Anyone Else Still Really Self Conscious About Their Looks?

[Catracks 865]

I think you look wonderful. You did a half-marathon? I am in awe of you!

I still see a fat person, but then I think: "I really must have been a cow 3 months ago." Some days I feel really good about myself and some days not so much. I have the bat wings and some nameless floppy skin on my inner thighs plus an old baby pouch. I remember what I looked like when I was younger and thinner, but I have no idea what this 46-47 year old thin lady is going to look like. last time I lost weight, I didn't have this extra skin or the slight bags under the eyes.

I think about these things, but seriously, a few months ago I was turning down invitations to parties and nights out because I was so ashamed at the way I looked and couldn't find anything to wear. I was getting too big for size 18s and maybe too big for 20s.

Now I go everywhere. I fit easily into booth and amusement park rides. I am so happy overall I can't even begin to express it.

[Wheetsin 714]

When I had my lapband in 2006 I could maybe wear a size 32. I definitely had some that were too tight. I got down to the 16/18 range and still felt like a fat slob. (I'm a little over 5'10 so a 16 on me is really not that bad). I constantly compared mental me (before being fat) to mirror me (still fat), and definitely noticed the flaws before the improvements.

The flaws are still there, but the improvements just become a part of who we are.

The weightloss is just part of the "journey," remember. I will probably never be completely happy with my body because after 10 years of super morbid obesity it's just flat out going to be a wreck.

Just remember that a lower body that looks like melted pizza cheese is, without any doubt, a better position to be in than the alternative.

BTW, you look absolutely radiant in your pic!

[coops 1,790]

I have to echo what has already been said... you look amazing! Happy, fit, healthy, confident and beautiful... look at that smile! WOW! You middle looks flat and toned and as far as the saddle bags... well... all I see is strong legs that got you through the race.

That being said, I also understand what you say about seeing the 'bigger you' cos I do that too! Sometimes, and it is just sometimes, I see a smaller, fitter me... but on the whole I don't. And I agree it takes time for us to sort out the head space. When we are used to seeing a certain image of ourselves, it is really hard to comprehend and accept the new one and I believe that this too takes time. I also believe that one day, I will see what everyone else does.

Congrats on an amazing transformation to health and fitness... you really do look great!

[fern 195]

Thank you all so much for your kind words everyone!!! The half marathon is something I am so proud of and I'm crazy enough that I have 4 more this year!!! Next year I'm signing up for the goofy challenge in Disneyworld. On the Saturday I'll do the half marathon ( the Donald), then on sunday, I wake up and do the full marathon ( the Mickey). If I can complete the 39.3 miles in the 2 days, I'll complete the goofy challenge!! I can't wait!!!

As for my self image, just to clarify, I have come a long long way in learning to love myself so much more. I have challenged myself physically and mentally in so many ways. I finished my last day at my old bakery today ( I was the assistant manager). I move to my new bakery were I will be the head hancho!! I have worked a little more with the president of the company, who has told me that the change in my attitude and how I carry myself has impressed him so much, that he cleared out a bakery just for me because he'd like to see what I can do! He's also enrolled me in a leadership course through the company. Looking at the criteria to be enrolled yesterday, I am part of a very small group that they need to see huge potential in before even being considered!!!

I think what gets me, is knowing how hard I've worked and seeing how bad my lower body looks to me. Like I said, I know I'm my worst critic and I need to challenge myself to learn to love what is now left over.

You all are so supportive and it's great to have people to turn to that know how I feel so thankyou all so much!!!

[coops 1,790]

Congrats on your promotion Fern! Sounds like you have worked hard for it and deserve it! =]