Funny How Those Who Should Be Supportive Are Not Just Gotta Be Strong

[kansasgirl 96]

So I had been waiting and waiting for my dad to maybe help me out a few months ago with financing my surgery .. i would write him and he would think about it or not write back at all. Giving me some false hope that he might be able to help me out. So finally last month i just took the reins and decided to see if i could do it myself and went and applied at a couple of banks.. low and behold i got approved and am now set for surgery on May third.

Sooo anyhow I had emailed my father back to let him know to never mind i didn't need his help and that i was going to have surgery.. he never replied. He hadn't replied when i had asked him for help the last time either... Then after trying to call him a few times finally getting ahold of him.. i tell him that i'm excited i'm going to have this surgery and he tells me he wouldn't be excited he doesn't see why i would need to go and do something like that. He would never go have surgery from something he can do himself. Telling me he doesn't understand why i can't eat healthy and excercise... you know how tired i am of hearing this from people who just don't understand??? They've never been MORBIDLY OBESE in their lives yet they seem to know what we should be able to do ourselves. I told him if that is all it took i should have been able to do it by now. I just don't get it.. Why must those in our lives who know us best be so closed minded and think they know what we should be able to do based on what they know.

I had to change the subject quick because i could tell it was headed one direction.. which made me think.. all those months that he said maybe he was never going to help me anyways.. so I'm really proud of myself and putting my foot down to do this for me and not let anything get in my way. Thinking of it now i wish i would have done this sooner and not been waiting on him to decide my future.. it just makes me sad to think my dad can't even see the vision i see when i think of having this surgery and the effect it will have on my life. How much of my life has been wasted on wishing and wondering what it'd be like if i could just lose the weight.. it has consumed me mostly and i'm ready to be done with it. So to those of you who have loved ones who just can't see why you are wanting to do this.. Just do it and be proud of yourself.... they will only see the true value of this further down the road. I am so grateful my mother is behind me along with my hubby..

Thanks for listening to my vent.. feels great to have it off my chest!!

Holly

[clk 3,519]

I'm sorry that it's your father being unsupportive. It's hard when our families aren't behind us. But the reality is that you aren't doing this for anyone but yourself so you don't need anyone's approval, even though it feels nice to have it.

Do what you need to do and be thankful for the people that are on your side right now. Your dad might come around later as he sees you succeed, and maybe not. I'm proud of you for finding a way to fund this yourself and do it yourself. You're doing the greatest thing you can to change your life and if people that you love don't see it that way you have to just let it go and keep on trying to better yourself.

Though I would say that you might consider venting about post surgery difficulties to someone that won't relay them to your dad - just because I'm the type that would hate to hear a single "I told you so."

Good luck!

~Cheri

[cmw10000 35]

I wish the the best with your surgery. I am 7 weeks out and am very happy the results to far. Follow the instructions your Dr gives you and you will be fine. I have not told my Mother I had surgery and maybe never will. But my husband has been my rock thru all this. He is like a mother hen and I love him more for it. I've lost 27 lbs since surgery. My co workers are amazed and it has lit a fire under there butts to lose weight. My friends say I look younger, and at 51 that means alot. keep us posted on your progress.

[BeautyVGSJourney 99]

I am sorry to hear about your dad Holly. I am very happy for you for doing whatever it takes to take care of yourself regardless of what others might think. Unfortunatelly there are many people like him out there, that never had to worry about their weight (and even those who do, still refuse to see how this is good for us). I am glad you have the support of your husband, I know I could not do it without mine (I could but it would be very very hard). Good for you for standing up for yourself and what you believe in!

[4ALongerLife 329]

I too wish you the best with surgery. Know that you do have support here, you just have to ask for it.

[2bsmallagain 156]

Some people act like an idiot out of fear especially men it seems because they do not know how to handle this emotion as well as we do. I am proud of you for doing this as well as myself. This is our new start and everyone on this forum is behind you and will cheer you on. I feel like this is one big family and we disagree sometimes but we are always there to pick someone up that needs it. Congratulations on us making the best decision of our lives. I am praying for the doubters and people that just do not understand.

What is your youtube channel name?

[gramaof4 58]

Girls girls girls~~~ wow I live this everyday!!! my husband is extremely unsupportive, in fact he is sabbatagical (if that's a word) he told my 12 yr. old son there was no way I could lose the weight and further more "mom will ALWAYS be fat" hello!!! I am 8 weeks out on Monday and I have lost 55 pounds and for the first time in 12 yrs....I am under 300 pounds.

I come home and there will be twinkies, ding dongs, chocolate pies, cracker jacks and candy bars (my former favorites), will be piled in my fruit bowl.....ugg now It took me 3 yrs to save enough money for the surgery and I'll tell you all...I AM GONNA DO IT FOR ME!!! I want to be here to watch my grandchildren grow up...the 4 of them deserve that...and the many more to come deserve to know and love and be loved by their gma...

So good for you for taking the initiative to fund the surgery on your own...you will not regret it, I would do it 10000 X over again. I went to Mexicall and Dr. Aceves did my surgery $8750 and I was treated like royalty....was the best surgery experiment I have ever had and no pain...Zip ZERO none!

Good Luck and welcome to the losers bench!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I am so happy you are doing this on ur own. I wish ur dad would have told u no instead of stringing u along. U are woman and will do just fine. So excited for u.

[Kat Crowder 34]

It's thinking that I should be able to do it on my own and blaming myself for my failure that has kept me waiting this long to get surgery - keeping me depressed and unhealthy instead of taking the reins of my own life and doing what I need to do. I was so happy that my doctors were supportive, because I'd been so convinced that it would be cheating and taking the easy way out and that I should be ashamed of giving up on diet and exercise alone.

Don't let other people do that to you - know that you're doing the right thing for you. It's sad when the people who care about you don't understand, and say things that are hurtful. Be strong. <3

And gramaof4, I feel obliged to say that what your husband is doing is perilously close to emotional abuse.

[Lissa 2,631]

KansasGirl, Good for you for putting on your big girl panties and doing this for yourself! Don't let Dad or anyone else get in the way of your dream of a healthier life! My STBex told me the same thing: Eat less and exercise more and you'll lose the weight. At 350 pounds, that wasn't going to happen. Now that I'm 7 months out and over 90 pounds lost, he's singing a different tune about how this is the best thing I've ever done. Forget the non-supportive haters! Just do what you need to do and enjoy the results!

[kansasgirl 96]

Thank you all for your marvelous support, i am touched by all your kind words!! You are all right this is a journey we have to take ourselves and do what's right no matter what anyone thinks! I can't wait to be on the other side of this and on to a better healthy me! With my busy life this is what's right for me, it will be my tool even when i've lost the weight

If you like to follow me on youtube i have started up a journal... thanks gals again for your support it's so nice to come back and see so many wonderful responses!!! Have a fabulous Sunday!!!

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Urghhhhh....this reminded me of MY father, who I cannot stand. When I was a child/teen, he was always the first one to tell me I was a "fat cow," that no boy would ever be interested in me, and that he was "ashamed" to be seen next to me in public (OMG! I was a f-king size TEN as a teen!). Then when I got the surgery, all the a*****e did was deny ever saying anything to me about my weight....and the only thing he had to say to me when he saw me after I got to 150 lbs was that I had a "scrawny face."

POS is out of my life right now and it feels AMAZING.