Never admitted until NOW

[mom of many 0]

We do share more that we realize in common. I as a child was not allowed to eat anything in the pantry that belonged to my Step Father. No coke, no Cookies, no nothing that was on the second shelf. Of course as a child in the 4th grade I would sneak it. You have no ideal how many times I was in trouble.

To think that I could sneak the food and no one would be able to tell was a childs mind trying to satisfy an adult hunger.

I understand, as all of us surely do, that food was the constant in our life, our security, our freind when there seemed to be none.

I'm sure there are many that have hidden to eat as children and as adults (like me) and try to justify the reasons in our own mind.

Skeltons in my closet are too many to mention when it comes to food and the feeling of comfort that goes hand and hand. For 5 years I have been considering WLS and feeling that is was a sign of a weak soul, until I was diaganosed with health problems due to years and years of abuse to my body by that old friend (food).

After a 20 year marriage and the demise of that life long relationship from a man that believed that "I did'nt love him enough to lose weight", I knew that no matter how many attempts I had made or will make to lose it on my own, including to many weight programs to mention, a abusive drug addiction, over and under the counter diet pills, consultation with nutruitionists, and tharapists, that decission had to be mine and a bit of help would be welcomed.

Cooking and enjoying the food I cooked would become my tharapy and I would laugh about it, and joke about it outloud.

My new husband, bless his heart loves me for who I am no conditions, and that has given me the strength to do what is necessary for me, my choice, my decission no matter how personal it is.

I will never have to hear that she has a pretty face or her personality is what makes her again. I am what makes me and I am pretty inside and out!

To all those here that have shed a tear in private, and to all of you that have made this brave choice, you are not alone, never were, never will be again.

I'm in your corner,

[Goannabanda 0]

Now, I don't recall ever eating bread & sugar (for me it was jam & cream on bread whenever we had leftover cream - mmm!), but I have been known to raid the odd pantry or two whilst babysitting!

Plenty of other things have also struck a chord with me - sorry to quote so much in one message!

I was talking to my thin friend about a neighborhood girl (age 8) who plays with her kids and always wants to eat when she's at Laurie's house. Ms. Laurie-that Soup sure does look good, Ms. Laurie I'm so hungry. She was kind of ranting about what's wrong with her and I said:That little girl is me. Whoa. Epiphany. :faint:

mbprn - that little girl was me too. Oh the memories! The memories!!

I believe that if we decide we deserve the aromatherapy and a hammock, we may also realize that we deserve to be beautiful. I'm learning that from what your psych said, and what I've found here online, self-respect must be the key in the journey to real success after LB surgery.

BJean - I wish I could come over and hug you, and I think you would love the counsellor I saw. It was only a one-off session, but I can go back and see her again in future if I need to. Keep looking for someone who understands and to whom you can open up to. It may be a friend, relative or professional. Just hang in there. It may be that LBT is your best support resource for you right now.

Of COURSE we know that we deserve to be healthy, beautiful, and to have an appropriate sense of well being. I guess we all know that as a fact, but knowing it as a way of life or reality is another thing all together - I realise now that I have always had a hard time accepting that I deserve these things as much as the "pretty girls" do.

My new husband, bless his heart loves me for who I am no conditions, and that has given me the strength to do what is necessary for me, my choice, my decission no matter how personal it is.

MOM - Mine too. God bless these wonderful men of ours. How did we get so lucky?

To all those here that have shed a tear in private, and to all of you that have made this brave choice, you are not alone, never were, never will be again.

I'm in your corner,

MOM you are so eloquent. ME TOO!!!

[Goannabanda 0]

OMG! I hope that I didn't kill this thread by adding too many quotes in my last post. I feel like I among friends here.

I just called by to see how all my fellow brave secret eaters are going today... ...anyone???

[HarleyNana 10]

Looks like we all need to do a Class Action Law Suit and sue those darn Drive Thru places.

[BJean 16]

We lived in a little town in AZ where they put in the first drive-thru Micky Dee's. What an idea that turned out to be. Now I can get my cleaning, my banking and my Starbucks at a drive-thru.

We should stage an uprising - a fight to ban all drive-thrus. In fact, I've been wanting more drive-thrus and until I read the class action lawsuit idea, it didn't dawn on me how serious a threat to my health drive--thrus are!

In fact, we should ban cars!! They're a threat too. We could go back to living like in the old days, small town style, walk or ride a bike everywhere. Like in Europe. No gas prices to worry about, eat what you want 'cause you can walk it off, and not much pollution. Who'd care about Iraq's oil?

Hey, this forum just solved practically all the world's problems!!! Woo-hoo.

[mom of many 0]

Thats an idea, you do know that short people have a law suit against their cities in many states. For building the sidewalk too close to their butts. LOL

[Goannabanda 0]

We don't have too many drive-thrus over here in Oz, mostly just the standard fast foods on every other street corner.

I remembered today that apart from Cookies, chips, read etc, I used to sneak lots of little bits of "staples" from the pantry too, that I forgot about - Peanut Butter, nutella, hundreds and thousands, drinking chocolate, condensed milk, even drank topping right out of the bottle.

Several times I've eaten the whole chocolate drive box that was sent home. One of the worst was when I was about 18, I ended up eating TWO whole boxes of chocolate bars over about two weeks - cost me 80 bucks for those 40 bars of crappy chocolate!!! Should have spent it on Lindt Lindor Balls and enjoyed it more instead!

[Sandybells 0]

:think :think :think :think :think My mother as we were growing up after every meal we would hear her in the bathroom throwing up. She was and is a glutton. (That was back in the early 50's through the nineties.) We thought she had a bad stomach, but since have figured out it was bulimia but then it didn't have a name. She would eat so much then purge everyday. Couldn't have been figured out by kids.

In 1996 she had a very bad heart attack and required bypass (FIRST SURGERY)which is usually fairly routine these days. After she was released from the hospital she called me the next evening and said please come over..I hurt so bad in my back I just can't stand it. Anyway, I called the Dr. and he said get her into the hospital immediately. I did and after having her breast bone sawn in two the breast bone instead of mending back together had died. She had necrosis of the sternum. They had to remove the bone (SECOND SURGERY) and then after that..which took a very long time that evening. They wheeled her into the hospital room after her recovery time. I stayed with her so the rest of my family could go back to their jobs and during that morning everytime she moved slightly in that bed...blood flowed copiously from the wound that they left open since it had to heal from the inside out. When a change of nurses came on duty she came in when I called them to change the bedlinens for the unpteenth time she asked me how long the bleeding had been going on and it had been all day. She looked at the chart and realized they kept pumping blood into her and it was leaking directly out of the heart. Someone had punctured her heart during the surgery or after when they debrided (sp) the dead tissue that morning after surgery. DON'T FORGET THIS IS HER THIRD SURGERY! She has since 'recovered' but she is among the living dead. She lives to eat and has senility that makes her very forgetful and nasty to all of the family. She genuinely wishes she were dead. Anyone interested in living like that?... keep on eating and you too could be one of the living dead. I wish this story wasn't true but it is and very heartbreaking to all of us.

Any questions or disbelief? I swear to God it is the reality of our lives and hers! Ask a heart surgeon if you don't believe this can and does happen! I beg everyone to read and heed...She has lived this way since 1996. People it is 2006. A long and unhappy 'Life'. By the way, I weighed more than her at the time of her 'pseudo death'.

PS: FOURTH SURGERY

In 2002 she had an episode of what we all thought was gall stones...Nope! She was opened up and her gallbladder could not be removed because it and her liver had grown together and had turned into what the doctor described as woody like. Never was a drinker so it was not from being an alcoholic. I am guessing that he was calling it cyrhosis of the liver. She is still among the 'living' with that problem.

[Sandybells 0]

I guess I am a thread killer! Sorry but this story needed to be told!

[BJean 16]

Golly geez, why wouldn't that be a thread kill?:omg: That's a nightmare if I ever heard one.

I thought my Dad's story was enough to motivate me, but your Mom's takes the proverbial cake.:hungry:

My dad died after surgery for an aortic aneurism. But before he died, he spent time on machines that kept him alive. After he finally got off the life support (except for dialysis) he was finally out of the coma, but mentally f 'd up from it, and spent his days watching TV and wondering if he had been in the World Trade Center on 9/11.:guess Seriously.

One night, my sister told him that tomorrow his insurance was running out and that she didn't know what they would do with him at the nursing home if he couldn't pay. He died the next morning at age 83.:cry

In all the years before that... he had many conditions and surgeries, all related to his lifetime of m/obesity. In fact, for 15 yrs. before that final surgery, he was in so much pain from arthritis of the spine, he wished he could die too. You don't want to hear all that, but having loved the man and hating to see him suffer so much, you'd think that I wouldn't need some dadgumed LB to keep me on track. :mad:

But the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and I am facing some serious health issues in the near future if I don't do something pretty drastic. After pouring over most of the posts at LBT, I'm scared to have the surgery and scared not to.

But I must say, you're sure adding fuel to the fire for me to get with the program, get the LB, and get this off!

By the way, your stats and mine are almost identical. High five?

[mbprn 0]

Guys -I watched Oprah today (it was a repeat) about a woman Oprah inteviewed 17 yrs ago-she weighed 550lbs at the time. This was a follow-up after her Gastric by-pass. She lost over 300lbs. Anyhoo-my point (and I do have one) is she talked about her eating demons.

She said her earliest memories of overeating started at 6. She too was a drive thru junkie (note to self call Alan Dershowitz for consult on suing all fast food places-esp. Krispy Kreme;the hot doughnuts sign is like a beacon calling to me-wait what was I talking about) oh yeah-Don't you guys think there must be something other than psychological/will power issues here?

For this many people to have such similiar issues-I'm not say saying I didn't earn my fat girl briefs with snickers and big macs but I believe the jury (pun intended) is still out on all the reasons why.

Paulina Porishkova (thin super model) was interviewed. They asked her how she stayed so thin-she said "I know people don't want to hear this but I eat cheeseburgers and fries. Fried chicken-I'm just naturally thin (2nd note to self get big picture of Paulina to throw darts at)

(Whining like my 3yr old) Why do we do this and end up shopping in Lane Bryant and she's on the cover of sports illustrated???

Sorry about the temper tantrum. I'm potty training one of my little ones and she is my passive aggresive one. Heres senario:

Me-"Emma you need to go potty like a big girl"

Emma-"Can I have a popsicle?"

Me-"No, you need to go potty"

Emma"Can I paint a castle now mama?"

Me-now speaking thru clenched teeth "No, either go potty or time out"

Emma -now peeing on carpet "Why do cows eat grass?"

I hope now you understand my insanity. But I think there is something there (I don't mean on my carpet) to the missing link idea of obesity...

[marys 2]

In my thin-est days doing phen phen (loved it) my doctor was absolutely INSANE - (you may have seen him on 60 minutes - later lost his license and is probably in jail)...ANYWAY,

he was absolutely convinced that overeating was no different than any other addiction (smoking, drinking, drugs) caused by an inbalance of serotonin and dopamine - i've known many 'naturally' thin people including my guy and his weight (29 inch waist) has stayed the same since HIGH SCHOOL. In fact before banding i would whine to him daily - why doesn't MY weight EVER stay the same - up and down EVERY SINGLE DAY. So being able to eat anything and everything is a bit different (frankly, those folks are an anomoly and probably have a super high metabolism) but I've always felt obesity is a disease compounded by years poor diet. I mean I've eaten toast with melted butter and sugar many times and felt if I didn't have it I would die - that is just not 'normal'. Overeating to obesity is way more than will power imo.

[BJean 16]

mbprn thanks for the laughs. You cracked me up. I've been saying for years that it's not just a willpower thing. I know a few people who are just as upset that they can't gain weight and have no curves. Bitches.

It's probably a seratonin/endorphin/adrenalin thing when we see the blinking "hot donuts" sign and go in for a few... dozen, that is. Those skinny misshapen bean poles should be so lucky!

Sounds like your DD has found a really efficient way of pushing your buttons. Like my son used to - and still can for that matter. One day you'll look back on this and laugh, a nice chuckle, not the hysterical screaming tearful laughter of today.

Mary I had a doc that got busted too. He was German and didn't actually HAVE a license. He just pretended like he had one. He was very generous with the diet pills too. He was also totally sympathetic to the "plight of the fat man." Turns out he was smarter than any of my other doctors. They all said that it's just simple... do this one exercise and you'll be fine... the exercise is.. (are you ready?) ..."push yourself away from the table." I'm still amused. NOT!

[Goannabanda 0]

Sandybells - you mum's story is really sad, and frightening. Thanks for pointing out the extreme and dangerous health issues that bulimia gives rise to - in addition to the obesity.

Bulimia and its issues is a whole other story to the secret eating issues outlined in this thread. Does bulimia have an aspect of secret eating to it, as well as the secret purging? I am ignorant. Sorry.

It may be worth starting a new thread about bulimia so that you can get some insight and support specifically related to that eating disorder. There's bound to be many others around here who can provide insight to your mum's problems and support you. I am sorry, but personally I don't have any support to offer with respect to Bulimia, as I don't know anyone (that I am aware of, that is) who suffers.

I hope that you find people, either in this thread or another, who can uplift you and your mother. Hugs to you.

[BJean 16]

My DH and I went on a diet once and the very next day, while he was at work, I totally pigged out on a number of cellophane wrapped yukee cinnamon rolls. I was so upset. I didn't know what to do, so I went in and made my self barf them up. My face was red, I was sweating, the veins in my neck and face were bulging, and I had a headache from it. I spent the rest of the day on the couch, remorseful and feeling seriously sick. I always wished I had been more successful so I could look like one of those skinny bulimic movie actress. It always seemed to me like bulimia was a way to have your cake and eat it too. After reading Sandybells story about her mother, I realize that if I had been a more successful bulimic, I would be in even more serious trouble right now than I am for just being fat. Whew!