Introducing Myself - Can't Wait For My Surgery In 18 Days!

[Webchickadee 716]

It's April 26, 2012. In 18 days, my life will change forever, and I can't wait!

Let me start by telling you about myself. (Apologies if this is long-winded, but I think it will give a more rounded picture of how I ended up here!)

I am 42 years old. I live in Toronto, Ontario, Canada with my husband (my soulmate...I waited until 40 to marry, and he's my forever love!), and our 2 cats, Rosie and Maize.

I was born October 20, 1969, a very very small (1.9 lbs!) and 8 weeks premature. My mother has smoked during her pregnancy and I think it impacted my growth. Back in those days, they didn't have neonatal intensive care units and ventilators etc. for preemies. I was just lucky to survive!

Believe it or not, I think that is where my problems with my weight began!

I used to drink 2 or 3 times the amount of formula my mother's Obstetrician has prescribed for me. It was as if my tiny little body was demanding more and more food to make up for the lack of size and development during the pregnancy!

During my early childhood, I was actually average size and played a lot of sports. But food was starting to be more and more of a focus. I would have eating contests with my Dad. Food was a reward when something good happened, and a comfort when something bad happened.

By the time I was 12, I was universally known as "chubby" amongst my family, friends, schoolmates. Despite all this, I continued to play many sports, and excel in all of them!

High school brought fresh pain and more weight. I was shunned by the boys (more of a tomboy anyways, they saw me as "one of the guys"). Girls didn't want to be associated with me...I wasn't the right "clique" material.

The only thing that made high school bearable was sports (I was both admired and mocked for my athleticism....a weird combination!) and music. I was captain of almost every team I played on (volleyball, softball, soccer, field hockey), but when we went to "away" games, I would hear people in the crowd openly call me names and laugh at me. It was very painful and even if we won and I was the star of the game, I would invariably end of crying on the way home.

What would make me feel better? Food! McDonalds, Dairy Queen.....the more calories, the better!

Of course, I went though ups and downs. I would try a diet, find some success, lose some weight.....then invariably, gain it all back plus.

In my Junior year, a group of my friends and teachers I was very close with chipped in to buy me a birthday gift. Looking back now, it was incredibly generous, kindhearted and really demonstrated how much they loved me. But at the time, I was mortified (though I put on a brave face).

They had bought me 10 sessions with a Nutritionist, so I could lose weight.

OMG! Even the people I loved thought I was unacceptable the way I was. It put me in a depression and left an indelible mark on my psyche for a long time.

I went to the sessions and tried to lose weight and keep it off. Of course, I failed (I didn't really want to succeed and prove them right, unconsciously of course).

In the end, I graduated and went on to University and then the real floodgates of weight gain started.

I was 198 lbs when I started University. I couldn't afford to go to school without a full time job (at the same time!) so I gave up competitive sports (I had enough talent to make Varsity....but no time to dedicate to it!). I was working full time hours from 4 pm to midnight most weekdays, and every other weekend. No time for regular meals (I would sleep late, skip Breakfast, grab a lunch to go that I could eat in class, then rush off to work). Often eating dinner from the vending machine at work, or grabbing fast good on quick 15 min breaks. My freshman "15" was more like "50".

I continued my education after University, and became a Respiratory Therapist, but developed an anaphylactic allergy to latex. At the time, this was still quite rare, and most hospital equipment, etc. was still made using latex (especially gloves!). I had to quit my profession before it even really began!

Backup plan was to turn to something I already loved as a hobby. Computers. The internet was starting to really grow (1997) and I taught myself HTML and online design/publishing. The rest (as they say) is history. I am now an E-Communications Analyst with our Provincial Government (yes, a public servant!).

Needless to say, this is a very sedentary job. It's contributed to my weight gain. I've gone through numerous diets and was very successful in 2006 (lost 100 lbs!) with a strict 1200 calorie diet and ALOT of exercise.

In 2007 my brother (who lived on the West Coast, on Vancouver Island) was getting very ill. He had been diagnosed with Brain Cancer 6 years earlier and was really a miracle case to still be alive! His health was deteriorating and I flew out to help him set up homecare and prepare for when he would need hospice. The stress was intense, and I started to regain my weight.

Later in 2007, my mother unexpectedly passed away. She simply went to bed one night and never woke up! At 73, it was very very unexpected and I was suddenly thrust into caring for my father (79 yrs old at the time) who had many health problems and dementia.

5 months later, my brother passed away.

The stress of all of this loss, sudden responsibility (caring for Dad, executor for Mom and my brother's estates, etc.) sent me over the edge. I regained most of the weight that I had lost.

I did manage to lose 35 lbs for my wedding in Sept. 2010, but it has crept back on and I am now at 318 lbs and miserable.

My asthma gets worse with each additional pound (when I lost the 100 lbs, I went off ALL my asthma meds and I was exercising like a fiend with no shortness of breath!).

I am desperate to get back to a weight where I can exercise without feeling like I'm going to die from fatigue or lack of oxygen!

I'm getting my VSG on May 14, 2012 from Dr. Ramos Kelly in Tijuana, Mexico. It's self-pay and it's the best money I'll even spend on anything (especially myself!).

I am psyched!

[Jeni Martin 26]

Good luck and keep us updated!