second stop calling him. Give him his space or time or whatever it is that he needs. This will give him the chance to think about what he's done and possibly come back. If you keep calling him and bombarding him with questions he will not get this time. It will also give you the opportunity to get over him.

Start thinking about your plan b. Can you relocate to be closer to your family and cousins?

Get up and dust yourself off and try again!!! You just had the surgery your whole life is going to change in a matter of months. Your confidence level will sky rocket. You will have a new take on life. BUMP HIM! There are plenty of guys out there who will appreciate you and value your worth. Besides, do you really want a guy who would do this to you and your son rigt after surgery anyways???! To be honest I think he fled because he knew that once you lose the weight you will be too good for him and that would crush his ego.

Get up and walk with your head high and enjoy the act that you are a mother of a beautiful 12 yr old who loves you unconditionally.

This too shall pass.

[quietcougar 29]

So sorry to hear about this and hope that things work out for you.

[lessofmeismore 1,405]

OTR sleever- we will just have to agree that we disagree.

This is a forum for support and hopefully she will find that here and in her life.

[lessofmeismore 1,405]

OTR sleever- we will just have to agree that we disagree.

This is a forum for support and hopefully she will find that here and in her life.

[MinaT 669]

You missed the fact that he walked out on bills, he walked out on the child who thought of him as his dad, he walked out when the going got rough. And now he lies and hides. That is NOT a man who needs defending. He isn't even a man, arguing is part of life, there is no excuse for leaving your family with no support and your partner just had major surgery. Some men may require a defense but seriously? There are cop outs in this world and financial cop out and trust broken has no respect deserved.

Exactly, a real man still should be fullfilling his part of the financial obligations, they were living together - joint bills, he left and abandoned her. How can she mend a fence when he will not talk to her. 3 weeks....not a day, not a few days, it's been 3 weeks. He knows bills are due, not just rent, past gas, past electric, past cable, Water. After 6 years he leaves her a few days after surgery...really and she needs to sooth some imaginary wounded ego.

Maybe he needed to leave, maybe the situation was too much for him, but right now she needs to fight for her life and her child.

He left her with bills. She has herself and a child to take care of. He knew that she had a child when he got into the situation and he took the part of daddy and he knows that part of the bills are his.

He said he would come by and sit and talk with her, he didn't show up 3 times. That's not being a man, that's being a guy that is finished and doesn't want to deal with any obligations he may still have.

I'm not trying to be hurtful to any party in my next sentence but both parties need to look at the big picture...that's the 12 year old child. He didn't ask for any of this.

[Ready4success 380]

I see the OP hasn't replied since yesterday, so who knows, they could've had dinner last night and be on the mend. I do agree with OTR in that she never once said she was ready to be done with him, she just wants him back (whether he's prince charming or a ******).

I do have to comment on that they were together for 6 years, doesn't anyone find it strange that they never got married? If this relationship was the greatest, and he was price charming, wouldn't she have wanted to snag him? He was a father to her son, he was financially responsible, he sounds like a catch. Did he want to be snagged? He could've been "playing house" the whole time.

Either way, there were problems long before the surgery, and they didn't just start during the "manic female pre-op stage". Also, who can find a place to stay in that short of time, unless they went home to mommy or had a hottie waiting in the wings?

Either way, when you "move in together" without being married, you may not be legally responsible for the bills, but you're morally responsible for handling the situation like a "man", not like a "little boy running away." I speak from experience, my ex-husband left in the same manner, "because I was fat and he felt he deserved better". He had a hottie waiting in the wings, and I had a pre-nup, so vengeance was mine. :-)

To the OP, it gets better, and fortunately, you won't die from a broken heart. Get off the couch and go for a walk in the sunshine, do something to make yourself feel better. Everyday gets a little better. Go spend some time with your son. Most of all, reflect on whether you really want this "man" in your life, teaching your son to become irresponsible too. Good luck, and let us know how you're doing and how the weight loss is going. Hugs

[SleeveDreamer 383]

I agree that the poor girl is brokenhearted and it is very hard for her especially at the same time she is recovering from this surgery, and i feel for her. I don't agree that this guy deserves much respect. Especially since he just walked out on her without explanation and won't even discuss matters with her. He is certainly not a man in my book, but a big baby. He could have handled it differently if he was ready to end the relationship.

[shelbi wallis 6]

Just give it time he might need air to breath. You just need to take it easy for a couple of weeks and if you hear nothing from him, then move on. Remember you have a son and he probably doesn't like seeing his mother so upset. Hold strong for him. If you boyfriend can't see what he is missing out on, then it is his loss, not yours.

[MKambalimath 92]

I can tell you from experience that being a stepfather is the most unappreciated thing a man can do. I raised my son from age 2, he is 19 now. I can recall so many times that I was accused of being too strict because he is "not mine", had my correction of him completely ignored because '"I'm not really his father". This is in no way exclusive to me. Every man I've ever talked to that has "acted as a father" has been reminded repeatedly that they are not. So if he chose to stop "acting as a father" then I can't really hold that against him. I was tempted to give up numerous times myself.

I'm not sure what that has to do with what I posted. Obviously you have strong feelings about your experience stepfathering. What you seem to have missed is that I said its not ANY MORE respectable for a supposed stepfather to just leave than it is for a REAL FATHER. A man who leaves his kids just like that is a loser, period. Same for a woman that leaves her kids. If you are too immature to be in a relationship with a woman who has kids, you need to go elsewhere. Unfortunately this is a disposable society, including people disposing of their families when it doesnt suit their needs anymore. Whether this guy likes it or not, he made a commitment to that child when he got involved with this woman. If that wasnt his intention, he should have kept it in his pants and found someone without. Its not like he didnt KNOW she had a kid. Now I'm not saying she was an innocent party. Theres always 2 sides and the truth. But that kid is innocent. To just up and leave her and her kid when shes 3 days out of surgery is heartless and cowardly.

[SV2 57]

I do have to comment on that they were together for 6 years' date=' doesn't anyone find it strange that they never got married? If this relationship was the greatest, and he was price charming, wouldn't she have wanted to snag him? He was a father to her son, he was financially responsible, he sounds like a catch. Did he want to be snagged? He could've been "playing house" the whole time.

Either way, there were problems long before the surgery, and they didn't just start during the "manic female pre-op stage". Also, who can find a place to stay in that short of time, unless they went home to mommy or had a hottie waiting in the wings?

Either way, when you "move in together" without being married, you may not be legally responsible for the bills, but you're morally responsible for handling the situation like a "man", not like a "little boy running away." I speak from experience, my ex-husband left in the same manner, "because I was fat and he felt he deserved better". He had a hottie waiting in the wings, and I had a pre-nup, so vengeance was mine. :-)[/quote']

This is exactly why I asked earlier if she had not been married by her choice. You're spot on.

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