".... But You're Not That Big"

[Jenn31MA 149]

One of my anesthesiologist pulled out the..."wow you have such an amazing face! People pay to have a lips like yours and your eyes, wow, just such a pretty face" I took is as a little humor from God and laughed, because I was talking to my husband on the way to the hospital that I can't wait to not hear that anymore, it's the ultimate insult to me anyway. lol

I cannot wait for that! I have gotten the.." you have such a pretty face and awesome lips and eyes". So that means the rest of me is ugly? lol Thanks

[MoreganK 164]

If someone one compliments my eyes, hair, etc. I take those compliments. I don't think they mean to disrespect or insult your figure. Most people really do just mean they like your eyes.

[sirensiren 67]

I was told that during my entire journey.

In our society, it's OK to harp on people for being "thin", but it's not OK to get on someone's case for being overweight (think about it, if someone at work said "you're losing weight, stop it!" vs. someone saying "you're gaining weight, stop it!", the ladder would not be met well at all!). Sure- you may not be as big as some people, but if you are still significantly overweight, you are still at risk for far more health problems than someone at an ideal weight, and achieving an ideal weight is not going to be any easier with age and the natural slowing of metabolism that comes with it.

[Miriam 50]

Ha! Reminds me of something my two of my colleagues said to me recently. They don't know that I've undergone bariatric surgery and I think that they're worried that I'm anorexic (as if!) so they tried to stage some sort of intervention to make sure I was OK - I guess my weight loss is a bit too fast to be attributed to plain dieting and exercise... Anyway, at some point they tell me that I REALLY don't need to lose any more weight, that I'm perfect the way I am. Seriously??? I have lost lots of weight since my surgery about 14 weeks ago, and am down quite a few sizes, but I'm still a size 16 and have a long way to go. I just laughed it off, but it was funny to be told that I don't need to lose any more weight when I'm still way bigger than I should be.

[thinmymind 107]

I get "But you look great!" From thin people usually.

I love that my one friend that is in a similar weight situation as me, saw a picture of me and said - but you still are a beautiful woman, big, but beautiful. I know what she meant and it was a real compliment.

[cacilluf 27]

Wow! This really hits home for me. This is exactly what my Mother said to me when I told her I was taking the steps to have weight loss surgery. It stung really bad and I was having such a hard time with it. I really didn't know if it was a compliment' date=' and if it was, why did it hurt me when she said it.

After reading your post I realize that it wasn't a compliment it was an insult and it's okay for me to think of it that way. I also don't feel I can talk to my Mother about having surgery because she will never understand why I have made this decision for myself.

It's been extremely hard because I have a surgery date and I haven't even told my Mother because I feel she doesn't support my decision. I never ever want to disappoint her but I know in my gut that this is the right decision for me.[/quote']

Im so sorry to hear that your mother isn't giving you support :-( people who are unsupportive just don't understand how big and how important this decision is, either because they don't know the challenges we face being overweight or they are in denial about their own weight. Really, i feel like this is such a personal decision and NOBODY has the right to try to change your decision! Its so important that you do find some support, either from your surgeons support group or on here. I was lucky that my family totally supported me (my dad had the sleeve before me, and it saved his life. he's lost 320lbs!) but my husbands side didn't and they were not quiet about their opinions..... and what was weird was they are all just as heavy as i was! i almost felt like they didn't want me to lose weight bc they couldn't.... I just learned to get a thicker skin... And i bet they are eating their words now!!

You can get through this and if you ever need to talk you can message me :-)

[cacilluf 27]

I know this feeling all too well. I think the people that say this to us mean well but it hurts just the same. Now that i have lost almost 90 pounds' date=' they say things like "I didnt realize you were that big" or "but you werent that big", etc. Those comments belittle my accomplishments. It makes me feel bad like I didnt deserve this second chance because I hadnt done as much damage to my body as others have or let myself get as large as others did. Its a personal decision to have this tool and to become healthy. I dont care what size you start out, the outcome of living a healthy life is whats important. Whether you have to lose 100 pounds or 200 or 300, it shouldnt matter. The journey to get healthy is the same, we go though the same trials and tribulations and we should not be belittled or made to feel that we dont deserve any help or that our accomplishments are somehow lessened by our starting weight. I have been on a diet for 20 years and if diet and exercise worked by itself, I wouldnt have been 100 pounds overweight and feel yucky all the time. I am proud of my 90 pound loss and I am still working at it to lose the other 12. We should all be supporting each other, not downgrading the ones with less to lose with these hurtful comments, especially at a support group. Everyone should feel supported that we all understand what the others are going through and starting weight should not be a factor.[/quote']

Everyone deserves a second chance if you are willing to take it!!!!!! Congrats on 90lbs!!! Im 5lbs away mom 90 myself!!!

[lilly11781 29]

Im so sorry to hear that your mother isn't giving you support :-( people who are unsupportive just don't understand how big and how important this decision is, either because they don't know the challenges we face being overweight or they are in denial about their own weight. Really, i feel like this is such a personal decision and NOBODY has the right to try to change your decision! Its so important that you do find some support, either from your surgeons support group or on here. I was lucky that my family totally supported me (my dad had the sleeve before me, and it saved his life. he's lost 320lbs!) but my husbands side didn't and they were not quiet about their opinions..... and what was weird was they are all just as heavy as i was! i almost felt like they didn't want me to lose weight bc they couldn't.... I just learned to get a thicker skin... And i bet they are eating their words now!!

You can get through this and if you ever need to talk you can message me :-)

Thanks cacilluf, it's almost the same for me exept, my in-laws are supportive my own Mom not so much. I realize that she is afriad of me going under the knife. I just wish I didn't feel this way about all of this but I can't help the way I think and feel.

[got2bme 4]

You are so right about size is not the only issue. I am on the tall side and have been told al my life that I carry it well, and I dont't have to worry. But that was then and now I am sitting with a BMI of 40 plus. People still say I don't need such a drastic change. For me the decision came when I was taking my dog for a walk an I slipped and fell. Luckily nothing but my pride was hurt, but it took me about 15 minutes to crawl back to my car so I could pull myself up. Thank goodness nobody was around. But it had come down to simple physics, I could no longer support mt weight from that vantage point. To me that was such a wake up call, and no matter what anyone else thinks I am going to research this as a possible option.

[windycitymom 60]

This is a really a state of mind and not a state of how much we weigh. It is a very personal decision and as long as we "weigh" the pros/risks. We've all made a personal decision based upon what we were trying to accomplish and what we wanted to gain (whether it is a physical condition like diabetes or heart condition or an emotional condition like emotional eating or compulsive overeating or a mixture of both physical and emotional). As with all things in life, we need to decide what the goal s worth to us.

Congratulations to all of us, I thought that since I started out a lower weight it would be so easy for me but NOT SO, it is actually hard work and I am working on both emotional and physical issues. Now how could someone tell all that just from the fact that I weighed under 200 lbs??? or I wore a size 14 (although it was super tight and probably should have been a 16). I think like a 400 lb woman and have alot of the same issues.

To each his own. Let others say what they want and take pride in knowing that we have made a very serious and well thought out decision to make the rest of our lives healthier and better than they were before.

You are all very brave and strong women and men and I applaud you all! Don't worry what others think, focus on yourself and what you need to live a long and healthy life!!

[RawrrAshleex3 137]

Heard it from the nure before I went under....havent heard it since from anyone. W00t! Just gets tiring to hear over and over like a broken record.

[beba238 123]

Before i finally made my decision on actually doing wls, i went to three different seminars and I was the smallest out of all of everyone. I'n one seminar some ladies asked me if I was the guest speaker coming to talk about how successful the surgery was for me. It wasn't a compliment. I felt like wow maybe i shouldn't get the surgery done!

[swizzly 901]

I kinda wish I would've been told that! LOL...every time I brought it up to any of my healthcare providers, they were all YEAH TOTALLY DO THAT. And my friends were like that too. Only one ASKED me if I was 'big enough' to qualify. And no one's really ever told me I "have such a pretty face, if only I lost some weight..." I WISH. I think I'm actually not so pretty, but I'm much more attractive overall as a thinner person for sure.

One funny thing that happened recently is that someone I only knew from the WLS forums friended me on FB...and then sent me this PM: "You're much prettier than I thought you'd be!!!" Um, what? I just laughed...who knows what that means...also, who cares.

[Doreykn 113]

My friends & family said similar things to me, but I didn't take it as insults. They were very supportive of my decision to have the sleeve. They also all knew my health problems. Which was the main reason for having it done. The one remark that gets me is when some one compares sizes (like, he/she is 2 times your size) I know I was big! And I pray that the people that do that, realize some day, how that must feel to a Bigger person! Now, as I'm going through this journey I let everyone now what a great tool this is for me. I researched this for a year before I decided to do it! Best thing I ever did for ME!!! Now I say, "Yup, I was that big!"

[lsereno 2,525]

My opinion? You are going to get a lot more comments on this journey. I am fortunate to have a little thicker skin going in because my Mom is young and beautiful and I have had a lifetime of people, some well-meaning and some not making awkward comments and pressing for personal details I don't care to share.

My advice? Toughen up now and fasten your seat belt now and your journey will be easier. Think about the things you know people will say and come up with a set of responses. For example, in response to "Don't have this surgery, it's to dangerous":

1. Stranger: My doctor and I agree this is the best choice for my health.

2. Friend: That's so sweet of you to worry about me, but (repeat #1)

3. Family: Mom, why don't you come to the Doctors with me so you can ask questions.

4. Pushy stranger who continues after you say #1: Move away or end conversation as quickly as possible. I generally said something like "I have made my decision." and moved away or said "I don't care to discuss it further."

I am at goal now and I have heard it all:

You're not big enough.

It's too dangerous.

You'll gain it all back.

You'll become too skinny.

You'll die.

You'll look old.

Your skin will hang.

You're too skinny.

You look sick.

You're going to blow away.

I didn't recognize you.

Is that all you eat?

How much do you weigh?

How much have you lost?

You had surgery? ( This right after surgery - I guess they thought I would be instantly skinny after surgery)

What's your goal? That's too small!

You're going to be smaller than me.

You're smaller than me!

I wish I could have the surgery (from people 5-20 lbs overweight).

You should stop losing.

Do what's best for you and the rest will fall into place.

Lynda