Super Depressed :(

[amytug 996]

If I didn't have 6 children who need me day and night, I wouldn't be able to drag my big butt out of bed. I was fully ready to head on down to MX and self pay- and as most of you probably know, stuff happened and I wasn't able to pay for it anymore. Now I'm going the insurance route, and it's just going to take so long. I know, 6 months isn't the end of hte world, but it sure feels like it when I was going to have surgery june 4th and now I have to wait until around Cmas time. I'm really fighting with my depression. I'm supre cranky at the thought of having to be this big for 6 more months. I suppose I'll be losing a little bit, but I'm not trying super hard at this supervised diet thing- I've never stuck to a diet more than 4 mos because I just cave and eat a ton of food and all the wrong foods of course. I don't want to moan and whine, I dont want to feel sorry for myself, but I do. and Honestly, this surgery is about all i can think about, day and night. I think about it to fall asleep even. you could say I'm hyper focusing. I don't want to screw the next 6 mos up. I dont even go to my pcp untl this Friday- the shrink next Monday. I NEED this weight off, and asap. As far back as I can remember, I have felt bad about myself. It's hard not to when you can't find cute clothes for yourself, and when you find halfway inexpensive mens tshirts, you have to pay 3.00 more because your body requiresmore fabric than smaller people. I will have to go through another entier summer being fat.

I saw the light at the end of hte tunnel, and as I've said before, tha light is so tiny now. I have thought of 101 ways I could go about getting htis surgery sooner, and i just keep hitting dead ends.

i just want to eat, sleep, and do days without a shower.

I just thought maybe you guys would understand.

sorry if this is hard to understand, kids need me so i'm typing super fast, and probably not thining everything all the way through. i did switch to lamictal from effexor and hopefully that will help. i just dont have anything nice to wear, and really- i watn to refuse to purchase anything to cover this fat ugly body. :/

[kimmy*custis 276]

I am so sorry you are feeing this way Amy. Please, dont be so hard on yourself, it will happen and you will succeed, just give it time. I know how you feel, I just hated looking at myself and even getting dressed too, everything looked like a tent to me! Just keep your head up, maybe you can go talk to someone thru your insurance? Your kids need you to be strong and always remember YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!! Please keep us posted on your journey and remember...it will happen! Hugs to you!

[New_Hope 54]

I do understand, because I am just finishing up with my 6 months of wait time. It will go much faster than it seems right now. (of course that is easier for me to say since I just go my approval). The six months is a really good time to plan and get prepared. I know you can do this!! Just hang in there. You might go ahead and contact the surgeon you think you will be using. You might be able to do your six months through them, and they can provide information to make sure you are successful.

[aliandrews 98]

I felt the same way you were feeling. I went through the six month diet and was just yearning for it to be over. Well, it finally ended and went faster than I thought. Keep you head up and just know that YOU WILL LOSE THE WEIGHT. I felt awful for a long time too and hated buying clothing for myself too. There were days where I just wanted to stay in bed and not shower at all. But, good luck to you and keep up your spirits.

[froggymama15@yahoo.com 24]

I am sorry that you are feeling bad about yourself. I know how you feel which I am sure that most of us do. You need to keep you chin up. I thought that the 6 months seemed like an eternity. I was ready to get this surgery and be on with my life. I have just ended my 6 month time frame and headed for surgery tomorrow. The 6 months will go by faster than you think. I hope you start to feel better.

[chitowngirl 885]

I totally get it, I had to do my 6 month diet TWICE. I said something during one of my visits, along the lines that I was not able to exercise 5 days but I was able to walk, I also said that I had eaten out like 2 times. My insurance denied me because of that. I was really pissed. So the second time I said everything that I felt my insurance wanted to hear. It does go by fast. I wish you the best of luck.

[amytug 996]

Oh, I thought I replied to this!! Thank you all do much for reaching out. I'm actually kindof embarrassed that I posted all this woe is me stuff.

I'm off the pitty pot now and have decided to go ahead and start eating healthy and get more active. Noone says I can't lose weight but me and I have decided not to believe that lie. It will take hard work and commitment but I'm not waiting. The whole point was to change my ways right? What better time to start than now?

Im really happy to hear over and over that the 6 mos will fly. I'm sure it will. In a year I'll be sitting back wondering what in the world I was whining about.

[MrzSongbird 53]

Hey we can go through it together, I'm just beginning my 6mths, for the second time, now I'm ready and will just take one day at a time. Focusing on my six months down the line makes me to anxious.

[amytug 996]

Oh that would be awesome!! Can you text? My number is 660-998-2823

[tinytears 32]

Boy, when I read your post I thought it was me writing. I just started my 6 month journey and wish it was over. I don't understand why they make someone who has been overweight all their lives go through 6 more months of it. If I didn't have to go to work everyday I would probubly just stay in bed. Depression is setting in. I didn,t know if you showed you ate the wrong way that the insurance would deny you the surgery. I'm in trouble because I'm having a hard time this week. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Hopefully the next 5 months will fly by.

[Ssilian 67]

My insurance made me wait 12 months!!!!! I thought a year was going to take forever to go by. But the day finally came and now i have a date of 6/14. 3 1/2 weeks to go!

[kayte819 95]

If I didn't have 6 children who need me day and night, I wouldn't be able to drag my big butt out of bed. I was fully ready to head on down to MX and self pay- and as most of you probably know, stuff happened and I wasn't able to pay for it anymore. Now I'm going the insurance route, and it's just going to take so long. I know, 6 months isn't the end of hte world, but it sure feels like it when I was going to have surgery june 4th and now I have to wait until around Cmas time. I'm really fighting with my depression. I'm supre cranky at the thought of having to be this big for 6 more months. I suppose I'll be losing a little bit, but I'm not trying super hard at this supervised diet thing- I've never stuck to a diet more than 4 mos because I just cave and eat a ton of food and all the wrong foods of course. I don't want to moan and whine, I dont want to feel sorry for myself, but I do. and Honestly, this surgery is about all i can think about, day and night. I think about it to fall asleep even. you could say I'm hyper focusing. I don't want to screw the next 6 mos up. I dont even go to my pcp untl this Friday- the shrink next Monday. I NEED this weight off, and asap. As far back as I can remember, I have felt bad about myself. It's hard not to when you can't find cute clothes for yourself, and when you find halfway inexpensive mens tshirts, you have to pay 3.00 more because your body requiresmore fabric than smaller people. I will have to go through another entier summer being fat.

I saw the light at the end of hte tunnel, and as I've said before, tha light is so tiny now. I have thought of 101 ways I could go about getting htis surgery sooner, and i just keep hitting dead ends.

i just want to eat, sleep, and do days without a shower.

I just thought maybe you guys would understand.

sorry if this is hard to understand, kids need me so i'm typing super fast, and probably not thining everything all the way through. i did switch to lamictal from effexor and hopefully that will help. i just dont have anything nice to wear, and really- i watn to refuse to purchase anything to cover this fat ugly body. :/

Going off of effexor causes HARD CORE depression....my husband can't even bare to be around me if I miss 3 days. Those 2 meds do completely differwnt things - effexor is an anti-depressant & anti-anxiety med, whereas lamictal is a mood stabilizer. I take both, because if you suffer from depression you should be on both. Talk tp your Dr asap!! This is likely the cause of your depression & hyper-focus. Once you're more emotionally balanced I think you'll find that 6 mos of waiting to have surgery for free (more or less) isn't that bad. It took me almost 5 YEARS to get my insurance company onboard but it's done now & I am a true believer in all things happening for a reason.....maybe this is God intervening to prevent something catastrophic on your June date. One just never knows! Try to stay positive & keep your eye on the prize. Six mos FLIES by. And get your meds fixed!!!!!!

[joyful noise 101]

@amytug:

I also am taking Lamictal and Welbutrin.

I am not stressing anymore about being approved. I had all my money saved for the surgery, then Friday, was blessed with a $700 car repair bill.

God will make a way and provide for our needs.

[amytug 996]

Oh that stinks!!!

How far in are you, into the 6 mos?

I stopped trying to wean and dm now on both. It works. I'm not crying daily now.

Thx to all g