The Downside Of Weight Loss..

[bellabbr 50]

Everyone thinks everything will be amazing and more than likely it will. But there is a downside that no one really talks about it, that I wish I knew about it before I started on this Quest. Some little/big shocks that I got along the way and just want to pass it on :

http://theinsanerealityofmylife.blogspot.com/

Like I said though, don't let this discourage you, the pros still outweighs the cons by a million, but its good to know so that maybe you won't be as shocked as I was.

[Forensikchic 528]

I agree with some of the things on the list I wasnt aware would happen like shoe size etc. but I dont really consider that a downside. I love to shop for new clothes and shoes and its fun now when it didnt use to be. I am thrilled with my sleeve and I will take these downs any day! Like you said, the pros really outweigh the cons in a BIG way!

[MinaT 669]

I once went from 330 - 128 and I did get a divorce. The thing was I had confidence to actually leave. I didn't care if I had anyone. The issue I ended up having at the time was anger. I became bitter because I was treated so much nicer as a skinny person than when I was fat. When I was skinny, people opened doors, they moved out of my way when I walked, I didn't have to move out of the way, they didn't take cuts. My thinking became....wow people really do suck. Girls that treated me like crap, tried being my friend, girls that were my friends, became jealous, guys constantly staring at me, made me self-conscience like what do I have a third eye, a booger, why are they staring at me. After an illness and surgery I gained weight and met my current husband and I think I can handle this next go round easier. I realized people do treat overweight people differently, and that's just the way it is. I can't dislike people in general and just am going to take things one day and a per-person basis. I do know people that I associate with now that aren't going to be too pleased when I am fit and healthy and it already puts a big smile on my face

[PdxMan 4,292]

Wow ...

Not being able to wear my favorite fat pants is a downside ...

Having to take leftovers home from a restaurant is a downside ...

Believing everybody hates me not because I am fat ...

Uhhh ... there are other issues in that poster's life. But they are correct. Losing weight does not fix all of your issues. It would appear they thought they would.

[AliveAgain 283]

Wow, sorry to say it - but that was a little depressing to read. Not because I worry about those same things, but because I'm sad that all those things are "cons" for you. I can see how those things could be a shock to you, but I'm curious about your realistic expectations of the surgery. Did someone (i.e. your doctor) promise all those things would happen for you in the first 6 months after surgery?

I get it. It does suck that we may never have our high school bodies and skin back. Who the f*** cares? I'm not in high school anymore. This is real life and I see taking control of my HEALTH far more important than my appearance. I'm a girl, so of course I care about how I look. But I would rather think positively that "wow, I'm a size 10 and not a size 24 anymore" than "why am I not a size 2 yet?" Or "yeah, my skin looks like a deflated balloon but it's a reminder of the battle I'm winning." As for the relationship insecurities, chances are if your significant other thinks you may leave him then there were deeper issues underlying even when you were at your heaviest. To blame your weight loss is like saying your relationship only works when the lights aren't on.

I hope you can find a way to find a good middle ground, where you are happier with yourself and the amazing steps you've taken to take control. It could be a good idea to do some inner reflection so that you don't sabotage your weight loss down the road with negative emotions towards all the changes.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey!

[MinaT 669]

People treat heavier people different, that's the plain truth. Actually, there are people that were heavy and lost weight that look down on heavy people as though hey I did it, why can't you. Heavier people get offered less for a position than a fit person, they get treated with less respect and it can cause a person to have a mistrust of people and once losing the weight it can cause emotional stress learning how to be a skinny person if you are heavy all your life. I am a nice person, heavy or thin, but I believe I became a much colder person when I was thin because I got to see the ugly truth on how much nicer I was treated when I was thin. That is sad that people treat heavy people with less respect. There is also truth to heavier people acting more jovial on the outside while dying on the inside, let's make fun of yourself before others can make fun of you, it's one of those things being on both side of the fitness scale that I have learned and can attest to.

I am grateful I can emotionally and mentally handle things now and this transition won't be so dramatic for me. What people think of me fat or skinny doesn't matter so much anymore, I'm losing for my health not for any other reason.

[AliveAgain 283]

People treat heavier people different, that's the plain truth. Actually, there are people that were heavy and lost weight that look down on heavy people as though hey I did it, why can't you. Heavier people get offered less for a position than a fit person, they get treated with less respect and it can cause a person to have a mistrust of people and once losing the weight it can cause emotional stress learning how to be a skinny person if you are heavy all your life. I am a nice person, heavy or thin, but I believe I became a much colder person when I was thin because I got to see the ugly truth on how much nicer I was treated when I was thin. That is sad that people treat heavy people with less respect. There is also truth to heavier people acting more jovial on the outside while dying on the inside, let's make fun of yourself before others can make fun of you, it's one of those things being on both side of the fitness scale that I have learned and can attest to.

I am grateful I can emotionally and mentally handle things now and this transition won't be so dramatic for me. What people think of me fat or skinny doesn't matter so much anymore, I'm losing for my health not for any other reason.

Wow, MinaT. That was very well put. I know all too well how obese people are discriminated against. I was fired from my last job because of my weight. Not paranoid, I have written proof and witnesses. It is sad that l feel I'm also finding myself with some anger towards people who used to be real asses to me who are now so nice to me. I hope to move past that.

Congratulations on your wonderful weight loss, before surgery!

[Star1221 270]

I'm ok with all of that. I went into this eyes wide open, researched the hell out of this. My expectations are high, but that's because this is the first time I've jumped whole hearted into this. Yes I know I'll have naked issues until I can afford the thousands it will cost to nip, tuck, lift, and fill.... But I'm worth it. And a size 10 is my dream. Own it. You did this. Be proud

[MinaT 669]

Emlefe take it from someone who went through what you are feeling now, it's not worth the anger and resentment. Just be happy with who you are now. I remember meeting my best friend out one night. This guy kept staring at me and I growled at him. This guy that was staring said, I was staring at you because I think you have a nice neck, but boy you act like such a b****. I laughed for a long time over that and he's my best friend now. Yeah, I was that kind of girl, I literally could get away with doing odd ball things like putting eye liner on my two front teeth and being out on the dance floor and a cute guy would come up to me and I would grin and talk funny and we would laugh at it.

I felt like Stockard Channing in the movie "The Girl Most Likely to" I didn't physically hurt anyone but I admit I wounded a few egos in my angry phase.

I think learning how to deal emotionally and mentally with being thin is a bit harder for women. I learned that some women that are heavy were molested or raped when they were young and as they get older they realize the fat was a barrier to hide, being unattractive would keep them safe. This is part of my emotional baggage, which could account for my anger at that time too. Luckily I worked through that baggage and was able to nip things like that in the bag, that's one thing some women that have been heavy all their lives will have to deal with too, a new sexual identity.

This isn't a con against surgery, but there's a lot of emotional things you have to deal with when losing weight.

[~Prissy Mz~ 13]

I agree, my goal was never to be a size two, I just want to be a healthy size 10 and maintain it. I hated the feeling of someone laying across me and although I've only lost 30 so far it's such a difference. I went and got my hair done today and everyone noticed my weight change . It felt great and my hair came out AWESOME.

[bellabbr 50]

I am sorry if that came across as depressing or I don't own it. Trust me I do and I would do it again a thousand times over, but there are downsides to it. Maybe small ones but there are. I don't know if because of my weight I was depressed for so long and the transition was difficult and maybe no one else feels this way, but to say its been easy about everything?? No it hasn't. It's a very difficult transition your whole life changes, and no one really talks about it. Its just like explaining to someone who doesn't have kids how their life will change. You can't. Its just one of those things that they have to live it, so if for all of you guys it has been amazing and easy breezy, congratulations, but for me it hasn't. There is a downside to it, And yes maybe I was stupid but I really thought after all this work I would look good in a 2 piece and that is not the case. I F*88 care like you nicely put. I want a nice body because I worked hard for it. Oh and don't worry I wont sabotage anything, I would do it all again in a heartbeat and like I said the pros outweighs the cons by thousands but to say there is no change and its a bit difficult to deal with is just not true and that is what everyone and what I read about before I had this surgery said.

ETA: and I agree its irritating how much better people will treat you now that you are skinny. Guys will open doors and strike up conversations. Its all very shallow bc I can bet my life on it, at 240 lbs they wouldn't even think twice about opening a door for me.

[MinaT 669]

Bella, you are entitled to how you feel and nobody can take that away from you. I know where you are coming from with your post. I expected a whole lot of things to be different. Some things people don't realize, I lost 66 pounds pre-surgery so far but on the inside I feel exactly as I did when I was 128 and exactly as I did when I was over 300. It's even stranger that when I was 300 I didn't realize how really big I was and when I was 128 I felt like I weighed 300 still.

It's difficult to the right emotional/mental balance with the weight.

[bellabbr 50]

Oh thank you for that Mina. Sometimes I feel like the only one on this battle. Everyone is just happy go lucky having an awesome time without having any bad emotions or feelings about it. Its been a huge challenge to find the right emotional balance and I do feel alone. So I really appreciate you saying that.

[Star1221 270]

I see where you're coming from. Mine is I had so much negative that this one thing is now something I can control... Finally. I disliked myself so much that there was nowhere to go but up. I was the funny fat girl laughing through my pain. Still am. So I get it.

[AliveAgain 283]

I hope I didn't come across as insensitive. My words came out of worry that perhaps you weren't happy, but it sounds like you are on the right track. You are right, this surgery does bring about a HUGE emotional transition for all of us. Some of us handle it in different ways. What is important to you may not be what is important to me. For me, I'm struggling with being 36 years old and I can't/don't want to go back to my former career since it does not encourage a healthy lifestyle and I'm afraid of sabotaging my progress. That and I think I ate because I HATED my career/job. Others may see this as small potatoes to what their individual challenges are with this surgery, and that's fine.

I'm glad you have goals, and I hope you continue to aim for them. Remember you still have a long way to go -- time will help with all of these things -- but you have already come SO FAR! Celebrate that.