Who Did You Tell?

[kczar 166]

I'm really torn about this. My sisters and daughter know but that's it for right now. My biggest question mark is whether to tell my boss. We work in a very small office and I've worked for him for almost 10 years. He's a great guy but I'm afraid he's going to (subconsciously) resent me for taking time off for an "elective" procedure. I'm debating just telling him that I need a procedure done that will require an overnight hospital stay and a few days off. I'm lucky that I can work from home if necessary but I don't know if I'll feel comfortable withholding that information from him. I have a couple of months to decide.

[Netgallegos 19]

Reading through all of these you are all doing so well, that is all that has to be considered at this time whether you tell some one or not its not that important. as long as when you look in that mirror and say today is a new day and i am in charge. I look great and I feel great. when your are ready you will let them all know.

Kczar all that you have to tell your boss is you need some personnel time off, you do not have to say why, but if you do they may be able to give you support.

[Mews 37]

I'm really torn about this. My sisters and daughter know but that's it for right now. My biggest question mark is whether to tell my boss. We work in a very small office and I've worked for him for almost 10 years. He's a great guy but I'm afraid he's going to (subconsciously) resent me for taking time off for an "elective" procedure. I'm debating just telling him that I need a procedure done that will require an overnight hospital stay and a few days off. I'm lucky that I can work from home if necessary but I don't know if I'll feel comfortable withholding that information from him. I have a couple of months to decide.

Technically due to HIIPA laws you don't have to tell your boss anything other than you're having surgery. If he wants more info then say its personal and you don't feel comfortable discussing it. I had to do that with my boss as he can be rather nasty.

As for telling people, I pretty much told anybody I was close to about the surgery. Only my father-in-law was concerned because he remembered the days when the bypass first came about and was very risky. Still, he was supportive after I explained that this surgery was much safer than the old time bypass.

[Stacey Nicole 40]

I told everyone and now that I am post op I have a huge support system. I was guarded with it at first but it took 6 months (1st dr visit to surgery) and by surgery I didn't care who knew. Everyone has an opinion - you'll become less sensitive about it as time goes on. Just do whatever makes you comfortable - you have a long road ahead and plenty of supporters here!

[bethL 48]

I'm in the pre-surgery phase as well, and I, too, am struggling with who to tell and what to say. Reading all of your responses have been extremely helpful. I have received a ton of support from my husband and my mother. When I tell others such as the tech giving me my EKG or the X-ray tech or the guy at smoothie King who questions why I need a “Gladiator” with no fruit when clearly it's not the best tasting item on the menu, their facial expressions relay what they are really thinking: "why don't you just stop eating you big fat a**?" Don't they think I've tried that? I've tried everything.

People are very judgmental. I shouldn't care, but I do. I don't want to tell my father because my size zero anorexic stepmother will tell the universe. I can hear it now: "Beth looks so good." Stepmother: "She had bariatric surgery” with a tone that somehow minimizes the work that I DID do. As for co-workers, I subscribe to the theory that you tell one, you might as well tell them all. I've buffered the issue by claiming that I “haven't been feeling well” before all of my upper GI tests. Then, when it comes time to schedule the surgery, I will take the vacation time and tell them that I've been having gastrointestinal issues that need to be addressed – I'll be out of the office for a week and I will work from home for the second week.

Maybe one day I will tell the world about my journey. For now, it's my journey. I will share it only with the man I've chosen to spend my life with and the woman who gave me life.

[Lolly2369 18]

My parents and immediate family know, some of my mothers siblings and cousins know as well. my fiancé told his parents but not sure i they told his aunts/ uncles/ grandparents/ cousins yet or not but wouldn't doubt that whole family will know soon. I go to college and all of my close friends there know but there are a lot of other people I don't want knowing from college. If they find out eventually, then so be it. All of my friends from home know as well. I told my immediate boss last week because he needs to let me on light duty for a while when I go back to work but I'm not telling his boss or anyone hirer up. also only my two direct coworkers know but not telling anyone else at work. I guess I knew I was telling a lot of people but that is a pretty long list lol. I have a lot of people I see frequently and I know word will be spread or people will notice my weight loss and ask. I am not ashamed of getting this surgery because I consider it a second chance and it's for my health. When I'm not sure if I wanna tell a certain person or not and I end up doing it, it is a relief because they are very happy for me and supportive.

I have only encountered one person that isn't supportive "to my face" (there's probably someone out there that doesn't agree but doesn't tell me) and she is overweight herself and is now on a diet to prove to me it can be done without surgery. it doesn't necessarily bother me she is doing this but it does annoy me when she makes comments like that. my mom just keeps telling me that I'm gonna be the healthier one and the one who keeps it off and works the hardest so she can just shut up. haha

[Gene1970 179]

I have loved reading everyone's responses. I have still not decided exactly who I will tell and who I will not, but some of the comments that I have read will certainly help me in my decision. I have a feeling that I will end up telling a lot more people than I had previously thought.

[canidothis? 16]

Extra stress and pressure are just not what I need at the moment.

...So those who know my surgery is coming up soon are my husband, adult kids, mother, brother (& wife), sister (& husband), family doc, and 5 close friends. I have asked them not to tell other family members or friends. I thought how I would feel if these particular people choose not to confide in me for something so important. Whether to tell my grandkids has been difficult for me but I have decided not to for awhile.

I think that later I will decide to share with others but not now. I need to use my energy to focus on my surgery and recovery.

It is really helpful to hear the comments you all have shared. Thanks.

[Mz.yournotbigenough 22]

I told everyone but I also understand why some people choose not to. Folks will drum up every horror story and try to discourage you. Not because they are evil but because they are scared of change and of things they dont understand. Politely tell them you have made up your mind you will be surprised how much support you recieve in the end. One of my closest friends thought I was taking the easy way but I have you know she was my first visitor (after my mom) .