Relationship Question: Full on communication to None

[CCBSTX 0]

My sister-in-law is a perfect example of saying "when." Her semi-serious boyfriend of 6 months had a heart attack. All of a sudden, his wacky daughter starting controlling her dad and his decisions. My sister-in-law was calling and extremely worried (to say the least) about her boyfriend. He never returned any phone call. The daughter also screened his calls. She quit calling him and let things be. It was very hard on her as she is in her early 50's and dating can be difficult.

After about 6 months, the ex-boyfriend called her up and apologized for how he treated her. Of course, she cautiously saw him again, and he eventually earned her trust. It seemed that he went through a bit of depression and was overwhelmed by it all. The daugher eventually moved out of his house (she was living there). He took back control of his life.

They just got married before Christmas. It has been over a 1 year since his heart attack.

Sometimes, things are meant to be or they are NOT. Let things lie and see what happens. The main lesson is to treat yourself with dignity.

Shawn

[Yoda 0]

Hi there:

I have recently ended a 2 1/2 relationship and am faced with dating again. I think I will definately be a "Rules Girl" when I'm ready to date. NEVER or very rarely call a man. I might return a phone call but I won't be doing the calling. Remember, you are the prize and he must be worthy and earn it!!!! Best of luck to you!

I have to respectfully disagree to this. Welcome to year 2006!!!!!

[Josette 2]

Amen Yoda!

I had a guy do this to me, make excuses, etc. Then not call. It turned out he was courting several other women. You need to be honest with yourself and realize that after 5 or so dates if he's not contacting you then he's not worth it. Regardless of what's going on. If there was a strong connection he would contact you and tell you what was going on if there really was a valid reason and he was still in to you.

Move on to someone who actually cares about YOUR feelings too. You've put enough effort in to him.

[MelodyJ 0]

Dating scene is TOUGH....I did it then quit then obviously did it again in a way....fortunately my husband was a CHristian not into games and pursued me wholeheartedly!!! It was wonderful....didn't have to "hope" he'd call....he did. I had drew some lines in the sand...some he knew of....some he didn't. It's all individual...but for years I had a lower self-esteem and would compromise!!

Don't compromise....and don't chase....I know it's 2006....but men like to "hunt" I"ve read and the thrill is in the "chase"....if you make it too easy then they don't feel the power surges?!!? Who knows?!?!?

Stay busy....and wait on God to bring the right one!!!! I know I was single for 36 years....I found that I enjoyed it.....that brought peace and when finally someone else came in it only got bettter for me!!!

God Bless,

Melody

Banded 3/20/06 -74lbs :huggie:

[gjray 0]

:straight

How did he "figure out" that you had surgery? That is a personal decision that shouldn't have come up on the first date, not even the third. Get to know a man before you pour your heart and soul out to him. Be careful not to act like the person who is not accustomed to 'dressing up'. Ever seen a guy wearing a suit who just can't sit still? I call it the 'hobo syndrome'. He doesn't normally wear suits and he feels out of place in a suit. It is not the suit, it is the way he feels about himself. This new look, new physique that we have...you have to wear it like you're used to it. Men are comfortable with women who are comfortable with themselves. Forget about size, looks, social status. It is about you and how you are with you. When asked about your dating patterns say you haven't dated much because you were focusing on you or you never met anybody who wasn't playing games. Before you meet with your next date, get in the habit of telling yourself (and believing) that you are great, you are beautiful and that you always have been. Don't allow yourself to feel as if you are being 'sized up' by him. You do it first. If things don't develop the way that you hope they do, "it is his loss because you are still a great person!" I grew up dirt poor and I was always accused to 'thinking that I was better than I am'. My reply to that comment is that you think I am better than you are and I thank you for the compliment. I was always taught that 'people do not make you who you are'. Last thing to remember is that “Men don't make the woman; it is woman who makes the man". Good luck:girl_hug:

Banded 05/30/06

Goal 140

Current wt. 204 (I weigh everyday).

[libra 13]

Eh, it's just a guy (no offense to the men here, just putting things in perspective:biggrin1: ) Don't start doubting yourself because of how HE is behaving. You'll find the right one...and you'll know.

[TexasRose 0]

How did he figure out I was banded....well, he observed how I ate on our first date - slowly, cautiously, and with not much volume. He said that he talked with one of his friends that had gastric bypass and he commented that he thought perhaps I had surgery. She questioned if maybe I was just nervous on the date....and he said that he really did not think so. I was cautious about bringing my new lifestyle up and the conversation just presented itself on our 3rd date....very glad that it was just out in the open and I did not have to fret over it any more.

SO, now I just get an email from him after almost 5 days that he has passed kidney stones and has been hopped up on vicodan....he apologized for being out of pocket.

How do I handle this one.....???

[Josette 2]

Does vicodin make you forget to call someone you're dating for 5 days?

Jack..you're awesome and I agree with the use of Courting. Shame on ME! He was getting Jiggy with several other women! hahaha

[warmmorningsun 1]

Texas Rose, I say go out with him again and let him pursue you from here on out, no exceptions. Maybe he was not wanting to cross a boundary? no telling. Just don't swoon over him - make him work for it a bit...

[Yoda 0]

"make him work for it" "don't call him"....etc etc...forget all that!!!

Hmmmm my thoughts...just don't play games! Keep it honest and open; no game playing.

[MoOrLess 0]

Vicodin? 5 days? kidney stones? yikes..........sounds like a phony baloney to me - but that's just my opinion.......

I would recommend that on the next date girl - go somewhere that the main focus of the date isn't on FOOD....if the guy ran home to discuss whether or not you had WL surgery then he definitely took some time to decide whether he wanted to be involved with you -- I say forget him

[Marimaru 7]

I think that he may not think it's quite serious enough that he needed to call you and tell you he was having a medical problem, and he may not have thought the kidney stone issue was going to last as long as it did. Maybe just say "hey, you know I was a little worried about you, gimme a heads up next time".

Good luck!

[lisah25 3]

I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt, this once.

[NewBeginnings2018 81]

beep, beep, beep.....PROCEED WITH CAUTION....beep, beep, beep.

Haha - seriously though. You need to follow your heart, but also use your head. Make him work for it, and if you're looking for a relationship DON'T give it up until you can trust him.

[RKidder 0]

Rose,

Kidney stones, eh? Well, as an RN I don't recall that Vicodin pharmacologically effects your dialing finger! Be busy, extremely busy when he contacts you again. I don't mean pretend to be unavailable, I mean go out with friends, and meet other guys. Why would you want to be with someone who does not share the same feelings for you as you have for them? You deserve better than that, and keep reminding yourself that you are a "wonderful person" and he would be lucky to have you. I say "next!!". It's all about sifting through the undesirables, and make yourself available to meet a really great guy that will cherish you the way you should be!! I met my new husband on the internet and my personal ad said "built for comfort, not speed. If you are looking for a stick figure to date, pass me by." Sift, Sift, Sift -- I was too old to waste my time or theirs.

Congrats on your TERRIFIC weight loss - keep up the good work. Best of luck, sweetie. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON!!!!

Rachel