Is This A Problem For Anyone Else?

[Spirit Fire 115]

Soon after surgery I found that I was hyper-sensitive to the tremendous amount of food ads, tv shows, meals, and conversations that surround us each and every day. I had a choice to make: hide from life which my weight was already making me do OR particpate fully. Choosing to participate brings with it challenges. I don't ever want someone to eat differently or feel guilty because they are enjoying something that I choose not to have or that my sleeve can't tolerate. I have a friend who is glutten-intolerant and we now choose to meet at restaurants with glutten free menus, but we haven't changed our friendship or the way we talk with each other because of it. However, in the beginning, I had to learn what her boundaries were and now she is needing to learn what I am comfortable with. I have made a major change in my life and I can't expect everyone to conform to my needs, but I take responsibility for informing the people I care about what I need from them. Bigguy, Shangefan and a number of other posts had some wonderful insights. Your friend probably doesn't know how to approach the subject -- unless this has been his pattern with you over the years. He has to learn at the same time you are learning. I hope it doesn't cause an riff that can't be overcome.

[carbgrl 119]

A few days after surgery my husband ate big Cookies with icing in them next to me but since then he's jumped on the band wagon and lost 20+ lbs.

[big guy 11]

Couple things I found to help:

- Www.fitday.com - I track all food, really helps me clearly understand my calorie burn

- Frisbee golf - way too fun. You don't feel like your excersising

- Lick chips or Doritos if your craving hard ( lick off the the tasty stuff and throw the chips away. I read it on this site and .....it fricken works!!! ( my wife laughs)

- Goodwill - I should be loosing another 40lbs over the next few months, so I went in there and got some steals for my in between sizes.

[It's all new 453]

Thanks for all the ideas! Either my friend will get with the program or I'll focus on different friendships. It sounds like some other people have had similar issues.

[petal 11]

just a thought..maybe he is worried that as you loose the weight and as your confidence grows you will change and maybe find a new best friend..

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I had surgery May 10th.

My closest guy friend has been really difficult to be around since the surgery. Every time I talk to him he takes part of the conversation and talks about what he cooked' date=' ate, is eating, etc, and is very descriptive about how WONDERFUL the food is. Yesterday it was the milkshake his partner brought him, and did I remember how much chocolate is in the milkshake from this particular restaurant and OH! doesnt it remind you almost more of a custard than a milkshake? etc etc.

This was not what we talked about before my surgery. And so yesterday I said - "could we talk about something besides what you are eating? You know I can't eat much food, let's find another topic.".

At which point he told me that just be because I had ELECTIVE surgery he shouldn't have to not talk about food...[/quote']

Your friend is being a jerk. Sounds like he has a problem with the surgery in general. Some people don't understand why it's necessary at all. They think we are taking the easy way out.

I'm so grateful for my wife. Every since I started the preop diet she's been eating only what I eat...at least in my presence. She's lost 15 pounds herself. I'm proud of her and grateful for her support.

[Lilu 65]

Thanks for all the ideas! Either my friend will get with the program or I'll focus on different friendships. It sounds like some other people have had similar issues.

Why does your friend have to get with the program because you chose to change your life. You need to examine why you feel a problem with him talking about what he ate. After my surgery I spent three weeks an a clear diet and puree diet. When I went to regular food I ate what my diet said I could eat. And my friends ate what they wanted. They talk to me about the foods they ate and how good it was and I would tell them that sounds go but I can't not have any of it at the moment. I knew that as I move along in my choice I know I will be able to eat more things in time. Every thing you do is for you and you can not expect everyone to change because you are. I think you are over reacting and need to talk to your long time friend and maybe see someone about the food issue. It really should not bother you so much.

I am sorry if you feel I am being hard it is just that I feel you are getting support but you want people to act one way that you only agree, you are not being supportive back.

Good luck hope things get better.

[It's all new 453]

In response to the previous post by Lilu, I don't expect the world to rotate around my new lifestyle. I am around other friends and family members who talk about food and it is a non issue - food is a part of life and will come up naturally in conversation. This particular friend however has changed his behavior to taunt me about food on a daily basis since my surgery, sound effects and all. I am not the only person to notice the way in which he does this. I appreciate your point, but his behavior is just not ok.

(can someone tell me how to include the post from Lilu in my post? I haven't figured out how people do that...)

[Catracks 865]

Oh no, that sounds like no support at all. Shame on ur wife (no disrespect meant). When I had my surgery, my husband wouldn't eat anything around me, I'd even have to tell him to go ahead and eat and that I was ok. He was and 2 1/2 mo out he still is super considerate when we eat.

keepin it real

Same with my husband and daughter. I had to sit there and convince them that bringing home pizza was cool with me. When we go out. my husband who is a frugal eater will just say something like: "Ill just eat what you don't." I've taken to getting things I know he will like because I still can only fit in about 4 oz. by volume at a time if I'm lucky. We were out in the desert this weekend, stopped by a diner and got a killer hot turkey sandwich. I was so hungry that I attacked it and started picking after 4 hungry bites of turkey and gravy. Then he took over and couldn't finish it either. YAY! Leftovers!

He says I'm a cheap date. Is that good?

[elizabeth12677 6]

Not supportive at all! I have supportive family and friends around me. They may not believe in the procedure, but they believe in me. Last week I opened the freezer and saw Ben and Jerry's, I almost cried until I looked at the label. Not one I would like. My mom said "I would never buy something you liked, that is just cruel". That is what you need around you, people who want good things for you

[Delta_35 129]

Ugh, this. I'm sorry, I can't get with people picking on others just because they decided to do something to improve THEIR life. I'm sorry. I can't do the kumbaya, hand-holding thing with someone who is being spiteful to me. Now, I understand going the psychology route if it's a spouse, because you have to get along with them, but someone who is just a so-called friend can kiss my rapidly slimming a$$. Sorry. I'm not trying to offend anyone.

To be clear, I am not talking about a friend who goes on about their life and eats what they want to in front of me, I have no problem with that. I am talking about someone who goes out of their way to make nasty remarks.

LOL!! This is what i would do. Either your with me or against me..if its the latter, then Goodbye!!!

[rizabonita 41]

Same with my husband and daughter. I had to sit there and convince them that bringing home pizza was cool with me. When we go out. my husband who is a frugal eater will just say something like: "Ill just eat what you don't." I've taken to getting things I know he will like because I still can only fit in about 4 oz. by volume at a time if I'm lucky. We were out in the desert this weekend' date=' stopped by a diner and got a killer hot turkey sandwich. I was so hungry that I attacked it and started picking after 4 hungry bites of turkey and gravy. Then he took over and couldn't finish it either. YAY! Leftovers!

He says I'm a cheap date. Is that good?[/quote']

Jajaja, that's what my hubby tells me too. It's okay to b a cheap date, considering the economy...lol

keepin it real

[Lilu 65]

In response to the previous post by Lilu, I don't expect the world to rotate around my new lifestyle. I am around other friends and family members who talk about food and it is a non issue - food is a part of life and will come up naturally in conversation. This particular friend however has changed his behavior to taunt me about food on a daily basis since my surgery, sound effects and all. I am not the only person to notice the way in which he does this. I appreciate your point, but his behavior is just not ok.

(can someone tell me how to include the post from Lilu in my post? I haven't figured out how people do that...)

hit the quote button on the post you want too speak on and hit enter when it shows up in the reply box and type away.

[DesertRat 32]

Well, iMHO, something is definitely wrong in that behavior. It seems like deliberate taunting which makes no sense at all. I wonder if he fears that you will no longer care about him once you lose weight.

I would be careful not to respond until you know that you can do so calmly. I'm not saying that you will overreact but if I were in your shoes I'd have to take some time to make certain that I could handle anything that came from it without strong emotion. But I would address it head on.

Support system is very important and if someone is not respecting and supporting you in your choice something is going to have to give.

[cmw10000 35]

I guess i was really lucky my husband would eat before he came home at night so I would not have to smell food cooking. But on the other side we have friends that the husband was (retired) Dr. He really frowned on the surgery and actually said (he and his wife are skinny) said that we eat salads and Soup and I have lost 20 lbs...... Man what an inconciderate DR...... If eating salad would have worked I would not have had the surgery. Some people just don't get it....so maybe just avoid them for awhile. I did.