Who To Tell And Not Tell....

[kmoore 97]

Definitely nothing to be embarrassed about, LDallas. Though I understand your feelings there. I thought I could do it on my own too, and was in tears after being stuck at 25lb weight loss for 3 months out of 6. I know that the weight that I have lost with diet, exercise and the help of phentermine is nothing to sneeze at, I love that I've lost that much...but I am still 70lbs overweight, and still have hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and diabetes. I want more than anything, to get off of meds and be healthier so I can lead a longer, healthy life. My medical management PA assured me that I am not a failure for deciding to go the surgery route. I just am one of the lucky ones for having "bad genes"

[Calicolea 38]

I asked my surgeon his advice and he said to do whatever will gove me the best success.

Best advice I've heard..... afterall, your success is the most important thing. What a smart doctor!

[beautifulnewme2012 164]

Yep, my surgeon said something similar so I have told those that would be supportive. There were 2 people I had to tell that I knew could be an issue. My little sis and her GF are very opinionated...so I told them and when they started their " do you know what you are getting yourself in to" speech...I calmly interrupted them. Said "yes I do and I don't need opinions just support. The decision has been made and that's final." Then ended the convo...every thing they have said to me since has been supportive!! Good luck!!

[DesertRat 32]

I've told a few relatives, several co-workers and friends with mostly positive results. I am a singer and guitarist in a band so I had to tell them that I wouldn't be able to do any live performances for the first month or so. Everyone has been relatively supportive. Several people have advised caution and I assured them than no one was coming after me with a scalpel unless I was completely certain about it all. One thing that seems to help is to mention the co-morbidities and the fact that this surgery is a way to keep these from progressing.

[bogeydog 30]

I have told my husband, my children, one of my sisters and two of my best friends. I did not tell anyone at work -- I researched what surgery would require a lap procedure and that period of recovery and if anyone actually asks what I am doing -- and amazingly some nosy people do, even when you say you don't want to discuss details-- I had already been telling them I was having my gallbladder taken out, so that is pretty funny that one of the posters mentioned their doctor suggests that. My reason for not telling isn't out of embarrassment. It is clear from this forum that the amount of weight lost and the speed or slowness of dropping that weight varies significantly. I don't need people judging my sleeve -- good or bad. Enough pressure is brought to the table without people doing that. However, I think who you tell and when is a personal decision and as long as you are ok with your decision, then that is what counts.

[irishmama2004 34]

I just had my first negative reaction to my surgery yesterday. A coworker on my unit just kept saying over and over that i should rethink. I was polite and told her how much research i had done and left it thamt. Who knows...maybe a family member of hers had a bad go with surgery. She is normally quiet and reserved and honestly i can appreciate that she cared enough to share her opinion.

[mome2mad 19]

I was worried about telling people about my surgery (may 31)! I started thinking about it and decided to tell EVERYONE!! My theory is the more people that know the more encouragement I will receive! I'm the type of person who needs to be pushed sometimes! I have had a few people ask me why I am taking such extreme measures and my response is that I've prayed over this and God has given me great peace about it! I am proud to be able to have this procedure done and I will be even more proud of my health and the body I will have afterward!

Good luck to you all!

God bless

[disneyteach 68]

I ended up telling everyone, simply for the fact that my wife told her mother. By telling her mother, she gossips and tells everyone's business, including the part of the family I don't care for very much. So I figured if those people knew than everyone I cared about should know. So I posted it on Facebook. When I lost weight before, people thought I had the surgery. So what does it matter.

Also, people who shared that they had the surgery helped me with this decision. Honestly, you can't really fool anybody that you lost weight on your own. Everyone knows Star Jones and Al Rocker had the surgery. Should it be embarrassing that you are trying to help yourself?

[Back~To~Amy 307]

For me, I question this too. There is such a stigma of this being the easy way out. I used to think it was the cheater's way. I think too that people don't understand if you don't work your sleeve, you won't lose much weight let alone keep it off. I think people look differently at people who had WLS if they gain their weight back because " how could you do that? You had surgery after all!". I also feel like their is a stigma that you are weak if you can't control your weight without surgery. I have told my family members who I am close too. I've told only a very few people at work. I know the others will notice the drastic weight loss amd while I like the idea of saying eating less and exercising more to the how did you do it, I still feel that I'm being dishonest.

Best of luck to you!

[disneyteach 68]

For me' date=' I question this too. There is such a stigma of this being the easy way out. I used to think it was the cheater's way. I think too that people don't understand if you don't work your sleeve, you won't lose much weight let alone keep it off. I think people look differently at people who had WLS if they gain their weight back because " how could you do that? You had surgery after all!". I also feel like their is a stigma that you are weak if you can't control your weight without surgery. I have told my family members who I am close too. I've told only a very few people at work. I know the others will notice the drastic weight loss amd while I like the idea of saying eating less and exercising more to the how did you do it, I still feel that I'm being dishonest.

Best of luck to you![/quote']

Amy, I totally understand what you are saying, but my thing is: people know. Rather someone you told gossips or other people will figure it out. My wife's cousin keeps going to doctor's appointments and he has lost close to 100 pounds. From this, we know he is getting Lap Band or HCG injections. He claims he is just riding his bike every day. Nobody loses 70-100 pounds since January riding their bike.

For me, I rather put the story out there so there is no gossip. Also, usually, when I do something and make it known, other people feel free in doing the same act or sharing their story. Already two people who said they only told their immediate family told me privately on Facebook that they had the surgery. As a man, it is much easier with weight than women. I am sorry that society has done that.

[carolc 94]

For me, it isn't a matter of embarrassment. Heck, the fact that i am overweight is embarrassing! I need to focus on me for once and not waste a second explaining myself to people who may not be supportive. I get my feelings hurt easily and I know this so It's a matter protecting myself. I may change my mind later on, who knows?

[DesertRat 32]

For me' date=' it isn't a matter of embarrassment. Heck, the fact that i am overweight is embarrassing! I need to focus on me for once and not waste a second explaining myself to people who may not be supportive. I get my feelings hurt easily and I know this so It's a matter protecting myself. I may change my mind later on, who knows?[/quote']

I can certainly understand that. Even when my BMI was 26 I was sensitive about my weight and sell conscious. As my weight crept upward in my thirties I was very unhappy and self conscious long before it became noticeable to others. It's a sad commentary on society that people with weight problems seem to be considered fair game but it seems to be true. Those who would ridicule or be non-supportive about WLS are the ones with a problem. Acting to correct the problem is courageous.

[Lissa 2,631]

DesertRat, I agree that acting to change something, even if it requires surgery, is very courageous. A friend from HS told me on Facebook yesterday that she'd have never been brave enough to have this "cosmetic" surgery! I immediately corrected her and said that this was NOT cosmetic. For me, being sleeved was a lift-changing and life-saving decision. I had to decide that I was going to do something or I was going to lay down and die. Dying was not the option I wanted to choose, so I climbed on the OR table and took a big gamble...and I'm winning!

I am completely open about my surgery, with everyone. I don't care who knows. My theory is that the stigma for WLS patients will not disappear until more of us are willing to be open about our journey. I've had several people contact me and say that I have inspired them to look into WLS for themselves. THAT outweighs every single person who thinks this surgery is "cosmetic".

[DesertRat 32]

DesertRat' date=' I agree that acting to change something, even if it requires surgery, is very courageous. A friend from HS told me on Facebook yesterday that she'd have never been brave enough to have this "cosmetic" surgery! I immediately corrected her and said that this was NOT cosmetic. For me, being sleeved was a lift-changing and life-saving decision. I had to decide that I was going to do something or I was going to lay down and die. Dying was not the option I wanted to choose, so I climbed on the OR table and took a big gamble...and I'm winning!

I am completely open about my surgery, with everyone. I don't care who knows. My theory is that the stigma for WLS patients will not disappear until more of us are willing to be open about our journey. I've had several people contact me and say that I have inspired them to look into WLS for themselves. THAT outweighs every single person who thinks this surgery is "cosmetic".[/quote']

Reading your posts has certainly helped me.

WLS is certainly more than a matter of vanity. For me it's about preserving the health I have, becoming less dependent upon prescriptions to keep my BP and cholesterol in check, tossing my CPAP machine and, most importantly, preventing diabetes.

In Arizona there is a substantial Native American population. The diabetes rate is incredibly high among them. These are people that have scratched out a subsistence level existence for thousands of years and their metabolisms have adapted accordingly. Bring a diet of modern fast foods into the equation and things get very bad, very quickly. The diabetes rate in their community is staggeringly high. I know quite a few people in the local tribe and have seen some very sad things happen to people I care about because of diabetes.

When my HA1C began to climb I took note. According to my PCP I am "mildly per-diabetic". When I heard those words I bought a blood sugar monitor and was amazed by how much variation there was. I could be at 140, take a walk and get a reading of 85. It was all over the map. I knew all too well where this would lead and spent quite a bit of time thinking about it. Right about then there was a news story about LapBands helping people to reverse the course of type II diabetes. I talked to my PCP and he said that his experience with patients had left him less than impressed with the LapBand. He suggested the sleeve and has been wonderful about it. Very supportive and very encouraging. He had a talk with me recently and told me that he felt I was motivated and would do well.

As far as telling is concerned; I figure that the word will get around so I'm not holding back. It's been a long time since I've cared about pleasing everyone so I'll roll with the punches. If someone doesn't like it that's their problem.

[Lissa 2,631]

DesertRat, My ethnic background is primarily American Indian as well. ALL of my great great grandparents were full blooded Indians (choctaw and cherokee, IIRC). Diabetes runs rampant through my family as well, including my father and my youngest son are both Type 1 diabetics. While I was in the hospital last year, I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic as well. My father died at 54 from complications of uncontrolled diabetes. I'd like to NOT follow in his footsteps.

I'm glad your PCP steered you toward the sleeve. From my reading, it seems that the sleeve works much better than the lapband, with fewer complications.

Maybe my willingness to tell is because I'm "older" and less worried about other people's opinions of me. I don't know, but I'm pretty open about it. If someone wants to ignore my WLS posts on FB, they are welcome to unfriend me!