Pissed Off

[birdee 1]

Okay I am so pissed right about now. Some of you may or may not know that I have made the decision not to share my surgery with many people. Well I recently had a friend mention to me about getting the gastric bypass because they were failing at their weight loss efforts and pretty much exhausted with the whole thing. Well I broke down and shared my story, experiences, and information. Well that turned right around and kicked my in the but. My friend went for their pre op appointment today. She called and told me all about it! I started to suggest that she may want to read and be sure that this is what she wanted to do and it's not as easy as she thinks it is, and that the weight was not going to just fall off.....well I happened to mention that I should be at goal now but it's been a struggle for me and do you know she had the f*cking nerve to say that I wasn't doing what I suppose to do. Like all of the sudden she is the expert. I am hurt, mad, and PISSED. I already feel like a failur because of my progress and to have this person tell me " I am not doing what I suppose to." I am livid!!!!! You know I wish this person good luck, but to be real about it, I hope she struggles too. I want her to see that it's not as easy as surgery and 4 ounces. I am not a vindictive(sp?) person, but I just don't understand why someone say something like that to someone that was trying to help her. I should have just let her go with the gastric bypass (not that it's anything wrong with it) and kept my secret!!!!

Sorry for the anger, language and negativity. I just had to vent!!!!

So, for all of you all that are contemplating sharing your surgery, story, success and setbacks, be sure that they are not a santimounious b*tch!!!!

Birdee

[Janie Jackson 0]

i am sorry that you got so upset. i too have wanted my surgery to be somewhat a secret, without out and out lying. because it just seems to be my business and my imediate familys only. also i didnot want constant questions about how much weight i have lost. some people think i just had gall bladder surgery and i havent really corrected them. i also find that hardly anyone knows what lap band is. my sister had by pass surgery 2 years ago and she really wanted me to have the gastric by pass also. my sweet sister can eat anything now and she is gaining her weight back. i am very thankful that i found out abouut the lapband because i considered the by pass also.i know it will probably be slow but thats o.k. so hang in there birdie.

[tellie 0]

Hi birdee,

It must be so frustrating that your friend is so insensitive, but don't waste your time and energy getting angry at this person! ignore her and her arrogance. It is so easy to think that the surgery will be the solution, that it alone will fix the problem, that some of us are completely blinded to the fact that its just the start of the struggle... until we struggle :cool: And I am sure we all do struggle because we must share the bad habits that got us here in the first place.

And you shouldnt feel like a failure! I am also 'taking my time' to lose the weight. In my fantasies back in November (surgery) I should have lost all my fat by now. Not even close, but I have lost 1/3rd of it and that is fat that is GONE for good! as long as the scales keep going down, it is all good.

I wish I had more control, and was better at this, but I do as best as I can today, and hope tomorrow will be better. ( Today was abominably bad btw)

cheer up!

tellie

[nightingale2u 42]

Will Miss Birdee... take satisfaction in this... you made a very intelligent and healthy choice for your body now and down the road. Your body can absorb all of the nurtrients it needs and when you are an older Birdie... your bones will thank you! It's too bad she didn't listen to you and one day she may look back and think... *Damn... that Birdee was really smart and I wish I would have listened to her instead of being a boogerbutt* :cool:

My Sissy is having trouble with weight gain with her RNY GBP... but... she is also putting on the breaks and trying to work with the tool that she went through so much to get!

Before your band... if you lost this much weight... would you have gained it back by now... plus more????? I know that is why I am hopeful about getting banded... not because I will lose the weight fast... because I will lose it for good! (((hugs)))

[~c~ 1]

I'm sorry you are so upset Birdee!I really sucks because YOU know how hard you've tried and no one else does.This person and alot of others think that we have surgery and BOOM we're suppose to be perfect.Except every meal we have to make a conscience choice about what we will put in our mouths.If this person has surgery she will soon find this out,whether it's Band or not!

Take care Birdee!!

Chantal

[Alexandra 55]

Birdee, this person is not a friend that you need. Anyone who presumes to know more about your condition and habits than you do is absurdly off base, and you need to remember that you are doing the RIGHT thing for you.

It is hard to ignore know-it-alls, but it's a great habit to cultivate. Those ignorant comments have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person making them who doesn't care that she's making you feel bad. Why should you care what someone so inconsiderate says/does/thinks? Remember, weight that comes off slowly is weight that STAYS off. That's what it's all about!!

[birdee 1]

Thanks guys I really appreciate the kind words!!!! I think I am doing a little better today. I have to stop looking at my progress as a failure........

Thanks again!

Birdee

[donali 57]

Birdee -

You have my empathy. I have seen something similar to this on other support boards - the more successful people are treating the struggling people JUST LIKE we had all been treated by the natural skinny folks in the past.

I have called people on this attitude before - I don't think it helped for some of them, but hopefully gave others who were still on their journey food for thought so that THEY didn't turn out to be the same way.

Sue could probably explain the "one up-manship" tendencies of humans. I don't really understand it, but it exists EVERYWHERE, and permeates everything! Even the most despised minorities have some sort of hierarchy within their lowly group that puts one poor schmuck at the "bottom" of the food chain, and another at the "top". You would think it would bond everyone together, and for the most part it does, but inevitably there is someone who insists that they are "better" because...

I must confess that even I defend myself on certain areas of my personality that I consider faults - if someone acuses me of being argumentative, my first reaction is, "Oh, yeah?!?! Well at least I'm not as argumentative as...." lol

Feel free to switch out "argumentative" with "opinionated", "overly sensitive", "messy", "disorganized", "unmotivated" when you're discussing my personality flaws... :cool:

Knowing it is human nature does not take away the sting, unless we are not sensitive about whatever we're being criticized for. So, I guess that's the answer - if we weren't sensitive about it, it wouldn't bother us. What can we do to make ourselves "okay" with whatever our perceived flaw is?

Repeat after me:

"I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be at this time."

"I make better choices everyday."

"I am valuable and worthy, JUST AS I AM, at this very moment in time."

"I own my journey, and it is mine, and mine alone. "

I really do believe in the core of my being that we are ALL exactly where we are supposed to be today. That doesn't mean that we are not actively striving to improve ourselves, but we have to start from somewhere. And as much as we have in common, we are so very unique, each of our journeys differ in important ways that we may not even be able to define. So many events and factors influence each individual, it is unrealistic to expect one person's journey to mirror, step for step, another's.

You're doing GREAT, Birdee! You really, truly are.

[MeganA 35]

I have to agree with everyone! In my experience, friendships and relationships change a lot after banding. I know I felt very alone for the first 6 months after banding- and I did a lot of negative self talk. My friends were busy with their life, and I think a few of them were scared of who I was going to become. Well, they didn't have much to worry about-physically- anyway- I'm a slow looser, but emotionally I have become a very different friend. I don't let other people put me down or make me feel less than anything. It sounds like this is a good opportunity to take stock of your friendships and see which ones are supporting you and which ones are waying you down. Have a talk with the ones that are supporting you and thank them, and then have a talk with the other ones and put them on notice that if something doesn't change (and be specific about what you need!), your friendship has to.

It's hard at first because we don't think we are worth it...but take some baby steps- start by telling yourself a hundred times of day that you are, and you'll start to believe it!

Megan

[MeganA 35]

I forgot to mention something-

I have yet to tell someone about my band (and I tell EVERYONE!)that doesn't inturn tell me about their struggles with weight. I don't care if it's the skinny minny friend from high school, or a stranger- it seems that EVERYONE battles their weight or body image.

What I decided to do was to not take it personally- but to be compassionate towards them because I am there, too. It's hard when you want to talk about yourself and get support- and the table gets turned and you find yourself talking to someone who thinks they need to loose 10 pounds- but it really is all the same- self doubt, anxiety, negative self talk. I try to be the friend I would want them to be.

Megan

[DeLarla 22]

I'm often lonely. But it's my own doing because I keep a very limited amount of friends. I've learned that it's better to be lonely at times and have only quality friendships than to get hurt by people that are non-genuine. However, I didn't tell my loved ones about my surgery till after I had it. Only my husband and my oldest friend knew. She agreed to be my voice in the rare event something went wrong. I'm one month post op and have only shared with one co-worker, who I have the utmost faith in. My close friends all know now. And I recently told my brother and sister. My brother will keep the secret, but I wonder about my sister. My parents don't know, neither do cousins, aunts, etc. for the exact reasons Birdee suffered. And I'm mad at myself for telling my own sister, so I understand how you feel.

As far as her comments, it sounds like textbook jealousy to me. Instead of her supporting you, she tried to one-up you cause she can't stand that you've done this amazing thing. I agree that she's not a true friend.

[claraluz 2]

Birdee! Why do you say you should be at goal now? There is no "should." We all lose at different rates and thank God, with the band there is no magic window of time in which we have to get the weight loss accomplished.

As for your friend, I would tell her that if she is so sure that she can "do what she is supposed to do" without struggle, she shouldn't have surgery. She should start doing what she is supposed to do right now and the weight will soon be off! Grrrr... I'm pissed for you!

Nancy

[birdee 1]

You guys ROCK!!!! Thank you so much for all the encouragement! Nancy I am dying. I don't know you but as I am reading your post. I can hear your voice and see your face. That was GREAT. I am going to keep that comment in my pocket and pull it out as needed.....LOL! I am still laughing. I kinda want to call her right now and tell her......

Thanks again guys!!!!

Birdee

[DeLarla 22]

Knock knock, I have 2 more cents to put in. Actually, us chatty Libra girls give 200 cents every time, so no wise cracks out there!

I want to mention something about goals. I'm one month post-op and have already achieved my goal (smiling inside while typing this.) My doc asked each patient what their goals were. Most said they wanted to wear a bikini or lose X amount of weight. My goal was to be healthier, feel better, and feel like being alive. Boom, goal achieved in the first month. Sure, the 25-ish pounds helped, but my new-found hope really did the trick. My new goal is to come up with a new, easily achievable goal, which will not be related to the scale or my size. We are more than just objects of mass. If you set a realistic goal, you'll achieve it.

Hmm, now what's my next goal?