Introspection...or Just Plain Old Cold Feet!

[CJ_Redux 137]

Now that i'm getting down to the wire and ready to book my flight to MX for my surgery, I find that I've kind of paused momentarily. I'm asking myself, "Are you really going to do this?" It's sad, but I keep seeing food and thinking I'll never again be able to fully indulge. One of the reasons I want this surgery is to lose weight because I want to travel. But part of travel is eating the local cuisine. If I go to Italy, i want to eat pasta! If I go to central and south america, i want the spicy dishes with rice. But I don't know if I'll be able to truly enjoy food again.

This really is life-changing for me. On the one hand, I've tried for so long to lose weight. It's been in my thoughts every day, yet the more I think about it, the more weight I gain. So I know I need help. I see other people's success and I want it for myself, because I can see a new life for me...somewhat. I guess it's just that it almost feels like a death. A part of me has to die in order for another part of me to live. I want that, but it's unfamiliar. I have so many what if's.

What if I have complication after complication?

What if I can ever only eat a few bites?

What if I really could have done this through diet and exercise???

What if I die?

As I'm planning to purchase my plane ticket tomorrow (which makes the surgery a real event), I am getting scared. If I let go of food, who will I be?

Has anyone else ever questioned at the last minute?

OK, I'm going to bed. Maybe things will be clearer in the morning. G'nite!

[newgrandmother 725]

you are not alone. i was very scared but i thought god has a plan and its not in my control. ppl have tougher surgery than this. so try not to worry but i completly understand

[Lissa 2,631]

What if I have complication after complication? What if you don't have surgery and you have complication after complication? You could develop diabetes (like my aunt) and have to have 20+ surgeries to try and save your eyesight and your arm mobility, oh and your gangrenous foot because you stepped on a stone and developed a bruise but you didn't go to the doctor for treatment. For these 20+ surgeries, you spend about six months total in the hospital. One surgery versus 20+ surgeries. I chose One.

What if I can ever only eat a few bites? I'm 9 months out. I can eat about 6-8 oz at a meal. That's more than a few bites and more than enough for me to get to experience any flavors that I want to try.

What if I really could have done this through diet and exercise??? The age-old question. Could I have done it on my own? I doubt that I could have done it on my own AND kept the weight off my body.

What if I die? Do you drive on a daily basis? The risks of driving are higher than the risks of surgery.

As I'm planning to purchase my plane ticket tomorrow (which makes the surgery a real event), I am getting scared. If I let go of food, who will I be? Great question. This is your chance to reinvent yourself into a whole new person!

Has anyone else ever questioned at the last minute? I think every single person who has WLS questions themselves just before surgery. It's normal and natural.

You'll do fine! Good luck!!

[CanadianDot 11]

Has anyone else ever questioned at the last minute? I think every single person who has WLS questions themselves just before surgery. It's normal and natural.

I just wanted to say that I really like all of your posts. You have such a great way of putting things, and you always have smart and interesting things to say.

As for the OP: If you could have done it, don't you think you would have done it already? Haven't you already tried? I know that for me, I've tried and tried, and I'm exhausted of trying without help. There are more risks to me being so overweight than there are in that surgery, so I'm more than willing to try it. But I'm not you, and you have to feel right about it within yourself.

[Lissa 2,631]

Thanks, Dot. I just try to keep it real, but polite.

[CJ_Redux 137]

newgrandmother, Lissa and CanadianDot, thank you for the replies. It helps. You all are exactly right and it's all stuff I know is true 100%. Ugh! I'm just...I don't know...it's just so scary to think I might actually have a second chance at life.

[ThickChocolate 2]

Have u had your surgery yet CJ?

[CJ_Redux 137]

Have u had your surgery yet CJ?

I did! On June 23rd. Wrote a LONG post about the surgery day. You can read it here.

[alley-gator 96]

Cj thanks so much for sharing your story. I have never, in all my 13 surgeries, had one that didn't make me incredibly sick so I am NOT looking forward to the first 2 days preop, but glad to know thy others got through it and I will too!

[CJ_Redux 137]

Hi alley-gator. Yes you will get through it. I had my ups and downs...thank goodness I've made it to the other side. And for all the pre-op and post-surgery grief I had, i can now say it was SO WORTH IT! Good luck to you.