Today, My Life Begins Where It Left Off...

[Mamamia59 11]

I actually told the pshychiatrist that I found myself always wondering when does MY life begin? I recently turned 50 and ever since then I have been on a Quest. That magic number stared me in the face and made me take a stand. I have been overweight my entire life. Well, actually there were a couple short periods where I was thin, but they didn't last. I have a regular life...family, grown kids, couple dogs, a 9-5 job. I present as relatively confident, but that is a lie. It's a front I put on for everyone, including myself sometimes.

Problem is...I have been doing all the hiding behaviors...no pictures, stay home (although interestingly I am very comfortable in the company of strangers. I guess that because I don't have anything to prove to them), secret eating. But the last one did it for me. I turned down my lost love's request to see me because I wanted him to remember me like before....when I was thin with him. I could not bring myself to do it, could not imagine the look in his eye when he saw me and what I imagined would be a huge disappointment in me. I realized then and there, that I was a hostage. I allowed it an unforgiveable power. I allowed it to steal from me and what it stole was my life.

I saw my surgeon for the first time in January. I am scheduled to do the sleeve on May 8th. I am at once, both nervous and excited. I did my pre-ops appts today and today is the day I decided to mark the start as it seems very real now. It's a countdown. It's prep. It's almost here. Today is the day I start to get my life back.

[Smoggy 152]

So many things you say ring true with me, I too have been held hostage in my own body. BRAVO & good luck in your journey.

[sychadelic 10]

Off topic, I know, but have you ever thought of being a writer - your way with words is so fluid!

Congrats and good luck for your journey

[hope2Bfitand40 37]

Mama, I am so happy for you! It is time to start living!

[FluffyDiva345 23]

So many things you said sounded so much like my life. I always put up a front of confidence but deep down I am not truly happy. I had my consult on April 12th and start my pre-op testing on 25th May. I am ready to "live" I have missed out too much because of my weight. I know I have made the right decision

[Lissa 2,631]

MammaMia, your post made me cry! I could have written that post pre-surgery, although not half so articulately. I need to keep in mind that I'm not just losing pounds; I'm also losing many of my old insecurities. I went out last night with friends and had a blast! I saw someone I haven't seen in about 10 years and he was VERY complimentary about how I look. Before, I'd have been all flustered, but last night, I just said Thank You and enjoyed the adulation.

The sleeve does give us our lives back. The head work, we have to do ourselves, but it sounds like you're well on your way!!

[Liberated Sleeve 148]

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! I could have easily written that myself as well! I made the decision that my 50th year on this earth would be mine and all mine! I have decided to put my health first and am loving my decision to take back the control I gave to food!

Congrats on your journey so far and your continued success!

[Mamamia59 11]

I thank you all for the supportive words. I think I might have to lean here a little bit from time to time. I am finding that it may be quite possible to become a real pain in the ass to my family as I start this real inward focus. I will not, however, apologize. They will have to adjust just as I did with all of them through the years. My turn!!

[Sleeva 2]

I can relate to everything you said.. I will be 49 this year and I want to be in better shape by 50 then I have ever been.... it is time for us to get selfish with this thing, my baby is 15 now and my husband is already grown so everyone is where they can do for themselves while I am at the gym or wherever I want and ned to be.. looking forward to my surgery in July...yeah for us taking OUR lives back!

[KayBaby 26]

I turned 50 in Feb and your story mirrors mine in so many ways! I am 6 days post op and down 25 lbs since start. About 18 of that was preop. I had some nausea day 1 and doing well since. I get to start "mushies" tomorrow and need to walk more! Yay 50-I think it will be one of our best!

[TinkerToyz 45]

I can relate on so many levels to your post. I have always put the needs and wants of my family first and foremost. I have sacrificed in more ways that I can count. In doing so, I became a fat middle aged woman who sat and watched life pass her by.

No more! This is my time. My son is grown, and meeting his needs is his responsibility now. My current husband is behind me 100%. My insurance will cover the majority of the cost for this procedure and he is already making plans to put money aside for the plastics I will require post weight loss. I am 59 years old and it is my time to shine.

Best of luck to you in reaching your goal.

[Joni 94]

Amen! I relate so well also. I'm just glad I wasn't too late. I told myself all through my 40s, don't waste anymore time. I turned 50 - same old crap. I am now 56 and I was DETERMINED not to let ALL of my 50s slip through my fingers. Sleeved 4/23, and not one little teeny weeny regret. Thank you for your honesty.

[Glendaaus 20]

Yep looks like I belong in this club. I just turned 51 - never ever thought I would be this age - but mostly never thought all my years of dieting and excess weight would finally catch up on me. I did 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with t2 diabetes, high bp and high cholesterol bla bla bla.

I have a 10 year old as well (yes planned!) and I said to myself, "you are not going to live long enough to take care of her if you don't do something soon". So for me I am going to Mexico on 17th May - bring it on - give me back my life!!

Let our journey begin! (I sound like Oprah)

[Mamamia59 11]

You are all inspiring and comforting me with your words! I think I have prepared myself for the worst and I am hoping that things will work out well like so many of you are reporting. I am kind of having an awakening that the world is really only standing still for me in my brain. Life is going on all around me! I was thinking that I would have all this time to "prepare" and "let go" of things, but no..,.gotta keep on keeping on. I struggle a little bit with that...I'm 3 days pre-op now.

I write and then look up at a sign on my desk..."It's never too late to live happily ever after". How great is that?!

[Artsy 48]

Mamamia! I'm May 8 too! We can be sleeve sisters. Last night I didn't sleep well because the date is approaching fast. I would love to keep in touch regarding our sleeve experiences. My email is artgirl709@gmail.com. Best of luck & God speed..

P.S. I will be having surgery in Houston,TX at 7:30am