Near And Yet So Far, Then I Chickened Out And Decided No Surgery.

[AdeleRN 6]

Okay, this is a pretty long story but I really need some guidance, and am having second thoughts about my second thoughts. My journey for the sleeve began in oct 2010, I made an appt to go to a seminar to an MD that was an hour away from my home, but he was rated a great Dr. and the hospital was a center of excellence. My husband and I went and decided to wait a bit and get some more information, I kind of felt as they were not really interested in "our" well being but just to make a $. Besides the surgeon wasn't there that night, we were told that he never takes a vacation and this was the week that he decided to go. So we waited and before I knew it it was april or so, so I called again to the hospital to get more information about the surgery and

I was told why don't I go to the hospital that is only 15 minutes from my house. I knew there was the same named hospital closer but when I told the staff that I wanted a hospital and Dr. that were from a center of excellence she told me that "the only thing that makes a hospital a center of excellence is the number of surgeries that the hospital performs, and that the closer hospital was very close to that number". At this point I decided that I would continue really persuing the surgery at the closer hospital.So again i was told that it had been more than 6 months and they suggest goin to another seminar and to meet the surgeon, again my husband and I attended. Two days later I was at work,( I work for a different hospital that had JUST started doing sleeves, and I did not trust them to do mine, I liked the doctors fine, but not enough experience you know, plus I didn't want the people I work with caring for me after surgery.)and I happened to see a doctor that I knew that had an ID badge with my hospital on one side and the "closer hospital" on the other, so I asked his opinion, "What do you think of Dr. ----?" and he said "he doesnt work there any more".I said that's impossible I just went to one of his bariatric seminars two days ago, he said I'm not sure about the name, sorry I might be mistaken", but I could see he was racking his brain that he couldn't remember for sure. I went about my day and then later he came up to me and said "whatever you do, DON'T HAVE THE SURGERY WITH HIM!!!!!! I can't go into more detail with you about it but just trust me on this'. He even told me to go and have the surgery with the original Dr. in the hospital an hour away instead. I was totaly freaked out. Neadless to say I never heard from that Dr. again, I didn't call the office to persue the surgery with him. Around May or June I got a letter from his office stating that all of his patients had been refered to "the original Dr. at the Original hospital", i't seems this Dr. has fallen off the face of the earth, I cant research him anywhere.Strange Huh, wait it gets better! Now my husband decides that he is going to come to my hospital and see the Dr.'s there, because now they have launched a "bariactric Dept". so he goes and meets with the Dr. for the first session and likes him. Less than a month later this Dr. DIES IN A HOUSE FIRE!!!! Okay, I dont know about you but now I am feeling like this is a bit too much of someone trying to tell me something, like I am not supposed to be doing this. BUT I have REALLY REALLY REALLY WANTED THIS for sooooooo long. So I decided that I would make the one hour drive to see the center of excellence doctor and hospital. I started by again going to the seminar which is required in August of 2011. Then as per my husbands insurance requirements of 6 months "OUR" first appt with the nutritionist was in Sept 2011, we went every month for 6 months and were finally finished in Feburary 2012.( My starting weight was 275 and I completed at 237. I had lost 38 pounds on my own, with just the nutritionists help)In January 2012 I had the Pychological requirement, ($300.00 out of pocket later). In the end of January 2012 my husband had gotten a new job, and that insurance didnt require 6 months of nutrition, just 5 years of documented obesity. so I provided all the information and the doctors office submitted my papers, ALL OF THEM. I WAS DENIED!!!! Apparently one of my doctors about 5 years ago stated my height as 5'8" and with the weight documented ,it pushed me out of the range,(this was the doctors office that I had to wait three weeks for them to have their records pulled from storage). I was crushed, and it sent me into a depression, at first I said I am going to appeal to my coordinater when she told me(forgot to tell you, the person who knew me really well and even remembered me from the year before, left to have a baby and I had to deal with someone who didn't really even know the job)I am 5'6",235 pounds, so I decided NO surgery,there were too many obsticles.my husband said to me "honey I have never seen to give up on something so fast, you are not a quitter but lets look at the history.

1- first I picked a hospital too far.

2- then I choose a closer hospital, doctor falls off face of earth.

3 -then I chose to go to MY hospital, doctor tragically dies in house fire.

4 -decide to go back to original hospital (far far far).

5 -go thru 6 months of nutrition counsiling.(driving 1 hour each way for a 20 minute session)(don't mind now, because I lost 38 pounds and learned alot)

7 -husband changes insurance,need to wait for new insurace to kick in

8 -need to wait for old primary to get records from storage to come in

9- denial letter for **1** episode of wrong height!

At this point I really thought that there was someone trying to tell me something. I mean how many obsticles have to be thrown in front of you before you get it? Please understand I know there are people out there dealing with way worse things than this, and I am not trying to take away from them. I really just need some advice and help with this decision, the surgeons office called me this week and asked me about the appeal letter I said I was going to send, and I told her I needed some more time. I am having second thoughts about NOT having the surgery now, at first I was relieved and felt like it was the right decision, but now I am second guessing myself. My husband is supportive and will go with anything I chose to do but I am confused now. I see the scale going up little by little because I havent been following my rules, I spent money on all those little bowls and dishes, and measuring cups and containers. I don't know if I can do it on my own like I thought I could when I got the rejection letter. Anything you guys can say will be a help I have been following this website for over a year, and I know that it has helped me and given me inspiration in the past, now I really need it. Blessings to all of you, as your journeys start, are in process or are completed.

A true friend in need, Adele

[jazzyjay 33]

I can understand you having second thoughts after all that you have been through. The only thing that I can tell you is to revisit all the reasons that you originally wanted to have surgery and to pray and ask God for guidance. You may have had all these issues to help keep you motivated and to push you to have a greater success when you finally have surgery. If none of your original reasons for having surgery are different then I think you should continue to pursue it. I pray that all turns out well for you.

[AdeleRN 6]

Jazzyjay, Thank you for responding to me, as a woman of GOD, I was believing that he was trying to tell me something, but I havent spent time really praying about it. Congratulations on your loss so far and I thank you for your prayers and also wish you prayers and well wishes.

[RawrrAshleex3 137]

That's crazy, I'd be scared out of getting it!!! That's one too many co-inkidinks for me! :/

[Lissa 2,631]

Adele, I'm thinking you were led to post this for a reason. I'm sending you a PM. I have some information for you that may help you make up your mind about doctors.

[DelongH 2]

Whatever your decision is you need to be 100% comfortable with. Yes there have been many obstacles but remember things happen for a reason. We may not know it the time but I believe thea man upstairs knows what he's doing. Whatever your decision is you have a support system right here. Hugs and prayers coming your way.

[Marty McSkinnystein 342]

I backed a week before- 3 years ago.

I was to get RNY and was really afraid of the malabsorption issues but went through all the hoops anyway... even though the date was bad for me too.

I had a horrible feeling it just wasn't right and I couldn't ignore it- it wasn't like fear, it was like a voice saying DONT DO IT.

Then I found out this year -- same weight 3 years later-- that the surgeon I had originally wanted does sleeve AND my insurance now covers it- and probably won't with our new contract next year. So perfect timing.

P.S. I made an appt. to start therapy the day I cancelled the operation...because I thought I'll figure out why first. (Now I've come a long way-- but I kind of believe the reverse is better- take out the food then deal- that's when the real issues will come up).

[IMSKINNY 160]

I backed a week before- 3 years ago.

I was to get RNY and was really afraid of the malabsorption issues but went through all the hoops anyway... even though the date was bad for me too.

I had a horrible feeling it just wasn't right and I couldn't ignore it- it wasn't like fear' date=' it was like a voice saying DONT DO IT.

Then I found out this year -- same weight 3 years later-- that the surgeon I had originally wanted does sleeve AND my insurance now covers it- and probably won't with our new contract next year. So perfect timing.

P.S. I made an appt. to start therapy the day I cancelled the operation...because I thought I'll figure out why first. (Now I've come a long way-- but I kind of believe the reverse is better- take out the food then deal- that's when the real issues will come up).[/quote']

Have you discussed your fear with your therapist? That person can probably help you conquer it! Sometimes life is about timing. Maybe it wasn't meant to be at the time. But, now things seem to be falling into place. I asked God to show me the way on this one. He will do the same for you!

[Lissa 2,631]

Adele, I believe the obstacles aren't there to tell you NOT to do the surgery. I think you're being steered to whatever doctor God has chosen for you. No matter what, you have to be 100% confident in your doctor and in your choices. Until you are, no surgery is going to help. I sent you a PM about my experiences with a couple of bariatric surgeons, but I wanted to also tell you that I had a ton of hoops to jump through before surgery. I kept waffling about what surgery to get and what doctor to choose until I got an ultimatum...lose weight or die. That made my decisions crystal clear. I had to have the surgery and I had to take the risk. So far, I'm winning. You will decide what's right for you and I hope that you'll be 100% happy with your decision once you make it!!

Good luck!

[cr354 15]

If you count yourself as a Christian than the best answer has already been given, pray. I wish it were as simple as it sounds. I went to seminary. I should know the answers right? I don't. For me weight loss is something God wants me to accomplish. For my own health, for my own happiness, so I can see my kids grow old, and so I can fulfill the purposes He has created me for.

On a tangential note, there are many biases against people who are overweight. These are well documented throughout academic literature. The one that was the funniest, in a deeply disturbing way, is that over weight people hold a stronger bias against other overweight people. Now how does that make sense?

Trying to discern God's will by measuring the obstacles in front of you is always difficult. There are plenty of stories in the bible where people had to over come great obstacles to achieve what God had told them to do. (See David, Joshua, Joseph, and Paul, just to name a few). Paul on his way to Rome was imprisoned, shipwrecked, and then bitten by a poisons snake after swimming to shore from the shipwreck. Had that been me I probably would have thought God was telling me not to go to Rome and ran so fast it would have made people’s head spin. Fortunately, Paul was a far better man than I. If they had quit simply because there were things standing in their way they never would have fulfilled their obligation to God. But, there are also plenty of stories of those who found something in their path Balaam, Paul just to name a few. They believed God had put it there so they turned aside, went in another direction. My best advice then.... Pray, Pray and pray some more. It has taken me years to be able to get here and finally make this decision. I still have not been approved by the insurance so I am early in the process. But, I believe/am ashamed to admit it has come to surgery as my only option. I have tried weight loss every other way. Sometimes I lose weight but I always gain it back. If nothing else this journey that I am on has already taught me so much. I deal with stress poorly. Life is full of stress. If we do not find a way to deal with it without eating or turning to another addictions we are bound to a life of bondage. But, if I can loose the weight, with the help of a VSG, then I can at least have one more tool to help me learn to deal with stress in a better fashion.

That was kind of all over the place, and a bit soap boxy, but hopefully there was at least enough coherence for me to share my own story. Best of luck.

CR

[AdeleRN 6]

Thank you to so many that have answered me. I am glad to see that there are so many people that are willing to help a friend in need. I will take alll the advice under consideration, and already I have seen things from a different prospective. Please keep me in your prayers, and best wishes to you all. Adele

[Pookeyism 1,143]

Adele, I got your PM. I will respond I promise but this will take more time than I can offer at work. I will PM you by tomorrow evening.

Lissa responded too - good for you! She's very knowledgeable.

But Lissa, off the top, I can tell you I will not tell you to get the surgery. I will never TELL someome to do this...it seems to me you have made a list, and found alot of reasons to find a reason not to do it...so you know need to answer if you feel you are ready - it took me 10 years, and I think it needed to.

I do not think god is dropping you hints by a doctor being incompetent...or a hospital being close ro far away - If you needed a new automobile and the first dealer turned out to be a bit "used-car" ish, and such, you wouldn't take that as a sign you were meant to walk everywhere, or atay at home for the rest of your life...

Also there are probably more doctors in your area...But again I will respond more later.

I do understand you are worried, and what you are doing it very normal...I have seen people do it over breast cancer, type 1 diabetic diagnosis in a child, glaucoma in a spouse.

God gave you your tools. He may guide us, but He does not toy with us.

[DuranFan1969 119]

Adele, I believe the obstacles aren't there to tell you NOT to do the surgery. I think you're being steered to whatever doctor God has chosen for you. No matter what, you have to be 100% confident in your doctor and in your choices.

Lissa summed it up perfectly I think. I think God is looking out for you and putting roadblocks up on the places He doesn't feel are right for you. He will guide you where you need to be and it will be perfect.

I also see you are in Florida, not sure how far you are from Atlanta but my surgeon here was amazing. I am 3 days post op now and the experience through him, his staff and the hospital was absolutely top notch.

[SV2 57]

Author Joseph Campbell said that the cave you are most afraid to enter contains all the treasure.

So don't be afraid.

Also, don't be superstitious.

Overwhelmingly almost everyone who has the surgery has an increased quality of life, and would do it again.

Don't make this more complicated than it has to be.

[ladyarwenrose 14]

I struggled with my decision to do this as well. I feel your pain. It's overwhelming to hear/see everything that has happened to you so far. But I agree with the others. I beleive it's more a steering away from the bad doctors/hospitals then anything else. It took a lot of research for me to finally decide to go ahead with this. I thought about it for almost 10 years (secretly). As far as finding a doctor that was right for me? I lucked out and liked the first one I saw, and he uses the best hospital in my area. I originally wanted to do the lap band, but he does all three surgeries. I found them on www.lapband.com. they have a section where you can see doctors in your area that do the surgery. check it out, maybe it will give you some more idea's on who to see. and maybe start a topic here for people that are in Florida and ask who they go to see?

I'll keep you in my thoughts!

hugs