Always the outcast???

[jojo41 0]

I agree with carol....I have been fat and thin and let me tell you EVERYONE is your friend when you are thin.

Not only is everyone your friend but you are NOT invisible... when you are thin people make eye contact, smile at you and generally engage with you. I have noticed since gaining weight 7-8 years ago that I slowly became "The Invisible Woman"....ignored by most people from shop assistants to parents at my children's school.

I have even "lost" friends over the last few years due to my weight gain. I know I have to take some responsibility for these failed friendships (due to declining invitations to go out, becomming a bit of a recluse at times because I was embarrassed or felt uncomfortable with my size) but let's face it.... it's difficult to completely participate in life when you are morbidly obese.

veggestyle.....I believe that as we shed our pounds we will also shed our insecurities....and that is what will draw people to us.

[L8BloomR 1]

Sorry, I wish I could say something helpful on this subject, but I don't know the cure for insecurity. I do wonder if we trap our own selves within our fatness. When I have been thin, it is like I become a different person in almost every way. I am not afraid of being the center of attention, to walk late into a crowded room, to be less conventional. But beyond that, I become NICER in a way....more helpful, kind, quick to open doors for people or pick up things they drop. I volunteer more and smile more. Why don't I do those things when I am fat? It is like I want NO attention drawn to myself, and maybe that is why I feel invisible? I wish I could find a way to keep the good stuff going whether fat or thin, because I think that is what attracts people more than anything.

[j_war06 0]

I love attention, I did theatre alllllll through high school and now in college, I was a public speaker for 4-H as well as president for the local and county level. I spoke up how I felt at all times, but not in a pushy way, just assertive, I listen to others and transform the idea, but people dont really take in my ideas, or a skinny person says it and automatically its the best thing ever. I think it has to do with, if I cant take care and control myself how can I control others? Thats the subconscious thot of others Im sure. If you are on my myspace friends list you should read my blog "Just some thots"

[jojo41 0]

I just read an interesting acticle on the Yahoo Homepage Titled "Obesity More Harmful To Women"

It states that at an International Obesity Conference in Sydney a Dr Heitmann says:

"Prejudice begins early in life for obese females, with children as young as 3 shunning their obese peers. Family, Teachers and Health Care Professionals were also more biased against obese girls and women than boys and men. Obese women are deprived of friendships, intimate relationships, social interraction, education, income and respect."

[Veggestyle 0]

Jodie...what is your myspace address??

[MarySue33 0]

I have been running into this recently when I have interviewed for jobs. I have been the 'first runner up' more times than I can count in the past year. I know that I probably am the most qualified applicant, but I don't push it. I figure that if they are like that, I probably am better off not working there, anyway.

I experienced this about 20 years ago when I lost 60#. I was immediately promoted to a new and much higher level position. I honestly thought it was due to my hard work, but that bubble deflated when a coworker (who had lost 100# two years earlier) said, "Amazing, isn't it? Six months ago they didn't appreciate you. Now that you're no longer a plus size girl, you get promoted. The same thing happened to me two years ago."

It believe that discrimination against the obese is the last politically acceptable form of discrimination in our society. I suspect that it goes back to a lot of those stereotypes about fat people. You know the ones...that we are lazy and slow and that we miss a lot of work, etc. Funny thing is, I am a (working hard not to be anymore) workaholic who puts in more hours than my slim little colleagues and whose work is always impeccable. I am the go-to person for a number of things, once they realize what a gem they have. I have a ton of sick time because I am always at work (but I did take two weeks off to recover from my surgery -- See...progress!) I am not too happy at my current job, but I have kind of decided not to even look hard for a new job until after Christmas. By then I will be down a nice number of pounds and I will be getting job offers again.

[carol68 0]

you go girl.... won't it be wonderful when we get to the place where we are so happy with ourselves everyone will notice.... not just because we lost weight but, from the glow of us loving who we have become.....

Keep up the good work... its a shame people really can't see the "inside" of what a wonderful harding person you truly are... and when they do you'll be long gone from the place your stuck in, to the new adventures of your wonderful new life.... good luck

[AngelaT 2]

Hello all of you out there who feel like an outsider. I know exactly what you feel as I have always been the outsider, since I was a child. Weight makes it even more difficult to go beyond. For many years I learned and now help clients with many issues. One of the tools I use which helped me figure out myself a bit better, ana also helps me figure other people out, is the enneagram. It is a personality type test, except you can't really figure out your type through testing...as these are not very accurate yet... but through reading about all types and figuring out which one you are. Once you get really good at it you can figure out your friends and family, without telling the...and then you can better understand where they are coming from. You will find that all personality types are good...but one is more peaceful, but keeps stuff inside, one is a reformer or teacher, one is a lover, one goes for goals but can be superficial and somewhat dishonest, one is loyal, one an adventureer, etc. It is fin and you will learn so much!!

I finally figured out why I felt like an outsider and partly it has to do with my personality type... the other is that some personalities out there, especially in this superficial world we live in...are or can be superficial and cruel and totally miss what beauty of the heart and spirit mean.

Anyway...sorry for the long story... below is a link to a website about the enneagram. ennea means nine, gram is for hoe the 9 personlaity types are diagramed (you will notice lines and arrows in the middle of the circle)

[AngelaT 2]

OOOPS!!! here is the linl for the enneagram!

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com

[skyeblu79 0]

Wow, this is a really interesting thread. I have basically experienced these feelings most of my life. Always not feeling liked or accepted. About a month and a 1/2 ago I started therapy. I therapist confirmed what I thought that I have SAD (social anxiety disorder). It took me a while to figure out where this probably came from or when I feel this way. It always seems to go back to how I don't feel excepted or liked. I am too afraid of what others think of me.

I think the therapy and medication (Celexa) is helping some. Once I have my surgery, I know the weight loss will definitely help some of my issues to improve. I definitely know the weight loss won't solve everything.

[kyalpn 0]

Boy, everyting said here really hits home! I am the funny one. I have lots of friends, but I don't have a full social calendar. Dating--yeah right! I'm the one everyone comes to with a problem. I'm the one everyone comes to when they need a shoulder to cry on, a "Great Job!", or a kick in the pants with a "What the heck are you doing?" I take pride in the fact that people trust me enough to give them good advice or a helping hand, etc,etc. And I love making people happy.

But it gets lonely at times too. I've had the problem with introducing my best friend to someone new only to become the 3rd wheel. I've put my heart and soul into friendships only to get taken advantage of. I don't know the real answer, but the only thing I can think is that my weight is a problem. For me, having surgery is about my health. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more than a little curious to see if my weight changes a lot of this.

I'm glad I've found this web site. People can't understand what obesity is like unless they've experienced it for themselves, so that adds to the lonliness as well.

kelly

[Wheetsin 714]

I'm always the odd one. It's not because I'm fat, it's because I'm weird. That's my "ingredient" that I add to most of my relationships -- the kookiness, oddness... extremely different points of views, confidence, and fun. What I bring are the "odd ball" characteristics that aren't there when I'm out.

There's nothing wrong with not being like everyone else. There are lots of different "types" of people. They're your friends, so they see something in you they like, right? Love yourself for it.

[Wheetsin 714]

BTW, discomfort in social settings isn't a bad thing, nor is it necessarily a fat thing. Being an introvert doesn't mean you're shy or won't speak up. I'm an extremely expressed introvert, almost 100%. I don't think many people who know me, or even people here, would consider me hesitant to speak up or share an option.

Your introversion/extroversion factors are more about how you charge your batteries - what relaxes you, energizes you, and what's your ideal. For some people the best night they can picture is at a party surrounded by friends, and for some it's curled up in a dark room with a book. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either person, it's all about preferences.

(Note on the enneagram - most academics are dismissing it as a method to profile personalities. Most recently, it's been identified as "pro-suicide". Personality factors and how they effect our psychology, performance & learning is a big chunk of what I do professionally, so I have to keep up with the trends... blech!)

[DerickM 1]

I have always been the outcast and I had 2 strikes aginst me due to my weight and hearing aids (I do not live in the deaf world). So, hearing imparied + fat = Dumb and lazy according to the rest of the world. I became a introvert at such an early age I cannot remember even in pre-K being a people person or ever having freinds at all.

So, once I hit 6th grade I began giving as good I got and then some. Make fun of me becuase of my weight or hearing? If they were male I beat them until I was pulled off or they passed out and then they were teased mercisly. If they were females I never hit them (Never have and never shall physically hurt a female) but I would tease and embarrass them until I got my point across. After a few years of this I did get my point across and everybody left me the hell alone.

For those who think what I did was wrong, I give you the same answer I gave the principal of my schools: They only reaped what they sowed.

[swanny 0]

You are not the odd one out here!!! :success1: You are one of us!!!