"yes, I Asked For The Side, Not The Large Salad..."

[AliveAgain 283]

Before I jump into this rant, I want to let everyone know that many years ago I worked as a waitress. I know that it is some of the hardest work I've ever done, physically. The incentive is to "sell up" by selling alcoholic drinks, sides, pushing Desserts. They are making a living, and I respect that very much. That being said, can we talk about the art of listening to your customer?

Unfortunately, I come from family and friends who love getting together and eating out. And I should note most of them are at very healthy, ideal weights so I'm usually the "biggest" in the group. But whether they are extremely athletic or just have amazing genes, they can order the fried app, burger with fries and a few beers. I don't mind, the food is not the problem. I'm still in that great place where I'm rarely hungry and don't have cravings. Sometimes just seeing fried foods or the smell of greasy stuff can turn my stomach now. Call me lucky?

But what happens is that for some reason I'm the one the waitstaff likes to focus on. I'm the one that they ask, "Just the side salad with chicken? Are you sure that's all you want?" Or when I order the grilled shrimp appetizer, and ask them to hold the butter during cooking (please use olive oil) -- and they show up with the full entree with rice or mashed potato side. When I ask WTH, I get, "I'm sorry I thought that's what you wanted." When I'm thinking in my head, that I'm positive I said "appetizer" and even pointed to that section on the menu. Even when I order the side salad, I get the full meal portion. WTH? "I asked if it was going to be your meal and you said yes, so I figured you meant to order this one and not the side." They are all accommodating when I correct them, which I have to do in front of everyone, calling more attention to my new eating habits. They don't charge for the larger thing, take it back, etc. When they don't, I'm then trying to eat my 3-4oz of food, leaving what looks like an entire meal untouched on my plate, and I get the "Is everything OK with your meal?" question multiple times during the meal, again in front of everyone.

I get it. People are human, they make mistakes. But I do not remember waitstaff getting my order wrong so often before surgery. Of course, I'm presuming they're thinking, "The fat girl will not be happy with that little food, I'll give her more." But that's a slippery slope to presume their motivations.

I'm reaching a place where I don't look forward to these occasions, of eating out. It's not about the food, it's about how what/how little I'm eating is such a focus. I've used the "I don't feel well" or "I'm not that hungry" excuses, it gets me by, but it's getting old. Has this happened with anyone else?

[kimmy*custis 276]

I completely understand and have been there. I have no problem telling them to bring me a to-go box right away with my meal and explaining why. I go home with 3-4 more meals, I am a cheap date! I tell everyone I can about my surgery, keeps them from wondering if something was "wrong" with the food.< /p>

[Webchickadee 716]

I understand completely, and I agree, servers make assumptions based on our looks. It's not right and not fair, but it is life!

Look at it this way though..........since you're only 49 lbs from your goal weight, you're no longer the "fat girl". Seriously! You're bigger than average, but soon (in another few months), you will blend right in with your ideal weight/healthy/genetically blessed friends and family and you won't be getting this unwanted attention and as many mistakes on your orders.

So hang in there, and don't stop socializing with your peer group because of this. This is temporary and those friendships are not. Keep in touch with them in the way they are most comfortable (meals/drinks), and stick to your guns with your orders and consumption.

When you hit goal weight (won't be long now...!), you'll be the "skinny" one and ordering just an appy or side salad will fit right in with the wait staff's assumptions.

[kyllfalcon 768]

I very quietly mention to the waitstaff that I just had a little surgery and can't eat much. They nod knowingly and treat me like a queen the rest of the meal.

[emily_0192010 168]

Yes it has! Not very often because 1) I don't go out much and 2) when I do go out I go to my fave restaurant where my neighboor is a waitress and a good friend. So we ALWAYS sit in her section

Just last week a friend (who also has the sleeve) and I went out for "lunch". We wanted to share their one lunch dish and she came up with the brilliant excuse "we just want a snack". It worked... or so we thought... he ended up bringing us the dinner portion. Neither one of us realized it until we got the check :/ We ended up carrying out more than what we ate!

There are times when I really wish people would accept my order and not try to change it or analyze it. The ONLY time I did not have this problem was the 5 months I spent in NY, NY. I could order a burger, no bun. I could order only a side item. No one blinked an eye... they are used to people with picky and/or unusual eating habits.

[MegInNOLA 531]

I hear you. I have a system. Either I will nibble off of my husband's plate (he is a sleever, too, but can eat more than I can), or I will order something with this exact wording, "I would like the appetizer cup of Soup as my entree, please, and nothing to start." I also always "order" Water, even though I rarely drink it, because otherwise they worry about my not having something to drink.

When we're planning to share a meal, my husband orders and says, "We're going to share the ____, so we'll need an extra plate." Nobody ever gives us a hassle about it; I think restaurant portions are so big these days that it's not uncommon for people to share.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

Lol - yes.

One of the places it happens most frequently is where they know me and my Hubby well, we are actually friends - the mom is a recent immigrant from Lebanon, and has been told what was going on with me, but she just doesnt get it! She just feels as if she brings me the right thing, I will eat. She even had her son courrier over food one Saturday evening when Hunny was in cyprus - fish and chicken, hummus abd babba ganish (sp, I know), falaffel, rice pudding, backlavah, shwarmah with egg, couscous three different ways. lol. I had a brunch for my friends the next day, and had about 5 meals out of it, too!

[Dooter 1,457]

Before I jump into this rant, I want to let everyone know that many years ago I worked as a waitress. I know that it is some of the hardest work I've ever done, physically. The incentive is to "sell up" by selling alcoholic drinks, sides, pushing Desserts. They are making a living, and I respect that very much. That being said, can we talk about the art of listening to your customer?

Unfortunately, I come from family and friends who love getting together and eating out. And I should note most of them are at very healthy, ideal weights so I'm usually the "biggest" in the group. But whether they are extremely athletic or just have amazing genes, they can order the fried app, burger with fries and a few beers. I don't mind, the food is not the problem. I'm still in that great place where I'm rarely hungry and don't have cravings. Sometimes just seeing fried foods or the smell of greasy stuff can turn my stomach now. Call me lucky?

But what happens is that for some reason I'm the one the waitstaff likes to focus on. I'm the one that they ask, "Just the side salad with chicken? Are you sure that's all you want?" Or when I order the grilled shrimp appetizer, and ask them to hold the butter during cooking (please use olive oil) -- and they show up with the full entree with rice or mashed potato side. When I ask WTH, I get, "I'm sorry I thought that's what you wanted." When I'm thinking in my head, that I'm positive I said "appetizer" and even pointed to that section on the menu. Even when I order the side salad, I get the full meal portion. WTH? "I asked if it was going to be your meal and you said yes, so I figured you meant to order this one and not the side." They are all accommodating when I correct them, which I have to do in front of everyone, calling more attention to my new eating habits. They don't charge for the larger thing, take it back, etc. When they don't, I'm then trying to eat my 3-4oz of food, leaving what looks like an entire meal untouched on my plate, and I get the "Is everything OK with your meal?" question multiple times during the meal, again in front of everyone.

I get it. People are human, they make mistakes. But I do not remember waitstaff getting my order wrong so often before surgery. Of course, I'm presuming they're thinking, "The fat girl will not be happy with that little food, I'll give her more." But that's a slippery slope to presume their motivations.

I'm reaching a place where I don't look forward to these occasions, of eating out. It's not about the food, it's about how what/how little I'm eating is such a focus. I've used the "I don't feel well" or "I'm not that hungry" excuses, it gets me by, but it's getting old. Has this happened with anyone else?

Well, it's weird...I keep expecting this to happen....but I have not- not even one single time- had the slightest comment about anything i've ordered, eaten, not eaten, taken home, etc...

They just ask if I'd like a box, I say yes please, and that's it.

Maybe it's because I'm dining with a husband and three preteen boys, and I just kind of sink into the background? I don't know. I mean---it's FINE with me. I hate being conspicuous or gaining undue attention. I don't get second glance though.

[Wheetsin 714]

We went to a local Indian restaurant the other day. I ate what I could, and asked for a box for the rest. The waitress had THE OWNER come out and talk to me because I didn't eat my whole meal and she thought it must've been because I didn't like it, even though I told her at least 4 times I just wasn't that hungry (even before ordering). So here's the manager, kind of pawing over me, asking me why I don't eat more, why didn't I like it, could he get me something else, etc. and drawing quite the scene. I got annoyed, honestly -- it was so much work to try and put this guy at ease. I told him that I wouldn't have boxed it up if I didn't want it, so since I was taking it with me, all was good. I understand where he was coming from, but sheesh...

I've gotten questioning looks when I've just ordered a side. I had a waitress (with my band) offer me a "customer accomodation" - apprently a discount they can give you when you don't have enough money to pay for the food you ordered. She apparently thought I was doing it to be cheap.

Mostly people just want to ask me an obnoxious number of times whether or not it was OK, was it not prepared well, etc.

I thought I could curb it by saying up front, "Go ahead and bring me a box when you bring the food, because I won't eat it all." But nope.

My parents are the opposite. They both have lapbands. When they order, they tend to say things like, "We don't eat very much. We both have lapbands. So we won't eat a lot. Because we both have lapbands we just want to split a small. Our lapbands won't let us eat any more than that." Unfortunately, it seems the majority of their wait staff has never heard of a lapband. They tend to get responses like, "Uh...ok.... " and then I've heard them asking the other wait staff "What's a slap band?"

[Wheetsin 714]

^ if it were good service/concern, I get it. But the same waitstaff is leaving my glass empty and brining out the wrong food, so I'm not so sure. I think they just like to make the fat girl squirm.

[deltadawn817 106]

yes I have been getting is everything ok with your meal. What has helped that is I ask for a box to go early one and box up what I can't eat right then and there.

[Bubbaloo10 55]

This is no problem at all for me because I don't mind telling anyone and everyone about this miracle surgery I just had. My wife and I usually share a meal and even then, we sometimes wind up taking some if it home with us. When I order something small for myself and don't eat more than 3 ounces, I am sure to tell the wait staff that it was very good but I can only eat 3 or 4 ounces at a time.

[DuranFan1969 119]

My doctor gave me a little card to keep with me any time I go out to eat that indicates I'm a person who has had surgery and requires small portions or to order from the kiddie menu. I'm only 5 days post-op today so haven't had a chance to take it for a spin, but I'm thinking it may help.

[Amanda 3.0 140]

I haven't had many comments at all. I can think of two incidents in the past six months.

I do go ahead and order a glass of Water since most of the time I am going to get one even if I say no.

Yesterday, at brunch, I did see the waiter's eyebrow go up when he saw how little I had eaten, and he did ask if my meal was okay. Another time, a waitress was quite alarmed, thinking I didn't like my curry (which was the best, ever).

When they ask that, I tell them it is "delicious" or "perfect" so that they don't keep on about it, which has worked so far. I'm sure I'll get a super pushy waiter one of these days.

[AliveAgain 283]

My doctor gave me a little card to keep with me any time I go out to eat that indicates I'm a person who has had surgery and requires small portions or to order from the kiddie menu. I'm only 5 days post-op today so haven't had a chance to take it for a spin, but I'm thinking it may help.

I have one, but have yet to use it when I'm with people other than my husband because he's the only one who knows I had the surgery. And I've done all the tricks: To-go box before eating, sharing with my husband (we do this at most meals), telling them it's quite delicious and I'm very satisfied. Once, we got the bento box at our fave sushi place -- I eat the sashimi and some edamame. The waitress asked if I wanted to order an extra soup/rice since it only comes with one. I was very nice, told her "No thank you, I'm not that hungry" and she brought it anyway. She said, "I don't want you to be hungry!" I was perplexed as though she thought I would get enraged and take it out on her after declining.

Ugh, I know it's something I'll always have to deal with. Maybe it has to do with where I live, customer service seems to be on the decline everywhere I go lately not just in the food industry.