New Friend Issues.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

On the subject of getting used to a thinner "you"...this is much harder than I realized.

I am lingering in this quasi-friend haze of aquaintances - people I no longer have any real thing in common or never liked really well anyway (not a slight on them and OMG some of them are so funny and sweet) but I linger, I think in part because I want to have people who knew me then, and liked me then...I think I find myself almost angry at new aquaintances. I feel like "why didn't you get to know me a year ago!".

Is anyone else experiencing this? What is your take on it, if you are?

[Lissa 2,631]

I have really noticed this in the last few days. Last night I went to the meet and greet for my community, since I was specifically invited and I haven't been here long. I won a door prize! And, all the people there seemed to be determined to talk to me, including one couple who came over and asked me to sit with them specifically. I figured they were assigned to do that, but nope.

Today, I've been working on some home maintenance, including buying (and using) a pressure washer on my house. The guy next door and the one across the street (both married) came over when they saw me sitting outside trying to put the machine together. Then, the one next door kept coming back to "make sure (I) am getting along okay". @@ Originally, I had planned to put on my one piece bathing suit and a pair of shorts, but I ended up doing the pressure washing in my workout clothes instead because he was starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable. I'm sure he was just being neighborly, but I'm not used to people being that "neighborly". Kapish?

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Just to make sure I understand this correctly, it sounds like you are wondering if these new acquaintances would've bothered to get to know you back when you were big? If so, I can totally relate, although more in the context of male attention. It's weird for me to notice guys checking me out a fair bit, and I certainly went through a period where I wanted to say, "where the hell were you 70 pounds ago?!" because odds are, that same guy wouldn't have given me the light of day.

[BenisaMartim4 369]

I have noticed much more male attention lately too. And I mean all kinds of men: I had a black man with braids holler across three rows of cars in the grocery store parking lot to tell me how nice I looked the other day. Then, I had this giant of a red-neck country boy come up to me in Walmart and pick up a big box for me. I didn't ask either and he didn't work there. He just came up and said, " Ma'am, let me help you with that." I have guys smile at me all the time now. I know I am 2-3 sizes smaller, but I don't necessarily think that is all it. I believe that as we lose weight and feel better about ourselves, we exude more confidence and vim about life in general. I think people pick up on that. Women are all over me too. I really don't know how to react to it all. It is a lot of attention! I just say thank you and try to answer any questions that I can. Unfortunately, I do feel that I may lose some relationships because of the weight loss to. When you have friends that are also fat and you have always been fat together, if they have self esteem issues, they will really began to show in the face of your betterment. It is really inevitable; be it jealousy, bitterness, resentment. But you cannot fix them, that is something only they can do. Just try to treat them the same as always and try not to make your success the center of attention when you are together. They feel lousy anyway. But don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them all the time either. If the atmosphere just becomes too static and being fat is the only thing that you had left in common, maybe it is time to start a pulling away anyway..

[MINI-Me 196]

When I started losing weight, I was also very angry with all the male attention. I literally had men holding doors for me when I was very far from the door.

Maybe it's a little childish, but I play it up now ... My husband (to which I love and very happily married) laughs at how men seem to line up to "help me out". And, it's not just men - women seen to be nicer as well. I just try to enjoy it now.

[ldydrgnkpr 49]

Yes I have been going through that for the last seven months. A lot of men where I work have been checking me out. At first it was annoying. Now I just laugh it off. A year ago none of them would've given me a second look. Its okay, I don't let it bother me. In fact, It makes me laugh now.

Deb

[Wheetsin 714]

People are nicer because we aren't as disgusting to them. I posted an article earlier today on the fat hatred epidemic in America. It was a good read. Through the eyes of most people who have never had a weight problem, we truly are self-indulgent slobs who need to just eat less and exercise. We pretty much break their concepts of self control, and I've personally been told by someone (who wasbeing more honest than critical) that becoming my size would be her greatest fear in life. No one is going to go out of their way for "that" person, who has those feelings/beliefs/cognition.

I don't do friends well. I don't really like people that much. I have a very few close friends whom I've known for a very long time. Everyone else I would consider an acquaintance. I don't really enjoy the process of getting to know people, it's such a PITA and I don't find many people with much to offer. And it takes a while for me. People start off around a C- with me, and have to work their way up from there. DH is the opposite, everyone is an A+ and you have to do something fairly egregious to get marked down.

I think I find myself almost angry at new aquaintances. I feel like "why didn't you get to know me a year ago!".

If I met a new acquaintance, I don't think it would make me mad, because I had just met them - right? That's a timing thing, not a weight thing. If a former friend or acquaintance were suddenly interested in reinvigorating the friendship because of weightloss, I wouldn't tolerate that, but anyone who knows me knows that so I don't expect much problem with it.

[Wheetsin 714]

Here's the article I mentioned: America's Fat Hatred

[mesaucedo 207]

I totally agree about the fat hatred. I am still big, only 3 weeks out, and I can see the anger that so many people have towards me. It is just terrible.

I recently went to get my cards read (I am a supernatural believer) and my reader told me three guys were going to ask me out in a few months, they already knew me but didn't like me yet. I am already mad at them! How shallow can they be?? I wasn't "good enough" when I was larger? Well, if it happens they will get an earful from me!

[Kashton 6]

I left the father of my children cause he so desperately wanted me to have this surgery. I wanted it too but if he could only love me thinner then stuff him not meant to be. He once said how did my beautiful kids come out of your disgusting fat ugly guts. Now i am 5 weeks post op 30kg down and he is hating it why didn't we work will i come back. Not a chance love me smaller love me big its called unconditional for a reason. Also my good friends have stopped seeing me cause i might get smaller than them and i was their feel better about yourself friend yep they said that ( behind my back ) but i heard it with my own ears. I am surrounded with supportive ppl and this surgery has defiantly showed me who they really are. Its time to live life for us girls no one else well done to us xxx rant over lol

[fluffylibra30 323]

Once many years Ago a guy to me "you have such a beautiful face, if you lost 50 pounds I would marry you!" I told him "if I lost 50 pounds I would be so outta your league"

It is distugisting how overweight people are treated especially since more than half of America is overweight!!

Sometimes i think we have a chip on our shoulder as well, that makes it hard for us to open up to people. Even though we are thinner on the outside inside we are still the fat person. We have to try to move on and accept our new selves do other people can too. You might let someone who is meant to be in your life escape cause you can't let go.

Does that make any sense?

[piper 13]

When I lost 55 pounds on Optifast I felt this way about the attention I was receiving, especially at my daughter's school. I had felt very marginalized prior to losing. This said...I recognize that a percentage of this was of my own making. I had, to a certain extent, isolated myself by being socially unavailable. When I lost weight I felt better about myself and consequently reached out to others more often. I walked with the other mommies around my neighborhood, became active with the pta, became "room parent" to my daughter class, attended school events and birthday parties etc...Then, over the next two years I regained the optifast weight and once again retreated to a reclusive place, withdrew school involvement, stopped walking the other folks etc...

[4ALongerLife 329]

I have to say I'm glad that I found this thread. Some days I feel totally like "wth is wrong with me" ... I bounce between not liking people and like I'm caught in my own world where I'm lonely. Sad? Perhaps. Issues? Oh yes, I have a few (lol) I admit it. But my size made me stop wanting to be around anyone for a while, made me doubt my interactions with people, etc.

Losing weight is bringing me 'out of my shell' again. So will I be angry at them? Maybe.... but I'm more angry at myself. I hated my own self for the size I was. I wasn't less of a person, I just hated what I looked like, how I felt, scared of what I was doing to my own health, but no matter what I did, I felt so out of control. I was going to the gym 5 days a week, 5 miles a time on the elliptical, attempting to watch what I ate (off and on) and it was a vicious cycle I couldn't escaple.

So was the surgery worth it? Even with my leak, abscess, pneumonia, etc? Thinking on how I felt then, just uploading my "fat" pix to my page... recalling the emotions behind all of that...... YES, it was worth it. But I am scared. I will be honest. I pray that I will lose and not regain. I always have regained before surgery and I don't want to be the person that I was before. The recluse that hated herself and avoided people. There is so much beauty in all of us, we just have to have faith and let it shine.

So I'm trying to work on what's in my head and fix that during this journey too..... surgery is a tool to help up get there and I pray this go that I'm successful. And that you all are too.

[favoredone 590]

I've found that several people I called "friend" were NOT.. they only wanted to be around me because they felt superior because I am overweight.. Funny thing is, when we would go out, I would get most of the attention and perks (free drinks, meals, etc.)... When you make a positive change in your life, those not willing to change or afraid of change will reveal their true colors and/or operate in fear...

I have a different take on this "attention" thing.. first, I have my preferences in men and short men shouldn't be upset because I don't find them attractive.. Neither do I get upset when men who prefer thin women don't find me attractive... I'm not talking about people who are rude and disgusting.. I'm referring specifically to people who have a physical preference... There's nothing wrong with that...

[Caradina 65]

I lost 50 lbs, and got about halfway to goal on a horrible restrictive and painful diet a few years ago. I'm pretty active in the club / music scene here in Detroit, and so I superficially "know" loads of people. It was shocking how many guys came out of the woodwork and tried to date me once I got down to that smaller size. Then, as the weight sprang back on, as it always does... off they went again. I was single then, and I used to tell them straight up, "I wasn't good enough for you before I lost weight, so you aren't good enough for me now". LOL That stunned them! Thankfully, I am with a great guy now so hopefully it'll be less apparant this time around.