Honesty Vs. Lying About The Surgery

[PdxMan 4,292]

I told a couple of acquaintances and received negativity back, so I decided to not tell anybody about it (except my wife). About a week before my surgery, I told my family, "Next Friday, I am ..." I let them know what was happening, but not that I was soliciting opinions.

Post-op, when going out to lunch/dinner, I would order Soups. I would volunteer no information why, but if asked, I would say that I had a late Breakfast ... I have a lot of work I need to concentrate on and don't want to be sleepy ... I have a special dinner with my wife and don't want to spoil it ... I'm just not that hungry today ... I'm trying to cut portion sizes down ...

All of it basically true ... no lies.

After each time using one of those, there would always be someone else who would chime in, "Oh, you are so right, I should probably have something light, too."

When my weight loss started to be noticable, people asked what my secret was. I told them I had been cutting down my portion sizes and exercising more. Again, a true statement ... no lies

I have just recently started to tell people I don't know, if the topic of weight loss comes up, that I had the surgery. For the most part, it has been very positive. I think it is difficult if they wanted to be critical when they see me as a slender person not knowing what I looked like before.

After I get a year out, I will probably take the next step and tell everybody else. I will expain that earlier on, I wasn't in a place where I felt comfortable disclosing such a personal decision. If that doesn't work for them, well, then, that tells me a lot about my relationship with that person.

This is a personal decision and there is no obligation to tell ANYONE what is going on. Share what and with who you feel comfortable with.

[Giselle3264 175]

Really enlightening to read the different approaches here! I've struggled with this because I am a VERY private person. I told my boss since I will be out of work and she had the RNY years ago! I told my former boss because she's a great friend and was very successful with WW where I wasn't. I told my closest co-worker because she's a nurse. Her reaction was cautionary but positive. I told the co-worker who would be covering for me because she's a good friend, and I told ONE of my two daughters because she flat out asked me. And the last person I told was my husband. He tried for an hour to talk me out of it. Now 12 days before my surgery he says he's shocked I finally took action to get this under control. Uh. Ok. You would have thought it was his idea!

I'm not comfortable not telling my best friends, but I need a little room until after the procedure. I'll probably quote your doctor for awhile. As many others have said. Do what makes you comfortable.

G.

[Danielle Beadle 6]

I have tried to tell people what I want to do and have gotten pretty much nothing but negativity back. I have a few friends that I have told and they support me but I told my mom and grandma and those both responded negatively. So I pretty much dropped the subject with them and now I have gone through my 6 months and I received my approval letter in the mail and my mom opened because she thought it was her name on it (we both have security health). I don't have many options for someone taking me to and from the hospital so for the endoscope that I have to have done I asked my sister to take me. She didn't ask for a reason why I'm having it done and I didn't offer one. I asked my mom what shift she was working on the 12th (my surgery date) and she has off and then she asked me why and I had to tell her and she wasn't very happy. So now I am very selective to who I tell. I don't need the negativity. I am doing this for my well being.

[Willow216 91]

I had no shame in my game, I told who I needed to tell, Most of them were Super supportive while some of my family were like "isn't that taking the easy way out", and others (co-workers etc) I let them think I am on a miracle diet, they didn't know my struggles with my weight and how much I really tried for "years". So I did what was best for me and my life and for my family and the only regret is I didn't do this sooner!

Think what "You" need and what is best for "You". Besides you don't have to tell everyone, let them think you found the "Fountain of UnFattiness" and make them wonder how your losing all that weight.

Best Wishes for you!!

[guitar819 13]

Hi everyone' date='

I am considering getting the surgery done, but I'm wondering how I will explain things to my friends. My family is very supportive, and I plan on telling my boyfriend the truth about it as well. However, I am worried about what I will tell friends and acquaintances.

Unfortunately, there will be no way for me to hide that I am having some type of surgery done. Then, I will also have to explain the dietary restrictions later on, since my friends and I frequently go out to eat and there is always food and Snacks at our parties.

How did you choose to handle the situation? If you lied, what did you tell people?

Thanks![/quote']

I didn't lie about mine,but there was very few that I told about it, because it's a choice that I had to make, and it's a choice I made because I wanted to live a long healthy life.

If I can't love myself, how can I love others. Its your body and your health, and your choice. I know down the road I will finally say something, because I'm sure people will figure it out. I didn't feel I owed anyone an explanation about who I am and it's my life, and it's my body. My fiance wanted me to do what made me happy, and supported me all the way!! You can't live for other's, I'm not trying to be mean, but you have to put you first in something like this. I thought about it for a very long time, and canceled at one time, but decided to go through with it, because I just did not feel good,and I had a lot of back, neck, feet problems. I can't wait till I can shop again in regular size, run again, walk again, and get off of my meds. So I hope this helped. Final word it's all up to "YOU!" Go to youtube and type in gastric sleeve success stories, and watch that, you will be happy you did. It helped me to make my decision. I'm glad I did.

[smiley2604 36]

Well in the beginning my immediate family knew and a couple of close friends. I was actually in transition with my job so I got new coworkers that didn't really say much about my weight loss. I am really involved in church and I hate to admit it but thats the place where I lied the most about it. I told them I had my gall bladder removed. Well after about 6 months of lieing I decided , none of them had a heaven or hell to put me in and in the end of the day I still looked fabulous!!!! Amazingly enough I began to tell women who are overweight what I did when they would ask and alot of them seemed let down because I didn't have some magic pill or diet to tell them about. I tell them that it is not as easy as day surgery and your whole life changes but It is so worth it. I stand now almost a year out and I don't mind telling anyone what I did and I then say " Now go run and tell that" , cause at the end of the day I still wear a size 2/4 in everything including my underwear. LOL!!!!!!

[FishingNurse 1,210]

I tell anyone and everyone-- I am a talker for sure.... BUT I do respect that people don't want everyone knowing all their business. You can make it work whatever way you chose.

[buffalogal 52]

"This is a personal decision and there is no obligation to tell ANYONE what is going on. Share what and with who you feel comfortable with"

It really is all about personal relationships and experiences. I began this journey a year ago, and have surgery sometime in July. As I have gone through this process, my thinking has changed,so start out cautiously and listen to your heart. You don't have to lie.

The first person I ever knew who had bariatric surgery told me she had stomach cancer (about 12 years ago). I was pretty sure that wasn't the case and felt that was a pretty extreme thing to say to anyone. When I first started this process a year ago, I was positive that other than my husband there was no way I would tell anyone. As of today, my husband and one of my children know. One of my sons and his wife have a baby due any day, and I haven't told them yet for obvious reasons. My surgery is in a few weeks, so I will when it is all over. I told one very old friend, who also has a weight issue and she reacted very negatively, which surprised me, but it actually felt good to tell someone and I didn't really care what she said because it really was about her problems, not mine.

By taking baby steps, I am realizing that in due time I will probably be more open about it. I am a teacher, and in the end it is my nature to educate. I am having this procedure because I have some serious health issues that need to be addressed. My insurance covers this because it is medically necessary. I am going to a facility with a stellar reputation and my surgeon is also high quality. If what I was doing was foolish or vain, I wouldn't have these options. If my doctor didn't deem it medically necessary, she wouldn't suggest this. So, I want people to hear this, and help to stop the fear and negativity that has occurred in the past.

And in the end, people will see me change my habits and be the person they know me to be. My friends and acquaintances know me to a strong and positive person. I truly think most of them will be happy for me and Celebrate. And to heck with them if they don't.

I'd be afraid that if I made something up like I had my gallbladder out, what happens if I ever really do need to have it out? And making up something like cancer is just bad karma. As you see above, you don't need to lie, and you don't need to disclose either. But, you do need to advocate for yourself, which seems to be a common denominator of how we all got here. Be patient and kind with yourself. Good luck!

[Ang 3]

I told everyone who would listen. I even made a little blog for my friends and family to follow along. I was lucky though in that I have had nothing but positive support. The reason I told friends, coworkers, etc, is because we eat a lot at work and I needed everyone to know why I wouldn't be. Also, nothing else had worked before, there had to be a reason I was losing weight.

[thin soon 24]

At first I thought about telling friends I was having gall bladder surgery...lol because it leaves the same scars. But I have decided to tell friends the truth. Most everyone has been supportive except about the part where I am going to MX to have it done. Also one friend has been very good at making me feel quilty about the posibility of not coming home for my kids. I just keep telling myself if I don't make these changes in my life, I won't be around to enjoy my kids. Whatever you decide will be right for you. Good Luck

[milkD 37]

Like a lot of people, my weight issue is uncomfortable and embarrassing to me.

My husband, parents, brother, MIL know but I have no plans to tell anyone else. I have close friends at work but all my best friends are across the coast.

I have taken off time at work and will tell anyone who asks that I am just enjoying a much needed summer vacation where family is coming to visit and my brother is expecting his baby (which is all true). If anyone asks about my condition right after returning to work I will just mention my stomach has been bugging me.

I've already started dieting (eating low carb/fat). I don't have a problem mentioning this fact at work that I'm trying to eat healthier and exercise more. I'll be doing the liquid diet pre-op for 2 weeks so with all this factored I don't think my behavior post-op will seem as strange.

I know this sounds harsh but this is what I feel most comfortable about. If anyone compliments me, I will say "thank you very much". If they ask me how I did it I will say "I finally chose to eat healthier. Cut out fats and carbs. I'm exercising a lot". This won't be a lie becaue the surgery is a tool and it is not the surgery ALONE that will get me to my goal. Though I do believe if anyone asks me outright about having surgery I may admit it. Not mentioning a fact is one thing, but outright lying is another.

Perhaps after some weight loss and a much happier me I will feel comfortable telling my best friends but for now this is my plan .

[guitar819 13]

"This is a personal decision and there is no obligation to tell ANYONE what is going on. Share what and with who you feel comfortable with"

It really is all about personal relationships and experiences. I began this journey a year ago' date=' and have surgery sometime in July. As I have gone through this process, my thinking has changed,so start out cautiously and listen to your heart. You don't have to lie.

The first person I ever knew who had bariatric surgery told me she had stomach cancer (about 12 years ago). I was pretty sure that wasn't the case and felt that was a pretty extreme thing to say to anyone. When I first started this process a year ago, I was positive that other than my husband there was no way I would tell anyone. As of today, my husband and one of my children know. One of my sons and his wife have a baby due any day, and I haven't told them yet for obvious reasons. My surgery is in a few weeks, so I will when it is all over. I told one very old friend, who also has a weight issue and she reacted very negatively, which surprised me, but it actually felt good to tell someone and I didn't really care what she said because it really was about her problems, not mine.

By taking baby steps, I am realizing that in due time I will probably be more open about it. I am a teacher, and in the end it is my nature to educate. I am having this procedure because I have some serious health issues that need to be addressed. My insurance covers this because it is medically necessary. I am going to a facility with a stellar reputation and my surgeon is also high quality. If what I was doing was foolish or vain, I wouldn't have these options. If my doctor didn't deem it medically necessary, she wouldn't suggest this. So, I want people to hear this, and help to stop the fear and negativity that has occurred in the past.

And in the end, people will see me change my habits and be the person they know me to be. My friends and acquaintances know me to a strong and positive person. I truly think most of them will be happy for me and Celebrate. And to heck with them if they don't.

I'd be afraid that if I made something up like I had my gallbladder out, what happens if I ever really do need to have it out? And making up something like cancer is just bad karma. As you see above, you don't need to lie, and you don't need to disclose either. But, you do need to advocate for yourself, which seems to be a common denominator of how we all got here. Be patient and kind with yourself. Good luck![/quote']

Very well said. I know that you won't regret it, I don't! I still get that dull pain, but in time it will pass. I did a lot of research before my decision. I thought of backing out, and did so for a bit, but my inner spirit kept pushing me. One thing that was said to me, what if you don't like your body after you lose the weight, I said....so what I don't like my body now, so what should it matter if I'm skinny. At least I will be healthy. It took years to put it on, and this will make the choice better to an endless battle that beat me for years. I (we) will over come what is the biggest battle we have fought for years. You'll do great, and you won't regret it.

I made sure that there was a couple of times I splurged before the surgery, because I knew it would be a long time, if ever, that I would ever beable to have this kind of love affair with food again. I trained for a year, and I thought I deserved it. Now, it just comes natural, plus you have no choice. The sleeve will become my best friend in the end, because it saved my life, and truly disaplined me, the way I should have done several hundred times in the past.

Like you said, " If I choose to tell someone" it's our choice. Only a few knew with me, and I know that when the weight comes off I'll open up, but when I'm ready. I just don't want it to spread like wild fire, front page news flash. My true friends will be there and support me, the ones who aren't, oh well...I owe them no explanation. Learning to like myself again is going to take time,and the one thing I told my fiance, I just want to know that you love me the same after the fact, fat or thin. I don't want it to change me, I want it to make me better!! In the end I am sure I will be an advocate to others in regards to this surgery. Happy trails to all, and may this new journey in your life be the best yet. Life is a gift...love it!!

[SensationallySassyT 80]

_{Inititally I was planning on keeping it to myself~ Since then and mind you i'm still pre op I have shared information about the surgery to three women who are now considering it including my grandomther! If I would not have shared my interest in the surgery they would not be looking into it and would be struggling and stressing over weight~ I am a very social and active person~ I roller skate and travel all over skating so I know folks are gonna be like WOW you look good how did you lose the weight~ I have no clue how many lives I can change! At this point I am leaning towards Spreading the word! Especially since I could give a darn less about what any Hater has to say about it~}

_{T~ :wub:}

[Tbrendon 36]

I have not lie about having mine done in september and with doing so have gained SOOOO many wonderful supporters! The more supporters you have in this journey the better, as most of your success is mental. I had to tell myself that this surgery is nothing to be ashamed of. But to be proud of yourself for making a decision to lead a longer and healthier life.

Good luck in your journey and remember everything is your decision. Do things for yourself.

[allnewme 262]

I tell people if they ask why I am having surgery. A lot of them freak over having it in Mexico but I just try to educate them about the quality of health care there and this is what some people do when our health insurance can't be bothered to care for us in the USA. I am not ashamed at all. I do know people that have had other WLS and have made people think they have lost all the weight on will power. I personally could not do that. This is tool to help us lose the weight, we still have to work at it every day.