Lack Of Support

[skane10 64]

M just so frustrated and needed to hear from someone if they have experienced it. My surgery is 6/25 with Dr Garcia in TJ. I have not told anyone except my spouse. My work thinks I'm having GYN surgery. Today I told my best fried who was horrified. She is about 5'5 and 300 lbs. I thought she would be supportive but all she could say was how losing weight won't make me happy and it isn't safe to have surgery in Mexico where I could die. She thinks TJ is a @hithole. Mg hubby was watching cooking channels today while my tummy was grumbling on my shakes and broth. Totally clueless. U don't expect him to support me either when I get home because he wasn't there to take care of me through two c sections, spinal surgery or our child in the hospital. I guess what I'm asking is how do other people deal with this nonsense?

[karenb4729 309]

I think what makes this surgery hard is the lack of support from people if you mention that you are having weight loss surgery. I have told very few people because in the past when I mentioned WLS they were all horrified too that I would think of "mutilating" my body for no good reason... after all if I diet on my own and stick to it I would love the weight. Anyway - I learned that the only person that can really support me, is me!! My husband is supportive but clueless but I will take it anyway.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

told my best friend who was horrified

unfortunately many friends might be honestly jeolous of you - or sincerely concerned on how things will turn out for you.

Your friends who are overweight - are maybe thinking she is losing me, her "fat" friend, now who will I go out to dinner with? or just have good tiimes eating with.

people who give negative feedback - just don't listen to, ignore, make your statement how you are going to do this, your excited about changing your life, and whateverelse you can think of.

Its sad your DH doesn't really support/help you - clueless. Hopefully you'll find someone else who has experienced what you will be going through, or will be sleeved

maybe you could find a support group in your area.

6/25/2012 - will be here before you know it

good luck, you'll do great

Remember you always have us

kathy

[lynnz 13]

Im going July 17 to Dr Garcia too. I have only told a handful of people, the ones I know who would wither be supportive or just not have an opinion. Its really hard..I really want to tell my mom, who is skinny as a rail and always has been, but she will have a fit! I am telling everyone that im going to a class the week im gone. Sucks but its better than hearing everyones crap and opinions. You know where your support group is.. and this site is also great!! Your biggest fan should be YOU!! You can do it and it will be OK!! I'd love to hear about your experience when you get back!!!

[LacieMC 136]

Just ignore it. Im 5 months out and i love it when I get dressed in the mornings. Every person in my life told me i was bat $#!% crazy. I went into my surgery expecting a crappy place and i made that my reality. I have had zero complications and i have never felt better about me. Who cares if they support you or not! My parents wouldn't even say good bye...now they are my number one fan. Its their fear...dont allow it to become yours. My hubby was the same way. He withdrew...as if expecting i would not make it home. He was pissed i made this decision, he is not pissed anymore LOL!

At work, i tell people ive been exercising and limiting my portions. That gets respect. Anything else...and its like a free pass for normally intelligent people to let their stupid come out.

Hang in their and do me a favor...its rather cheesy...but go to YouTube and listen to miley cirus's song "the climb"...then again...and again.make it your "I'm pretty impressed with my self" song. You got this!

[Dooter 1,457]

M just so frustrated and needed to hear from someone if they have experienced it. My surgery is 6/25 with Dr Garcia in TJ. I have not told anyone except my spouse. My work thinks I'm having GYN surgery. Today I told my best fried who was horrified. She is about 5'5 and 300 lbs. I thought she would be supportive but all she could say was how losing weight won't make me happy and it isn't safe to have surgery in Mexico where I could die. She thinks TJ is a @hithole. Mg hubby was watching cooking channels today while my tummy was grumbling on my shakes and broth. Totally clueless. U don't expect him to support me either when I get home because he wasn't there to take care of me through two c sections, spinal surgery or our child in the hospital. I guess what I'm asking is how do other people deal with this nonsense?

Your friend doesn't want to lose her fat buddy. She'll be all alone and wants to be thin so bad she can taste it! And forgive me, but Mr. MAN needs a good swift kick in the 4$$ and to be there for his wife!! That can be depressing not having any support system around you.

We will be your cheerleaders!! We understand and know you are making a great decision for your life. A lot of people with no support have had to rely on the folks here at VST for the shot in the arm they need. Keep coming around when you need some uplifting!!

Fortunately for you, the surgery has a pretty quick recovery time. Nothing like back surgery, and not even as bad as a C section. Can't wait to see your results! keep us informed...

[buffalogal 52]

One of my only friends who knows came over tonight to try to talk me out of it. Then, she proceeded to tell me about her fast in which she is eating bentonite and when it's over she will magically be able to keep the weight off. I just let her go on. I may hold of st telling anyone else at this point. It's too unpredictable.

[chitowngirl 885]

Your friend may be worried out of ignorance, most likely she doesn't know much about procedure and she prob doesnt know much about how stuff goes down in Mexico. Just have confidence in your decision and know that you are doing the right thing for yourself.

[thetruedream 54]

Skane10 , I know what you mean, I haven't told nobody just my cousin and my husband. Even though I'm Mexican my parents will not approve me having that surgery or the rest of my family.. my cousin wishes me the best luck and she tells me that if she had money she would join me for us to experience This journey together unfortunately she is in a really bad economically.. my husband like you said I don't expect.no support from him .. he wasn't there with any of.my 5 surgery in the past besides my two kids.. so I'm lost there .. I just have my cousins support and here This forum..

Don't listen to your friend is just jealousy of her. Keep on with your decision its not just for you to look better but for your health. That's the way I see it.. I want to be here for my kids and family.

Best wishes,

Hugs...

[thetruedream 54]

I'm having my surgery in tj with Almanza in august 10.. when is yours and who's your doctor

[skane10 64]

I have to say thank you everyone for support. It is surreal for me that I'm having surgery next week.

Thetrudream: I'm having surgery 6/25 with Dr Garcia. I've been experimenting with shake recipes got my post op diet.

[StormWarning 194]

I too hit a brick wall with this. My husband and kids (ages 15 & 11) are my biggest supporters. My mom freaked out. First over the surgery itself and now over Mexico. My dad on the other hand says he backs me 100% but asked me to promise that I would come back home through the tears in his eyes. My best friend was almost like my mom. Of course she is a nice size 12, and gave me the honey your not that fat. You don't need surgery. I seriously hate that "your not that big/fat" statement. Live a week in my body and then tell me that. Because of all the negativity I have received I have decided to not tell anyone else until after the fact. I am strong willed and my windshield wipers are still good but I don't need anymore mudd slung my way.

[Lissa 2,631]

All you can do is hold your head up high and ignore the haters. This surgery is life-saving for many of us, no matter what negative people want to say. Once your results are showing, they will all be singing a different tune and saying how proud of you they are. My husband (STBEx) was so negative that he actually told me I just needed "to eat less and exercise" instead of having surgery. I flipped him the bird and kept moving forward. Now, 100 pounds lighter, he tells me and everyone else how proud of me he is and how happy he is that I'm doing "great things for my health". @@

Just do what you know is right and come here for your support!

[Beanzilla 14]

People are afraid of change, and I think lack of knowledge sometimes makes people say/do some really dumb things. To echo what others have written already, you have a support system here (which I know is not the same as having one in person), and you are doing this for you. Hopefully people will start coming around and being supportive after your surgery. Good luck.

I'm lucky that so far everyone has been really excited for me, which also bugs me a little because it kind of makes me feel like they all secretly met and were like "yeah, she's huge, she needs to do something about it." But I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth and I'll just be happy people are supportive. My husband has been supportive too, except he still isn't understanding that my diet has to change, and I have to keep explaining it, which is frustrating. But I think he is scared, and when he is that way, he gets goofy about things. See, his ex lost a lot of weight, and her personality changed (and she started having afairs left and right), so he is afraid the same will happen with me. I've had to reassure him that I will still be me, but I'll just be smaller. Me 2.0, if you will.

The only problem I've had is people giving me grief about going to Tj. I just tell them that it's safer than Detroit, and I go to Detroit all the time. That usually shuts them up!

[geno5150 168]

The way I look at it, I am doing this surgery for ME! I don't need anyone's approval because I have my own personal reasons and issues I am tackling.