Therapist NOT supportive of LB

libra · August 29, 2006

My therapist/ nutritionist played Devils Advocate with me. She challenged my decision just to make sure that I thought everything through and that I understood the decision I made. So she was tough on me for a bit, but once she realized I didn't just jump to this decision, she was supportive.

If your therapist is showing no support you need to move on.

sleepyjean · August 29, 2006

Your therapist sounds like a real a-hole. I'd tell you to find another, but the truth is, it's not easy to find a really great therapist who can lead you through the process of healing yourself.There are lots of good therapists who will listen to you and provide sympathy or feedback, but that's not the same thing. Searching for a therapist is exhausting and sometimes you settle for one who isn't so great just because it's easier than continuing the search, which means ripping your heart open again and again for some stranger to inspect and analyze. My advice is evaluate how much this guy is or isn't helping you. And if you do decide to move on, tell the new therapist(s) during the very first meeting that you are looking for support during the banding process. If their reaction doesn't work for you, keep looking.

I have been in therapy on and off for a number of years. When I decided to get banded, I also decided to go back into therapy to help me through the transiton. My therapist now is the best and I can feel the improvement in myself. I have no doubt that if I continue in therapy long enough, I will work through all my issues and eventually be able to stop the bingeing and emotional eating.

BUT

Therapy takes a long time. It takes a loooong loooong time to change certain aspects of who you are and the habits of a lifetime. I wasn't willing to wait that long. It wasn't just because I was impatient, it was because I knew that during all those years of therapy, my weight would continue to yo-yo, creeping up a little higher each time I fell off the wagon. I was on one diet after another in 2005, and I gained 40 pounds. I could not bear to imagine what I'd weigh after 4 or 5 years of therapy. I have finally realized how much stress the constant yo-yo-ing puts on my body and I'm not willing to do that to myself anymore.

Momotrips · August 31, 2006

Your therapist sounds like a real a-hole.

Ain't that the truth? Even therapists can be jerks - they're mere humans. I'm still trying to figure out my son's therapist we see for ADD. So far she has really not told us anything we don't already know - everything she suggests we've already tried or are currently implementing. I constantly have to fight back the "duh" reflex. I'm wondering if my IQ (and my son's for that matter) doesn't outrank hers by quite a bit. Nothing against her, she's very nice but my son is smarter than the "average bear", so can't he see right through her? He's only 8, but really he knows that she's not just "playing games" with him during sessions.

Maybe you're a little smarter than your therapist too, jgandg - at least where it pertains to what's right for you at this moment. You've made a point of researching WLS and yet, your therapist that is supposedly trying to counsel you on weight issues has not done his homework thoroughly. Trying to tell an overweight person that their problems can be solved simply by just "eating less and exercising more" is like giving them permission to binge, because they once again feel like a failure. It's not very supportive and not terribly constructive. Doc says: "Follow this diet and exercise program and you'll lose weight". Fat person hears: "I'm a lazy, lacking in willpower sack of lard and I am less of a person because of it - oh yeah, and I'm hungry. If that's all I need to do, why is my insurance company paying you $110/hour to make me feel like a loser?"

I bet your (likely skinny) therapist never feels hungry on a regular basis. Ask him. While you're at it, ask him how many calories he eats per day - does he know? Does he know how many calories per day he burns? Does he measure or weigh his food? Does he go for months (or years) without a spoonful of ice cream/french fries/tortilla chips/(insert verboten food here) ever touching his lips? Does he know what it feels like to not be able to give up his one addiction because he will literally die without it even though it is killing him slowly? If he can't answer these questions, or at least hasn't done enough research to be able to understand a patient's pain when THEY have experienced all of the above and failed, then he doesn't get the right to "help" you. Find someone who is willing to help you with your issues and support you with your decisions for your life. Your therapist can't control your actions, or then he has to take responsibility for the product of those actions. I guarantee he won't want to do that.

I'm sure that most of your issues are in some way related to your weight and vice-versa. Finding a therapist through your surgeon would be your best bet. The psychiatrist that my surgeon sent me to for my psych consult specializes in weight issues as well as other areas of psychology/psychiatry. He was very understanding and very positive. If I ever wanted to go to a therapist on a regular basis, I would either choose him or another recommeded by my surgeon who is a woman - I don't know if I could open up to a male therapist completely, no matter how understanding he seemed.

Bottom line - don't let your therapist make you doubt your decision. You do what you feel is right for you and find a therapist that will support the better, more assertive and in-control you.

Good luck!

Randi · September 18, 2006

I've been seeing a therapist for the past year, discussing the reasons why I am overweight, among other things.
When I told him I was researching the LB, he thought it was an extreme method and not necessary. He thought I could lose through continued therapy and recommended a diet (the UltraMetabolism diet).

When I told him I made the decision to have LB surgery, he stopped trying to dissuade me, but he challenges me about it. I told him some of the tools my Dr's office gave me, behavioral tools, and his response was "well, you know this already. If you do this, you don't need surgery" which is true - for example, the tools, or strategies, are things like writing down what I eat, being aware of emotional triggers, reframing my feelings to more positive ones, etc.

I feel a bit angry toward him. I feel like this is a very personal decision, and his challenges and his even mild criticism is really not what I need. I wish I could go to his office and feel comfortable talking about the surgery. Because right now I feel like I don't want to share my concerns or nervousness, b/c he'll be like "told you so!"

I am so tired of people who are not MO telling me what will work and what I should do with MY body, MY life. For the main person who is dissuading me to be my therapist is just so hurtful.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I will bring this up when I see him tomorrow night. I just am really disappointed b/c otherwise things have been going well but this inability to support me is really getting in the way.

jgandg,

I see your band date is this week. Yeah for you! Were you and your therapist able to work things out at your last meeting?