How Has Your Relationship Changed With That Special One?

[Sandra_Baby87 56]

I've been wondering to myself lately....how will my relationship with my husband change because of the surgery?

Me and my husband love going out to dinner and a movie and i understand we can substitute for healthier new alternatives. but im just curious how has surgery affected YOUR relationship/marriage?

Did your significant other become insecure....are they more attentive now?..did you get back that honeymoon phase kind of love...?

plain and simple...has the sex life changed? lol

[SophieJaneB 92]

interested to see what people say to this! I'm hoping it will put a little spark back in our relationship. We shall see!

[Sandra_Baby87 56]

interested to see what people say to this! I'm hoping it will put a little spark back in our relationship. We shall see!

I FEEL tha same way =] even though we've only been married 3 yrs and ppl say i should still be in the honeymoon phase...we kinda are but we have a routine...i love our routine but i feel i play it safe and put boundaries on wut we do. like i will NOT have sex with the lights on lol. at all. bc im so unhappy with how i look i hold back in all aspects of my life from initimate to social to everything.

hoping for a whole new me!

[PreciousCargo 55]

My bf asked me twice not to have the surgery.. He loves big women. Yes, I did go through with the surgery. I became very insecure wondering if he was going to leave. However, he has been very supportive. Often he has comment on how well I am looking and he appreciates the fact I took these steps to improve my life. Before we often went out to dinner and a movie, now we are canoeing and hiking. Our sex life is fabulous, it was good before the surgery, but now I can move around easily and have became more flexible...lol. He even went out and bought me lingerie which I haven't worn in centuries. Odd thing my bf said to me the other day. We went to see a friend and she had gained approx 50 pounds. He commented how disappointed he was that she had gained that weight. He said he could tell how uncomfortable she was with herself. The difference in my attitude is that I am more secure with my self, I love me and I love life. I am not hiding anymore and I am glad he wants to grow with me. I do see where relationships do end because of insecurity and jealous. However, I refuse to have drama in my life. I am not setting myself up for failure in my weight loss journey. But I have to applaud his efforts and I am glad we are able to grow has a couple. Did I mention how great our sex life is also.... lol Good Luck

[mesaucedo 207]

This is a direct copy and paste from another post I made recently:

My fiance and I hit a rocky patch before the surgery. Granted, our relationship is an odd one. We are 5 hours away and see each other every few months. In the past when he got uber fit, a coworker started going after him and actually sent him nudie pics, he was honest and told me right away (She got an earful, faceful and fired). Now that I will be the "more attractive one" he is afraid the same type of thing will happen with me. We were fighting non-stop about everything and he finally fessed up to how he has been feeling.

Once that was out in the open, we were able to move on. I think I will just have to keep reassuring him and letting him know that I only love him. I told him though, that he will have to put in equal work to make me feel just as loved as when we lived together.

So I think, it really depends on your relationship. I had a friend who split with her bf after she lost weight and became confident, but he had been abusive for a while before that. It can strengthen a strong relationship or break a weak one.

[ShellBear 26]

Get ready for a wild roller coaster ride! There will be moments of sheer (sexual) bliss and moments of sheer emotional craziness. When we lose weight the estrogen or testosterone that is stored in our fat is released into our bodies and can cause some wild behavior. My sex drive went through the roof and my hubby was a little overwhelmed at first, but we have had fun with this new found energy and confidence. I am 6+ months out from surgery and have lost a total of about 108 lbs (45 before surgery). My life has changed drastically and I am estatic. Congratualtions on you life changing choice! God Bless!

((HUGS))

Shell

[PreciousCargo 55]

When I was fatter I didnt mind my clothes off and walk around naked. Now with my weight loss and loose skin I want the lights off. Oh well, we still keep them on.

[LadyIvy 159]

Sandra, if you had body issues that were so severe you had trouble being intimate with the lights on, weight loss alone is not likely to help this. In most case, it is a central self esteem problem and you will wind up finding something else unless you get help to work on this problem.

As for the question you originally posted, I can only tell you what is happening so far in my case. My husband had been having problems with insecurity as I was getting closer and closer to date. I had to realize that I am not the only one going through this change, it was the entire family. I started doing extra things to help him be more secure in the upcoming situation. We have been together for 12 years and I explained to him that when I lose weight he will be the only one I ever knew for sure loved me dearly through "thick and thin". He is taking great care of me and is doing much better with everything in the past few weeks. I was just sleeved on the 9th and he is taking amazing care of me. If anything, this is making our relationship stronger. Also, he is injured and cannot be as active as he used to be. However, months ago, I started eating better and bringing the family along with me. He is losing quite a bit of weight himself and is feeling better about how he looks as well. He also enjoys going out and doing different more active things with me now. We used to be very active people and bonded over this, but as we got older and both got injured we slowed down significantly. This procedure has helped us come closer together again as we have started to examine where things changed. Just remember you aren't the only one going through this change and it can be a great thing for your relationship! Sorry if this isn't as coherent as I would have liked. I am only a few days out from surgery and the pain meds are pretty effective. lol Good luck with everything!

[BenisaMartim4 369]

When I had my Psych eval., the doc asked me about our sex life. I simply replied, "what sex life?" With raised eyebrows and shaking his head he replied, "Oh, we are fixing to make your husband a happy, happy man." Well, I am pleased to announce he was 100% RIGHT. Because the drugs I was on completely killed my libido, we had for several years been in what was considered a sexless marriage (once a month or less). Now that I have been able to quit them ALL, we are for sure back in a honeymoon phase (and we have been married for almost 14 years). As a matter of fact (TMI alert!) he is accusing me of trying to collect on his large life insurance policy. I told him it was good for his heart to have a good cardio workout everyday. He has lost 35# himself recently ( I deny being the reason). With my weight loss and his together, there is almost 100# gone between us. The difference is astounding! And I have to admit, it is much better to me now than it was when I was younger too. Now, I am older, more experienced and much less inhibited. He appreciates the differences too. I couldn't be happier...well a boob job might help my feelings, but that is another topic..hehe. My advise is enjoy every aspect of your new life. Take the bull by the horns and ..well you can fill in the rest Have FUUUN!!

[chef neil 25]

Did your significant other become insecure....are they more attentive now?..did you get back that honeymoon phase kind of love...?

plain and simple...has the sex life changed? lol

My wife was RNY 8 months before my sleeve.

things are different- we are approaching 28 years of marriage-

insecure? no- people treat us different- even though she lost 75# more than I, she doesn't get noticed as much as I do. maybe people are afraid to talk to a woman about her weight?

either way- we are both loving our new life, and I don't think we ever lost that honeymoon phase, yes things are different- we are not hopping into the sack at every chance- but then again we didn't do that before-. we saved it for the evening- barring kids/tired/early alarms/health/what ever.

The thing I will tell ya that is awesome... taking a bath together.

so relaxing- so, what two people in love should do! without losing 280# between us that would never be possible... she is working on her list of 100 things to do- we have checked off a few things together

It was taught in our class, if your relationship is good- it will get better, if it is not- chances are it won't get better.

I was worried a bit... but now- we are having the time of our lives together...

and yes- there is a convertible car in our future