Always the outcast???

[Veggestyle 0]

I feel like no matter how hard I try to fit in or get along with others, especially other female friends, I am always the odd one out. We will have similiar interests, experiences, a lot to talk about and share, but I am still the outsider. I am beginning to wonder if it is my excess weight that sets me apart from my "normal sized" friends. Does anyone else ever feel this way?? :help:

[dawg 0]

I've been the odd one out my entire life. To the extent that I convinced myself it was by choice.

I now realize that I have some issues relating to people and rather than try, it's easier to shut myself away.

I have to this date only found one person who I can relate to and I went ahead and married her.

I'm trying to work through some of those issues and face a few internal demons that I have to overcome.

I've found that my feeling like the "odd" one comes mostly from within myself. I often thought it was perhaps weight related but now I have lost most of my excess weight, I have had to face the problem I have lies inside me.

Good luck

[traceylb36 0]

i sooo feel the same way. i too have "friends" that i talk to and i so get the feeling that i'm not really apart of the group. i do believe that it is my weight that sets me apart from them. i just think how are they going to treat me after i lose all my weight? i think that if they treat me better after i lose the weight then i'll be mad at them, then i'm no better than they are.

tracey

[Devana 0]

Vegge, I would hate to think that that is the case, but the older I get the more I realize that there are some people out there that just can't see the true person beyond the excess weight. It's sad and frustrating but I believe it to be true.

A couple I have known for years love and respect me. However, I would always come home annoyed and frustrated from any party or dinner they had where they had invited other guests as well. I often felt ignored and disregarded. One day the husband told my husband that his shallow friends could not see beyond my weight and regarded me as almost a non person. It was a surprise and an eye opener for me. As you can imagine I stopped bothering to go.

Fortunately I have always been able to attract good and true friends. And the world does indeed have more good people out there than the others. We all just have to find them and make them part of our lives.

[j_war06 0]

I know exactly how you feel, I kinda feel like that now. I have gone out of my way to try and introduce myself to people here in this new city

(on campus) and they all look at me in this sad sort of way, it really creeps me out. Its like "Too bad your fat, otherwise we could hang out". There has been one girl that has went out of her to welcome me and be my friend, and I love it. We check in on each other just to see whats going on and stuff, but everyone else is getting invited to go do stuff and I just kinda stand around. I say hi, and introduce myself and stuff, but doesnt seem to work, everyone is always like "its nice meeting you, but im gonna go hang out with my friends now" Which is like the worst comment in the WORLD, no Im not their friend yet I just met them, but I havent done anything not to get invited somewhere! It drives me nuts, but I fair pretty well on my own so Im not too too worried about it, but I would like to meet some other people! Ya know? And go out and stuff, atleast on occassion??

Anyways, yes I have felt invisible my entire life, the only people that pay me much attention are my parents (which is more than some people have). And any attention I do get is some perv making a horribly crude comment about my rear. I went to school with most of the people I graduated with for 18 years and none of them knew me, they knew of me, but didnt know me, ya know? Its weird.........No one but the girl across the hall has made it a point to be nice enough to actually get to know me, and everyone else goes off with a big group of people, and I just introduce myself, then in 30 seconds they leave because they have to go somewhere else.....Just some thots

[Leona06 0]

Hey! I feel that way too! I always go out of my way to be everyones friend but its hard. I think its my issues and I'm gonna start going to a counselor about it. I imagine what others think about me way too much and I don't know what do about it. I am lucky to have a large group of friends that told me I didn't need the surgery because they thought I was beautiful already, but they support my choice.

I just started my Masters program in a new school in the same city as my undergrad so its weird. I'm now away from home constantly with a band. I have to be constantly aware of what I can eat... and its hard... but its life.

[joliesmom 0]

I think when you're heavy you're either the ignored one or the outgoing funny person. It is quite funny how fat people are perceived. I'm very outgoing and when my daughter was in pre-school I mentioned how other parents just blatantly ignored me at school activities. When I mentioned it to my sister she said it was probably A) Because you're overweight and because you don't have the appearance of having money (most kids have nannies etc at pre-school). I never thought about it that way but after observing the parents I fully believe my sister was correct. I always say I'm looking forward to not always being aware if I am the biggest person in the room. On the other hand my best friend is also overweight and I'm now realizing how much eating we did together. Those people that ignore you really aren't real people they're just about appearances.

[thefunnyfatgirl 0]

Oh my goodness. I was just about to post something about this. I feel like you too, and tell myself that the weight is why. I have friends, and even a GREAT boyfriend who loves me just the way I am, but at the same time I just feel not good enough. I feel like I am sooo different from everyone else most of the time, and I feel so uncomfortable in social situations. I feel so uncomfortable about being fat, and feel like other people are uncomfortable around me. I really hate it.

[Teresita 0]

Vegg that is one of the great things about this board. You are not alone. So many of us have felt the same way but try not to focus on others right now. Focus on you, once you love yourself others will see the confidence and that is something that draws us to others. Do you love you right now? Can you tell yourself "you look good girl?

[paula 4]

Veg, there's been many MANY times Ive felt that way.

Basically it has to do with rejection. A lack of acceptance. Ive never met a person that this has never bothered. Rejection is the deepest pain one could endure. I say the overweight folks are the biggest targets for prejudicism, rejection. how sad :confused:

My main interest in this thread is for my sister.

I love her so much, and the pain that old 'friends' and even relatives cause her from totally ignoring her when she walks up to them - HURTS me to the center of my heart.

My sister is 5'8 and about 350ish - 23yrs old. She doesnt like to fix herself up with make-up or doo-dee hair, so there are many times Ive heard others asking "What is it?"

She is so lonely - even with her hubby and 2 kids. Her sadness and lonliness flood her eyes.

Im praying that there is a gleam of hope in her future. On the 1st, she (Im going with her) has a conlsultation for the RnY. She has Crones disease so she has it in her mind that NO WLS is ever in her future and she'll always be large and unhappy.

See veg, your story is just another page in the life of an overweight person. Yes, weve ALL felt what you feel.

Youre not alone, Baby!

SO glad you found us.

Cause youre NOT an out-cast here. ((hugs))

[mousecrazy 2]

Finding yourself will be part of the weight loss journey.

This is why, sometimes, it really IS better to go slow. Along the way, there will be pauses for you to catch up emotionally, and I hope you will welcome those times and not reject them. Come here and ask these questions. There are lots of us who will give you honest answers, and help you get through these things. Don't be afraid to get some professional counseling also...if you think it can help you to become the person you already are, but are afraid to be. That's the whole point of the banded journey...healthy, happy, whole.

Good luck!

Cindy

[Elisabethsew 50]

I am one of those people who just forge ahead. Perhaps it's because I have NEVER been thin. I was a fat baby and a fat child and a fat adult. Rather than retreat, I just went forward and achieved what I wanted to and have many friends.

That said, there is no denying that I AM different from my friends and other people of normal weight. I don't appear in public in a bathing suit, I can't shop in the stores they do, I can't relate to beeing "to full" to finish a donut. Since I don't "fit" into these situations, I either stand on the side-line for support or opt not to attend.

Confidence and motivation come from within. People are attracted to other people with high levels of confidence, high motivation, intelligence, humor, the ability to be empathetic, humble, etc. It's amazing how these traits "grow" as the body "shrinks." Be who you are and lifelong friends WILL appear in your life.

[*susan* 1,709]

Yep, I can 100% relate to this. It seems my whole life I will make a friend and become close to being best friends with her. Then, I will introduce her to another friend of mine. Next thing I know, they are inseperable and I am the odd man out. I know I am very insecure, and I am guessing this is obvious to everyone around me. Maybe that is why this happens. I don't know. I do have one true best friend in life, and that is my hubby and no one is ever going to take him away from me!

[carol134 0]

Personally I have been on both sides of the fence. I've been fat and I've been thin and trust me when your thin people fall over themselves to be around you and help you or whatever you need. When I put on lots of weight that all ended. I know this from experience that the world is always looking at people on the outside not the inside and that is the way it will stay, at least I know I will never see the day that it will be any different.

[Veggestyle 0]

Thank you for sharing, and being so open and honest. I do find it rather odd, how you are either the "funny fat person" or the "outsider fat person." Why can't I just be Cassandra, the teacher, the vegetarian, the listener, the rocker, the one who is compassionate...? I HATE that for whatever reasons, my fat stands in my way. I have never actually had someone tell me, well you are fat so... it is almost unsaid, that is sometimes why I think that I am being unfair and I know that part of it is my own insecurities...

Jodie, I totally understand what you mean though...about making friends with people and having a great time, and then they are like...well...I am going to go out now...I totally get that!

What is interesting is that my very best friend is like a size zero and is Gwen Stefani look alike gorgeous and our physical differences have never gotten in the way...one of the reasons why i love her...and miss her so much now that she lives in AZ and I am in IL...:cry