Is Keeping The Secret Possible?

[Butterthebean 8,146]

?...People are daily telling me how good I look and how am I losing the weight and I tell them that I went to a nutritionist ( not a lie ) and I am on a high protein' date=' low carb, low calorie diet.( also not a lie ) I also tell them that I eat much smaller portions ( again, not a lie ) I just omit the surgery part which is not lying just not revealing all the details. Good Luck with whatever desicion you make about your surgery but I just wanted to let you know it is possible not to tell people. Afterall, you wouldn't reveal personal information to everyone you came across so just think of your surgery like that.[/quote']

I have already been chastised once on this forum for pressuring and shaming people into talking about their surgery, but the real shameful act is this kind of deceitful, self justifing logic. Tell who you want or don't tell, but don't try to redefine the meaning of the word LIE just so you can feel better and make everyone else here feel better.

If your kid used this logic on you after he wrecked your car would you be okay with that?

Everyone here who has ever lost any significant weight knows that everyday someone is going to come up to you and tell you how much better you look. And they are going to immediately follow that up with "how did you do it?". What is so wrong with saying "I had WLS and now I'm eating right and exercising"???

[Nikki613 120]

It is judgements...like these....that keep people from wanting to share. Omitting the part about surgery or telling people you are having a different surgery is up to each person. We do not deserve to be judged for it. So take your opinion and judgements elsewhere if you dont agree with the topic. Nowhere in this topic did myself or anyone ask "is it ok to keep it to yourself". These types of statements come across as sitting on your high horse, judging people that you were.not asked to judge.

Thanks

[disneyteach 68]

I have already been chastised once on this forum for pressuring and shaming people into talking about their surgery, but the real shameful act is this kind of deceitful, self justifing logic. Tell who you want or don't tell, but don't try to redefine the meaning of the word LIE just so you can feel better and make everyone else here feel better.

If your kid used this logic on you after he wrecked your car would you be okay with that?

Everyone here who has ever lost any significant weight knows that everyday someone is going to come up to you and tell you how much better you look. And they are going to immediately follow that up with "how did you do it?". What is so wrong with saying "I had WLS and now I'm eating right and exercising"???

I have to agree with you on a larger scale WLS population view, but everyone should decide for themselves who to tell. That is a private issue. As a WLS community, if we all told people we did it through dieting, then a person who admitted to having the surgery, would feel like a loser. I know I did, when I originally went to the intro session about WLS. I thought I am a loser, because I can't lose weight and keep it off, like other people. Just like the guy at the gym the other day, who laughed that I ONLY WALKED 2 miles or the skinny people all my life thought if I just put down the spoon, i would be skinny. When all my friends, Facebook friends, family and co-workers came out and admitted that they had the surgery and lost a ton of weight. I felt like a winner and it was normal to get this done. Honestly, I do not know an obese person who has not had WLS surgery to help them lose weight long term. With these stupid weight loss shows (Biggest Losers, etc.), who has six months that they can take off of work? I am sorry I work for a living. Those shows make weight loss look EASY! If I had a personal trainer and personal chef, I would be skinny. Then again, look at Oprah.

My whole point is that as a community, if we do not stand up and tell people we had the surgery, other obese and overweight people will be embarrassed that they had the surgery or not consider it at all. I know I was not considering it, until my cousin and my co-worker told me they had it. It is just like Casual Male for me. I hate going to that store, because it is for big men and everyone is watching you go into that store. As there are more and more obese and overweight men in America and we are screaming for name brand clothing, stores like JCPenny and Dillard's have wonderful big & Tall clothing. This makes the clothing company produce hip clothing for Big & Tall clothing for us (Tommy Hilfiger, Nautica, Dockers, etc.) That is just my take. Again, it is a personal decision. Please everyone do not jump on other people for not telling people about their surgery. Thank God there are forums to help people feel safe, get suggestions and feel loved. You are all great people!

[LadyIvy 159]

It is certainly possible. Just take a week or two vacation and don't say a word. You will have to learn some tricks when it comes to eating at work or in front of people. However, I only told about 5 people and no one else has figured it out unless I mention it to them. You will be sort of obsessed with your intake and weight loss, so when you feel like talking about something talk about whatever work out you had that day etc. People hear you talk about exercise and they assume you are doing the right stuff. When I am forced to go out with people at work to eat, I order the grilled whatever, forgo the grease and put Water in front of me. I occasionally put the straw in my mouth and pretend to sip, so far the few times I have had to do this, the cups are opaque so no one can see. I also cut things into tiny, tiny bites while I am talking so that I can eat the whole time they are (as a matter of fact, I am usually still eating when they are done). I also push food around on my plate a lot. If they notice I don't eat the bun or bread or whatever I just say that I have found that I am really sensitive to simple carbs and it is how I am managing to get the weight off this time. That is usually the end of it. Oh, I have mentioned that I see a nutritionist and that seems to help too.

[xlr8ahead 40]

I told very few people about my new life! The nosey people @ work (so i didnt have to lift) i told them and a few nosey neighbors' date=' I had hemorroid surgery!! LOL i Took my week off, no one asks now how my hemorroids are!!! LOL[/quote']

Lol well done

[LadyIvy 159]

I am troubled by the amount of threads like this there are on the forums. So many people feel like they can't tell anyone for fear of what they might think or say. It's easy for me to say "heck with those people" but I know it isn't as easy for everyone. I hope you all can at least find one person you trust who you can count on for support.

My real hope is that after you've had your surgery and lost weight your self confidence will rise to the point that you won't care what others might think, and you'll tell the world. Why? Because then possibly you'll inspire someone else who is struggling with the decision to have surgery. Plus the more people who are open and honest about WLS, the less stigma there will be.

Also, please think about this. When the day comes that you do feel like telling the people you care about, will it be even more damaging that you kept it a secret? I know the answer to that is different for every situation. I just don't want any of you to regret your decision later on.

I did not tell people out of fear for what they might say. I agree, to heck with them. I have not told people because I don't want to be remembered or thought of as that girl who got WLS. Getting the gastric sleeve is not my life and I don't want to be referred to as if it is. I also don't want to spend my days answering everyone's questions. I also do not desire to be considered a "former fat girl". When I hit normal weight, the less people who know the more people who just look at me as normal. There are even more reasons than this that I did not tell many people. None of them have to do with me being "afraid" of other peoples words. If I hurt someone because I chose not to shout out my decision to the world, that is their problem not mine. It is not my job to contend with the "stigma" of WLS. This is about me and my voyage of self discovery. I have spent my entire life worried about, and taking care of other people. It is my turn to just let people worry about their own business and not feel it is my job to make sure WLS is understood. If they want to know about it, they can do an online search.

Now, on the other hand. If someone came up to me and specifically asked me if I had weight loss surgery, I would not lie. I tell the truth and allow people to fill in their own blanks however they want. To date, this has never led to anyone thinking I have had WLS. Maybe down the road, but who knows?

[LadyIvy 159]

I have already been chastised once on this forum for pressuring and shaming people into talking about their surgery, but the real shameful act is this kind of deceitful, self justifing logic. Tell who you want or don't tell, but don't try to redefine the meaning of the word LIE just so you can feel better and make everyone else here feel better.

If your kid used this logic on you after he wrecked your car would you be okay with that?

Everyone here who has ever lost any significant weight knows that everyday someone is going to come up to you and tell you how much better you look. And they are going to immediately follow that up with "how did you do it?". What is so wrong with saying "I had WLS and now I'm eating right and exercising"???

How is it deceitful to just say I am eating right and exercising? Is it a lie because you don't choose to say I had WLS? Please see my post above about how it isn't my job to educate the nation about WLS. If my kid wrecked my car, what he did directly effected his life, my life, my insurance agents bottom dollar, the families bottom dollar, and depending on what he hit, other peoples lives as well. In the case of WLS, outside of your household, your decision really effects no one else. Therefore, your argument that is meant to be "logical", is invalid.

[shangefan 193]

I have already been chastised once on this forum for pressuring and shaming people into talking about their surgery, but the real shameful act is this kind of deceitful, self justifing logic. Tell who you want or don't tell, but don't try to redefine the meaning of the word LIE just so you can feel better and make everyone else here feel better.

If your kid used this logic on you after he wrecked your car would you be okay with that?

Everyone here who has ever lost any significant weight knows that everyday someone is going to come up to you and tell you how much better you look. And they are going to immediately follow that up with "how did you do it?". What is so wrong with saying "I had WLS and now I'm eating right and exercising"???

I assume this refers to my comments earlier. I did NOT chastise you. What I said is that people need not feel compelled to tell anyone about their surgery. If they choose to, great. If not, great. It is a very personal decision and needs to be made by each individual. People should not be made to feel as though they are failing someone by not talking about their surgeries.

In my experience, many of the people who have chosen to be vocal about their surgeries are almost bullies. They constantly tell more private people that they are wrong or are not making the right decision in deciding not to disclose to people that they had surgery. That is not OK. Certainly, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but the very framing of some of these questions is off-putting. People are put in the positon of having to justify why they don't choose to broadcast their surgeries.

I have had various types of medical procedures during my life and at no point have I felt it necessary to tell everyone I know about it. This is no different. I am not going to make up elaborate excuses and I am not going to lie. But I am not going to volunteer any information. And if someone is bold enough to ask such a personal question, I won't feel bad about letting them know how rude and inappropriate I find them to be.

[hm734 228]

I have slowly started my pre surgery diet and people have already begun asking. I have told them that I am having corrective surgery in July, and I am preparing my body for a liquid diet. If someone asks what they are correcting - I reply with 'upper GI' and leave it at that. Only one (nosey!) kept pushing and after a minute or two told her that my medical issues were frankly none of her business. I do not feel like I am being untruthful. i AM having this surgery to 'correct' my weight and I am having surgery in this area.

My medical business is between my doctor and myself. It is no more anyone's business what kind of surgery I am having than it is what color my panties are.

[june13sleever 223]

How is it deceitful to just say I am eating right and exercising? Is it a lie because you don't choose to say I had WLS? Please see my post above about how it isn't my job to educate the nation about WLS. If my kid wrecked my car, what he did directly effected his life, my life, my insurance agents bottom dollar, the families bottom dollar, and depending on what he hit, other peoples lives as well. In the case of WLS, outside of your household, your decision really effects no one else. Therefore, your argument that is meant to be "logical", is invalid.

I feel it is lying. I mean most of us couldn't keep the weight off if in fact we ever lost it. So someone who is fat...who asks me how I lost it...even the sort of skinny pudgy people who only have 40 to lose, but it eats away at them...I have to tell them the truth. Most people will not be able to sustain weight loss until they find a drug to help with keeping the weight off or they have weight loss surgery or they have more will power than most people to continually battle obesity. We all gave up in the battle and decided to get help. For me personally I have worked out at all. I lost the weight through calorie restriction and thanks to the sleeve I wasn't hardly hungry and could avoid over eating. The question was can you keep it a secret. Yes, you can. I have not had all the crazy drama because I only have small circle of friends and work in a small office. I think I would laugh hysterically if I had to deal with some of the morons most people on this site have to deal with because I am the smart one here. Stay fat if you want to! I REFUSE! Be upset that I am skinny, whatever! Who cares. I just feel like we should be honest to those who really need to know the truth aka other fat people. Skinny people wouldn't even really understand.

[isntsheclever 38]

Honestly, I will tell anyone who asks. I think it needs to be more accepted. Yes, there are people who judge me. Yes, there are negative people. But I don't care (I have to work at this). I'm proud of my decision to make my life better.

Anyone who is less than happy for me...their feelings say more about them then it does about me.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

It is judgements...like these....that keep people from wanting to share..... So take your opinion and judgements elsewhere if you dont agree with the topic. Nowhere in this topic did myself or anyone ask "is it ok to keep it to yourself".

Thanks

uh...so if I don't agree with the topic I should just keep it to myself....sorry but no. I have a right to post my opinion just like you do. You don't have to agree with it, I'm okay with that.

[Nikki613 120]

Well by all means, post away, post away. I tend not to give a negative opinion unless asked for it, but go ahead. Seems you are changing lives right here. :/

[ocean_ophelia 31]

Well, I can vouch that it is possible. I've kept it secret for nearly 6 months now. Only my hubby knows. I didn't even tell my mom (because she has a big mouth). No one at work knows. None of my friends do. And I've lost 80 pounds and gotten down to a BMI 19, size 4/6. So, yes, it's possible, but you have to commit to it. Don't tell even one person. Don't drop hints. Don't beat around the bush. It depends on what kind of person you are. I am very private and don't talk a lot about my life, so it's not shocking for me not to share. When people noticed my weight loss, I just said, thanks, I'm eating healthfully and exercising, which is 100 percent true! Anyway, don't make an issue out of it. Most people notice you and your business far less than you think. You're just not that important - and I don't mean you specifically; I mean, any of us. I mean, really, people have better things to do than monitor what you eat.

[ocean_ophelia 31]

I feel it is lying. I mean most of us couldn't keep the weight off if in fact we ever lost it. So someone who is fat...who asks me how I lost it...even the sort of skinny pudgy people who only have 40 to lose, but it eats away at them...I have to tell them the truth. Most people will not be able to sustain weight loss until they find a drug to help with keeping the weight off or they have weight loss surgery or they have more will power than most people to continually battle obesity. We all gave up in the battle and decided to get help. For me personally I have worked out at all. I lost the weight through calorie restriction and thanks to the sleeve I wasn't hardly hungry and could avoid over eating. The question was can you keep it a secret. Yes, you can. I have not had all the crazy drama because I only have small circle of friends and work in a small office. I think I would laugh hysterically if I had to deal with some of the morons most people on this site have to deal with because I am the smart one here. Stay fat if you want to! I REFUSE! Be upset that I am skinny, whatever! Who cares. I just feel like we should be honest to those who really need to know the truth aka other fat people. Skinny people wouldn't even really understand.

I disagree. Should you have to tell everyone if you have cancer? Or MS? Or depression? These are private medical issues. It's called HIPPA, and it's our right NOT to reveal anything medical, any surgeries we've had, any treatments we've undergone. If you want to tell, fine, but some people are more comfortable dealing with cancer in private. It's not anybody's business what I had done. And I AM eating healthfully and exercising. I'll have to for the rest of my life.