New Here - Surgery Date July 2Nd

[ladyarwenrose 14]

Hi everyone!

stumbled across this while I was searching for answers. I'm a newbie to all of this and it's all been a bit scary yet an adventure at the same time. I've struggled with my weight my whole life, yoyo'ing all the way. The last two years my health has been going downhill with one problem after another. I finally decided that enough was enough and it was time to get serious and get this weight off once and for all. My boyfriend is awesome and very supportive of me. We live together and he does all the cooking. he's been changing how he cooks in order to be more healthy for me. (he's so sweet!)

I told my parents awhile back that I was looking into doing the surgery. they freaked out and tried to talk me out of it. they only shut up after an hour of countering their arguments and have not brought it up since. well yesterday I told my mom that I was approved and my Surgery is set for July 2nd. she's freaked out and constantly repeated herself that she does not support this. says that I can lose the weight on my own, just eat less, eat more healthy, exercise more. she doesn't agree with me changing my body in order to lose the weight. that it's the easy way out. she even went so far as to say that i've never stuck to anything more than a few weeks, how can I expect this to be any different!!! I cried when I hung up the phone. She hasn't changed my mind, if anything i'm more determined now.

Other family members aren't much different. my father won't even talk about it and I know he's against it. my sibling doesn't like the idea but will be there for me in any way they can (yeah). my grandmother is saddened by it and basically has the same opinion of my mom as far as trying to do this on my own instead. my mother told my aunt, no idea how she reacted or how she thinks. Basically I told my mom, she told grandma and my aunt. I haven't told any other family members due to the reactions i've already gotten.

I did tell my friend. we've known each other since 1st grade (over 20yrs). she seemed supportive of it. we've had a falling out recently so her support is no longer their either.

And I told a couple people at work. all of them have been great about it. but i'm afraid to tell anyone else. our department has over 30 people in it. i'm sure they'll find out sooner or later. but i'm just not sure I want the nosey inquiries right now.

so, basically, I really only have my boyfriend for support in my personal life. i'm afraid of life afterwards because of this. what are holidays and get togethers going to be like with a family that can't understand what I did or why I did it?

but i'm not giving up! i'm moving forward. to a new and healthier me! i'm not in this for the "easy way out." i'm in this because if I don't then i'm afraid I won't have a long life!

any insights or words of wisdom, etc are appreciated.

[canne320 7]

Lady, I think you'll find people out there with all different reactions. I got your not fat enough, really you could do it on your own just cut back, exercise more blah blah blah! I had the surgery on may 1st, I am down 38 pounds. I feel so much better. It is not the easy way out. Was it easy when you were being picked on in school because you were fat. Was it easy when you couldn't find anything to wear because you gained weight. Was it easy when you were embarrassed to go to a buffet? Was it easy when you went out with a group of friends and didn't eat because you were too embarrassed to? Because you were dieting again! It is not easy and never has been! Go for it, take care of you nobody else will. They will come around when they see how much happier you'll be. And just let them know that your gonna do it wether they like it or not!, that's what I did. And people are now telling me how good I look and they are so glad it's working for me!,, good luck and keep us posted! Lori

[ChristineS NY 44]

Lady,

We share surgery dates, we'll be sleeve sisters!

My Mom still asks me if I think I'm doing the right thing. She talked to my husband on the phone while I was out and asked him if he thought I was doing it for appearance wise?! I'm getting tired of being questioned. I know she is very scared and concerned, which is natural and I get that. I know the reasons why I decided to have the sleeve done. I don't want to end up in her foot prints with a heart attack at the age of 48 resulting in a quadruple bypass. Or passing away after many years of uncontrolleable diabetes and passing away of a heart attack at 53 like my Dad. I also have chsen not to tell a lot of people, famiy members included because I just don't need the added stress. My husband and 3 children are beside me 100% in my decision. My Mom and sister are coming around, natually they are afraid of the unknown.

We need to do this for ourselves and our quality of life!

[DebraLea 16]

Congratulations on your decision to make your life better. I have only the support of my significant other and he is being so wonderful about my decision and has learned to much to help me on my journey to a new me. I got grief from people at work as well. My boss who thinks he know everything said I didn't need surgery just stop eating all the time. I was like that is all the other department heads, I don't eat but once a day and it isn't here. Said if I'm eating 500 calories a day who is that to much? He had no response for that. Have jealous people who can't lose or don't want to lose on their own making rude comments behind my back about it. Do I care? Nope it's all about me for a change and making my life better and healthier ( I am Diabetic).

You just keep doing what you are doing because it is for you and only you. I am sorry your family is not more supportive but they will learn to deal with it.

Oh by the way your date is a good day to have it done, it is my dear moms birthday. She would have supported me no matter what, God I miss her.

Here for you if you need to talk

[ladyarwenrose 14]

canne, I hope they come around. my family is just completely against surgery for ANY reason. I've had two foot surgeries and two hand surgeries and they felt they were not needed. huh, so walking and writing, etc are not important? LOL

Christine. YEAH! definately sleeve sisters! keep me posted on your progress. I'm nervous about it, but mostly excited

Deb, yep it is a good day to have it. and close to the day of freedom for us americans i'm sorry you lost your mom. that can be hard at times, especially in situations where you would have leaned on that family member for support, etc. I lost my sister 3-7-08. It doesn't get any easier, we just learn to cope better. I too wish she was here right now so I could have her support through all of this.

and Ben, thanks for that. I will most likely use some of those next time i talk to my family

[Piplula 709]

Hi Lady & Welcome!

I didn't tell anyone in my family but my husband! He was and continues to be a supportive light in my life. I didn't tell my mom or dad or any family member until I was approved for surgery. some family...I waited until after.. None of my family knew I was pre-diabetic, hypertensive, and have high cholesterol. I am 38 years old and I am considerd morbidly obese...sounds so grotesque when you see it on paper...or electronically in this case! So when I finally told them that I was approved to have the surgery I got an ok from my brother.. Silence from my dad..then an ok.. And a ok from my mom with and are you sure??? This was the very reason I didn't tell anyone! I think that sometimes family fear the unknown which is why I asked my hubby to come to every appt. with me to become educated with me on the process and he did which is why I think he is supportive. Perhaps your family has this same fear..are there required seminars you can attend? Ask your mom to come to a support group and let her see the people who have succeeded. In fact, if she refuses, challenge her to come and face that fear. Let her hear those who had complications but overcame them and have gone on to succeed. Tell your mom to ask questions.. Those people are the ones who can educated her. Bring her to the seminar when you first started...let her look around the room and show her you aren't alone. Let her hear the doctors, the dietitians, the nurses and what they have to say about the process..because they are the "medical experts". Let her hear from people who have already walked the path because they are the "ultimate expert". I feel you are saddened because they aren't supportive. I would then ask them to come and see...and remind the gently that comments can be hurtful if one is commenting without being educated on the process first. And in the end..if they still are unsupportive...you will always have us here. U are one of us now! You are part of a special sorority/ fraternity of men and women who are so full of life that all we want is for our bodies to feel and be better so we can embrace that life we have been given! Good luck on your journey! I look forward to reading about your many success stories to come!!!

[ladyarwenrose 14]

hi piplula

i have asked her several times to go with me to appointments. she refuses to go. and I can say with 100% certainty that she and my father will NEVER support this. even if I show them (in the long run) that this was the right decision for me they will never agree with what I did. yes it saddens me because family should always be supportive of one another no matter what. There have been many things that came up over the last several years....mostly in the last year.....none of it I've received support from them. This is the final nail in the coffin so to speak. I have learned the hard way that I am alone. If I need help i'll have to find it from strangers because my family will just let me down. it's just me and my boyfriend, the most amazing man i've ever met. ironically also a "mistake" according to my family. so i'm glad I found this forum. It will be my lifeline in the coming days, weeks, months, years. sorry for going on about it, it's just really bothering me right now.