WAAAAY off the wagon!!

[Alexandra 55]

Holy COW, do I need a fill. Today's menu included popcorn AND ice cream, in addition to half of my daughter's small milkshake, plus my own Breakfast and dinner. (The popcorn was lunch.)

And I know all the carbs have been making me sleepy...since I've been basically without much restriction lately I've been taking in more Pasta and bread and less Protein over the last couple of weeks. I'm SOOO tired!! :cool:

Well, every day is a new chance not to screw up. Tomorrow, I'm back on the carb-avoidance track, and I can't wait until my next fill!!

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekends. It's yucky raining cold here.

(And if anyone cares, Harry Potter ROCKS!) :D

[nightingale2u 42]

Hi Alexandra,

Man... I will have to make sure I am always riding on a tight fill cause this girl LOVES her carbs! Hope you are back on the wagon soon and feeling perky on protein!

Yay on the Harry Potter movie... we are going to see it tomorrow!

[donali 57]

I think it's just a carb month. At least, that's how it's been for me... :think

Breakfast was a mini-bagel with cream cheese, a cookie, and some snacky mix with peanuts, sesame cracker strips and something like cheetos. Late lunch/early dinner was the steak/seafood buffet at one of the casinos. Must have had at least 20-30 shrimp, a small creme broulee, a few bites of chocolate cheesecake, a spoonful of bread pudding, and the crust and some filling of a cherry cobbler. :D :eek:

Five hours later I'm still waddling around overfull. This is fun, isn't it??? lol

Now, why don't I feel like I need a fill?!?! :eek:

But I really don't. Feel like I need one, that is. I coulda/shoulda stopped 5-10 shrimp in, and skipped the dessert. But I didn't... And it wasn't because I was still physically hungry. That's my biggest clue that I need the head work, and not the fill. Water still goes down slowly - I honestly can't see how I can go any tighter without suffering. Physically (not emotionally).

I definitely need a psychological tune-up. I won't even say what I've eaten in the past two weeks... :eek:

However, the beating up of myself is definitely dead - my inner adult is standing back with a smile, shaking her head, knowing that this too will pass. In spite of all the incredible indulgences, my weight is not fluctuating anymore than usual (?!?!?!?!). Haven't seen 205.5 since I've hit it, but I know it will be back, and my journey down will continue.

Alexandra, popcorn goes down really easy for many (for me!), and of course ice cream and milkshakes, so I don't take that in and of itself as a symptom of needing a fill. If you'd said you'd eaten all the stuff I did today, and were still starving, or could have eaten more, I'd say baby, get cinched up!!

You of course know better than anyone if you need a fill or not, but for me these high carb indulgences are just a symptom of my boredom with my otherwise very low carb menu, and not a symptom of being too loose. If you had chosen dense proteins/veggies instead of your high carb choices, would you have still felt hungry after what you consider to be a reasonable meal?

I'm not saying there isn't some value in being tight enough that we think twice about bread because 99% of the time it's not going to go down, but I think we all need to keep in the back of our minds that WE make the choices of WHAT we eat. The band's job is to help reduce hunger and quantity. Quality is in our courts.

Just my humble thoughts and ramblings, as I deal with my food issues from the past few weeks... :cool:

[Alexandra 55]

Donali, thanks for your insights and I absolutely agree with your analysis. I didn't mention my breakfast--a chicken breast with ranch dressing--or my dinner--a generous portion of stir-fried chicken and vegetables with garlic sauce. And my dinner the night before was a package of frozen enchiladas--yes, a whole package. (That package of five small chicken enchiladas was intended to feed one, but still it was WAY more than I've been eating.)

So it's not just the presence of ice cream and popcorn in my diet that leads me to my conclusion, though I know it sounded that way. It's the fact that my meals aren't doing the job of filling me up enough so that Snacks and Desserts recede back into my sub-consciousness.

I am a little nervous about the possiblity of getting too tight, but I really feel almost no restriction now. If my band gets back to the place it was after my last fill, I'll be happy as a clam. That level of fill FORCES me to stop after a decent amount, because one more nibble might create a problem. That gives my inner adult time to come back from wherever she was and tell me to stop. And when I'm not hungry it's easy to walk away from the baked ziti and tortellini. :cool:

You're amazing, D. Can I borrow you to live in my pocket for a while?

[Sultana 0]

Hi Alex,

I just read your post. It is your third fill you are talking about? I remember you writing about how it was effective when you first got it. I was the same way. I lost about 5 pound pretty fast after my third fill, but after only a few short days I felt like I had no restriction and I could eat anything and lots of it. I guess my question to all is, will there come a time when I get a fill that will be THE one which will remain tight long enough for me to really lose weight? I have had three fills so far--around 2 cc I think. I am discouraged, but trying to rally.

Sultana

[donali 57]

Hi Sultana -

I think most people do get to a fill level that they keep for a very long time. My last (fourth) fill was the beginning of October 2003. I may have to get another one someday, but right now (even though sometimes I can really eat a lot, particularly if I drink with meals and eat for longer than 20 minutes) I still feel like this is as tight as I can physically handle.

[donali 57]

Alexandra, I think you're amazing.

Now I guess I better get out my old counseling notebook and go through it again, paying particular attention to the "stopping when full" parts... :cool:

[Alexandra 55]

Sultana, I've had two fills so far; next week will be my 3rd. With both previous fills I had great restriction which lasted a couple of months. I think with me losing weight is what changes the restriction. At this rate, I might need three or four more fills before I get anywhere near my "goal."

D...stopping when full is the SINGLE hardest part of this whole journey. No question. How come we weren't born with that ability? Seems like something other people do effortlessly. :cool:

[Sultana 0]

Thanks Donali and Alex,

I have never had a fill after which I felt restricted for more than a day or two. Maybe my next will be the one.....? It has been 5 months and I have only lost about 25 pounds, and I am struggling to keep it off. I think the fact that weather here is dank and drizzly (and has been for weeks with brief interludes of sunshine) doesn't help with keeping my chins up. I really appreciate your support.

Sultana

[Chris S. - L.I. 0]

Do any of you really experience a "full" feeling? I'm not sure I do. I am going for my 5th fill this Tuesday. I feel I have been eating more then I should.

[Alexandra 55]

Sultana, I know what you mean about the weather making it hard to keep our "chins" up. (LOL!) I crave Pasta in weather like this, which is why I went for the baked ziti the other night. It was DEEEE-LISH!

Chris, I definitely experience a full feeling after many meals. It is different from the "stuck" feeling, and only comes when I've managed the meal well. That means waiting a couple of minutes after the first two or so bites, and taking subsequent bites super slowly. Eating one quick bite is sometimes enough to throw the whole meal off so I can't eat enough at that sitting to get full.

It's a balancing act, and I'm still learning how to balance.

[donali 57]

Sultana -

5 pounds a month average isn't "only". Believe me, no matter what the average, it's never fast enough!

It is odd that your sense of restriction only lasts a day or two. Are they withdrawing all the Fluid that was in there before? It could very well be that your sense of restriction was only the swelling of your stomach in response to the fill trauma, and not due to the amount of the fill itself.

You will get to where you are going - keep the faith, and keep up on your fills. In the meantime, work on your behaviours, and one day it will all come together. :cool:

[donali 57]

Chris, regarding the "full" feeling - what Alexandra said.

I don't get the "old" full feeling most of the time. Most of the time it's an "I'm done feeling because there is no room." My "full" feeling that I get occasionally is like my old "full" feeling. I'm not sure how to guarantee it, but I do still get it once in a while. I think it has to do with what Alexandra said - managing the meal well. I don't seem to get that "full" feeling if I only eat one type of thing - having different textures seems to help bring it on.