Day 5...sick...think, Charlotte From Sex And The City

[CJ_Redux 137]

OK so I'd been reading other people's posts saying that after the 3rd or 4th day of preop, things get easier. So I woke up this morning, day 5 of my preop diet, feeling ok and hopeful that my knawing desire for macaroni and cheese with chicken would have subsided. Little did I know what this day had in store for me...

So I get to work and I'm cool, not even hungry. I decide to have some sugar-free dark chocolate pudding and of course, Water. Mmmm Mmmm! pudding is smooth and creamy and tastes great! I mean it really was satisfying!

Fast forward about 1 hour, I'm in a meeting that's just getting under way. All of a sudden I hear a rumbling in my stomach. Hmmm, that was strange. Oh well... Then, it happens again...and again, getting louder each time. I know this feeling... Last time I felt it was right after my gallbladder was removed. At that time I had been warned: "When you feel like you have to "go", get to a bathroom...ASAP!"

So 5 minutes into the meeting, I get up to excuse myself and as I'm walking to the restroom...I start to feel like I'm not gonna make it. So now i'm trying to run/walk to the restroom without looking like I'm run/walking to the restroom!!!

Luckily, I make it to the toilet in time. (You thought I was gonna tell you I pooped my pants, didn't you? Disappointed? Keep reading...)

So I'm sitting there, in pain. I mean my stomach is twisted like someone wringing out a newly washed garment. I'm praying to God, Allah, Rastafari, the universe, baby Jesus AND Tom Cruise! Just anyone to help me deal with the pain I felt as I pooped. I literally could feel it moving thru my intestines. And I'm wondering how is it I could be pooping so much anyway?? I've had nothing but broth, yogurt, Jello and pudding for the past 4+ days!!

And if that wasn't bad enough...oh boy, now I'm getting that increase in saliva...you know, that stuff you get when you're about to throw up? Yep!

BLAAAAAAGH!!!!!! All over the floor in front of me. Oh.My.God!!!

You do recall I ate chocolate pudding, right? Imagine how that looked on the restroom floor...

So now I'm pooping in the toilet and vomiting brown stuff all over the floor. Dear God...

I finally get to a point where I think I'm done and I try to clean up the mess I made...AT WORK. I wipe up the poop-looking vomit as best I can, even though it splashed on the walls and my shoes and my slacks. I make it to the sink to wash my hands. And before I can even dry them, i get that rumbling again and head right back to the same stall I just defamed.

This happens 2 more times before I'm all done.

By now, the hour long meeting I ran out of is done, and people are wondering what happened to me as i weakly try to just get back to my desk. And I have to sit there for about a half hour just to get to a point where I felt OK to leave.

It was mortifying! And my question to all you sleeved, post-preop people is:

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE WARN ME??????????????????????

I should mention that I never eat sugar-free stuff, and everything I've eaten this week is stuff I don't normally ever eat. I guess my body got sick and tired of Jello and pudding and decided NO MORE!

Now, I don't even know what to eat for the rest of this diet! I can't stomach the shakes and I'll burn in hell before I eat anything else with "sugar free" written on the label!!

WTH am I gonna do???

You can stop laughing now...

[joyful noise 101]

I get it coming "out both ends" when I have anything with aspertame in it. No problems with Sucralose ( splenda) yet.

[JennyB 25]

Did you make the pudding or was it store bought? Since surgery I cannot eat store bought SF pudding without emergency trips to the bathroom. If I make it myself with my lactaid I am just fine!

[CJ_Redux 137]

@JennyB, it was store bought.

[got2bme 4]

Oh CJ

I feel so bad for you. I am just contemplating surgery so I'm glad you are sharing, but I pray things start to get better for you. I must tell you that I don't know what you do for a living, but you should consider writing. While I couldn't help but feel bad for you. I could still see your sense of humour through your pain. Again I hope things start to look up for you very soon, keep us updated.

[anais02 8]

Sorry, but i could it help it (LOL) I know what you mean it feels terrible... lucky me it was only the run to toilet.... it will get better know you know that pudding is not your best friend.... I hope you fill better.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

This post reads like an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant".

I was just about to break out the cigars.

[CJ_Redux 137]

Oh CJ

I feel so bad for you. I am just contemplating surgery so I'm glad you are sharing, but I pray things start to get better for you. I must tell you that I don't know what you do for a living, but you should consider writing. While I couldn't help but feel bad for you. I could still see your sense of humour through your pain. Again I hope things start to look up for you very soon, keep us updated.

Thanks! I do write some...when I'm not busy watching TV. LOL!

Actually I'm working on a blog...this little fiasco will definitely be one of my posts.

[CJ_Redux 137]

@Butterthebean, I've never seen that show. Sounds like some sort of Jerry Springer spin-off. LOL!

My day was more like Bridesmaids. Whew!!!

[Krysty 11]

Wow! I guess I've been lucky because that has never happened to me since being sleeved. That must have felt awful! I hope the boss at least let you go home early!

[Marty McSkinnystein 342]

I couldn't stop laughing-- you're like the best comedy writer- great timing.

So....um......I'll get it back though because I'm a month away.

Hey! Thanks for the warning...*snicker*

[lunabella007 37]

Wow! That's awful! In the beginning you had me with macaroni and cheese with chicken, but then you just made that thought fly from my mind as fast as speedy gonzales!

I'm so sorry you got so sick! You're a hilarious writer though!

[kimmy*custis 276]

OMG Carla, I had to laugh but I am soo sorry you had that horrible experience. It had to be the sweetener in that pudding. Best of luck finding stuff your sleevie likes!

[NenaLinda 20]

That's scary! My surgery date is coming soon so I appreciate the warning!

[shangefan 193]

OMG! I am sorry that you had this experience, but I am so appreciative for your post. I have been guffawing.