Before It's Too Late

[SkinnyOnMe 81]

I am sending the this link to my family that I have not told. But all of you in the VST are welcome to read my story.

This picture was taken last week.

Before it’s too late

Dear family,

I hope that you won’t consider me a cheater, talk behind my back, and tell everybody. I hope that you will instead congratulate my hard work that will come from exercising, dietary changes, and commitment to a healthier me. To be honest I thought about never telling you but because I love you and I hope you will support me I want to tell you how my life will change April 25^th and why.

My name is _______ and I suffer from the disease of Morbid Obesity. Yes, morbid meaning if I don’t lose weight I will most likely die of a complication due to my excess pounds. I have been overweight my entire life. All I want is one chance at a normal body and there is nothing in this world that would allow me to ever gain this death that surrounds my bones again.

The thought of some people is how can you call fat a disease? Well heavy smokers call it lung cancer and there are a host of other diseases that we, in some ways, inflict on ourselves… but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have surgeries and get treatments for it. Almost 9 months ago I woke up and couldn’t walk because of my knee. This lasted for about 3 days. After going to my knee doctor he said I needed to either get a knee replacement or suggested I consider bariatric surgery. After meeting with my primary care doctor, a nutritionist, a bariatric surgeon, and a psychiatrist I decided I would start the 6 month process.

The never-ending pain in my knees, ankles and feet and arising health issues made me start the education process in August. However, it was the tumor on my pituitary gland that may be the culprit of my headaches and inability to lose weight that made me sign of the dotted line.

It took me 13 years of dieting for me to realize that I am not going to lose this weight alone. I yo-yo and end up gaining instead of losing pounds. Changing the way I eat and exercise alone will not allow me to lose the weight I need to. So, no, I am not getting gastric bypass or lap-band but rather a Sleeve Gastrectomy. This surgery will cut off the wildly overstretched part of my stomach and make it smaller and therefore also remove the gherelin. Although I will lose weight… it’s up to me how much and if I will maintain it.

Some may wonder why I would want to get the surgery since I am "not that fat" according to the black community or "still sexy" according to myself and others. But let's be honest... I'm 26 years old and 245 pounds- and this is not my heaviest.

Losing weight is not just cosmetic for me. As a morbidly obese woman I have trouble walking because of the stress on my arthritic knee. I have Migraines. I have an irregular period. I have a lot of facial hair due to the hormones produced from being obese. My pants often dig into my stomach to the point I become light headed... and this is when I wear my size but my stomach protrudes immensely. I break chairs, beds, and hammocks. I feel embarrassed to dance because I am jiggling in the wrong places (lol). I laugh at my pain and exude an overconfidence to cover up my inner insecurities. I have been able to fit my mother’s hand-me-downs since I was 11. I’m tired of being ((insert compliment here)) for a fat girl. I also am tired of facing the discrimination that I get in the world for being a big black woman. I want to live a life that isn’t suffocated by layers of fat and cellulose. I want to walk without getting out of breath and being in pain. I want to be carried over the threshold. And most of all… I don’t want to die.

So, please if you love me… don’t discredit my efforts by telling the world about my personal decision to have surgery. This is only between me and very few people I am sharing this with. Please support me and be there for me while I continue with this journey. A year from now I will be about 150 pounds and healthy… see you on the losers bench J

http://www.endocrineweb.com/conditions/pituitary-tumors/pituitary-tumor-symptoms

[twoboysandagirl 109]

Wow! That was a wonderful letter. I pray all of your family decide to support your efforts. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Blessings to you.

[Artsy 48]

Loved your letter and your family will too. You are very brave to embark this procedure to gain control of your life. You are most certainly doing the right thing. You are in my prayers for a safe and speedy recovery!

[kwindham 57]

Wow, what a well thought out and heartfelt letter! I love it and wish you success on your journey. Im scheduled for 4/23 so we will be pretty close in dates. Good luck!

[aliandrews 98]

Wow, I hope everything goes well for you. I understand your pain since I was going through it myself.

[shelleyrn22 78]

Wow... That made me cry! Thank you for sharing! I'm going to Tweak & use it!

[Who's That Girl 5]

I read this and my heart goes out to you. I was exactly where you are at right now. I contemplated writing a letter to my family due to the fact that I got zero support from the person that I am closest to in my family and figured i would get the same from everyone else. It took many agonizing days/months for me to finally tell my two siblings; one understood but didn't want me to go through with the procedure due to his fear for my safety and my sister said she was supportive and then called me one week before surgery and said she was against it.

My support came from this forum and attending support group meetings here in the local Colorado area. this is a huge step and I commend you for taking charge of the situation and doing what's best for you. Thee were many nights when I cried myself to sleep and I prayed non stop that this was the right thing to do. My biggest fear was not waking up or having complications that i've read about. I was so determined to get the weight off it didn't matter whether they supported me or not and I had so much faith in my surgeon and his team, i was willing to take the risk. I knew at the end of the day, God had my back and would be there with me every step of the way.

As for the family when they realized the train was leaving the station with or without them they were there. I was sleeved on April 10th and didn't know until the night before how i was getting to the hospital but please believe i would have driven myself if I had to. To my surprise my brother in law was 100% supportive and there every step of the way pre/post surgery. My doctor was amazed at the number of family members that were there with me the day of surgery as was I. We prayed together, we cried together and when I got to recovery they were all there waiting. So yeah, it was a long journey that i took by myself but at the end they wee there for me. I'm sorry this is so long but I just want you to know that I'm here for you and I know this is something that you really need as much support as you can get. Hopefully you won't have to send the letter,but if you do, it's ok. Perhaps that's the only way they will really know how you feel. Unfortunately people don't understand what it feels like to be desperate to lose weight and nothing seems to work no matter how hard you try. I DON'T regret having my sleeve surgery. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Lissa 2,631]

I wish VST had an adore button!!! You've done an amazing job of stating what most of us feel before we have surgery!!

[JDHenin 165]

Love.

[Miriam 50]

Love.

I second that! Beautifully written and expresses the feelings that I believe that everyone on this forum shares.

[Drcalhoun 0]

H

[Drcalhoun 0]

Awwwww. Omg. I feel like I was reading about myself. I'm a 24 year old black female. 290 pounds. And my family is against it. But I've been overweight my entire life. And I have do much more living to do! I'm going to meet with my surgeon next month to schedule a date. I mean I could relate to everything you had in your letter. Especially the part where you talk about people always say you have a beautiful face for a big girl. Anyways I can go on and on. But good luck to you and I'm sure your family will have your back.

[DinaMiller6450 20]

Beautifully written and sooo true! Good luck to you and may God be with every step of the way.

[wendyr 8]

That was written with so much heart and soul. I love it and plan to show it to my husband who is still struggling with his feelings about this surgery. He is supportive, but scared of losing me. This says what I feel of so well.

[DinaMiller6450 20]

I have read your letter twice. Both times it brought tears to my eyes. Just as everyone else has posted, we can all relate to these feelings.

If it is okay with you, I would love to share this with my husband. He is still having mixed feelings about me having the surgery. I am currently waiting on insurance approval.

He says that he will support me, but I know he has his doubts.