Feeling No Support

[EileenFrances 21]

Many of us, I for one, have lost the same 50 pounds over and over. I wonder how much I've lost all totalled! But I can't keep it off. Same with many others here. This forum is wonderful because we all have similar experiences and can understand and support each other.

Out there - some people will be supportive, others won't be. I know everyone has a different opinion on this, but I feel - don't tell someone unless you have reason to believe that they will be supportive. Just don't tell people who are inclined to be negative. Yes, as others have said, you don't have to listen to negativity. But why deal with it at all? Negative people don't have to know your business. That's what I think and that's how I handling it in my own life.

[JDHenin 165]

I'll tell anyone and I really don't care if they don't like it or agree with my decision. I cant live a lie or keep secrets' date=' and why should I? I'm saving my own life, it's as simple as that. I've certainly tried to loose the weight without the surgery but I haven't been able to keep it off.

Plus, I've thought about having WLS many times but never really believed I could or would. And then one day a coworker told me he had bypass years ago, out of the blue. He was very matter of fact about the whole thing. I respected his openness. It inspired me to believe I could do it as well. I hope someday I might inspire someone the same way.[/quote']

I agree with you 100%! I won't broadcast it. Bit I'm asked about my weight loss, and the famous question ' how did you do it?' I always tell the truth. I've yet to encounter anyone negative. All were super supportive. Everyone knows I've been big forever, so I think they just knew that this was my only option. I needed help just like a drug addict needs rehab. To me, it's all the same. Help is help!

[Butterthebean 8,146]

It's funny, but people do have to ask that question, don't they? I have complimented good friends in the past when I've noticed their weight loss, I figured it was good positive feedback. But I never asked how they did it. I didnt have to. I knew how they did it. They ate less and exercised more. Now that I look back, I can only think of one person who lost enough weight, and lost it fast enough, that he might have had WLS, but I never asked him either way. Never even occurred to me to ask.

But in the past when I've lost weight....and I lost 110 pounds once....I got asked every five minutes. My answer was always the same...duh, I exercised like a madman and starved myself. I honestly got tired of being asked. It was like people we're hoping that I might say I found a magic pill or something. They always looked so disappointed with my answer. Like I dashed their hopes by telling them it was hard as hell.

[JenniJune 79]

I will be completely open about it. My goal is to educate people that are naive and ignorant about WLS. People will always have opinions, but we have to deal with negativity in other ways too not just over WLS. Ultimately, though, you have to do what's right for you and whatever is going to help you on this journey. That's why forums like this are so important - we need the support that only comes from others going through the same thing. God bless :-)

[girlfriday 59]

the 6 put of 7 people I have told have been very supportive. the one that is not supportive is my sister who completely dogged me out and said I had lost my mind and was being wreck less for going to Mexico. So, she gets to know nothing else and for now I have stopped any communication with her. It is like she is waiting for. e to have it done and something go wrong so she can gloat about it. Up until now, we have had a good relationship. I knew she would be skeptical but not to this degree and I thought she would have tried to talk to me and find out what I have done as far as research has gone. but nope, she hasn't.

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[MsDallasSleever 65]

Most of my friends are supportive however my family would prefer that I not do it. My sister said there is no promise that I will wake up from surgery. I look at it as there is no promise I will arrive hone safely from driving my car too and from either...

It's been my experience that most people who aren't supportive have not had to endure the battle we have ask experienced.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

the 6 put of 7 people I have told have been very supportive. the one that is not supportive is my sister who completely dogged me out and said I had lost my mind and was being wreck less for going to Mexico. So' date=' she gets to know nothing else and for now I have stopped any communication with her. It is like she is waiting for. e to have it done and something go wrong so she can gloat about it. Up until now, we have had a good relationship. I knew she would be skeptical but not to this degree and I thought she would have tried to talk to me and find out what I have done as far as research has gone. but nope, she hasn't.

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Is she skeptical about the surgery itself, or just you going to Mexico? My wife's eyes bugged out of her head when I mentioned some people go to Mexico to have this surgery if their insurance won't pay for it. It's just one of those preconceived notions people have about another country.

[girlfriday 59]

The Mexico part. she is absolutely for the surgery. she was sleeved 2 yrs ago. it is purely the preconceived notion about Mexico. She is also concerned about my sleep apnea ( very mild) and the fact that I was put under 2 months ago for a minor procedure. I wasn't going to go and get another sleep study done if the US doctor I had originally chosen wanted one. I was pretty much willing to do any other pre op testing, but my insurance doesn't cover WLS and I am sure they would not have covered a sleep study for me either since it would have been for WLS. It is good to know I am not alone though. I hate that part about it for all of us, but, my sister is very opinionated and that is all it is.......an opinion.

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[JenniJune 79]

It's been my experience that most people who aren't supportive have not had to endure the battle we have ask experienced.

I LOVE this statement!!

That's been my experience too. The one person that has said anything negative about it for me has never had a weight problem in her life and has always been a natural size 00.

[kczar 166]

I just went to see the psychologist for my psych evaluation (my insurance doesn't require it but my surgeon does.) He's obviously familiar with this process as he was one of the docs my surgeon recommended. He said that if you've been overweight all or most of your life, it's always going to be harder to lose weight and maintain it. Your body is always waiting for you to "come out of hibernation" so we'll always have to eat fewer calories and exercise more. That's just the way it is. People who are regular size or who were thin in the past, gained weight and then lost it think we're lazy. They think this surgery is the easy way out. I guess they can't understand that we need all the tools available in our arsenal to be successful. I've been very fortunate because I've told pretty much everyone that's important to me and they have been supportive (or at least not negative.) I wish everyone here could have that same experience.

[buffalogal 52]

I'd call your Dr. and let him know how unsupportive that psych was. If it were as easy as just dieting, we'd all be thin. I don't feel that I owe an explaination to anyone. My health and life depends in this and it's not their business. I am very successful in every sspect of my life except this, amd i dont have another twenty years of my life to waste on this. I actually am starting to suspect that a lot more people do WLS than let on. I feel like a huge obstacle in my life is about to be lifted and I can't wait.

[aworkinprogress 5]

I am so proud of all you for all the great posts. I agree and sadly most have other issues other than weight and are in denial. At least I am no longer in denial for the need for help. Here are a few quotes I like and want to share with you. God loves us just the way we are and we should too.

" To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) American Essayist & Poet

"Just because I can't do it today, doesn't mean I won't be able to do it ever!"

" Blessed are the flexible for they will not get bent out of shape!"

From Buck the horse whispers foster mother

"Just because I can't do it today, doesn't mean I won't be able to do it ever!" Arthur Boorman he lost a lot of weight

" You know you've got to exercise your brain just like your muscles."

Will Rogers

"The mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.”

Frank Zappa

Be proactive not reactive.

It's not how many times u have fallen- its how many times you pick yourself up that matters!

Everyone has at least one issue/regret that needs help.If you need help admit it with no shame. Many are in denial. I was.

Life is short so IF you disagree with someone Then it may be better to just agree to disagree.

Me

[kczar 166]

I'd call your Dr. and let him know how unsupportive that psych was. If it were as easy as just dieting, we'd all be thin. I don't feel that I owe an explaination to anyone. My health and life depends in this and it's not their business. I am very successful in every sspect of my life except this, amd i dont have another twenty years of my life to waste on this. I actually am starting to suspect that a lot more people do WLS than let on. I feel like a huge obstacle in my life is about to be lifted and I can't wait.

BG, were you directing this to me? If so, I probably just didn't express myself very well. The doctor was very supportive! In fact, he was pretty awesome. But what he said is true - if you've been heavy your whole life, it is harder to lose weight and keep it off. Your body gets a comfortable setpoint and it doesn't like to drop down below that. For example, the lowest weight I can remember is 190 lbs. Both my surgeon and I know that it's going to be tougher for me to break that after surgery. Of course it can be done, but I'm not going to magically drop down to 150. I'm going to have to put in the work to get there. But I'm okay with that as long as I have the sleeve to back me up. I know I'm never going to be 275 again. I could never say that if I wasn't getting the sleeve.

[peacequeen 434]

I only told family at first. After I had the surgery and lost 60 pounds,,I posted on Facebook for everyone..not one negative comment. I think people compare wls to cosmetic surgery,,some easy way out to look good. It's so far from the truth, it's hard work,,I think it's been harder because it's forcing me to change and when you've been a certain way for 47 years,,it's not easy changing. I think people who are overweight that give negative opinions about wls aren't really jealous but maybe wish they had thought of it first and are too proud to admit it. Our loved ones and friends just worry when they hear surgery,,I know if my daughter came to me and said she had to have surgery (whatever type) I would be worried and want her to get a second opinion so sometimes negative comments are just some peoples way of saying,,I love and care about you,,I really hate to see you go through all of this..and because they think we can do it without surgery because they are skinny and have no clue what we are going through. Try to always keep this in mind when you tell someone and they don't respond the way you want them to. Even thank them for caring..I even told some that I would consider what they had to say and appreciate their opinion,,but I did what I wanted anyway.lol It hasn't been an easy road either,,it was difficult to tell those people I ended up with a leak then I felt like I had to convince them and myself that I did the right thing. It's like others have said, you will have to fight a good battle and show the proof to get the respect that wls deserves. Sorry I rambled on.