Crazy Problems?

[jhansen71 257]

Let me start off by saying sorry this might be long, but I hope some of you find something you can relate to.

I had surgery mid March and have lost 40lbs total (including the 2 week pre-op). I have hit 3 big stalls already and I guess you could say in the VSG world I'm a slow loser. However, in my prior VSG life I could lose about 10lbs per month with diet pills (I know, so bad). This averages out to be 2.5lbs per week. So 11.5 weeks out from the time I started pre-op I have averaged 3.47lbs per week. Why am I so down on myself for not losing more? This is a victory, but I have to be mental to be disappointed. Then why am I?

If I get all my Protein in, my Water suffers (once I eat all my Protein I'm full for a few hours and cannot drink anything for a while). If I get all my Water in, my protein suffers (because my tummy stays full from the water). The only way to solve this is to drink the Protein shakes because they offer the protein and water intake together. Unfortunately, I can no longer stomach them. It's funny to think that prior to VSG I thought about food all the time like what was for lunch, snack or dinner and now all I think about is protein, water and Vitamins. Every day is a battle to get everything in and I know this is why I'm not losing as quickly as I could be. It's a true struggle, but also a mental game I repeat like Groundhog Day (the movie) every day, but in my movie I know it will never stop. I just hope that one day I can figure out how to make it all work like Bill Murray does in the movie.

Other struggles that are making me crazy...

I travel a lot for work and would always get on a plane early enough to grab the window seat. Prior to my 40lb weight loss I would notice people trying to avoid the middle seat next to me because of the tight fit. I would find the bright side of having a vacant seat next to me. Last week, I got on the plane early as usual and grabbed the window seat. I watched as people climbed in the plane and took every isle and window seat. Then as people came on the plane they filled middle seats in order and I was sure I would get the same reaction of people passing me by, but my middle seat was filled up in order with everyone else. I don't view myself right now as being thin enough to sit next to. Will this ever change? I still have 50lbs to lose so maybe this is why I feel like this, who knows?

I have gone from a tight 18 to a tight 14 and have found the Plus Size Department too big for me now. Today I go into the Misses Department and I am embarrassed the whole time thinking people are looking at me and passing judgement on me that I really shouldn't be there shopping. Like I was an alien from a different planet and I invaded the Misses Department. Will I ever feel worthy of skinny clothes or is my fate left in the hands of the internet?

In conclusion I would like to say that I never dreamed of the mental struggles I would go through after surgery. How do I put my mind on the same diet? Will my brain ever get skinny thoughts or will I always be the big girl not deserving of the neighbor in the middle seat? Don't get me wrong, all of this is mental stuff is tolerable when the end result means feeling healthier. I am just curious to hear if others out there have gotten to goal mentally too? Do I need professional help or will my mind eventually catch up?

[Lissa 2,631]

JHansen, I could have written some parts of your post. I believe that most of your thought process is normal. I still think that security is going to show up and march me out of the "normal" sizes and back over to the plus size section, too!

I don't think you're a slow loser, truthfully. You had less to lose initially, from your post, so you're going to lose at a slower rate than someone like me who started at a 53 BMI. I have 60+ pounds left to lose, so I can relate to where you are at mentally, I think. You need to not compare yourself to other sleevers. That's a sure way to have really big mental issues.

As for do you need therapy? I think we all need at least a little therapy. If we didn't have some underlying issue, none of us would be obese. Just being obese is enough to make people need therapy, IMO. Talking over the issues with someone would probably help. I feel like I'm "passing" a lot of times now. I'm not the biggest person in the room or at an event. I sometimes think that there must be an aura around me that says "I'm fat", even though I'm nowhere near as big as I was before.

For your food/water issues. Can you eat higher Protein foods to help with the protein/water dilemma? I use Premier Protein Bars to help me stay on top of my Protein intake. Eating one for Breakfast gives me energy for my workouts, plus lets me free up some space for some veggies later in the day. It also allows me to drink more Water and doesn't leave me feeling icky afterwards like something higher in fat would.

Good luck! This is the right place to ask questions!