Relationship Question: Full on communication to None

[TexasRose 0]

So, I've been back in the dating world for about 6 months and doing my fair share of going out. Met this guy in mid-June and then had our first date the beginning of July. We have been out on 5 official dates total but have spent significant amount of time together, talking, texting, and emailing since we met....the frequency seemed to be all the time.

Then last week, the communication started to drop off.....great phone conversation Tuesday night, a few text pages on Thursday, trickling to an email Friday night. Then NOTHING. NADA. ZIP. ZILCHO! I have emailed 3 times and 2 phone calls...none of which has been returned. I have since stopped communication from my side.

Sounds like a commitment issue to me and to a few that I have discussed over the situation. But just losing the weight and still with more to go...I'm having negative feelings that it is me and my shape. He figured out that I had surgery after our first date but we did not discuss it until our third. When I asked if it bothered him...his response was "not in the least." Still having the old doubts....

Thoughts on what I should do next?

Thanks!!! *confused*

[Stitchy 0]

Ya' gotta kiss a lotta' frogs. Dating is like that. Test the waters and move on. My daughters did a lot of "dating" when they were young and cute and slim. It's part of the scene.

One of my girls is 32 years old. She lives by the 3 dates rule. If he doesn't strike her as someone that she could possibly spend the rest of her life with, she dusts him off and moves on. (Of course some guys use the 3 date rule, too, but that has nothing to do with a long term relationship.) She wants to be unencumbered when a good one comes along. Then she may date him for a few months. If things aren't coming along nicely, he's outta' there.

So don't worry about it. In fact, try to enjoy it.

[Kathi 0]

I wouldn't give much creedance to a short term relationship that didn't work out. My sister does "power dating" and "falls in love" with almost every guy she dates on the first date... It is really silly and immature to me, it takes time to develope love and it also requires BOTH people to feel it.

It could be that it is just not what he is looking for. I certainly wouldn't loose any sleep tonight.

There are a lot of men who want to share your life with you. You just have to wait until the time / person is right.

[MelodyJ 0]

DOn't take it personal...it's obviously him in this case....definitely don't chase think you are wise to quit trying to hook up with him!!! It does sound like he's not there....the intensity and feelings may have scared him away.....

Keep going...I was 36 when I got married....now I LOVE it....appreciate it as I am more mature!!!!! Don't rush....enjoy the ride.....

God Bless,

Melody

Banded 3/20/06 -74lbs :huggie:

[MoOrLess 0]

We never know what is going on in the other person's life - behind the scenes, those things that they don't talk about or share....unfortunately sometimes the internet can give people a false sense of intimacy -- so hang in there - go date others - if he is worth dating again, if/when he calls date him - if not move on girl! There are plenty of fish in the sea!

My daughter 'just' went thru the same thing - only via phone calls - and a couple of 'after work' visits from the guy - ONE official date and he claims he is busy helping his family, working long hours, etc and can't find time for a date right now - she said well when you find time give me a call - yes she's disappointed but that's life - she's moving on now with a nudge from me -- this from a guy who pursued HER for over a year - go figure

[Ariel 1]

Forget that guy. I wouldn't contact him again, it was immature of him to just stop communicating with you like that. WOW texas you lost 97 pounds thats amazing!!!! Congrats!! It will prob. take a while for you to relize how great you look now but when you do it will be amazing. My sister recently lost 50 pounds and she could not really tell the difference between the old her and the new her so we got some old and new pics side by side and then she could see it and she couldn't be happier. Good luck in the man dept and Congrats again!!

[Yoda 0]

Yup....move on...tis not worth your time in the least. It's a good warning signal right off the bat...which is nice to have.

I agree with what the others said....enjoy the dating with different types of people and if things aren't working out or if you find you aren't being 100% "yourself"...he's not the one...and close the window and open the one next to it!!!

[NewBeginnings2018 81]

Hi TexasRose,

First of all - it's his loss. I am single and dating as well, and men are just weirdos. I had a similar thing happen to me. Phone calls every day, texting, emailing, wanting to see me all the time, and then all of a sudden it stopped. Really weird. (wait a mintue - you don't live in MA do you?! lol) But honestly - good riddins. Who needs a guy like that?! He's contacted me since, but this shop is closed for business! lol.

The old addage of there being plenty of fish in the sea is true. This one is definitely NOT a keeper.

[TexasRose 0]

*LOL* You guys are funny! Thanks for the advice! I would love to hear what the guys have to say. I need as much help as I can get!!!!

I guess one of the reasons that I'm not quite ready to give up 100% is that he challenges me intellectually and stimulates my curiosity. That is why this is so damn FRUSTRATING! I've already left notes around my office and home to not contact him....and remembering that playing hard to get creates a challenge.

Ariel, Thank you for your encouragement on my loss....it's been a tough road - but one that I would do again!

[Anwyn 0]

You have got to get this book! I saw this author on Oprah, and not only is he hilarious, he makes some really good points about relationships. It's called He's Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. If I wasn't married it would be my first purchase. Here's a link to it on Amazon:

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068987474X/sr=1-1/qid=1155086814/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-2793803-9521559?ie=UTF8&s=books]Amazon.com: He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys: Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo: Books[/ame]

Basically, he tells you when to cut and run, and when it's worth persuing. Good luck to you!

[MoOrLess 0]

If I remember correctly - this author of the book "He's Just Not That Into You" is also starting a new show in the fall season --- I'll have to watch for it so I can post the name of it - anyone else see the advertisement?

[TexasRose 0]

I actually used "He's Just Not that Into You" for my last big breakup almost 2 years ago. It's harder than you think to give it all up....but it made me angry enough to get over it. Thanks for the recommendation - it is a good book overall!

He does have a show coming on this Fall - just do not remember which network.

[warmmorningsun 1]

We never know what is going on in the other person's life - behind the scenes, those things that they don't talk about or share....unfortunately sometimes the internet can give people a false sense of intimacy -- so hang in there - go date others - if he is worth dating again, if/when he calls date him - if not move on girl! There are plenty of fish in the sea!

My daughter 'just' went thru the same thing - only via phone calls - and a couple of 'after work' visits from the guy - ONE official date and he claims he is busy helping his family, working long hours, etc and can't find time for a date right now - she said well when you find time give me a call - yes she's disappointed but that's life - she's moving on now with a nudge from me -- this from a guy who pursued HER for over a year - go figure

I kind of agree here; no telling what is going on in his life, so it may be harsh to say 'forget you'. But...you have put in the effort at this point,and he knows you're interested,so it's okay now to back away.

[Constance 0]

DO NOT send him one more email or text or tiniest bit of contact. Seriously, you tried and once or twice is enough. I second the book recc. It is tough to read at times but overall very liberating. Don't spend even a moment questioning whether you somehow trigerred his distance. It may have nothing to do with you. Or perhaps it does -- but who cares! He isn't worth the worry. You deserve someone who WANTS to have contact! The intellectual stimulation, etc, etc, is worthless when he doesn't have the repect for you to make contact or return your messages.

[Stesti 0]

Hi there:

I have recently ended a 2 1/2 relationship and am faced with dating again. I think I will definately be a "Rules Girl" when I'm ready to date. NEVER or very rarely call a man. I might return a phone call but I won't be doing the calling. Remember, you are the prize and he must be worthy and earn it!!!! Best of luck to you!