Who To Tell And Not Tell....

[kmoore 97]

I do not plan on telling a whole lot of people about this surgery, as I have read from some of you and I also have a friend that has received negative feedback from friends and family. That being said, I see my step-mom every week...for choir practice and at church. But she worries about so much, I am afraid to tell her. However, I know that she will end up knowing afterwards and then be mad I didn't tell her to begin with. How would some of you approach this? Also, my mother lives in Tennessee, I am in South Carolina. I would hate to give her something to worry over unnecessarily, but already feel guilty for not telling...lol. What do you think?

[Mews 37]

Just sit down with her (virtually or physically) and just tell her the truth. You need this surgery to improve your health and your quality of life. Tell her about the surgery and how good the surgeon is. The more confident you are the easier she should take it. However, if she is a worrywart then she's going to worry no matter what you do.

Also you'd be surprised about people's reactions. I was very nervous in telling my mom as she is very critical. When I told her she was very supportive and quite glad I was having the surgery.

[Calicolea 38]

I can totally relate to what you are going thru. I had my surgery a week ago and the only person that knows is my husband.

The only other person I even mentioned the surgery to was my sister-in-law, and I did that pre-op to see if she had any insight about the procedure because she's a nurse. She wasn't very supportive, so I let it be. My family and my husband's family are all long distances away, so it makes it much easier to not talk about it.

My advice is tell people when you feel comfortable, and if you don't, then don't say anything. It is your body, your choice and your right to discuss it or not.

[Reet 18]

I told family & close friends. If someone asks, then I tell; but not unless they ask specifically.

[Lissa 2,631]

I was very matter of fact about it when I told people pre-op. Of course, mine was a do or die situation, so it was very hard for anyone to say that I shouldn't have the surgery. I was given one year to live if I didn't get a significant amount of weight off in a hurry. Post-op, I've had no problem telling anyone and everyone about the surgery. I was talking to a lady a few days ago and she called me a "Sleeve Evangelist", LOL. I am, though. I have to restrain myself from walking up to morbidly obese people and telling them about VSG!

My opinion is that the stigma attached to WLS will not go away until people who have it start talking about their experiences and making it become an accepted way to deal with obesity. Of course, I also realize that this means that I'll have to be especially careful about not regaining weight or I become a bad example instead of a good example.

[ilikenu 18]

From the time I started thinking about doing this, I decided that only my husband and I would know. One week before surgery, It occurred to me that I needed to tell the two couples that we go out to dinner with, because I wanted it clear that I wasn't asking for their votes on the matter, but expected their support. Even my bestie who is a holistic health coach has given it above and beyond...even helping me get the right science-based Vitamins and supplements. After surgery, I told my mom and sisters. My control freak mother actually told me she was proud of me for taking charge of my life and health. My sisters are jealous that my insurance covered me while theirs do not, but they are happy for me, curious, and exploring their options. Bottom line....do what you need to do to get the support YOU need. Whatever that might be.

[Izzybeff 2]

I'm in the very early stages and only 4 people know. My Gynecologist, because I asked her opinion at my last appointment, two good friends of mine because I value their opinions and my husband.

I'm not planning to tell anyone else, especially my mother. She has been very vocal as recent as 2 weeks ago what a bad idea WLS is, and frankly, I don't need the stress. If my insurance doesn't cover it and I end up going to Mexico, we are just going to tell her we are going on vacation, which is very common for us. If I end up having it an hour away from our house, we will hire someone else to watch our dogs.

After the surgery and I start losing weight, i will take it on a person by person basis as to whether I tell them or not.

[kmoore 97]

Thank you for all of the ideas everyone. I think I will tell both my mom and my step-mom, though I am not going to say anything until my insurance approval is done. You're absolutely right, Calicolea, it is my body and my decision. I read WLS for dummies last night (yes in one evening, cover to cover...lol), and though they do not really cover the VSG much at all, the precept is the same. I think reading that, along with all of the information here will help me to explain better to my mom and step-mom. Everyone at my work knows...and is completely supportive. The perks of working in a small medical office...and that 2 of my co-workers have had WLS already I will also tell my bestie from childhood. She had always supported me, as I have always supported her. And, of course, my husband knows. He is scared of me having any surgery, but understands and supports my decision completely. I think I will have a pretty decent support group here, even if my mom and step-mom do not jump on board.

[LDallas 108]

I told hubby, of course (even though i am not 100% that he heard me explain "sleeve"...he speaks about it like it's a larger type lap band! LOL). anyway, i told my brother and his wife, and of course my docs know, emailed the news to my bestie and disappointed to say i haven't gotten a response. Otherwise, right now i'm leaning towards not telling. I used to get so annoyed at celebs that obviously did WLS, but wouldn't fess up (visions of Star Jones "pilates and yogurt".. Or Aretha Franklin "a procedure ")...but now...i can kind of see why. First i dont want to tell about it over and over, second..it's not that i am trying to pass myself off as a sudden Dieter Extrodinaire! But for me it's kind of embarrasing that i just can't do it on my own. Will see how i feel after surgery.

[Kat1 24]

I too the same problem. My husband of course knows and our daughter, my best friend and my brother and sister but that is it. I have been looked down people's noses for the weight so I am sure not going to give them more reason to talk. I am self employed and the people I work for just know that I am having a hernia repair. No one at church knows either. People sure are funny eh?

[Kat1 24]

Ldallas you have nothing to be embarrass about. We can't help what genes we are given when we are born or what life throws our way. I know I am a stress eater and my mom was a big woman so I get it from her. Really it is nobody's business anyways. You be you. We are behind you.

[LDallas 108]

Thank you, Kat!

[carolc 94]

I decided against telling anyone with the exception of my husband, kids and best friend I asked my surgeon his advice and he said to do whatever will gove me the best success. He also said to tell people i had my galbladder out to explain my hospital stay! I may change my feelings afterward but for now, i don't need everyone's comments and opinions.

[GivingItMyAll 168]

I was so nervouse to tell my parents, but they have been so supportive. They have taken me to doctors appointments and watched my daughter whenever so that I could go on appointments or go to the gym. I told my best friend, who had bypass. She was against it at first, believing that I could do it on m own, but has come around. I told my hubby, who is nervous for me to have surgery, but supportive. I told m PCP and GYN, because I needed their help in preparing for surgery. I was also nervouse to tell my chiropractor, who is nerdy health conscious. He was also supportive. PHEW I have not told anybody at work, just that I'm taking days off to take care of health concerns that have recently come up (pre-diabetes, hernia). Not sure if I'll tell them ever or not...

[denalisa 12]

I have told my husband, mom, one coworker, and two friends. I'm afraid to tell my dad because I'm afraid he will give me a big lecture and tell me that I should be able to lose weight on my own. He is a marathon runner and has never had a weight problem. I need to tell him though because I feel like I need to be up front with him - and tell him why I'm not visiting him this summer (we live in AK and he lives in Kansas). I anticipate telling people that I've had surgery if they ask me how I'm losing weight, but I'll see when I get there. I'm scheduled for June 12 and I'm super excited.