I paid to be tortured

[Elisabethsew 50]

I have a friend who decided to "splurge" on herself by joining a gym that involved working out with a person trainer three times a week. So, can anyone remember their first trip to the gym and what it was like?

I entered a gym for the first time in my life when I was 41 years old. I weighed about 220 pounds and decided I had lost enough weight (200 pounds at that time) to safely begin a formal exercise program. So, into the gym I went and got talked into a 3 day a week program with a personal trainer. I looked around and saw most of the women were a size 5 and most of the men had about 3% body fat. Hmmmm....

I was given a form to fill out that contained questions such as, "What gyms have you belonged to?" I asked why there was no check-off for "none" and was met with a wide-eyed look of surprise and the response, "YOU'RE a gym VIRGIN?" At this point, I am getting the impression that I might have bargained for more than I intended.

Next came the orientation. My trainer, Satan, had me mount a machine called an elliptical work-out. He set it for ten minutes. At two minutes I was ready for oxygen and at three minutes I told him to get ready to do CPR. As a crawled off the ellipital device, Satan was calling for me to "hurry up" so my "heart rate stayed up." I gasped that I was an RN and that if my heart rate rose anymore I would end up in the morgue.

The half hour of torture moved onto more machines designed to induce pain. I was very happy when I got to sit on one machine where I was instructed to place my legs straight out on a cushioned cradle. This joy quickly faded when Satan turned some lever and I found my legs spread further apart than when I have a GYN exam. Instinctively, I told Satan to put my legs back together. He informed me I needed to use my leg muscles to FORCE my legs to come together. Hello!!! I don't have muscles, I have fat! I informed Satan that I had never done a split in my life and NOW was not the time to begin. This pattern of abuse continued as he ran, and I staggered, to one machine after another and then another.

When I got home, I showered and collapsed in a chair. I went to bed early that evening but when I woke up the following morning, I was sure I had some horrible disease because it hurt to move the covers off my body and standing was torture. Every part of my body ached! I contemplated calling an ambulance but realized it was too late to call into work. I tried to fall onto the toilet so I would not have to bend my legs and would have welcomed a continuous IV infusion of morphine. As I began to dread my next session with Satan, I wondered why I was deprived the experience of an endorphin release. I surmised this was nothing more than some lie made up by a thin person to get fat people to sign up for 3 days a week of torture with a personal trainer.

Now five years older and 90 pounds heavier, I am wiser. At present, a walking program is all I can handle with severe knee arthritis. I still develop nausea when I pass a gym!

What was your experience like?

[Ceparano 0]

I have to say that was the funniest post I've seen. I had a similar experience several years ago when I lost my mind and signed up with a personal trainer who must haven been Satan's brother. I find that walking a track or treadmill is about all I can handle at this weight and stage in my life. I'm glad you survived to tell the tale!! LOL

Roberta

[ready2bthin 2]

Elisabeth,

Can't say I had satan or his brother as a trainer, but I sure got a kick out of your post. You certainly have a way with words. I understand about the knees as i've gone through 3 surgeries on one (in past 25 years) and 1 surgery on the other. I try to do low impact stuff like swim and bike ride on a stationary recumbant bike (not one of those that hurt the behind).

[myiv4lyfe 0]

I have to agree..that was too funny!...thanks for thw laugh and happy banding!

[lisag77 0]

Your post was the funniest I have read on the site. My husband and I read it and laughed all morning. Thanks for the good medicine.

[Alexandra 55]

That post was very funny and I'm sure intended to be hyperbolic, but I want to inject a note of seriousness here too. If anyone's personal trainer is anything less than understanding and responsive, get a new trainer.

I started out with a trainer when I was 250 lbs and had been "working out" for a few months. I was in no kind of shape at all. My trainer was a body builder named Steve who intimidated the hell out of me as soon as I saw him. But within a few minutes it became clear that he knew what he was doing--this program was about ME and not about what other people could do or some benchmarks he insisted I hit. If he put me on the elliptical it wasn't to go for 10 minutes at a certain level no matter what, it was to go until my HR hit the right number and then to sustain it for X minutes. Lifting weights was about seeing what I could do and then continually trying for just a little more each time.

That's the sort of consideration and care we all deserve, and if a PT isn't delivering we can walk out the door. No one should pay to get abused.

[JJB 2]

Oh my gosh! That was funny. I was picturing it in my head and understand where your coming from. I have started fast walking now also. I am in no shape to get on all those machines yet. Although one day I will be there. Good luck to you.

[gunn4ya 0]

Oh my, that has got to be the funniest personal trainer story I have ever heard. It really makes me wonder if I will ever seek personal trainer and believe me I think about investigating one every day. Now I am going to sit here and just ponder, read your story again and laugh.

[CherieCude 0]

I have been banded 4 weeks tomorrow, and ate my first solid food last night. All this talk of PB has me scared and considering staying on protien drinks for the duration. Does everyone have this?

[r2ht4u 0]

OHHHHHHHH I needed to read this today...this is so funny,Thanks for making my day!

[mrclaf 0]

That was tooooooooo funny! I had a personal trainer and she was so nice I thought she was to easy on me. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. They arn't all like that.... Thanks for the laugh I thought I would pee my pants..... Steve

[WhimsicalClay 0]

Oh man that was a great post. I had exactly the same experience. Except mine must have been with Satan's sister!! Not only did the PT torture me on the machines but she made me run around a small room with windows so that everybody in the gym could see me suffer. She had me doing lunges, crunches, and hopping - like a frickin bunny!!!!

I signed up for a one year membership and 6 weeks of personal training...I've never been back.

Oscelyn

[Elisabethsew 50]

It's good to know I am not the only who lived to tell about their gym experience. Satan was about 6' 4" and maybe 24 years old. Every muscle in his body was well defined and he often told me that he needed to take in over 3000 calories a day JUST to maintain his weight because his body fat percentage was so low.

When I went back for the second appointment with him, I explained that I was old, fat, and had no delusions that I was going to leave the gym looking like Barbie in my lifetime. My goal was to INTRODUCE exercise into my life and tone any muscles that might be hiding under the fat. When Satan set those machines on a level that was too difficult, I simply laid or sat there and refused to move. He might have been physically fit but I knew he would not be able to physically pick me up and make me move. He might have been the gym expert but I was nearly double his age and had a lot more tricks up my sleeve. LOL

[waterlily1072 5]

Great post, I do want to say that not all pt's are like that, thank goodness. I loved mine! Till I got in a bad wreck and couldn't excersise for a long time.

[TerryB 0]

That's a great story! It was really funny. I don't belong at "normal" gyms and have never felt comfortable there. I go to Curves and it is great. I even asked one of my friends that is a PT what he thought of the workout and he agreed it was good for someone who wants to get into shape.

Exercise should be fun...