So Stressed!

[dominique 34]

Sorry so long. My boyfriend is a hoarder. We’ve been a couple for over 8 years. I used to live with him and my grown daughter in a 2-bedroom 2-bath apartment. The hoarding was getting out of control. It was the only thing we fought about. Then we got bedbugs in February 2012. For about a month I tried to get him to clean up. He would not throw anything away, bag it up and store it, or clean it. I threatened to move out and he still didn’t do anything. So I found another apartment for my daughter and me. I started packing, which took up a lot of time because of working full-time. We moved 3-24-12. Then I was unpacking and arranging, sometimes until 10 pm to midnight. My boyfriend found a place for his car and stuff, but not a place to live. So I worry about him because he is 73 and homeless. I cannot get him to get a place to live. He is a janitor and is sleeping on a couch in a doctor’s office he cleans. He baths at my house. I wash his clothes. I provide Breakfast. He finds his own lunch and dinner. Yesterday I contacted his family and am waiting to hear from them. He is holding me emotionally hostage because of this. I quit exercising. I was so tired. I was so swamped I could not eat properly and ate a lot of carbs. On-sale Easter candy and I became reacquainted. I still managed to get my Protein through Protein Drinks, but it was hard to remember liquids. I was able to keep up with supplements because I can now take pills, so I just added them to my morning and evening medications. I only had one day to rest during this entire time. Yesterday was the first time I was able to breathe. Today I am taking stock of what has been happening with my health. This was my first time of being tested by stress since being sleeved 12-19-11. I realize I have been using comfort foods to help me get through everything. I weighed 199 on 3-9-12. Today I weigh 191. I’ve only lost 8 pounds since 3-9-12, almost 7 weeks. Ordinarily I would have lost 14-16 pounds in that time. I have been an emotional and physical mess. This whole situation is completely insane to me. I’m not sleeping well. I’ve been drinking coffee and Red bull to keep up my energy. I started back exercising yesterday. I’ve learned that I can slide back into my old habits despite being sleeved. I’m trying to get back to the basics to get back on track. That means good carbs, counting calories, exercising, and getting in all my protein and liquids. If anyone has any input I would appreciate it.

[slimthickens 28]

I think it comes down to what your priorities are. As women we tend to nag, threaten, and throw a fit when the men in our lives are making us unhappy but in the end we tend to just give up and go with the flow and we are the ones that suffer for it. Your health is suffering now and it is so important that you get it under control before it becomes an even bigger problem. I know you love your boyfriend but in my opinion he is telling you by his actions that he has no intention on changing his situation so the choice is now yours to either continue with things the way they are and have all the stress that comes along with it or put your foot down and step back and allow him to help himself. I don't mean to sound harsh or cruel but you've given him all the tools to help himself but he would rather place the burden back on you without regard to what it is doing to your health. Put yourself and your child first and if he truly does love you he will understand.

[futureskinnypants 193]

Of course I don't know the whole story or how you feel but if you guys are still "together" why not tell him he can move in but his hoarding can not come with him? You guys can fix your relationship (if its worth saving) and you can get back on track. Win win....IF thats the situation. Good luck with your losses.....hey, atleast you lost those 8 lbs and didn't gain them it does get better...some how everything turns out how its supposed to so keep your head up!!

[cookies 56]

Hoarding is a mental illness...one that you can't "fix" for him. If you want to be a help to him and the others in your life you have to prioritize yourself first and take care of yourself.

This seems like a very tough situation.

[dominique 34]

We are still "together". As together as I can be with a homelss man. I still love him. I did not expect things to turn out the way they did. But I do have to take care of myself and my daughter. She moved in with us to go to college when she lost her job. She finishes in December. I told him to give me a year until my lease is up and we'll reassess. But I expected him to move on with his life. I guess at 73 he is finding it hard to do. His family has not known anything about what has been going on. He didn't want to tell them. But he is not taking responsibilty for himself. So I'm getting the family involved. I'm not ready to just drop him off at the closest street corner, but it may very well come to something like that. And the thought of that just terrifies me. I hope they can talk some sense into him. In the meanwhile if you guys think of anything I should be doing to get back on track that I've missed it would be great. You guys have always been so supportive. Thanks for being here.

[Jswilbur 42]

I am so sorry to hear of your situation, although I believe posting about it is a step in the right direction. You are now on my prayer list!

[dominique 34]

Thanks everyone!

[Spatters3 315]

bedbugs alone are enough stress (I know, been there, done that, have the scars AND the t-shirt!) let alone dealing with a hoarder (still living with that myself). It sounds like you have decided to break up with him and move on. So.... that should be it. His problems/issues are now his alone and not yours.

*hug* be good to you and don't let him shower at your place anymore - he's using your kindness. Gosh, I sound so cold and uncaring. But you're not doing him any favors if you truly are breaking up with him by allowing him to depend on you. Now, if you actually AREN't ending the relationship then this is your chance to set the ground rules for how he has to behave in your residence.

Good luck !

bedbugs are little vampires from the pit of hell, for sure