Who To Tell And Not Tell....

[kmoore 97]

I'm really beginning to think the same, DesertRat. I am not going to tell my mom and my step-mom though until the insurance approval comes through and the date is set...but I am going to tell them both before I have it done. How would they feel if the worst happened during surgery and I died...God forbid? They would always struggle with why I didn't feel I could trust them to tell them and I just could not do that to them. It's hard enough losing someone unexpectedly anyway...but if you were to find out that they kept something like this from you...devastating! At least this way, they are informed and can form their own opinions and either support me or not. Of course, I will not say a WORD about death as a possibility

[CrazyCatLady 130]

I always thought I would be very private about my surgery - but I've found myself discussing it with the most random people.

Example: I just got offered a new job, which requires drug screening prior to employment. I was aware of this fact - but not aware that they would want a sample TODAY, when I was making a quick stop by for pre-employment paperwork. I found myself having to explain why I couldn't just chug a 16oz bottle of Water and present the requisite urine a short time later. Being in healthcare sometimes has it's downsides - I'm rarely able to get away with a "how" without attaching a "why".

So far, reactions have been mostly positive. Pretty much the only time I explain the mechanics of my surgery are a) when people broach the subject on their own, or if I need to explain some mechanical limitation of my new sleeve (i.e: "Yes, nosy coworker, I -DID- enter the pudding eating contest last year ...and I am the reigning champion! But I will not be keeping that title this year because...xyz").

I did tell my family in advance of my surgery, but even then with some trepidation, as it is looked upon as a willpower issue. Oddly, I never disagreed it was a willpower issue for me...but was I going to let it kill me? or was I going to attempt to do something about it? Coupled with the fact I went out of country for surgery, it seemed logical to let the family know where I was going and why....just in case the worst happened, they wouldn't get surprised by a call from my husband telling them I had died in an OR in Mexico. Harsh, but reality.

As far as weight lost, let me paraphrase from the Good Book - "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone". But, as my sister says - "Haters gonna hate". Many years ago, I lost a significant amount of weight through ...well, basically, starvation. LOTS of coffee and no carbs. I worked with this cheeky CNA who used to say to me every night at work, "You know, all that weight's going to come back and then some." I took those words to heart, and regained. It really doesn't matter HOW you lose your weight, surgery or otherwise - sometimes, some miserable people are going to try to make your life also miserable, because of jealousy or whatever.

I guess what I am trying to say is: It matters less who you tell, in what you believe and expect the sharing of that information to result in. If you feel that negative criticism will negatively impact your results or your self-image, then feel free to keep information about your surgery to yourself. If you don't give a flying monkey's rear what people think...feel free to share with whoever you wish. Or don't. In the end, only you can decide who you want to invite into a private corner of your life.

[Looking Ahead 239]

I feel the same way. I didnt tell my husband until the date was set. My dad still does not know. I will tell him after Ive loat the weight. He is totally against it. My mom daughter son husband and 4 co workers are all that know. Only reason they know is because I will need off. I requested a week. I have a sit down office job so i hope i will be ok after one week.

[Kat Crowder 34]

I was also nervouse to tell my chiropractor' date=' who is nerdy health conscious. He was also supportive. PHEW.[/quote']

That's funny - I also haven't told my chiro yet for the same reason - he's anti-vaccine, too, so I feel like he's a little "out there" about medical intervention. I know I'll have to tell him if I'm going to get any post-op adjustments, but I just didn't want to.

In general, though, I've had no one I've told be unsupportive, which I'm really grateful for. I've been free with the info at work if anyone asks, and everyone at the very least has withheld judgement, and wished me well and hoped for the best. :-)

I've been very lucky in the telling people arena. Good luck to everyone in their decisions in that regard. You don't need to tell anyone you don't want to, but you also don't need to listen to negative feedback. I like the way someone's surgeon said: do what you think will be best for your success!

[Kat1 24]

That's funny - I also haven't told my chiro yet for the same reason - he's anti-vaccine' date=' too, so I feel like he's a little "out there" about medical intervention. I know I'll have to tell him if I'm going to get any post-op adjustments, but I just didn't want to.

In general, though, I've had no one I've told be unsupportive, which I'm really grateful for. I've been free with the info at work if anyone asks, and everyone at the very least has withheld judgement, and wished me well and hoped for the best. :-)

I've been very lucky in the telling people arena. Good luck to everyone in their decisions in that regard. You don't need to tell anyone you don't want to, but you also don't need to listen to negative feedback. I like the way someone's surgeon said: do what you think will be best for your success![/quote']

Thanks for sharing.

[robin33 71]

So today, I told the hardest group of people about my surgery...my church family. We had a lady in our church that almost died a few years ago from bypass surgery. She has not taken care of herself and stays sick and has gained almost all of her weight back. I knew they would be supportive but then there's this horrible story in our background. Everyone was so supportive, even my friend that almost died. I feel so relieved to have that off my shoulders. Also, the passports came today so I can get an exact date asap!

[Amytequilahouse 184]

DesertRat' date=' I agree that acting to change something, even if it requires surgery, is very courageous. A friend from HS told me on Facebook yesterday that she'd have never been brave enough to have this "cosmetic" surgery! I immediately corrected her and said that this was NOT cosmetic. For me, being sleeved was a lift-changing and life-saving decision. I had to decide that I was going to do something or I was going to lay down and die. Dying was not the option I wanted to choose, so I climbed on the OR table and took a big gamble...and I'm winning!

I am completely open about my surgery, with everyone. I don't care who knows. My theory is that the stigma for WLS patients will not disappear until more of us are willing to be open about our journey. I've had several people contact me and say that I have inspired them to look into WLS for themselves. THAT outweighs every single person who thinks this surgery is "cosmetic".[/quote']

I wouldn't blame it on her calling it "Cosmetic Syrgery" my freaking INSURANCE CALLED IT THAT WHEN THEY TURNED ME DOWN Thats why I'm going self pay. Did you know that you are one of my Favorite people on here ? Great advice all the time

[Lissa 2,631]

Amy, Thank you. That is so sweet! I get lots of help and support here, so I try to pass that along to other people. I love seeing new sleevers start supporting the next group as well...and this is the best support group on the internet, bar none!

I'm stunned that an insurance company would call this cosmetic. I can't wait until they wake up and realize that sleevers' health improves so drastically after surgery that we become "just another insured" without all of the major complications that lie in wait for obese patients. I think insurance companies should be begging obese people to have WLS if only to lower the amount of money the insurance company will have to spend on our health!

[DesertRat 32]

Amy' date=' Thank you. That is so sweet! I get lots of help and support here, so I try to pass that along to other people. I love seeing new sleevers start supporting the next group as well...and this is the best support group on the internet, bar none!

I'm stunned that an insurance company would call this cosmetic. I can't wait until they wake up and realize that sleevers' health improves so drastically after surgery that we become "just another insured" without all of the major complications that lie in wait for obese patients. I think insurance companies should be begging obese people to have WLS if only to lower the amount of money the insurance company will have to spend on our health![/quote']

That amazes me also. At a BMI of 36 I am on seven prescription drugs, probably all related to some extent to obesity. One of these prescriptions costs roughly $1,000 per month! Now there are no guarantees but if I can get by BMI down to 25 I will probably not need many of these anymore. The operation will probably pay for itself in 12 - 18 months. Now that sounds like reasonable ROI to me. Even if it only reduces my prescription costs by 50% it will be worth it for them. On both sides of the family I come from a long line of octogenarians, nonagenarians and centragenarians so at 57 years of age I could well be at the 60th percentile of my life. My accomplishments in life are greatly concentrated over the last 12 years and my value as a worker is at an all time high.

So, just for the sake of argument, let's say that I have a realistic lifetime potential of 90 years if I maintain a BMI below 30. That means that I could potentially be in the workforce for another 15 - 20 years, covered by med' insurance and pulling my own weight (metaphorically speaking). it's to the advantage of everyone, myself, my loved ones, my employers and my insurers if I continue to have 2 feet, 10 toes, good eyesight, tactile sensation in my fingertips and a healthy metabolism. So, compared to the cost or surgery, less than the price of a new compact car, this is a good investment. If it makes me look better that's great and I welcome such a thing but it's the least of the benefits. My entire life has been tainted by weight issues and if I can reduce the effect of those issues in my life it's a good thing.

If the insurance companies find the cost of these procedures galling I certainly can understand it but, the fault lies mostly with the processed foods that make up so much of the modern diet. As I type this I'm at a small town cafe having a cup of coffee after my Breakfast. The other adult customers in the room all appear to be overweight to obese. I'd say that the average BMI in the room is well over 30 and at a BMI of 36.3 I am not the most obese person in the room. Only one person among the other six customers within my sight is not noticeably overweight. Only one person in the room is at an ideal weight, a young waitress that is a working mom.

Now, if that percentage of people in one room were running a fever and coughing the CDC would probably consider it a dangerous epidemic but, unfortunately, because of public perception it's not treated as such. This is a symptom of something seriously wrong, poor diet, processed foods and animals treated with growth hormones, etc. Obesity used to be reserved for the rich; bankers and lawyers that did little manual labor and could afford food in abundance. Nowadays, most of us do less labor than a banker would have in the 19th century and our common food sources are refined and stripped of nutrients and Fiber while being concentrated in carbs and non-nutritive content.

The more I learn about weight management and nutrition the more outraged I become. No wonder I'm obese and living on medications, I've been systematically poisoned for years!

[Kat1 24]

Good points Desertrat

[Amytequilahouse 184]

Amy, Thank you. That is so sweet! I get lots of help and support here, so I try to pass that along to other people. I love seeing new sleevers start supporting the next group as well...and this is the best support group on the internet, bar none!

I'm stunned that an insurance company would call this cosmetic. I can't wait until they wake up and realize that sleevers' health improves so drastically after surgery that we become "just another insured" without all of the major complications that lie in wait for obese patients. I think insurance companies should be begging obese people to have WLS if only to lower the amount of money the insurance company will have to spend on our health!

You got that right, I guess its mixed feelings. If they are thin most of the time are healthy and might not need insurance and if they are obese they will need insurance but sometimes very costly. My insurance is a joke. BCBS/Anthem I've been paying this insurance for 7 years now and when I need it, its not there to help me. But they are sure to take my money from every check. "Comsetic" Cosmetic my aasssss lol

[TCBunny 9]

I wouldn't tell anyone outside of my emergency contact. I've read so many horror stories and stories of betrayal from people. If you want to feel good about your choices without the guilt, don't tell. Seeing your step mom at choir rehearsal every week is good. She can witness you melting away. Just walk or exercise before choir rehearsal, invite her, wear her out and she will naturally witness your weight loss journey. You will be fine, just tell us and don't feel obligated to tell anyone else. Some or most woman will be a little messy, especially in the church. It's a need to know situation and who NEEDS to know??

I've only told my husband and I refuse to tell anyone else. I'm only telling him because he is my next of kind and emergency contact. I naturally want to share with my girlfriends but, I know we can't hold secrets like this....

I have 5 sisters and I've yet to me a woman who wouldn't tell.

God Bless You!

[Kat1 24]

I totally agree.

[aviiva 140]

I did not tell many people until after I did not even tell my mother until after. At work only 3 people know my best friend had hers in july and she had been my biggest support we also work together. Thankfully the people I have told have been supportive. My mother was the most negative she could not understand why I did it since according to her I did not need to lose much weight but at 75 she is always in a diet and does zumba she is thin. My brother told me.I will be back to my birth weight he had been great even had an argument with my mother defending me. So far so good I was sleeved on 4/4 and have not had any complications since day one. Positive mindset plays a big part in this journey

Sent from my SPH-D700 using VST

[disneyteach 68]

I did not tell many people until after I did not even tell my mother until after. At work only 3 people know my best friend had hers in july and she had been my biggest support we also work together. Thankfully the people I have told have been supportive. My mother was the most negative she could not understand why I did it since according to her I did not need to lose much weight but at 75 she is always in a diet and does zumba she is thin. My brother told me.I will be back to my birth weight he had been great even had an argument with my mother defending me. So far so good I was sleeved on 4/4 and have not had any complications since day one. Positive mindset plays a big part in this journey

Sent from my SPH-D700 using VST

The thing is you can't expect WLS to be taken seriously, if no one is willing to stand up and be proud of it. Honestly, once you say you have had it, other people might follow your example or want to talk to you about it. I would be worried if people didn't know I went through drastic changes, because that means you were unsuccessful in losing weight. I am waiting for that shocked stare from everyone that says "Holy crap, you lost a lot of weight." Don't worry about telling people, because if you are successful, they will know something is up.