Why Can't I See Me The Way Everyone Else Does Now

[Supersweetums 1,164]

I hope I do not get a lot of backlash, but I just need someone to talk to. I am 18 months post op and I have finally reached my goal weight. I have went from a size 20-22 to a size 6 and have lost 81lbs since surgery and 121lbs from my highest. The problem is I struggle everyday trying to wrap my head around my new body. I look at other women and always wish I was as small as them, and then my husband says "You Are", but I just can't seem to believe him. I go into stores, and the sales clerk will say I need a size small, and I know I do, but it still almost feels wrong. Even when I look at more recent pictures of myself, I still struggle. I have been heavy my entire life, right from Kindergarten. I was constantly teased and ridiculed for much of my life. So it is a lifetime of body image issues to try to overcome. Plus, I also have pretty bad skin hanging in my stomach and arms, but cannot afford plastics at the moment..so I am sure that does not help. I have been going for counseling to try to deal with my issues.

Is there anyone else out there that has really struggled?? What helped you to overcome it??

[alipie69 1]

I hope I do not get a lot of backlash' date=' but I just need someone to talk to. I am 18 months post op and I have finally reached my goal weight. I have went from a size 20-22 to a size 6 and have lost 81lbs since surgery and 121lbs from my highest. The problem is I struggle everyday trying to wrap my head around my new body. I look at other women and always wish I was as small as them, and then my husband says "You Are", but I just can't seem to believe him. I go into stores, and the sales clerk will say I need a size small, and I know I do, but it still almost feels wrong. Even when I look at more recent pictures of myself, I still struggle. I have been heavy my entire life, right from Kindergarten. I was constantly teased and ridiculed for much of my life. So it is a lifetime of body image issues to try to overcome. Plus, I also have pretty bad skin hanging in my stomach and arms, but cannot afford plastics at the moment..so I am sure that does not help. I have been going for counseling to try to deal with my issues.

Is there anyone else out there that has really struggled?? What helped you to overcome it??[/quote']

Good for you , yeah I can't see what other see. When I shop I always grab for the big sizes smh thinking I still need them . I went from s30/32 to 20-22 pants and 16/18 in dresses or just xl when I so use to 3-4x in something's so I feel I it takes time to get use to I'm only 4 mths post- op and I have like 54 lbs to go. I'm so happy for you and my highest wt 350- 249 now. So be proud of your accomplishments. Ali

[lsereno 2,525]

Supersweetums,

I think it's great you are going for counseling for the issues you describe. I do think it takes time to relearn or learn for the first time what it means to be our goal size. I have a hard time selecting the right size clothes still. I sometimes see fat legs and arms even though I no longer have them. And bathing suit fitting room - ugh!!!

One thing that helps is I look in a full length mirror every day after getting dressed. I use a three way mirror when trying on clothes.

Plus I consciously think about my new size and what it means as far as moving through three dimensional spaces, bending over, holding my knees closer together, holding my arms closer to my sides and even sitting closer to the table or desk.

I do walk a lot too. I think that helps me get used to walking more erectly instead of kinda hunched from the extra weight.

I've got a ways to go, but I am comfortable with the progress I'm making. I have it easier than some because I was naturally thin until my 30s, so I do remember how it felt to be a normal weight adult.

Best wishes on your journey.

Lynda

[LouiseC 1,031]

Have you considered hypnotism? Some would say it is radical but it does work on changing how you think about things.

Congratulations on achieving goal, this is so awesome.

Sent from my iPad using VST

[jhansen71 257]

I had lost a lot of weight a few years back and went through some pretty rough personal things and gained it all back and then some. The smallest I got was a size 12 and I was very fit. However, I remember feeling like people were staring at me while I was shopping because I didn't belong in a regular size department. I know it was in my head, but never the less, I never felt small until I gained my weight back.

It was probably a good experience to go through since now I am back down to a 14 and they are getting loose. This time around I seem to care less what others think and I'm just focused on me. I think we all have some type of body dismorphia having been obese and it will take time to work through it. Good luck to you and please know you are not alone in how you feel. Congrats on all your success!

[thinoneday 445]

supersweetums, don't feel bad, I'm out 3 years and dont "get it" yet either. . the other day I went to a waterpark with my family and there was this lady whom, in my eyes, wasn't big, just strongly built. . .i asked my hubbie if i am about her shape, he said "oh no!" I got a small tinge of hurt and asked "I'm bigger right?" He said "are you crazy, your way smaller then her!" I looked at this lady and couldn't believe that I was smaller then she was. To me she looked fine, I still see myself as very large. I guess it takes a long time to wrap your brain around all this huh? I still don't like to look at myself in mirrors or my reflection in the window. I still see a very large girl looking back and still walk with my head down so I don't see the stares of other people. . . amazing what abuse for so many years has done to us . . . so sad

[skinnygirlblu 0]

I am almost two years out I have the same issues I recently wanted to start back trying to lose weight again vs maintence

[Miriam 50]

Funny, but just tonight I mentioned to someone that until now, the only way I really knew that I had lost lots of weight (other than the scale) was the fact that I keep on fitting into smaller size clothes - I just couldn't see the change in the mirror (other than my face) - my body still looks so fat to me (OK, to be honest, there's still plenty more fat to burn, but it's considerably less than there was a few months ago). Then, tonight, I saw a video that had a short clip of me shot just 2 or 3 weeks ago, and wow - for some reason the video showed me what the mirror didn't. That made me realize that I look like I'm at almost normal weight nowadays (and the camera tends to ADD pounds!) - it was a real shock for me! The person I was telling this to couldn't wrap her head around it - she's been pretty much the same (average) weight (+-5 lbs. at any given point) for years, and is perfectly comfortable with her size. I told her it'll probably take me a year, if not much longer, to actually match my body image to my body size. So I definitely do feel you.

[Zino 39]

I have some of the same issues. I am still losing (70 lbs) I have a picture of myself before surgery and a current picture of my progress next to each other. I look at them every day when I get up, and feel better about my progress knowing that it is a new journey that I take every day. Just keep telling yourself you deserve to be healthier and happier every day, and believe it.

[Lissa 2,631]

I spent several hours last night talking to a guy who has lost 176 pounds with his sleeve about just this issue. He gave me a lot of tips for dealing with seeing myself as way bigger than I am (plus several compliments, lol). He said that looking at your own before/after pictures is a great thing to do, along with keeping a few clothing items from your biggest period and trying them on occasionally. He also told me that he still has days where he gets up and still thinks he's his former size. He calls them his "fat days".

We got into lots of subjects, but this one is my bugaboo these days and it's the toughest one for me to wrap my head around. I still see Fat Lissa in the mirror, even though I'm down 110 pounds. One of my problems is that I tend to focus on the bad areas, like my tummy and loose arm skin, rather than seeing how far I've come. I'm still a work in progress, though, and it IS getting better.

[Capt Derel 287]

I spent several hours last night talking to a guy who has lost 176 pounds with his sleeve about just this issue. He gave me a lot of tips for dealing with seeing myself as way bigger than I am (plus several compliments' date=' lol). He said that looking at your own before/after pictures is a great thing to do, along with keeping a few clothing items from your biggest period and trying them on occasionally. He also told me that he still has days where he gets up and still thinks he's his former size. He calls them his "fat days".

We got into lots of subjects, but this one is my bugaboo these days and it's the toughest one for me to wrap my head around. I still see Fat Lissa in the mirror, even though I'm down 110 pounds. One of my problems is that I tend to focus on the bad areas, like my tummy and loose arm skin, rather than seeing how far I've come. I'm still a work in progress, though, and it IS getting better. [/quote']

Me too. Big D aint so big anymore but I still see Big D in the mirror lol. Its terrible but I know that I am not as big as I feel. My dad said to me yesterday "Son your at 229 today. Your a stocky boy and theres not much more that you can lose. I just worry that you wont stop and shrivel away."

I tell myself 180lbs my lowest limit possible. We will see shortly wont we lol.

Btw I am 228 today. 101 lbs lost

[Supersweetums 1,164]

Thanks everyone. I did keep a pair of my pants, and I have before pictures too. I am like you Lissa, I tend to focus on all the bad parts that I don't like instead of focusing on how good I have done. I am a size and a weight that I never imagined even possible, and even grabbing clothes to buy is surreal. I am terrible for comparing myself to other women and I keep thinking...I wish I was a small as them, when in reality, I am but can't seem to wrap my head around it. I am hoping it will come with time!

[Lissa 2,631]

Derel, YOu're proof that men lose faster than we girls lose!!

[Globetrotter 1,340]

supersweetums, don't feel bad, I'm out 3 years and dont "get it" yet either. . the other day I went to a waterpark with my family and there was this lady whom, in my eyes, wasn't big, just strongly built. . .i asked my hubbie if i am about her shape, he said "oh no!" I got a small tinge of hurt and asked "I'm bigger right?" He said "are you crazy, your way smaller then her!" I looked at this lady and couldn't believe that I was smaller then she was. To me she looked fine, I still see myself as very large. I guess it takes a long time to wrap your brain around all this huh? I still don't like to look at myself in mirrors or my reflection in the window. I still see a very large girl looking back and still walk with my head down so I don't see the stares of other people. . . amazing what abuse for so many years has done to us . . . so sad

Gosh, ThinOneDay, that is so very true, like abused dogs ...

SuperSweetums - As you can see, many of us share this issue, I for one would actually like to see a subforum created on VST that specifically deals with just this. I mean, look around, this is a very common and serious issue! If you go to my profile you will see before and current photos of me, I only posted them this week because of my 2 year surgiversary and looking at the before photo, I don't feel a difference between me then and me now. I FULLY expect to not fit into chairs, I FULLY expect for nothing to fit at the store, I FULLY expect that the looks I get in public are derisive and making me an object of ridicule. Friends tell me that I am tiny, not in weight (I'm 50 lbs from goal still) but in overall bone structure. They clearly mean it, and I am startled when it's proven to me, but I still don't "feel" it.

Call it body dysmorphia, or our minds not yet catching up to our bodies, but it is a realy thing and you are not alone.

I kept one bra from Before, it was very $$ and beautiful and a 44H, I am now a 34DDD and will hopefully someday be a 32C so it is a good reminder. I did not keep any clothes, but I think I might go to the Goodwill and find a pair of pants in a 26/28, because there is no denying that I really did wear that size - I distinctly remember! So maybe the visual will help me comprehend.

[Lissa 2,631]

On this issue, my best friend is home on R&R from Iraq. She came over yesterday and I could see the shock on her face! She told me that she "knows" it's me because I sound and act like me, but that I don't really look like the Lissa in her head because I'm so much smaller than I was when she left 5 months ago.

We spent the whole day together, including spending some time playing pool against my workout partner and the WP's hubby. In my mind, I'm much bigger than my WP, but my friend says that I'm a good bit smaller than WP is overall. Bestie says that I am way more toned, too, which I don't see. I guess it's time for me to take a picture with WP and look for the differences between us because I seem to be able to see the changes in pictures much more easily than in the mirror.