female only Relationship Troubles

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I am glad I read this post. I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 yrs today. He was my best friend, which makes me sad. But I too was not attracted to him but mostly because he just wasn't self motivated. He has been complaining about the same things for the past 2 yrs.... These are things he can change easily but he takes forever!!! He is also very mediocre in bed. I love him he is my friend. For that reason I broke it off because I was lashing out at him and well I know it's over

Oh, no! I hope you get over it quickly....I'm kind of glad I got back into dating practically right away, instead of dwelling on being alone/bored.

Instead of moping around, I've been MOPPING around....my house is the cleanest it's ever been, it's so organized now that he moved all his stuff out, and I just got started on some decorating projects (wallpapering my living room and painting the bathroom). I'm looking forward to having a feminine abode - and bringing new guys home, lmao. So I'd definitely recommend doing that as therapy.

[Lissa 2,631]

BBJ, It sounds like you're thriving!! I'm so happy for you!!

[blondeej 111]

I know I am SUPER late to this thread!! But I just left my fiance three weeks ago. We'd been together for a little over 3 years. Matter of fact we celebrated our 3-year with a trip to Chicago in Feb....

Anyways. Long story short. He was emotionally and physically abusive on top of incredibly irresponsible. And he has a son, whom I call my own bc his bio mom basically abandoned him when my ex and her divorced.

The last straw in our relationship was when he stole, yes STOLE almost half of the loan money I had taken out for my VSG revision!!!! He was NOT supportive of my revision from day 1. I told him he either supports me or he doesn't, I am doing what's best for me and my health. I got the money back - thank GOD, but I left him that day.

I am still riding the ups and downs of the post-break-up roller coaster. And when I am great I'm GREAT, and when I'm bad I'm bad. I stayed with him for so much longer than I should of because I gained about 80 lbs while being with him (he was SUCH an enabler with my food addiction) and I had/have no self confidence and I was plum scared of being alone. So I chose to be unhappy in my relationship over being alone.

I now am alone and I know one day I will be better, but I am still suffering. Especially since within 72 hours of me leaving him he up and left for Texas with my son.... I am sad to be alone but even more sad that my son is gone....

Even though I KNOW this was the right decision 150%, it's hard to think that there will ever be a man out there for me!

But there was a REASON I was engaged to this man for 2 years and would never marry him. In my gut I ALWAYS knew, and would ALWAYS make excuses. And like you, BBJ, I found myself having issues being attracted to him. Prior to him I'd always dated very in-shape men, and he had a gut and no motivation to be healthy with me.

I hope that one day once I drop this weight that I have my confidence back like you do BBJ! More power to ya girl!!!

If anyone is interested, I've been blogging about my WLS since Dec 2010, and there's more details about all this there....

www.diaryofafatwhitewoman.blogspot.com

[kmoore 97]

Glad you have bounced back and I do hope your ex will follow suit soon. Sounds like he was very insecure, probably sensing your feelings. Do be careful though. My ex husband acted very possessive of me and when I finally did stand up for myself and told him to either leave or I would leave, he did leave but then stalked me and threatened my life for almost 1 year before moving back home to mommie. He never acted on his threats, thankfully, but it was a stressful time and I was terrified to allow anyone close to me in case his threats became active. I was 21 at the time and he was 22...VERY young! A couple of years ago, he contacted me through Myspace....when I used to use that...REALLY freaked me out, but I did talk to him and was glad I did. He contacted me to apologize for the way he acted so many years ago. Told me he was married and had beautiful twin girls...and the best part...still lives in his hometown (which is about 1000 miles from me) And that was the last I heard from him. It was good to know that he did finally move on. I never wished him ill...just out of my life.

Just be careful who you involve in your life so soon, in case your ex snaps. Not saying to walk on eggshells or to not live your life...just don't flaunt things until you know that he is moving passed this breakup. Possessive people can be scary.

All this being said, I never knew just how strong a person I was until I stood up to my exhusband...and I have been strong and happy ever since. Now...if I can just get this surgery done and get rid of the 70 more lbs I have to lose to continue a healthy life...

[Bypassjourney 88]

It takes a lot of courage to walk away from a relationship the way you did so be proud of that. My one word of caution is to be careful that you do not jump too fast into another relationship until you have had some time to recover from the last one. I attended a class through my church called DivorceCare after my marriage ended. I went on to teach the class as well. While everyone heals at different rates and we all have different situations that lead to the break up, there are still alot of similarities in that we must allow ourself some time to heal.

What I have found since my surgery is that my personality and outlook on life is changing rapidly as the weight is coming off. While the devastation and pain of my divorce is one of the reasons I started looking into weight loss surgery, I feel very grateful that I am indeed single right now so I can focus on me and my new journey.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Thanks guys, things have actually been going really well for me. The ex is bitter, but we met up on Tuesday to swap cars and he was being a bitter d**k about it. We had planned to do that at some point this week, but I was very busy at work/school, so when he texted me on Tuesday to see whether I could meet up, I suggested Sunday instead....his response was that he was "looking forward to never seeing (me) or hearing (my) voice ever again, and would rather not have to wait til Sunday..." I was like, whatever, screw you, "if you don't care that the car's not cleaned, then sure, I can meet tonight."

Unfortunately, the other day I realized that he has the keys to my shotgun (of all things, lmao), but he said he will leave them with his receptionist, so I don't have to interact with him to get those. But yeah, it sounds like he has no desire to be involved in my life in any way right now, which is perfect.

Anyway, in other news, I've been seeing this one fellow this week, and I just got back from our 4th date. We made plans for some other get-togethers since I have this coming week off, so I suppose it's getting semi-serious, at the least, I'm getting a good FWB deal out of this. I don't really feel like it's any sort of rebound for me, in fact, I'm really relishing the ways he's different from my ex. My ex was a nerdy, out of shape insecure accountant, whereas this guy is an army officer and I'm really feeling all the masculine traits he has that my ex lacked. Today, we went for a walk in the park, and it was a very nice day, so tons of people were running stairs - we have a very long, steep stairs going up the river bank, maybe 300 steps or so? He just threw me over his shoulders and ran up those stairs without stopping once with everybody looking on with their jaws hanging open, I thought it was the hottest thing ever, haha. At the top he told me it was the stupidest thing he's ever done, but still....lol

[SkinnyOnMe 81]

I'll admit it on here. I was not feeling the same exact way but I was over the relationship and about to leave like you are....and then I got pregnant. So I moved the wedding date up and here we are 2 years later. smh. SO my advice is to leave and get some time alone to re-evaluate your relationship and your personal goals... and don't get pregnant! lol.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I'll admit it on here. I was not feeling the same exact way but I was over the relationship and about to leave like you are....and then I got pregnant. So I moved the wedding date up and here we are 2 years later. smh. SO my advice is to leave and get some time alone to re-evaluate your relationship and your personal goals... and don't get pregnant! lol.

Ha, thanks, but we are SO done....as you can see if you read my most recent post, lmao!

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Just an update....first off, last week I logged into Plentyoffish, and saw my ex on there! WEIRD! It really made me wonder why he was acting the way he was, if he thought it was appropriate to go back on a dating site 3 weeks after our breakup. Either he was also not really into me anymore or he's looking for a major rebound! Anyway, that was pretty awkward. :ph34r:

Secondly, I've been getting tons of messages online - very different from when I was 200+, I must say - and have gone on like a dozen first dates, but there's only one guy I've wanted to see again after our first date. I've had some doubts about his level of interest in me last week and thought that maybe that was it, but then things seemed to pick up again after. In fact, today we're going on a road trip out of town; I think this is like our 5th or 6th date. We'll see how it goes, it's a 3-hr drive one way, so it'll definitely be the longest we've spent together to date - and without an opportunity to assume a horizontal position if we run out of things to talk about, so there's a challenge, lmao.

BTW, sex when you're not fat is awesome, hehe, I'm doing all kinds of crazy stuff that I would never dare to do before (handstands, you name it - thanks, Crossfit!).

[Gastricsleeve4me 186]

Good luck with the new guy!

[MrzSongbird 53]

Honesty is the best policy tell him how his sedentary lifestyle is tearing you two apart. This was a wakeup call for me and my husband. For him it wasn't that I repulsed him but he felt like I just didn't care , thinking I was saying to myself "hes not going anywhere". He was concerned about my health, and we weren't doing things together he liked to be outdoors I liked to be indoors. He loves working out I didn't, so there's no quality time being spent which trickles down to other areas of the relationship. All you really wanna know is he gives a damn and you guys can work on the rest. YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM AND LET THAT BE HIS WAKE UP CALL.

[jasleeve 440]

im in a relationship of 10yrs. there are/were times where i was completely turned off. no sex drive, couldnt even be touched or id scream and fight him cuz i just didnt want to! but i am in love and it was a phase that passed. it does happen off and on at times. it seems like u r not going thru a phase and it sounds like youre not in love. i say go on the trip & then figure out how youre going to live the rest of your life!

Yeah, I'm really bummed by the fact that we have this trip coming up. We already put down our deposits and booked plane tickets, so we'd be out like $3000 each if we cancelled. I don't really have 3 grand to just throw away. To be honest, since we aren't necessarily having any sort of acute problems, I would be completely fine waiting until after our trip in November to figure things out....but he's determined to actually get married in Antarctica, which is a big problem. All he does all day is talk about how he can't wait to get married, how we're going to be together forever, etc.

It's a nightmare, I feel like a terrible person.

I would be happy if this were an open relationship and I could see someone on the side, but he definitely wouldn't be ok with that, as he's rather insecure. Interestingly, though, despite him being very insecure, he adamantly refuses to work on his weaknesses (e.g. having a bodyfat of 35% despite not even being overweight). Instead, he just trashes the people at my gym for being "meatheads" if they are guys or "looking like dudes" if they are female. I've definitely touched on the topic of looks and fitness with him before, and he gets upset and/or starts mocking me for being a hypocrite because I had WLS. I've tried to get him hooked on working out, it just isn't happening. I'm not gonna lie, his body is a turnoff to me. Oh, and to answer a question that was raised in a number of replies above, I was not terribly attracted to him in the first place. I remember the first time we had sex, I was very disappointed, but told myself it'd get better with time. Well, it hasn't. One thing I've been telling myself since is that looks fade over time, anyway, so even if he looked like a Greek god today, 20 years from now, he wouldn't, so I've tried not to focus on that too much. But I don't know if I'm making a mistake.

This is the longest relationship I've been in to date, so I was wondering, for those of you who've been married for 5, 10, 15+ years....are you still physically attracted to your partner? I don't really know what's "normal."

[CantHateYourselfThin 29]

:ph34r: Ok I know this thread is over a year old, but I stumbled across it and read it all. Now curiosity is killing me.

OP how did that road trip go? How are you doing now? Did the ex ever get "weirder"? My thought was he might be stalking you on the dating sites.

And to the other ladies... did you all end up staying with your SO's?

[Dannipo 86]

:ph34r: Ok I know this thread is over a year old' date=' but I stumbled across it and read it all. Now curiosity is killing me.

OP how did that road trip go? How are you doing now? Did the ex ever get "weirder"? My thought was he might be stalking you on the dating sites.

And to the other ladies... did you all end up staying with your SO's?[/quote']

Try quoting to get a response

[CantHateYourselfThin 29]

Hello MultiQuote!