Crying Inwardly, Can't Believe He Said This!

[thinoneday 445]

My husband of 34 years just hurt me in the most hurtful way ever. . . he has seen me go from a slim beautiful young woman at 18 to gain tons of weight.. . he saw me at 360 lbs and he has been there for me in thick and thin. . . he went through this surgery with me and has seen me loose 150 lbs! 150 lbs guys! Today he announced to me the following "You look like you've gained a lot of weight" Jeez, no i haven't and if so, it's between 5 -7 lbs! He told me that i look like i've gained and he just is telling me because the surgery cost soooo much he doesn't want it to fail . . omg, i'm so hurt. . . i feel like i used to back in the days when i was hugh. . . i'm so hurt i can't even cry, but inside i'm yelling like a crazy b===ch. . .I can't believe he said this. . . i just started texting my daughter and "talked to her" . . . now i'm on the defensive and will probably go stupid and starve myself til I get to about 180 or 170. . . i'm so going to get sick. . . but he'll be happy won't he? Dumb a$$ hole. . . . sorry guys i'm just really hurt now. . . I got to my doctors goal and even surpassed it. . .maintained between 200- 210lbs and now after 3 years am being told How incredibly fat i am. . . . my god! I could so go on, but then i'd start cussing and that is not good. . . ugh. . . well freaking severe diet here i come!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

No, don't do that! No starving yourself. Just go back to the basics if you desire it. Your hubby is just being an A$$. I hope your sit down with him and tell him how hurtful it was to hear his stupid words. People are always fluctuating back and forth in pounds. he is so lucky you be the one for you. I'd probably want to take him to couples counseling because he is part of the reason you were over weight anyways. Sorry, this kinda pulls my chain.

[Lissa 2,631]

No No No No. This is NOT your problem, it's HIS problem. Please don't diet just because your hubby made one thoughtless, stupid remark. YOU are an incredible woman and you've done an amazing job with that sleeve. Instead of reacting to his stupidity by changing you, how about having an open conversation with him about how crappy his comment made you feel?

Perhaps he thought he was "helping" by mentioning that he thought you'd gained weight. But, we both know that a certain outfit can make us look bigger, or TOM, or drinking more Water, less Water, splurging a bit on a holiday, etc. He needs to hear how his words affected you so that he can watch his mouth in the future.

[lessofme2010 25]

• I am so sorry for you!! i don't have words just want to give you a hug...
  
• I am sure he didn't mean it to be mean,,,but it came off that way...he should have said things differently. Not standing up for him by any means!!
  
• Take care of yourself and don't starve yourself... You know what to do to lose ..Remember you have lost 150 freakin pounds...You have what it takes!!!
  
• Noiw you just have to believe it!!
  
• Julie
  

[thinoneday 445]

Thank you so much for all your kind words. . . thank goodness for all of you! Your my "other" family! Thanks for being there. . I'll be ok, it just hurts alot. . . we try so hard and then this happens! we will always be ones to get "picked on" and it hurts alot. . anyhow it'll be ok. . .

[Cat Scratch Fever 2]

I'm so sorry that you are hurting right now. I can only imagine the emotional pain those words have caused you. I'm sure he does not even realize how deeply he's hurt you and you should definitely (when you've have a chance to calm down and vent) talk to him about how it made you feel to hear him say those words. I'm sure once the light bulb goes off he will apologize and realize that the best way he can help is to be possitive and supportive and not tear you down.

A few weeks ago my boyfriend of 3 years tod me that on of the reasons why we are no longer as sexual as we had been in the past was because of my 40 lb weight gain since we've met. I met him when i was around 250 (not thin by any means) and am now around 296. To hear that it was hard for him to be physically attractive to him hurt beyond words and I thought that i would never get over it. I did though and after many talks have learned that even though his delivery could have been better he did not say it with the intention of hurting me but rather wanted to work on it to get us back to where he knew we could be. It took alot for me to try to see it that way but we are now stronger than ever and as I get closer towards my surgury date I trust that he's got my back no matter what.

I wish you all the best trying to get rid of the few extra pounds that you want to loose but please make sure you are doing it for you an no one else. At the end of the day your health is the only think that matters...not money and certainly not numbers on a scale.

XOXO

Cat

[Lissa 2,631]

I know you'll be fine, ThinOneDay, but it's NOT okay for him to pick on you. Please tell him how his words made you feel.

[fattymcfatterson 107]

That sounds like something my husband would say, and I would probly react them same way, but what he might really be trying to say is "You have come this far, I am noticing a gain that you might not see, and I would not want to remain quiet about it and see you realize it 20 more pounds later and beat yourself up." You have been married to him for 34 years, so he probly is not a jerk, just a man. They are NOTORIOUS for having good intentions but saying it in a man way. I know mine does. You are doing great! Take his comment as a re-focus and don't let those 5-7 lbs become more but also don't starve yourself. Work your sleeve sister, forgive him, and remember, he is a MAN!

[M2G 1,836]

Oh wow, I'm so sorry! I agree with everyone else. This is definitely HIS problem and the way to deal with it is to discuss it with him. DO NOT starve yourself. You have to do ALL of this for YOU...no one else. I'm sure he didn't think he was being "insensitive" but that is what came accross.

I had a co-worker the other day ask me about if I was classically trained (I'm a graphic artist but I've got a bachelor's degree in Visual Arts with an emphasis in Graphic Design, but it was all before computers did so much for us) and when I began talking to him, he blurted out "WOW, you are a LOT older than you LOOK!" I stopped for a second and just went, "um, yeeeeah, I'm going to take that as a compliment" and of course he fumbled and bumbled about how it was MEANT as a compliment, etc. So even when they are TRYING to be nice sometimes they just miss the mark.

Sorry that his comment hit you so hard. Please talk to him about it and let him know how it made you feel! HUGS!!!!

[Queen of Crop 1,103]

This is a perfect opportunity for you to have a 'real' conversation with him and show him what you are made of; and that is a strong, successful, determined, sensitive, accomplished woman. Not one who goes off a cliff when a comment is made that is hurtful.....I so agree with the women above that men just do not understand delivery......this has happened so many times with my husband who is otherwise intelligent, respectful, supportive, loving, and then he comes off with a comment that only a social moron would say! When that happens, I basically am very calm, very much in control, and let him know that what he said, or how he said it was really hurtful and inappropriate and I didn't deserve it. THIS IS HOW I HANDLE IT NOW.....Having said that, the reason I am here is because he basically had a melt down and said incredibly mean and hurtful things to me about my weight and it took us months to get through THAT!!! But we started talking about the monster in the closet and now that I am 70lbs lighter and life is much better and I feel better about myself, we're able to talk about things in a much more mature way, and we've never been closer. So, consider this a gift.....it's time to start talking; about how you feel (how far you have come and all the great things about that) but also, that what he said hurt. I think it's great that you come on here to vent....but go back in the ring and stay calm and have the talk that you've been needing to have.

[LaBelle509 326]

I totally agree with the previous comment! It's how he said it! He has been with you for a very loooong time, so it is safe to say, that he loves you. He watched you go through so much to lose 150lbs! I am sure that took a LOT. And he knows it. As we know, the pounds add up rather quickly. And sometimes, we don't always see it. So stick with your healthy eating guidelines, get back on track, and forgive your hubby for how he delivered his concerns.

Tell him, that you worked hard to get to this point, and have no plan to mess it up! You love and welcome his comments and words of support, but to please be gentle

[Brandon 5]

"doh!" been there myself..insert foot into mouth. if he is like most of us guys he is oblivious to the pain he has caused you. i know i have hurt my wife with words at times..more often than i care to mention. but you need to have a conversation with him about it. we don't know what we don't know. after 12 years of marriage my wife is finally letting me know when i screw up and it has made me a lot more sensitive to her feelings and our relationship has improved. i will still say dumb sh&t now and again, but at least she lets me know and i can take corrective action. i love her and don't want to hurt her and your husband may be in the same boat...so forgive him, but tell him. have the conversation.

praying for you both.

God bless

[Dooter 1,457]

My husband of 34 years just hurt me in the most hurtful way ever. . . he has seen me go from a slim beautiful young woman at 18 to gain tons of weight.. . he saw me at 360 lbs and he has been there for me in thick and thin. . . he went through this surgery with me and has seen me loose 150 lbs! 150 lbs guys! Today he announced to me the following "You look like you've gained a lot of weight" Jeez, no i haven't and if so, it's between 5 -7 lbs! He told me that i look like i've gained and he just is telling me because the surgery cost soooo much he doesn't want it to fail . . omg, i'm so hurt. . . i feel like i used to back in the days when i was hugh. . . i'm so hurt i can't even cry, but inside i'm yelling like a crazy b===ch. . .I can't believe he said this. . . i just started texting my daughter and "talked to her" . . . now i'm on the defensive and will probably go stupid and starve myself til I get to about 180 or 170. . . i'm so going to get sick. . . but he'll be happy won't he? Dumb a$$ hole. . . . sorry guys i'm just really hurt now. . . I got to my doctors goal and even surpassed it. . .maintained between 200- 210lbs and now after 3 years am being told How incredibly fat i am. . . . my god! I could so go on, but then i'd start cussing and that is not good. . . ugh. . . well freaking severe diet here i come!

There are a few people on here that I see as my "paradigm of hope" and you are ONE OF THEM!!! I look at your success and know I can do as well! Don't EVEN let that man get you down. It's got to hurt, because he is your love and he's not acting like it. You tell him. You tell him! Make him understand what he's done to you. And keep doing what you're doing!

[futureskinnypants 193]

Men sometimes don't have sensors. They just talk out of their asses because they're men. My boyfriend and I are hurtfully honest with eachother...he's said worse than that to me at points, but i've said worse to him as well. Use it as motivation. I'm sure he didn't mean to be malicious. He probably just doesn't want to see you unhappy again, he's seen you go through so much to get to where you are. You've done amazing. Let him know he needs to be a little more sensitive.

[Anjelika 14]

Yes, some guys have no filter and some just don't know how to express what they want to say in a "gentle" way. If he wants you to be successful with this journey, then he should be encouraging you instead of discouraging you. Talk it out with him. Sending good vibes to you! ~~~