When did you tell your children?

[KarenK 0]

I am trying to figure out the best time to tell my daughter, age 9, about the upcoming surgery. I am scheduled for the end of September. I don't want to blindside her with the news a day ahead, but also don't want her to spend time worrying.

When did you tell?

[*susan* 1,709]

Hi Karen,

My kids are a bit older than yours, 13 and 15. However, I figured that this was going to effect them almost as much as it effects me. Therefore, they were a part of the process right from the very start. They looked over all the information, watched a video, talked to my doctor, etc. They were a major part of the process when I was making my decision to have the surgery, and support me wonderfully now. I think by having a lot of knowledge about the procedure prior to my actual day of surgery, it helped alleviate a lot of their concerns. But, as I mentioned before, they are older than your daughter, which may make a big difference in their ability to handle the information and how much.

[the best me 6]

My daughter was ending her Kindergarten career when I was banded in April '05. I "put bugs in her ear" along the way and siad I was going to have an operation to help me not be so fat so I can be healthier. So when the time came, she wasn't worried. Age 5 is not age 9, she's my oldest so I'm not sure what 9yo kids are like, really. I fessed up though, and at her Kindergarten graduation her teachers pounced me, wanting to know the scoop. My daughter told them I had an operation on my tummy to put a band around it. They were so intrigued, LOL.

Kids handle things the way you teach them to. If you are frantic, they will be. If you react strongly, so do they. If you are matter-of-fact and honest, they don't worry so much. I'm all about being open, but I'm not a very good closet bandster either.

Good luck. Give her at least a few weeks to ask questions, and have faith in her!

[KarenK 0]

Thank you for your replies.

Emma knows I've been seeing a new doctor about ways to lose weight and be healthier, but I haven't mentioned the surgery bit. It's her first week of school, so maybe next week we'll sit down and talk about it.

She made it through my heart cath a few years ago - I'm sure she'll deal with this as well.

Thanks again.

[roiansmom 0]

I had decided a year ago to do the surgery, but life got in the way, so had to cancel. I told my 9 yo I was thinking about it and researching it a long time ago. She was worried, so came with me to meet the surgeon in July. He's a wonderful guy and took the time to talk to her, allay her fears, and totally explain in kid terms exactly what he was going to do. I think she likes him almost as much as I do

When I got my date, I told her, we discussed it any time she wanted. She was a little nervous the night before, and the day I had surgery. I called her a soon as I got into a room and she was fine.

My approach was to be upfront, let her talk it out and get her worries out.

[babyjane 0]

hi! i told my 9 and 12 yr old boys about 2 wks before i went to mexico. i went with a friend who is a nurse--they just knew i was having stomach surgery because of some problems and would have to eat a little differently.

they still do not know it was to lose weight. they would have told the whole school and neighborhood and it was private info to me. i talked to them every day i was gone, they just worried til i was out of surgery. then when i was picked up at airport, they wanted to see pictures of mexico and wondered if they could ever go there. i had told them that the best dr for me was in monterrey when asked why dr was not around here. they both wanted to check it out on the map before i left for mx and wanted details about plane ride. my 9 yr old is the worrier and he just wanted to be sure if what would happen if i died-who would have them, would daddy be okay w/o me, and a lot of odd questions that only a boy his age could come up with !! when he was satisfied, he was calm and believed that i would be okay and he would be okay no matter what.:biggrin1:

[Irish Girl 3]

My son is 10. He has known about this from the very start. I knew that this would be a challenging and emotional time for me. I told him that when someone you love is feeling weak that we need everyones strength to help them be strong. Once he realized that he was going to be a pillar for me, he told me it made him feel grown up.

[seppi 0]

I have 2 kids 8 and 12 I didn't tell either of them They just thought Mom is on another diet. I don't think they have figured it out. I was back to work in 4 days, including surgery day so nothing was really different for them

[FunnyDuddies 6]

My kids are younger than yours, but I too brought up the idea with no anxiety and as matter of factly as i could. I did not want them to worry about me, or think that something was wrong. I told them I was having a surgery to make me better an skinnier. The funniest part was picking them up and my aughter seeing me and gasping "Oh mommy, you are so pretty. It was a good operation!" LOL little liar. hehehe

[Loving-It 0]

My daughter is 11YO and she has known since the beginning too. It's been very exciting for her. The prospect of me being thin enough to do things with her that I hadn't been able to do in the past really makes her happy...and me too!

[Bettina 0]

I am trying to figure out the best time to tell my daughter, age 9, about the upcoming surgery. I am scheduled for the end of September. I don't want to blindside her with the news a day ahead, but also don't want her to spend time worrying.

When did you tell?

Hey Karen, I am getting banded the day before you. (I have been looking for others who are close to me in banding-you are the first) I told my 9 yr old daugher right away (back in April when I first started the process) She is happy for me. I even sat with her and we watched the surgery together online so she would better understand it. I have an 18 yr old daughter and a 17 yr old son, and I have learned never underestimate the knowledge and understanding of a 9 yr old. LOL she won't let me anyway! I feel I need her support and understanding just like I do of the others. Prob more so, because I am with her more. I understand you not wanting her to worry, since Rachel saw the procedure...she is cool with it. Kids are more afraid of the secrecy than they are of the truth. If you decide to tell her earlier rather than later, and you see her worrying.....just tell her about all the cool things you will be able to do with her that you don't do now. For me its I'll be taking her to the beach all the time next year...riding bikes is gonna be more fun! Oh you know, you could start by asking her what she thought if you were thinner, then go to what would she think if you had surgery to get thinner...start small. Mine I can jump right into because she has older sibs so she is a tough cookie. Good Luck and let us know if you told her earlier or later and how she took it.

[La_madam 20]

I have 3 boys ages 18, 14 ,12 and I told them the day I scheduled my surgery. I explained everything to them, they had a month or two to digest it all and ask any questions they may had ovet that course of time.

[PatU 0]

I got banded last week but have not told my children (20, 17 and 17) for fear they would tell my parents who are elderly and would worry about me constantly. I didn't even tell my twin sister until I got back on Sunday. One son has noticed that I'm only eating the broth in Soup and not the rest. I just told him I was entering the Mrs. Arkansas pageant next year and needed to lose a few pounds. ; )

PatU

[KarenK 0]

If you decide to tell her earlier rather than later, and you see her worrying.....just tell her about all the cool things you will be able to do with her that you don't do now. For me its I'll be taking her to the beach all the time next year...riding bikes is gonna be more fun!

The bike thing will be a big thing for Emma. She wanted us to ride our bikes to work & daycare this summer. I tried getting on a bike, and immediately felt sorry for the bike!

I think I am going to tell her this weekend.

Thanks for all the input.

[KarenK 0]

Ok, I told Emma on Saturday. We sat down and talked about it and I showed her the brochures they sent home with me. I've left it up to her whether she wants to come to the hospital that day or go to school & dance class (my daughter is very active - I absolutely refuse to have her go through this later in life).

She did ask a few questions. The hardest was "what happens to me if something happens to you." (Her dad died when she was 1) I told her it was a very safe procedure and I would be fine, but if I ended up in the hospital longer than expected she would stay with grandma & grandpa.

Overall, I think it went well.

Thank you again for all the advice.