I Was In Denial For A Long Time....how About You?

[Queen of Crop 1,104]

After talking with several people this week (including my best friend from high school who I am hoping will have this surgery) I realized that I was really in denial over my weight problem.

Why is it that we see things so clearly when we are outside the problem? Anyway, I posted some thoughts on my weekly blog; please take a look and I would be happy to hear your thoughts on the issue.

[AliveAgain 283]

I know exactly what you mean. It is like a switch has been flipped in my brain that just had it makes sense very suddenly. I've only been overweight/obese for the last six years (gained 100lbs in a single 12-month period, very rough year). The last 30-40 pounds came on over the subsequent years being frustrated with the initial weight gain. Joints hurt every time I tried to get into a routine again, I could not find sports bras that fit me in my new large size. It depressed me, so my eating habits actually got much worse after gaining that extra weight. Funny, I had to gain weight to eat worse than I did before. Not to mention hitting my 30's and what that does to hormones and metabolism. I wasn't really eating differently than what I ate when I was 28 years old, but I wasn't exercising at all and I was older. It was terribly difficult to see that I needed to adapt. Even the year or so before surgery, I was eating so healthy. Salads, lean meats, no soda, avoid fried foods, etc. -- except I wasn't journaling and even healthy foods in "too large" quantities can be high in calories. I know the healthier eating habits staved off getting any higher than I was (I stayed at 265 for a long time), but I was still working myself like crazy 60+ hours per week and not getting active. I have two very healthy doctors in my family, many friends who are trainers or do triathlons, and yet I just couldn't get it. I had the knowlege of "calories in/calories out" and nutrition, sleeping well, killing soda and avoid refined sugars and carbs. But I wasn't always applying it.

The other odd thing is that even though I went from buying 4/6 and XS clothing all the way to buying 22/24 and 1-2/X clothing, I never perceived myself as fat. I always saw the skinny me when I looked down. Then I'd look in a mirror and it felt like I was looking at another person. Or I'd get in an airplane seat and the belt wouldn't fit. Or some innocent kid would ask me if I was having a baby. These little innocuous events seemed weird to me, like I truly thought the airlines were making their belts shorter and taking away legroom. The brain is really funny that way, how it can be your worst enemy.

Now that I've had the surgery and dropped nearly 55 pounds, I get it. I totally see what I was missing. Now that I journal and measure my foods, I see how the large portion sizes eating out are not smart. I understand how staying hydrated helps the body shed. And it's amazing how much I want to tell other people now what they're doing wrong. I see it in their eyes when they're ordering in restaurants how they are keeping themselves unhappy. They see surgery as extreme, but I see it as having on of the healthiest relationships with food I've ever had in my life!

[Queen of Crop 1,104]

Thanks for the wonderful response! Thanks for taking the time.....I had to laugh at your seat belt story....you and I sound a lot a like in the self-confidence area....I never lost my sense of self even though my weight ballooned....surely my pants shrunk in the wash!.....or, I hate it when they mismark clothes; no way is this an extra large!!!!.....or, damn! my scale is broken again???? I suppose my intelligent self always knew it wasn't anyone else's fault but as you said, the brain is interesting.

Congratulations on your wonderful weight loss......soon you will be in onederland! I never was a size 6 in my entire life so I'm just enjoying being a size 10/12....that seems just right to me.....for now.

Take care and thanks for reading my blog and for the wonderful post.

[Finding Myself 146]

I'm glad to read this as I too feel this way! I tell myself I'm not that fat and see myself as smaller than I am. I am excited to feel the way you guys do!

[chitowngirl 885]

Lol... Yeah I thought the world was shrinking. I hated taking pictures, because when I looked at the picture I was forced to stare at the reality of my weight. Its funny I was in such denial, I really felt like I only had 20 pounds to loose. However reality b***h slapped me in the face, when my endocrinologist just bluntly told me I should have wls, he told me that loosing the amount of weight that I needed, in addition to my pcos was going to take me very long, and I was fighting an uphill battle. I'm grateful that I had the humility to take his advice and not to be offended. 1 month post op and loving my sleeve.

[minaleigh 95]

I was actually just thinking about this sort of thing earlier! I was wearing an old shirt that is now baggy on me. I looked at an old picture of me wearing the same shirt and it... uhh... showed my rolls in a not-so nice way. I just sat there thinking, "why did I ever think I looked good in that? Was I in that much denial that I couldn't see how big I have gotten? Did anyone tell me I was getting so big, or did I just not listen?"

On Friday, my friends and I did a photo shoot and I was looking at the pictures yesterday and even though I've lost almost 80 pounds total, I *still* look pretty big. It was a wake-up call because I've been feeling pretty skinny lately (yes, even at 212ish pounds and still in the obese bmi range ) and to see the truth in those pictures... ugh. My arms and thighs are huge and my second chin still isn't completely gone! It's disconcerting sometimes, but it's good to knock to some sense into myself.

[Queen of Crop 1,104]

Yes, denial can stay with you a long time....I am feeling positively svelte and skinny these days at 154 lbs....because this is the lowest weight I have been in 25 years....and people keep commenting on how 'thin' I look.....so I believe it! Then I was having lunch with a friend the other day who is at the highest weight she has ever been and she's miserable.....at 149 lbs!!!! The great thing about all of this though, is that we feel better, we're more conscious of our health, our bodies, our life; and we feel so encouraged and hopeful that we have finally found something that really helps us live our dream life instead of another stupid diet that just makes us feel like failures. And I think we should feel great at every weight we hit on the way down......the journey should be as much fun as reaching the goal!!!!

[june13sleever 223]

I watched a video Of myself and I knew I was big, but I didn't know I looked like a giant potatoe with two eyes, nose and mouth. I looked like an alien I couldn't believe it! 291 was the heaviest I had ever been in my life! Thank you sleevie!