Sourrounded By So Much Negativity.....starting To Second Guess Myself...

[Jen K 20]

I am suppose to have surgery on Wednesday and my DH tells me tonight he really doesn't want me to have surgery but will support my decision 100%, my MIL thinks I am going to die (and she's a nurse) and my mother is worried about anesthesia complications (which I have never had) for an 'unnecesary' procedure. Ugh. I really didn't need this so close to my surgery day! With so many so close to me being downers is making me second guess my decision. :-(

[2bsmallagain 156]

Do not let someone else talk you out of being healthy and having a much needed procedure for your future. This is necessary. If you do not have the surgery and do not lose all the weight they will be watching you slowly die and not even realize it.

[MeMeMEEE 206]

I hate it for you! I had that too. But here's the thing. It made me think of all the other surgeries I've had....

eyes (multiple, I was born cross-eyed) - could be considered cosmetic, my parents made the choice on them all except the last one

tubes in my ears - could be considered elective

2 c-sections - one was necessary and the other I could have tried for natural birth but didn't so another elective procedure

tubes tied - definitely elective

So the way I see it, I have had ONE surgery that wasn't elective. I did great with the surgery but I did have a leak at 2.5 months and let me tell you those negative people? Oh yes, they rubbed it in my face and told me it was my fault for being so sure I wouldn't have any problems. Ugh. There really isn't a win-win with that type of thing. I am 8 months out now, all healed and less than 20 lbs to goal. I am glad I did it.

[Cherrybomb 54]

I was surrounded by my own negativity right up until they put me to sleep. I was literally still second guessing myself in the OR. I have asthma and have never had any kind of surgery before so the anesthesia scared me. A cardiac arrhythmia was discovered during the pre-op tests and I was nervous about that also.

I did it. I woke up. I'm happy to be starting a new life. Glad I didn't let negativity stop me.

[DIAMOND45 20]

Hi Jen,

Just wanted to give you some words of encouragement. You are not making a bad decision. The wrong decision would be not to do what is best for your health.

I believe that God wants hisw children to be complete in all aspects of our live, spiritually, mentally and physically. People who are either satified with being over-

weight or who have never had to struggle with their weight don't understand how hard it is to successfully lose weight and keep it off. They are probably looking at

you and saying that you are not big enough to need this surgery, but let me tell you, if you are 60-70 lbs or more overweight, this surgery can really help you get on

the path to a much healthier, happier quality of life. I decided to have this surgery because I was diagnosed with hypertention in December 2011, I had to start taking

a low dose pill and my doctor said it was weight related, that was all i needed and I started researching docs and everything about this surgery that I could. I finally

picked a doctor, had my consult on Feb. 2 and my surgery on March 15th. I've lost almost 30 lbs since my surgery (including pre-op liquids) and guess what, I no

longer have hypertention and my arthritis in my knee doesn't bother me as much anymore. I give God al the honor, praise, and glory for leading me down this

path. So don't be afraid, pray and trust in the Lord, He will be with you and I will be praying for you and your family. If you like, check out my blog, I post some

spiritual Vitamins that have helped me as well as others with our struggles. You will be fine and I will ask God to watch over you, your surgeon, and everyone

who will be involved with your surgery. You will have NO COMPLICATIONS, GOD IS REAL!!!!!!

[TrumpetTinklers 196]

This is for *YOU*!!!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

So sad to see family living in the fear mode of what if's. What if's can drive you crazy. It's even harder when you DH is against it. My daughter didn't want me to have the surgery, but I did and now she's very happy for me. it will all work out. This is the time to use your intuition and ask yourself what it is that you need. then follow your heart. You are the only one that can make this decision. hang in there and remind yourself that it is their issue and not yours. Let us know what you decide.

[slimthickens 28]

I am suppose to have surgery on Wednesday and my DH tells me tonight he really doesn't want me to have surgery but will support my decision 100%, my MIL thinks I am going to die (and she's a nurse) and my mother is worried about anesthesia complications (which I have never had) for an 'unnecesary' procedure. Ugh. I really didn't need this so close to my surgery day! With so many so close to me being downers is making me second guess my decision. :-(

Wow. If I were in your shoes (which I am cause my surgery is day after you..lol) I would sit all 3 of them down together and ask them to explain to you one by one, all of their concerns. Chances are they have not done the amount of research you have into the surgery and you can then take the opportunity to understand where you are coming from and why. Hopefully with the same level of knowlege into the surgery that you have, they will be able to fully understand and wholeheartedly support you.

[readyforachange 51]

Diamond, I love what you wrote. I was very fortunate to have a daughter get sleeved 3 yrs ago. She was a great example of

success for me. The only thing I'm sorry for is that it took this surgery for me to loose weight. I wish I could have dieted or controlled my over-eating, but it just didn't happen. Thank goodness this surgery is available for us.

I hope everyone had a lovely Easter.

[4ALongerLife 329]

I agree with sitting them all three down together and get them to tell you what their hang ups are. Then I would ask for dedicated time to speak my piece. That's when you tell them this is for a longer, healthier life. To avoid diabetes, to avoid heart disease, to avoid cancer.

Girl I had everything go wrong with mine but.... so far, I still don't regret it. I did this to live longer for my son and my husband as well as myself. And I did it for all of the above.

Don't let anyone take you away from your dreams. You CAN do this.... but it's scary and man, it'd sure be nice to have support and I would remind them of that as well.

[Sleeved&Hopeful 182]

Just let them know you are doing this for them too. You want to be healthier and live a longer life for you and all of your loved ones. Trust me, it can be only a short matter of time before your health starts to decline. I'm only 35 and my BMI was between 37 and 38 when I found out I had diabetes type 2. It can happen to anyone at any age and not even necessarily someone with a large BMI. Just tell them it will benefit everyone in the long run. My family was a little scared but they never really made me feel bad about it. Just go in to surgery with faith and smiling. If they see you aren't scared, maybe they will ease up a bit.

[Jen K 20]

Thank you everyone for your kind, reassuring words. I did speak with them all this weekend and none had very compelling reasons for me not to go through with surgery - I think they are fearing the unknown. I have every intent to proceed with surgery as scheduled. I do have faith in God and that He put me on this path for a reason.

Although I am fairly healthy for morbidly obese - an oxymoron, I know. I have had to remind myself that it is OK to put myself first before my 4 girls and my husband becasue I am working on being a healthier, better me!

Thanks again for the pep talk - I certainly needed it!

[JanetF 4]

I understand exactly where you are coming from on this. It's such an enormous step for us to take - after all, it will change your life forever and things will never be the same again - and it takes us so long to get to the stage where we are ready to commit to it, then other people weigh (no pun intended!) into the decision, which just drives us wild and can all too easily make us feel wobbly about whether or not we are doing the right thing.

Underneath it all, it's that they love you and care about you and are worried for you, but even though you know that, it doesn't necessarily help. They may also worry that as your weight changes, so will you and thus their relationship with you. It's the worry of the unknown, as much for them as for you.

That said, if it's got to the stage where it's undermining you and making you doubt your decision, you have to talk to them about it, listening to their concerns, trying to help them to keep them in proportion and standing firm on your plans.

When you develop diabetes, you suddenly find that everyone around you has joined the Diet Police as far as you are concerned. Everyone thinks they know best, when they rarely (if ever) really know anything about it. In many ways, it's similar with the decision to go for WLS. Everyone has their own ideas on it. I am having the VSG surgery on April 17th and because I don't want everyone at work, for example, feeling that they have the right to tell me what they think about what is, after all, a deeply personal matter, I have chosen not to tell everyone there about it yet (the rumour mill will fill many of them in on it sooner or later and once I start to shrink, it'll be obvious anyway) although I have told a couple of people I trust at work and I don't think the news has got out yet.

My family are several thousand miles away in the UK and I told my cousin and my best friends when I was there at Christmas, then I told my brother by phone last weekend. My cousin is going to tell her parents and sister today, having been wonderful about keeping it to herself for the last few months. However, although she is delighted and relieved that at last I have decided to do something about my weight and health (I have a list of co-morbidities as long as your arm, assuming that you have a very long arm!), she has been going absolutely wild with worry over the last few weeks (I have had several big health problems over the last couple of months and a few last-minute medical panics last week) and she, like everyone else I have told, is very worried about how I will cope with moving to Kenya to take up a new job a few months after the operation. I am worried, too, but other people panicking really doesn't help! I am doing my best to try to keep them calm, which I have found actually helps me to keep calmer than I would otherwise be. It's not a naturally calm time!

So talk to your family, do your best to reassure them, tell them that you need their understanding and support, but keep at the forefront of your mind that this is your life, your body, your health, your decision. All the best!

[4ALongerLife 329]

I was healthy to be obese as well (my stress tests show me to be in a high activity range); however, for whatever reason - diabetes doesn't care, nor does heart disease or cancer. At least that's what my dr's still said, but I also have a strong history of all three.

[BoBann 42]

I am also healthy while being obese but do was my mother. She always got raving reviews from her drs that her lab work was always great, cholesterol was low and showed no signs of diabetes. Two years ago she had a minor heart attack and had three stents inserted and now fights with diabetes. I believe I may seem to have no complications from being obese but it's just a matter of time.