September Bandsters

[BJean 16]

lifelongband: I have heard about no studies regarding weight loss and the incidence of divorce. I doubt very seriously if it could be linked up. I think trouble in a marriage may incentivize someone to lose weight though, especially if in the back of their mind they think they may be out on their own again.

I have heard a couple of people here talk about their spouses getting jealous after considerable weight loss, especially if the spouse is overweight and hasn't lost too. But if people are truly in love and on the same path through life, they should only be happy for their wife or husband when they get healthier and more attractive. Jealousy stems from insecurity, but people get insecure for lots of reasons. Insecurity can come from feelings of inadequacy from within, but it can also be caused by the behavior of a loved one.

I'm certainly no psychologist, but I've been through a lot. I'd guess that you and your husband have just grown apart and are headed down different paths with different goals than you had several years ago. It happens. The marriage can be saved if at least one person wants to save it and can talk the other into counseling. But if both people have a different direction they want to go in there's very little hope of salvaging the marriage. That's just my own personal experience talking and by no means is it scientific.

I am sorry you all are needing to call it quits. I can tell you that it is very difficult for you to keep the friendship that you had. Eventually throughout all the mess of a divorce (even an uncontested one) it is nearly impossible to stay close. I've heard of people being able to pull it off, but in order to separate from someone you've loved, you will think about and talk about the reasons you want a divorce and that eventually leads to hard feelings. If that does happen to you, don't despair too much. In a year or two hopefully you'll both be over the hurt from the separation and divorce so that you really can see each other without harsh feelings.

Good luck. You're very young and that's an advantage. You have lots of time left to go wherever your dreams take you.

[lifelongband 0]

BJean: Thank you for your very inspirational words. I take everything in life and learn from it. I am trying to keep myself in neutral place for my kids. I love them and don't want to see them hurt.

I am young and some days it hurts, but I know I am longing for something that we couldn't have together for many years. High school sweethearts have a statistically 92% chance of divorce also. I heard that on Oprah, lol. I am going through all the ups and downs, but I know that it is for the best of myself, him, and our children.

[BJean 16]

I've been there too. My heart goes out to you. It is definitely hardest on the children. But the kids need parents who are happy, whole people. They will benefit from having someone in their lives who has taken charge of her life and they will learn from your strength. I'll be thinking of you.

[kareyquilts 1]

Very interesting posts. I have heard that losing a lot of weight can be stressful for relationships. The psychologist at my doctors office said that this can be a problem, especially if your significant other is into food and that was a major component of your relationship. I love chocolate too and have been struggling. My strategy has been to keep it out of the house, but with an 8 year old that is sometimes difficult. I am going to try some of the suggestions here. Have a nice weekend.

[sandranoelle 0]

My daughter is also going through a divorce from her high school sweetheart. They married at 21 but he became emotionally abusive. she could do nothing right. She has 5 kids. age 12-4 and it is interesting how calm their house is now that he is gone, yet the kids want their dad back. He also bad mouths their mother. she has one who comes back from daddy disneyland and tell her mom all. good luck lifelongband, it is emotionally trying but your attitude is good and you'll make it. Maybe with the marriage stress out of your life, it will be easier to loose weight.. have you found an on line message board for people who are going through divorce, one that is not negative.?

[gonnabethin 10]

No loss however I did get a fill Friday and Im expecting the scale to start moving!!

[lifelongband 0]

I haven't even thought about an online message board for divorce. Thanks for the tip.

I tried to leave with an open policy, but he isn't taking advantage of it. I am not the type of person that wants an every other weekend father. I want my kids to be able to call up their dad and say they want to see him and have him there or for him to call and say he wants to see them. This first month worked out all right.

The emotional eating started this weekend. I had to stop and tell myself and tell myself why I was doing it, why it was happening and what I was going to do about it. I put in my Walk Away the Pounds video and did that instead. I really wasn't expecting it. I think all of the emotions going on right now with my children were affecting me. It is hard to have to call him and have him talk to them to get them to calm down. The reason they are acting out is because he hasn't called or seen them since Thursday and before that they were seeing him every other day.

We will make it, though.I know we will. I just have to find more things to occupy their time.

Thanks for listening.

[TamifromAL 1]

lifelongband, I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I know this type of change is difficult, but I hope better things are around the corner for you.

BJean, that Tanita scale sounds really cool. I wonder how accurate it is. Is it expensive?

I'm down two pounds this week. I'm going to Vegas this weekend, and I hope I don't go off the deep end! No $1.99 buffets for Tami. I'll have fun fantasizing about the plastic surgery I could get if I hit it big. Wish me luck!

Ya'll have a good week!

Tami

[BJean 16]

llifelongband: I am sorry things are rough right now. Eventually everyone will adjust and things will go a little smoother. It does take quite a bit of time to work it all out. My ex could go for weeks without seeing his son. He begged me to get pregnant and when he was with our son, he acted like he was crazy about him, but then he was only with him once every couple of weeks. Go figure.

[BJean 16]

I am still at the same weight today. If this isn't a plateau I don't know what is! Grrr. I am hoping my new scale gizmo will help, but so far I haven't even taken the time to program it.

Tami: It was about $100 and I haven't read any promises about its accuracy. They make medical equipment, so I thought that was a pretty safe bet. A friend of mine says it is extremely accurate.

[lifelongband 0]

Tami: Thank you.

BJean:I know he will come around eventually. I am just getting frustrated about all the broken promises to my girls. If he isn't going to do it, don't say it.

[sandranoelle 0]

Hello all I am down 1 pound this week. I decided not to go in for fill this week. I am pretty restricted. Can't eat much. If I would stop picking at food I would probably loose alot. I am working on it. first thing to do is dump out the M&Ms at school. that is my plan for tomorrow. I hope everyone is well. Hey, has anyone heard from April lately. Did they have to take her band out? (it was April wasn't it)

[BJean 16]

lifelongband: I'm not making excuses for him, but there's a good chance he intends to do what he promises, but it's easier to not show up and deal with your wrath than it is to do the work it takes to get them all together.

I have little sympathy for men who are lousy fathers and terrible husbands. However there are many men who, when they get a divorce, the pain of not living with their children is hell. They miss them like crazy, they get very lonely when they aren't at work or on a date or playing a sport. VERY lonely. They know that things will never be normal for them with their children again and they know that everytime they don't do what is expected somebody is keeping score and probably putting them down to the children.

Women's role in a divorce is very difficult and I won't make light of that - I've been there. But it is very hard for women to understand how hard it is for men. Both parents need to completely forget about themselves and their own needs when it comes to the children. That's a very difficult thing since some of us are not much more than children ourselves. But the babies are depending on us for everything. We owe them the best emotional support we can give. If both parents put the children first and assure the kids that they are loved completely separate from the marriage, everyone in the family will benefit.

I hope you and your ex (or almost ex) can talk about this and help each other learn how to put the kids first. I hope you don't think that I mean that you have to sacrifice your whole existence for the kids, but before you make any plans, you have to know that they are being loved and nurtured and looked after while you're gone. I was young and I was often guilty of leaving my son with a babysitter way too often. Babysitters can be good, but not often overnight and every weekend. I realized later how unfair it was to him. At the time, I thought he wouldn't mind because he would only be sleeping, but the fact was that he felt abandoned when I left him overnight, probably mostly because of the divorce. No fair. I could have done much better, and I should have.

[lisalee 0]

Quickly dropping in here to report no loss this week. Still at 184. Exercised only twice. I know what I must do.

[kareyquilts 1]

No weight loss to report for this week. I went to Olive Garden for lunch today and thought I would eat lightly. I had 1 bread stick and the Pasta e fagoli Soup. I came home and looked up the calories on it to record in my program and I was flabbergasted! One breadstick was 140 calories and 1 bowl of soup was 588 calories! The best choice would have been the minestrone soup, but I was trying to get the protien. The minestrone soup was 140 calories. Nice to know after the fact. I think that I have been getting in more calories than I thought when I eat out. Lesson to be learned. Be careful!