Relationship Question: Full on communication to None

[TexasRose 0]

Thanks everyone for the terrific advice! I wish this whole dating thing was easier....and that every guy would want to communicate as much as I like to in these situations. We'll see what happens!!!

[stefunny 0]

I saw someone else recommend it but... buy "the Rules". A lot of it is totally ignorant, but the overall message is "you're better than this!" If a guy doesn't treat you like a princess get rid of him. Don't be desperate, don't call him... and above all else be BUSY!

It will happen when you are not looking and when you least expect it.

Good luck girl, and repeat after me... I'm worth more than this!

[those_eyes2004 1]

Hey TexasRose...When I became new to the dating scene, which I had never done before because I was hooked up with my ex from High School on, I too was confused by men...I felt like a fish out of Water wondering what they were thinking ALL the time...After quite a few trips to Barnes and Noble I found a book that totally changed my views on dating...As a matter of fact it helped me let go of a guy that I was trying so hard to be with...Men don't really WANT to be persued...They are hunters and want to hunt for you...The most intreguing thing to a man is what he CANNOT have and a woman that is confident...Like one of the other posters said...Make yourself unavailable...Get busy...Live life...Don't just sit around and wait on him...Mr. Right may be out there looking for you and you're sitting and waiting...Wait for no man...Unless it's Matthew Maconahay, who doesn't know it yet but will be my next husband...LOL...Anyway, all kidding aside, just go out and have fun...My motto "Dance like nobody is watching, Love like you've never had your heart broken, and Live like there is no tomorrow..."...Hope some of this helps...Oh and the amazing book is DATE LIKE A MAN by Myreah Moore and Jodie Gould...Basically it is "What men know about dating and are afraid you'll find out"...Have fun!!!! Huge Hugs, Windy:biggrin1:

["Just" Paul 1]

Let me preface this with the fact that I am not defending this guy... he should have called.

Now, onto the guy opinion...

Remember, guys have different views on time than women. Not an excuse, a fact. Since he was having a medical issue (and guys are very whiney on this stuff) he was focused on himself. Selfish, yes, true... also yes. Therfore in his mind, he was unlikely taking a long time between communications. Yes, it is a guy thing.

He did contact you when it was over, which shows continued interest. I agree to let him know that you were concerned, and that he could have contacted you, amybe you'd have brought him Soup or something (guys like that stuff), and it will make him feel guilty. Guilt really works on guys if they like you.:think

See how re acts on the next date or two. If he brings you flowers as an apology, then he is sincere, and was not thinking about anyone but himself. It doesn't make him a bad guy, it just makes him a guy.

Again, not defending him, just hoping to explain how guys think. Remember, we do not mind read, women need to tell us what they want and expect. Men are stupid, women have ESP.:heh:

My 2cents.

[MelodyJ 0]

Paul....LOVE your 2cents worth!!!! VERY true in this ladies opinion!!!!

God Bless,

MElody

Banded 3/20/06 -74lbs

["Just" Paul 1]

That's why they call me Dr. Paul!

Actually, no one calls me that, but it makes me sound important.

[Poodles 0]

I want to preface this with the fact that I am not a hussy. But the following may sound like I am...

When I was 17 I found myself in a long term relationship. After 3 years, a failed engagement and break-up, I was tired of trying to please a man. At 20 years old, I had a back injury, had gained TONS of weight and was looking for some fun. So... I put an ad in the local "love wanted" section of a booklet called the Love Connection (Before online dating). The first two words were: Attention Chubby-chasers.

I wanted a man that liked me fat and all. And to my surprise, there are alot of chubby chasers out there. So many that I found my self with a Friday night date, Saturday day date, Saturday night date, and a Sunday afternoon date.... and endless letters and phone calls. (Hopelessly devoted to every one. :love: )

After several weeks of this I too ran into the 3 date rule. Most of the men figured if they took me out for 3 dates it was time to have sex on the 4th, and I figured out that if I didn't like the guy... I was not going out past 3 dates. (And again I am not a hussy.) I also figured out to go "dutch treat" so you do not owe him anything... if you know what I mean.

Now my DH was my Saturday afternoon date. We wrote back and forth, had long telephone conversations, and then met at a public place for our first date. Now after OUR 3rd date, he called and asked me to marry him. I thought he was joking... but he was serious. We will be married 12 years this month.

When you find the right person you know. It is not about sex, not about money, not about anything else in the world. But before you find that right person, it is A-OK to play!

Have fun!

[MelodyJ 0]

Poodles....

I LOVE YOU!!!! You do not sound like a hussy...anything but!!! I am so happy God gave you a husband that loves you for you!!! He did the same for me!!!!!!!!!

God Bless,

Melody

Banded 3/20/06 -74lbs

[jojo41 0]

Quote..."He's just not that into you."

Forget him and move on to bigger and better things :Banane27:

[paula 4]

Hey Texas Rose, I havent added to the discussion on this thread (nothing for me to add) but I have been keeping up with it...

so, how are things going?

[TexasRose 0]

No communication....silence is the loudest scream ever of 'he's just not that into me'! I'm still confused. Sadly enough, GAME OVER.

So, $500+ later for facial, massage, highlights/style, makeup and a pedicure....and then a very busy weekend with friends....I will move on.

No date for a formal wedding next weekend....but I sure will look fantastic!!!

His loss.

[MelodyJ 0]

It is HIS loss....God will bring you somebody better....just hold on!!!!

God Bless,

Melody

Banded 3/20/06 -75lbs

["Just" Paul 1]

Screw him.

There will be lots of eligible men at a wedding, always are. Met my wife at my cousin's wedding.

[mbprn 0]

Just wanted to lend a shoulder and encouragement. They are out there-good ones even...I met my husband (an engineer)when I was overweight (220lbs) at the time I had just ended a 2yr relationship with a very nice ,intelligent man (a physicist) and before that I dated a physician for about 6 months. I was a single mom with 2 kids and not thin at all and I had no problems meeting sucessfull, intelligent men. When I found the right one he called me when he said he would, showed up when he was supposed to and actually when he was sick he called me for advice! (of course I am a nurse but you get my point) We have been married for 6 years and have 2 kids of our own.(Yes I have 4 children and a nervous twitch) I trust him with my life and that foundation started during dating. I have NO doubt you will find Mr. Right. Stay busy as everyone said-go to singles groups, volunteer and tell anyone who will listen that you are looking. People will remember this when they meet someone and think "He's such a nice guy -who would be good for him?" Meeee, pick me. Of course you can say all of this in a much more tactful, articulate way than I did.

Last but not least a joke-I finally found Mr. Right but I didn't know his first name was always. (Rita Rudner)

Much luck,

Michelle

[TexasRose 0]

The final chapter.....rantings of a hurt and now 'available' woman:

Turns out that he was dating two of us at exactly the same time!!! I did not have knowledge of her until we had the 'relationship' talk on Sunday night. I honestly had NO IDEA! Does she know about me and our relationship? I do not know.

He said that he was chicken sh*t for not telling me sooner and was using work/being sick as an excuse for not facing up to the music. He put off making a decision as long as he could....but his decision was ultimately to pursue dating her....and let me go.

While he says that we *the other woman & I* share extremely similar traits - he had just a little more in common with this woman and wanted to explore a dating relationship with her. When I asked if she was "better looking, better in bed, thinner, prettier, more intelligent, ate more, had less scars", etc....he responded "absolutely not" to all and said that as a matter of coincidence, she has the exact same scars as I have from lapband. We've even had the same surgery?! Are you KIDDING ME?! Apparently, she had her surgery about 6 months ago and is not further in her 'metamorphosis' than I am. We are a year apart in age.

For all I know - she could be a member here. With my luck, she's read this thread and made the connection.

Significant noted difference: She's a teacher. I am a professional with my own consulting business and an MBA.

So, what went wrong, you ask?

- Lack of time - no, it was never an issue.

- Chemistry - beyond rapturous contentment and enthusiasm.

- Intellectual stimuation - exceptional.

- Attraction - told me constantly that I was beautiful and 'sexy as hell'.

- Equals - absolutely.

- Professional interests - we do practically the same thing but I am on software dev side/he is on the hardware dev side...different industries.

I'm the "confident, assertive, outgoing, successful, fun and intelligent woman"....that he said he wanted and found in me! I questioned if it was my independence - he said that was one of the things that he loved most about me. *shrug*

I played the dating game flawlessly. I will give him that we never had the open discussion of being exclusive, monogamous, or an 'item'. But I never would have thought with the amount of time that we spent together that he would have had an extra ounce energy to date someone else. Totally blew me away.

Now to put my heart back on course....where ever that may lead....

Thanks for all of your thoughts through this confusing period. Just wanted to close the chapter on the discussion that I initiated.