What To Tell My Children?

[Estrovan 28]

Hi! Brand new here - first post -

I have 4 daughters (16,13,10 & 5). The older two are simple - I will tell them exactly what's going on & they will handle it just fine. The 5 year old will happily accept "Mommy's just not that hungry today" or "Mommy is exercising more because it's good for me", etc. It's the 10 year old I'm not sure how to explain this to her. My husband says to just tell her that I had a tummy problem in college & the doctors are going to fix it. But somehow I just don't think lying is the way to go . . . I want to tell her - but also don't want to scare the beejeesus out of her. She's very much a worry-wort - the type that can't sleep if I fall & scrape my leg. Oy!!

Any suggestions are welcome - Thanks in advance!

[iegal 460]

Hi; Congrats on your decision to have VSG surgery. Now about those kids...not knowing the maturity level of the kids or if they are worry warts you will be the best one to know how to approach them.

Kids don't need to know every detail and they will learn more details as they get older. Balance what is need to know information. Remember they are your children, not your friends with adults minds able to rationalize pros and cons of this major optional surgery. Adjust according perhaps just small bites of info, not a data dump.

I did not tell my adult age kids since I did not want them worry about my recovery while they studied at college.

You and your husband know what is right for your family. Again, congrats! I have no regrets.

[clk 3,519]

I have five stepkids that don't live with me (at the time of surgery they were 20, 17, 15, 12, 11) and twins that were 2.5 at the time of surgery. I didn't tell any of them prior to surgery. They all knew I was going to see the doctor and have surgery but nobody asked for more details and I didn't offer them up.

Around four months out we had a visit with the older kids. They noticed I'd lost weight and that I eat less but weren't overly concerned. At this point, 21 months out, the only child I've told is the one that is now 18 and that's only because she was with us for a four month visit and brought up the fact that I eat very small portions. When I noticed she was trying to keep up with my eating habits (only eating a few bites here and there) I confided in her because I didn't want her to start eating less simply because I do. I actually had to sit her down and show her how I track my calories (and how she can, too) so she would know that I am eating a healthy amount of food and so we could be sure she was, too.

I don't know that you need to tell the little one anything much beyond the basics. Let her lead and if she persists in asking for details make the decision on whether to tell more or not. My two are now more curious about the scars on my stomach than anything else. They know I don't eat that much and it doesn't phase them a bit. If anything, it's helped them eat in moderation - if they're no longer hungry they'll mimic my behavior and push the plate away and say "No, I'm not really hungry, my food just tastes yummy."

So, anyway, I'd definitely tell the older daughters so they don't develop an issue once you go on a liquid diet. I'd play the little one by ear.

Congrats on making this decision. It's going to completely change your life.

~Cheri

[NJsharon 119]

I have twin girls that turn 7 in May. I told them that Mommy was going to have 'tummy surgery' so that she can lose some weight & get to a normal weight again. Explained I will be flying to Mexico to get it done & that I would be able to play more with them when I lose weight as I will have more energy.

Well that freaked them both out!

I think they were scared I would come back looking like a totally new person! So then I explained that mommy will still look the same when she comes back, just have some scars on her tummy. But don't worry, it will take a while for mommy to lose the weight.

I think now they are more comfortable with it.

[beautifulnewme2012 164]

My ten yr old daughter is just the same. Very emotional. I have been telling her what's happening since my first consult. She was very worried at first but I answer any and all of her questions and concerns and we talk about it frequently so, she is fine now...surgery May 8th...

[BeautyVGSJourney 99]

My daughter is 14 and my little sister is 12. I shared with them both what I am doing, as a matter of fact my daughter watches my youtube videos and is very supportive. She is also a lot more mature than most kids her age, I would had told her about it if she was only 10 also. So I agree that how much you can tell your children depends on their maturity level. It might be sufficient to let your child know you are having surgery to help you become healthier, so you can have more energy to do things with them. I would recommend you not to lie to them, but only tell them some of the information and let them ask questions then answer their questions honestly (you can also mark with a marker the areas of the stomach where the surgery will take place and let them know how small the cuts will be). If you lie and they find out they might loose trust on you and they might assume it must be a very bad thing since you are lying about it. Good luck!

[Estrovan 28]

Great things to think about - thank you all!!

[downsizing 5]

Congratulations on your surgery decision! However ypu explain this tonyoir children, make sure it is nothing but the truth. I have daughters 10 and 18 and a son 19. Open discussion with the older 2, but my discussion with the tounger one was just that "the doctor is going to do a special surgery to help me get healthier." as for the liquid diet before surgery, she undwrstood that that was just necessary before surgery, and the way i eat now is to help me get healthy.

[grannyk 58]

Never lie to your kids!! I told a little white one when my daughter was 10 (she is now 34) about going to the movies with some friends one afternoon when I was supposed to be working, and she has never let me forget it. Of course, it is all in fun now.

But still, never lie to your kids. I will come back to haunt you if you do. Just give her the very basics and maybe the older ones can help her deal with her anxiety. Good luck...Kathe

[17jrs 4]

I'm in the same boat, both kids away at college and not sure if I should tell why the surgery. I also have told no one in my close circle of friends or co workers, just one cousin out of state. I really don't want to be judged by them...thoughts?

[BeautyVGSJourney 99]

I completely understand 17 jrs.... I have only told a very few selected friends about it. I did told my daughter and my mother (and of course my husband). My mother fricked out LOL so I had to explain everything into great detail and know that she understands she is ok with it all. There are certain people I have told (if you watch my first youtube video I talk a little bit of how I told some of my professors) but there are some I will not tell, at least not for a while after surgery.

Good luck!

[17jrs 4]

My surgery is may 14. When is yours?

[BeautyVGSJourney 99]

Mine is May 10th, and the wait is killing me!